so...Will he call this weekend?

[annie24]

nah, why? then if he doesn't respond, then you are wondering if he got the text or not. i dunno, i hate texting, it's such a crappy way of communicating (at least in my opinion). I feel it's "safer" to call. besides, if you are just calling to say hi and see how his week went, I don't see why he would consider that dangerous.

[everythingchanges456]

okay, i'm going to think on it for a little bit...i'm thinking right now ... what could it hurt. just to say something like HI, just calling to see how you are doing....give me a call if you want to? something like that assuming i get his machine. (?)

 

if he answers i suppose hi just wanted to see how you were doing will suffice....

[renaissancewoman101]

Yeah, that's a good start.

 

Just a simple "hi, how are you doing?"

[Siriana]

no, i saw him late friday night at his house ... he called me to say good morning the following morning....i asked if he'd call me later. he called at 930 that night (last saturday) chatted for a few minutes, was playful, said he was going away for two days. i asked before we hung up when i would see him again. he said he didn't know but knows i said i would like him to take me out so we will do that...he said he'd give me a call on monday when he got back...that was 6 days ago. no word and i haven't tried to call him either.

 

prior to that...we had only met for the first time two weeks before and had spoken about 8 or 9 times on the phone (gotten together total of two times...both at his house for great conversation, flirting, kissing no sex)

 

Hm...I am new on this thread, but based on this what you wrote I wouldn't call him.

You asked for a date and he didn't suggested a day and he said how he'll give you a call at Monday. Today it's Saturday and still no call?

I wouldn't call.

[everythingchanges456]

My pride doesn't want to call since I wished he would call me...but my "i don't want to play games sides" says call so you never coulda shoulda and be done with it one way or another.

[annie24]

ah yes, good point syrix. if you did say to him in your last conversation that you would like to have a date with him, and he said, "ok, i'll call you later" and he hasn't, then it sounds like he is blowing you off.

[everythingchanges456]

yes but my thought is that he hasn't called and i don't want to be left wondering i feel like i should call once and gauge the response. then i won't wonder...what if i had called him. what if he was waiting for me to call

[annie24]

well, if he said that he would call you back to set up a date, then I would go with that. if he's interested, he can call. you made it clear that you want a date with him, so if he hasn't really 'bitten', then i'd let him make the next move.

 

do you think it is so difficult for him to pick up the phone and call?

 

look, ultimately, do what you think is right and works best for you. we can all tell you one way or another what we would do, but if you feel so strongly that a call is the right thing to do, then do that.

[everythingchanges456]

i wish i was a mind reader. i wish i didn't think he was so interesting (before he didn't call) i wish i didn't like kissing him so much i wish i knew the right thing to do. i wish he would just call. even something.

[renaissancewoman101]

Sometimes I think guys do that, deliberately NOT call for a while, because they know that they will picque the girl's interest. Actually people of both sexes do that.

 

It's the "wanting what you can't have" train of thought and a lot of people use it to their advantage.

[everythingchanges456]

yes i was think that he was doing that exact thing....waiting...taking a step back. that's why earlier i said i'd see if he called by the end of this weekend. so who thinks it would be okay if i called and who thinks they would never call him in a million years?

[renaissancewoman101]

Him not calling is making your interest in him, peak. When before maybe your interest in him wasn't as strong.

[everythingchanges456]

so would you call him?

[renaissancewoman101]

Not sure. If I felt like I didn't care and what was there to lose, then, yes, I probably would call him.

[everythingchanges456]

i am just interested enough to make sure i felt i gave it my best shot to get to know him. i'm not looking to be a fool....which in not calling him all week when he didn't call me...i think i did well at not looking like a fool. now i want to call.

[renaissancewoman101]

Then go for it and call him.

 

So you can get it out of your system. Otherwise, you are just going to ruminate on it forever and it will bother you.

[everythingchanges456]

I just spoke with my brother. My brother was laughing saying that since it was a fishing trip maybe he dropped his phone in the water and lost my number and has no way to get in touch with me since cell phone numbers aren't listed and I have no house phone listed. I know it's a stretch but it made me laugh.

 

His opinion was...call...say hi how are you and ask him out. If he says no or he'll get back to me ... be done with it. If he says yes then great.

 

What do you all think?

[renaissancewoman101]

Call him. You don't have anything to lose.

 

If he answers and/or calls you back, great. Then you'll probably go out again.

 

If he doesn't, you'll know it's time to move on.

 

Good luck!

 

I know how hard it is to feel what you are feeling right now. I've been in your shoes before.

[johnsonw10023]

I agree, as a man I would most likely call during the event if I really liked you and would most likely call just after the event if I did in fact like you. he might be playing it cool and will give you a call in the next couple days. If he has a lot of girls interested he might just not call but still likes you, but unfortunately that wouldnt make you special

[everythingchanges456]

well he did call after the event that he went to for a week...and we spoke about 8 or 9 times that week following...got together, at his house, twice. he called me the following day after i saw him twice. said he'd call monday because he was going on a overnight boat trip and now it's saturday 5 days later and no word.

thinking about doing what my brother suggested tho i'm nervous.

[everythingchanges456]

i'm going to call him...i'm getting ready now to head out for a few hours...i'll call him from the car. what do i have to lose...

[renaissancewoman101]

Good for you. Go call him.

 

You have nothing to lose. If he doesn't answer or doesn't call you back, you have your answer.

[Miss M]

Haha, I like what your brother said, funny. LOL

 

Okay, I don't have a cell phone (yeah, I know, weird), but if you lose it, aren't there other ways of retrieving those numbers? Are all contacts really gone for good when the phone is gone?

 

Anyways, I'd probably recommend not calling.

 

But... if I were the one in the actual situation, I'd call just to put my own mind at ease. But the call would be for my sake, not his. In other words, it would not be a call to let him know I'm still aggressively interested in him. And it would not be a flirty and fun call to reconnect and continue. And it would not be a call so he could sweet-talk me into coming over to the hot tub. It would be more like "oh, you still have my number? Okay, bye."

 

The only possible way I'd continue to deal with him at this point is if the phone actually did fall in the water, and he'd have to be so relieved and excited that I called, that he'd ask me out immediately. Yes, I'd be cool and aloof, and he'd be almost groveling and sooo appreciative for hearing from me.

 

But also, I've had men come up with believable explanations, been excited to hear from me, but ya know, it still meant absolutely nothing in the end. So while that's just the minimum requirement at this point, it still could also be meaningless, just so you know.

 

Yes, that'd be me... but of course, sort it all out for yourself.

[Batya33]

I LOVE that suggestion - to call, confirm that he didn't lose your number, and then do the quick exit. Gee, I wish I had thought of that in my years of waiting for calls (and Miss M if you think I am being sarcastic I am most certainly not - great advice!). Perhaps in some cases I still would have not even wanted the man to know I had given him a thought or the fact that he didn't call, a thought, but rather than self-torture with sarah mclachlan/choose your favorite tub-o-ice cream perhaps the simple MMT (Miss M Technique) would have saved the calories. .. .. . . will have to keep that in mind if there is a next time.

 

I do not agree that it's playing a game not to call. It's not playing a game - it's called self respect and boundaries. I typically do not call people I don't know who said they would call me unless we have a specific plan (inside and outside of the dating context). I can't be bothered with unreliability and I hate that awkward feeling of calling someone who said he/she would call me and didn't.

Obviously there are exceptions - but especially in a dating context if in the beginning he can't be bothered to call me when he said he would especially after I asked him out and he said he would call - why is that person worthy of my time? And why is it a game not to call him? To me it would be a game I play with myself to say "well I'm calling him because I'm not a game player" rather than the truth "I'm calling him because even though he didn't call me all week I would rather settle for someone who isn't that into me than believe that I should focus my energies on someone who is."

 

And before you say I am accusing you of having no self respect that is not the case - I'm simply describing the analysis of self-respect v. interest in getting in touch with him - that's for you to balance.

 

Of course there is a chance he lost his phone, etc but my guess is after calling you 9 times and seeing you twice, he knows your last name, you met at a professional event, he knows the general area you live - if he wants to find you he can. I once had a guy I met once through a friend track me down at work - all he knew was my first name and that i worked in the building accross the street. He was too shy to call the mutual friend for my number (because that would have required several calls). He randomly called the company where i worked, gave my first name and what I looked like and he was put through. when they want to track you down, they can.

 

Having said that nothing 'wrong" with calling just the downsides Annie24 suggested (and maybe some others)

 

Keep us posted, ETC and good luck.

[everythingchanges456]

Batya...im confused...so you WERE being sarcastic then by saying you LOVE the idea of calling him? yes?

 

Anyway...I called him around 5pm and left a message saying just calling to say hello and to give me a call if he wants and then left my number. He called back about 10 or so minutes later...we chatted for about 5 minutes (I was headed somewhere and was lost) I asked how he had been - he said good ... busy with work...worked a lot of nights this week He asked how I'd been and what's new....told him i was on my way to a football game he asked where it was (it's a local game) and said at 7 right? i said yes (in retrospect maybe he was looking for an invite...but didn't get one). He said he knew i was lost so he'd let me get going ... i thanked him for returning my call. He said he'd be home all night and to give him a call later. He didn't make mention of not calling or any excuse or apology. All and all a simple uninteresting conversation (considering I suppose that he doesn't really bring up much outside of hi and what's new).

 

I didn't call him later. However I text about an hour after the game to say our team won. (the team my friends and I went to see) My friends and I went to eat after the game and I text from there.