At what age does being a PUA get creepy?

[Daligal83]

Yea I find the whole PUA thing creepy. Going out and flirting is fine...but just keep it to women around your age and no one will find you creepy.

[CaptainPlanet]

It seems some women don't like the idea of PUA at all, perhaps it gives some power back to otherwise powerless men. Maybe you don't like that ?

 

Basically a PUA gives these men the confidence and skils necessary to go out and flirt so they can date, and do the right thing by you !

[Dako]

If you practice taking lots of women home to boink, what happens to them afterward? Many can form attachments or have expectations.

Who cares, right?

 

Hey, how about a TV show about that part of the process!

Ultimate Supernegging.

[jettison]

Its never creepy it is always awesome. All the more power to you.

 

lol yeah have a longterm relationship with you !! ok how does that start, with a pick up ? : o

 

Here's i'll break down why it's creepy...

 

The PUA thrives on a game that he plays with his friends and peers. It's not even about that woman on the other end of his fake lines and fake fascade. It's about impressing other men. That, already, is pretty damned creepy.

 

He's concentrating on collecting phone numbers rather then collecting a real connection. He's puting out a false front to a woman in order to get a positive reaction so he can brag to his buddies about his "accomplishments". What has he accomplished?

 

Once the PUA has "mastered the game" then what? It would seem that he's happy living the life of a PUA right? Being such a person only means that you're avoiding actual intimacy because you're too fearful and scared ****less inside to actually deal with a women in the first place minus the act.

 

If a PUA actually learned his skill for the purpose of dating a few women so he could find someone that he really gives a damn about then that would be more then fine. Of course, like others have said, sometimes you "pick up" your significant other and it works out. Nothing wrong with that.

 

The disturbing part is that through all the books, websites, and now even reality TV shows, it's all become this rather sick game for a lot of folks. "How many chicks can I pick up?" "How many chicks can I bang?" Again, this is more about feeding the ego and reputation of the "artist" then it is about actually creating an adult connection.

[jettison]

Ok well in my world. If you want a relationship with a girl you have to put some moves on her at some point otherwise you're just going to end up as friends.

 

Sure you can ask her on a date most of the time they will say yes. But if you can't create some sort of chemistry she won't keep dating you. Thats where you need to be able to pick her up at some point.

 

Friendship ? don't make me laugh. Nothing ever comes of a friendship.

 

You're 23 years old, and no offense, but this is a laughable statement. The very best kind of love grows out of friendship. If it hasn't happened to you then there's no need to make sweeping, false generalizations about it. My last two serious relationships came from friendship.

[Dating Coach]

Hugh Hefner would have been laughed at by all sorts of women if he wasn't rich and famous. That really doesn't count.

 

Being rich and famous gives him value. All people value different things but there will be plenty of women that value riches, fame, and status as highly if not more highly than others value loyalty, looks, youth, or personality.

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

Ok well in my world. If you want a relationship with a girl you have to put some moves on her at some point otherwise you're just going to end up as friends.

 

Sure you can ask her on a date most of the time they will say yes. But if you can't create some sort of chemistry she won't keep dating you. Thats where you need to be able to pick her up at some point.

 

Friendship ? don't make me laugh. Nothing ever comes of a friendship.

 

this is true..........you become friends first, BUT, you got too put the moves on her before you fall in the friends zone.

[Dating Coach]

In the real world, love can grow from friendship with a litle patience. But those are three bad words to 'pickup artists,' aren't they? I think that says a lot.

 

Okay, so if that happens one out of 100 times you're going to keep telling guys to sneak in as "just friends" first? Why? Why can't an honest and good relationship start from two people whom meet, feel attraction, flirt, and then go out on dates? What is wrong with that? It's how MOST relationships begin.

 

And besides, how is feeling an attraction to someone yet keeping that a secret and moving in closer under the disguise of "just friends" an honest tactic? How is that not "playing games"? You're keeping a secret as to your true feelings from the other person. That is not the way to go. Not only is it dishonest, but it's also a terrible tactic as you can see by it's success rate on these forums. So many guys post about how they are crushing on their friend that's a girl and how desperate they are for her to like them romantically back. Almost ALWAYS this fails. In my life it failed when I did it, everytime (at least 6 or 7 times). It's rare to see an exception but when you do it's still the exception and not the rule. Not only that but you're narrowing your options down to one possibility and that's just nuts.

 

As far as the point of this thread... I'm getting sick of people assuming PUA means that you go out and play a bunch of women for sex. A PUA is merely a person whom has mastered the art of meeting women. And it is an art. It's a skill. Some people naturally have the ability to walk into a crowd being themselves and simply attract women because they have so many positives about them which are easily identifiable. If women see these guys (could be great guys!) and see all of there positives right away, then they are naturally going to have an easier time meeting women.

But what about guys whom are also great guys but have no idea how to make these qualities known? They could be very great partners but have no idea how to express this to women without turning them off. Maybe they are so awkward that conversation with them makes the women in turn feel awkward. This is a problem. A PUA is merely someone who mastered the ability to portray their qualities in a positive and attractive light. There doesn't need to be any association with "playing" with "cheating" with "using" etc. It's called "PICK UP ARTIST", not "TAKE YOU HOME AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU".

 

I met my fiance' at a bar/club. I walked up, introduced myself, had a great and fun conversation (even though inside I was nervous) and we had a connection. I got her number, called her up, and got a date. The rest is history. I picked her up at a bar. Now we are to be married.

 

Too many people make the assumption that pick up artist means something negative. It doesn't. It's just a social skill. What could be negative is what a person chooses to use that skill for. If someone is using it to meet and attract women for ONS then yeah, that IMO is a selfish thing... but then again even though I consider it a negative, if a woman is sleeping with them on the first date then they too hold some responsibility.

 

This negative image that pops into peoples heads when the term "Pick Up Artist" is uttered needs to stop. I am quite sick of seeing people make fast judgements that are not necessarily true. I picked up my fiance by showing good social skills... smiling, being interesting, being funny, being easy to talk to, etc. Am I somehow a "jerk"? No, the whole idea of that is completely absurd.

[CaptainPlanet]

If you practice taking lots of women home to boink, what happens to them afterward? Many can form attachments or have expectations.

Who cares, right?

 

Hey, how about a TV show about that part of the process!

Ultimate Supernegging.

 

I don't have that problem. Who really does have that problem. I think that sort of stuff happens on TV.

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

Okay, so if that happens one out of 100 times you're going to keep telling guys to sneak in as "just friends" first? Why? Why can't an honest and good relationship start from two people whom meet, feel attraction, flirt, and then go out on dates? What is wrong with that? It's how MOST relationships begin.

.

 

well alot of people dont know that theres no one set way relationships begin, there looking for the master way too start a relationship, i say it depends on your personality

 

1. some people can sit back and be calm and cool and the person may come too them

 

2. another person may be aggressive and go find the girl too talk too

 

3. another person may have it hit them when they least expect it

 

4. anoter person may get introduced by a friend too another person

 

all set out differently for each person.

[CaptainPlanet]

You're 23 years old, and no offense, but this is a laughable statement. The very best kind of love grows out of friendship. If it hasn't happened to you then there's no need to make sweeping, false generalizations about it. My last two serious relationships came from friendship.

 

Why did you start that by mentioning my age?

[Dating Coach]

Why did you start that by mentioning my age?

 

Ad Hominem.

[tylercdurden2004]

The only thing that I find creepy and crappy is people who complain.

 

More precisely people who complain about others successes.

 

 

 

Well that me finished being creepy and crappy.

[jettison]

Ad Hominem.

 

You're right. Age has nothing to do with wisdom. Keep believing that and then come back and see me 10 years from now. Wouldn't it be a sad world if you're at you're maximum capacity for wisdom at this very moment? In other words, you've learned all you'd need to learn and you'll be no more wiser in 10years?

 

You're right though, it is ad hominem. And sometimes, ad hominem is appropriate. For example, if a 6 year old was giving me financial advice then i'd be pretty comfortable employing ad hominem.

[jettison]

Why did you start that by mentioning my age?

 

You just made a pretty huge generalization about dating, and yet you've only been dating for about 7 years. You have a looooong life ahead of you. The things you "know" now would necessarily be truths for you later on.

[tylercdurden2004]

You're right. Age has nothing to do with wisdom. Keep believing that and then come back and see me 10 years from now. Wouldn't it be a sad world if you're at you're maximum capacity for wisdom at this very moment? In other words, you've learned all you'd need to learn and you'll be no more wiser in 10years?

 

You're right though, it is ad hominem. And sometimes, ad hominem is appropriate. For example, if a 6 year old was giving me financial advice then i'd be pretty comfortable employing ad hominem.

 

Jettison,

 

You seem to be very agitated regarding men pick up women. What is that makes you angry about this?

 

You seem to have spent a lot of time on this argument.

[jettison]

Okay, so if that happens one out of 100 times you're going to keep telling guys to sneak in as "just friends" first? Why? Why can't an honest and good relationship start from two people whom meet, feel attraction, flirt, and then go out on dates? What is wrong with that? It's how MOST relationships begin.

 

There is nothing dishonst about dating a friend. Maybe you were in a relationship before. Maybe she was. Maybe you were co-workers. Maybe the timing was wrong. It's not dishonest. Love grows out of friendship all the time. Just because it's not true in your world, it doesn't make it false for everyone else. "one out of 100 times". Care to send me a link to some real statistics on that one?

 

And besides, how is feeling an attraction to someone yet keeping that a secret and moving in closer under the disguise of "just friends" an honest tactic? How is that not "playing games"?

 

Again, read above. There's no dishonesty involved. If I find someone attractive, I am under no obligation to take an add out about it in the Sunday Times. You're adding variables that weren't mentioned.

 

You're keeping a secret as to your true feelings from the other person. That is not the way to go. Not only is it dishonest, but it's also a terrible tactic as you can see by it's success rate on these forums. So many guys post about how they are crushing on their friend that's a girl and how desperate they are for her to like them romantically back. Almost ALWAYS this fails. In my life it failed when I did it, everytime (at least 6 or 7 times). It's rare to see an exception but when you do it's still the exception and not the rule. Not only that but you're narrowing your options down to one possibility and that's just nuts.

 

There is still this assumption that the attractive friend in question is either a crush, someone you might be foresaking others for, or someone you're playing games with and faking a friendship for... none of which need be true.

 

As far as the point of this thread... I'm getting sick of people assuming PUA means that you go out and play a bunch of women for sex. A PUA is merely a person whom has mastered the art of meeting women. And it is an art. It's a skill. Some people naturally have the ability to walk into a crowd being themselves and simply attract women because they have so many positives about them which are easily identifiable. If women see these guys (could be great guys!) and see all of there positives right away, then they are naturally going to have an easier time meeting women.

But what about guys whom are also great guys but have no idea how to make these qualities known? They could be very great partners but have no idea how to express this to women without turning them off. Maybe they are so awkward that conversation with them makes the women in turn feel awkward. This is a problem. A PUA is merely someone who mastered the ability to portray their qualities in a positive and attractive light. There doesn't need to be any association with "playing" with "cheating" with "using" etc. It's called "PICK UP ARTIST", not "TAKE YOU HOME AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU".

 

Then why call it a "pick up artist"? Why not just say "a guy who has overcome his ineptitude and can talk to women without stuttering and spilling his cocktail in the process. Why skirt it? We all know what "pick up" means, and certainly what it implies. You're looking to talk to women with the purpose of impressing them enough so they'd want to date you. There is NOTHING wrong with that. But just call it what it is. The "PUA" terminology is what wreaks of general douchebagedness. You don't have to like it, but it just does.

 

This negative image that pops into peoples heads when the term "Pick Up Artist" is uttered needs to stop. I am quite sick of seeing people make fast judgements that are not necessarily true.

 

Why does it need to stop? For the good of the planet? People make "fast judgments" all the time. You do it too. You're judging the people judging the term PUA on this thread for example without knowing almost anything about them or where they might be coming from.

 

I picked up my fiance by showing good social skills... smiling, being interesting, being funny, being easy to talk to, etc. Am I somehow a "jerk"? No, the whole idea of that is completely absurd.

 

No, that's terrific. Zero wrong with that at all. I'd say that means you likely have a great personality, you're engaging, and you put women at ease so they like you. Cool enough. I wouldn't refer to you as an "artist" though.

[jettison]

Jettison,

 

You seem to be very agitated regarding men pick up women. What is that makes you angry about this?

 

You seem to have spent a lot of time on this argument.

 

I pick up women all the time. Not agitated about that in the least. What is it about my posting and having this discussion that would aggitate you so much that you'd have to call me out by name?

[Daddy Bear]

It's so gratifying to me that the guys whose thinking I admire most are arguing on the side of treating women as people.

[tylercdurden2004]

I pick up women all the time. Not agitated in that in the least. What is it about my posting and having this discussion that would aggitate you so much that you'd have to call me out by name?

 

 

I called you out by name because you mentioned some things such as someone being 23 and not having wisdom and did it in an aggressive manner I felt.

[jettison]

I called you out by name because you mentioned some things such as someone being 23 and not having wisdom and did it in an aggressive manner I felt.

 

The person who made that comment said that romance is never born out of friendship and that it was an absurd idea. So, I have two choices. I can either say "This guy just isn't very wise", or I could say "This guy is very young, but will become much wiser with age."

 

Which sounds nicer to you?

[Adrian28]

"Creepy" is a term used by women to label guys that they don't find attractive. So, you can be termed "creepy" at any age and regardless of your behaviour.

 

A girl could label an obese, smelly 18 year old guy creepy while being flattered by a good looking 50 yr old guy's attention.

 

And don't propagate the term "creepy", because it is something that women use to put men down.

[jettison]

"Creepy" is a term used by women to label guys that they don't find attractive. So, you can be termed "creepy" at any age and regardless of your behaviour.

 

A girl could label an obese, smelly 18 year old guy creepy while being flattered by a good looking 50 yr old guy's attention.

 

And don't propagate the term "creepy", because it is something that women use to put men down.

 

 

I use the word "creepy" all the time to refer to anyone, male or female, who would otherwise make my skin crawl. Creepy. It fits.

[tylercdurden2004]

The person who made that comment said that romance is never born out of friendship and that it was an absurd idea. So, I have two choices. I can either say "This guy just isn't very wise", or I could say "This guy is very young, but will become much wiser with age."

 

Which sounds nicer to you?

 

I doesnt matter to me which is nicer.

 

Yup sometimes long lasting relationships are born out of "friendship". I cant say never. But friendship is a loose term. People call other people they work with "friends" and people they have known for 2 week "friends". But if I look at all the friends I have not many of them are married to their "friends".

 

If they were attracted to the person they made it known, not through an ad in the paper mind you. But the had the confidence to pursue what they wanted.

 

If I may ask how old are you?

[jettison]

I doesnt matter to me which is nicer.

 

Yup sometimes long lasting relationships are born out of "friendship". I cant say never. But friendship is a loose term. People call other people they work with "friends" and people they have known for 2 week "friends". But if I look at all the friends I have not many of them are married to their "friends".

 

If they were attracted to the person they made it known, not through an ad in the paper mind you. But the had the confidence to pursue what they wanted.

 

If I may ask how old are you?

 

 

I knew my 11 year for a year as "friends" before we began dating. She was dating someone else, and so was I. Happens all the time. I also started dating a co-worker who was "just a friend" once she moved departments. Was not going to start something with her under co-worker conditions for obvious reasons. These are only a couple of my examples. My friends have had plenty of similar experiences. In fact, friends date their friends, and their friend's friends. One need not be a relative stranger to be wothy of sex believe it or not. You can actually know someone a bit and become "friends" before mercillessly using them for your own, personal sexual gratification.

 

In fact, most of the women I've had significant realtionships with were friends first, and I'm not saying "she was my buddy" after knowing her for a week. For whatever reason, those relationships usually end up more gratifying then those I began with strangers who I see as love interests and nothing else.