Destiny2112 Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 My ex of 3,5 years broke up with me last summer, he left for someone else. Apart from a reply to an email I had sent him 2 months post break up, he hasn't tried to contact me even once since then nor do I think he ever will, to be honest. He obviously has moved on long ago and is very happy with his new life and his new gf. But it's OK for me, I respect his choice and his new relationship and honestly, after all that happened, what should we talk about?! Pretend nothing had happened?! I think if a third party is involved, we have no other choice at all, but going and sticking to NC. If our ex's ever reach out to us again, then fine...then we can decide if/ how to react. But since I highly doubt my ex will ever contact me again, there is no need to worry about it yet... Link to comment
little_buttercup Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 My ex and I were in contact a few times after the breakup. In his last e-mail, he expressed the hope that we can be friends again down the road, but I have no interest in doing that (given other things he wrote about and the tone in which he said them). From what I can tell, he is happy with his life and the woman he is with. I am happy with my life and where it's going, and I don't want to reach out to him when it will only cause heartache. Some part of me will always love him, but I know that our relationship is over and I deserve better. Link to comment
beautifulangel Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 I've been in NC for six months, and it does get easier. It was a no-choice NC for me, this man was extremely emotionally abusive. I intend never to speak to him again FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. Too much harm and viciousness and evil, basically. Except I now think he is making crank calls... I had my ex leaving me for another man who had parked himself while we were seeing each other. She had met him before we met and was occassionally in touch with him. She dumped me for him though I don't have anything against her new guy, I was extremely hurt by the betrayal on my now ex gf's part. I was also her friend... She insulted my love, she insulted my friendship. It's been 16 months now and we are absolutley NC. I have taken a vow that I will Never contact her, not even on my dead body. Such is my resolution... what I feel bad about myself is that I still think of her, almost everyday and feel F***** for myself being so attached to her even now, even after being walked over when the going got a little tough. It hurts, it sucks... Having said that, I am going to continue with my resolution. Link to comment
nsomnia912 Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 well unless anyone on here is dead no one can comment on forever.....maybe thus far. but you never know what comes tomorrow. Link to comment
BlueRose66 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 A bit back in this thread, someone commented upon the negative aspects staying "Friends" with an ex has on the current relationship. My BU started in June and has pretty much been finalized this last week when I returned belongings. My ex stays friends with her ex's. She gave me the line "I am always here for you" Anyway, lets get back to what her staying friends with her ex's meant for me. Last Spring, my ex became upset because her ex of long ago-15-20 years, was posting on facebook about her wonderful new guy. We are talking about a long ago love. She then told me she had blocked her on facebook. My ex also was dumped and heartbroken by this woman long ago. She had very bad memories about a musical this woman was in and even refused to go with me in April to that musical for this very reason. Looking back to my recent BU, I realized recently that when that happened, it hurt me deeply. I wasnt even visible to her when she was on her rant. Clearly, she had never gotten over this woman. I see now, that it was this point that I gave up. I shoved the hurt down so deeply it took me months to recognize that it was the turning point for me and I just stopped caring and gave up. Then there is another ex she is still friends with, the one she dumped. I believe that this woman never truly got over her. This ex, the more recent one- back say 6-8 years was the best friend. The one who was upset when she met me 4 years ago but then called back to say she was happy for her. This ex, now that I am out of the picture is all over my ex's facebook page about how she misses her and her pets, even calls them hers. I deleted my ex off facebook to not see all this. I tried very hard to be OK with the more recent ex because my ex doesnt have many close friends (hence why she probably needs to stay friends with ex's) and I truly wanted my ex to be loved and have friends. It never sat that well with me. I mean how many ex's send Bday gifts? So long story short, all this baggage really hurt me and made my relationship harder. I dont feel like it was clean. Now that I am the ex, I dont want to be someone in either of those roles, and I dont want breadcrumbs, just the whole loaf. I want to be someones number one. And I dont want to be a factor in my ex's life that would upset or hurt the new person if there is one. For some reason, I dont think all this is healthy and I felt a lot of guilt that it did bother me so much. I would really like to hear from others on this board if I was/am being petty or jealous or if it would have bothered any of you as well. I really see this as a big reason I just gave up. Now that I have had time to reflect, I am being more true to me. Thanks!!! Link to comment
TomboyMS Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 My most recent ex insisted on being bff with her ex. I hated it. It did contribute majorly to the problems in our relationship. I've noticed that many lesbians insist on keeping exes around. * * * ? Link to comment
BlueRose66 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Well, glad to know I wasnt the only one who hated it. I am not one of those lesbians that does the Uhaul LOL or will be sticking around to be the ex!!!! Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Been NC with several of my exes for years. Typically unless it's an amicable breakup I see little point in keeping them in my life - particularly the ones that were emotionally abusive or cheaters. Friendly with the ones that were more amicable or just didn't work out meaning when I've bumped into them I would talk to them and do a brief catch up - nothing more. I always thought being friends right after a breakup and if one or the other continued to have strong feelings for the other was a bad idea. The ex before this last one I've been NC with for over 10 years and he was the love of my life BUT a chronic drinker and drug abuser and I just could not get past that as a deal breaker since he had no desire to change. The only exception I made to the no friends rule was my last guy who was a partial LDR. We'd break up then go back to being friends then lovers then break up again. After six years of it I had had enough of the crazy train and since he was moving away again I chose to end things once and for all. I haven't called or spoken to him in 5 months or taken any of his calls and I have no intentions of ever doing so again. Shrug. Again he has some serious, serous issues that only he can fix and I just couldn't handle it and didn't have enough trust to really justify putting myself in harm's way any longer. The fact is sometimes relationships work and sometimes they don't. People change and move on although at this stage of my life I wouldn't say I'd never get back with an ex. Just not one of the ones who had serious problems that are incompatible with my values and beliefs like name calling, being rude, using people, abuse of drugs and alcohol, chronic cheaters - you know, the usual evils. Of course, I wasn't so calm about this five months ago - LOL. I was a mess but yes time and finding better friends and things to do helps. Link to comment
feenyx Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I haven't contacted any of my exes or reached out for anything beyond just logistics. My recent ex reached out telling me that he was only OK with the breakup because he thought we could be friends and be in each other's lives. I had a hard time with that idea; when we got together he still had his ex's combs, contact lens, etc. present in his apartment. He hadn't broken things clean with her and she was still his friend (or more like FWB) at that time. He kept on reaching out to her for "closure" and yet she also did the same. I felt like the third wheel for years despite that I was the one he went to bed with every night. We managed to fix things, or so I thought, until another girl came into the picture. I moved out. I am not sure now but when he sent me that message he had gotten into another relationship. I thought about this girl, whose name I knew and I still wanted to play fair. I didn't want to interfere with whatever was going on with them like his ex, who kept on enabling him and disrespecting me to the ends of the world. I'm a better person than that. So I go NC because I know how it feels to have that "BFF/FWB/ex" around. It's not so much a matter of insecurities but c'mon...you could easily abuse that friendship against your SO. Why would you put anyone through that? It's real awful to deal with that. Link to comment
RitaTrue Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Yes. With my prior ex (not the current one), I went NC forever. Haven't spoken to him in 6 years. Link to comment
Melting Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Whenever I have been the dumper I have always gone NC forever. Link to comment
Pontius Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Whenever I have been the dumper I have always gone NC forever. I'm sure Ted Bundy intimated something similar to the bodies he dumped. Link to comment
Longview01 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I'm coming upto 10 years with one of mine, I never want to speak to her ever again Link to comment
lanaa Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I'm coming upto 10 years with one of mine, I never want to speak to her ever again wow what did she do? Link to comment
Longview01 Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 wow what did she do? We were together for 2 and a half years and she decided she wanted to sleep with our room mate, I have a no tolerance for someone that does that to me Link to comment
sandrawg Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I was with an abusive, narcissistic ex for a year. We broke up in 2007 and I haven't spoken to him since. I think he emailed me a few times. I replied ONCE, only because his dog died and I thought it'd be rude to ignore that. My last ex..I haven't spoken to him since April, and I don't care if I ever speak to him again. He's an alcoholic in denial. Link to comment
JLKLEE Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 When I broke up with previous boyfriends we never did NC right away. But there are exes that I have not talked to in years. I dated this one guy from 9th grade to about 10th grade. We had some contact after we broke up. I didn't see him again until recently when he came into the bar I work at. It was sooo weird because he was telling me how sorry he was for what he had done to me, etc. I responded that it was really ok, that it happened about 10 years ago. There is this one ex that I talk to every now and then. Not about us, but we will "like" or comment on each other's status', etc. He has moved on and I have moved on but nothing wrong with contact every now and then. My last ex before my most recent one...we went a few months after the break up with no contact until he contacted me accusing me of cheating on him which was not true. Then we didn't speak for about a year until I saw him on my birthday and he bought me a shot (I was out with my previous ex). We did not contact each other until a month later when I saw him out and he told me how he made a huge mistake treating me the way he did and he thought I was the one. I think there is a point where you go NC with your ex FOREVER because people move on and have other things that occupy them. When both people are over the relationship, there really isn't any point to contact the other. Link to comment
doiiiieeezie Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 I stop talking to my ex's the minute it is over... of course there have been exceptions to that rule but I find that speaking with a person who becomes a stranger to me is not needed. For example, the ex that brought me here hasn't talked to me in 2 years and I have pretty much no desire to contact him ever again. His lack of action after the break up was a complete deal breaker for me. Link to comment
bmm Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 My first real relationship, we've bumped into each other a few times in the last 11 yrs, but that's it. A girl from a recent LTR is now 3-4 months and I don't want to talk to her ever again. Just can't seem to shake from talking my ex from a relationship that lasted 8+ years and ended 2.5 years ago. Longest we've gone is a few weeks at a time (I don't initiate any contact now, but she goes through spurts of texting me). Those were my 3 more serious relationships. Anyone else I've ever dated I have no contact with anymore and have no desire to contact them. Link to comment
Johnp82 Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 That's my plan for my most recent ex. She earned a permanent ban from my life. Link to comment
playstheblues Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 I suppose I will be NC forever now or definitely NIC. I don't think he will contact me, but if we ran into each other in the street I suppose we might say hello. Unlike most of you, I actually feel really sad about it. I'm obviously the dumpee and am having a hard time understanding how you can just cut someone from your life that you spent nine years with, but I suppose, now after being broken up for 6 months (it did draaaaaaaaaaag on though) that we are basically strangers now and that is because he has chosen to have it that way. Link to comment
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