TijuanaJones Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 I have been on NC with an ex for 7 years... I broke up with her because she stood me up one time too many, and other stuff. I never saw her or heard from her since the day we broke up... Link to comment
violingirl Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 I can't imagine being NC with my ex forever. That's too painful to imagine, because we were so close to each other. He dumped me for one of his ex-girlfriends 2 1/2 years ago (he lied about that for months after the breakup and then he much later admitted that he had cheated on me with one of his other ex-girlfriends - strangely, he didn't think that either incident was really cheating). He has refused to see me in person since shortly after the breakup. We talked occasionally after the breakup. Then, once he finally admitted to me that he had left me for his ex, he imposed NC. That lasted for 11 months, before I contacted him again last year in May. Then, we had a lot of long conversations on the phone for about 3 months, which made me think that he still wanted me in his life at least as a friend (I was able to remain unemotional throughout those conversations). But then he refused to help me move, because he had to make the woman he left me for his "priority," even though he admitted that they really weren't really "boyfriend and girlfriend" anyway and he always had contact with his exes during our relationship, which resulted in this mess to begin with. After that, we only occasionally talked, then he stopped responding to my occasional e-mails or phone calls, so I've been in NC again for 6 months. Despite all this, I can't imagine living the rest of my life without ever seeing him or talking to him again. Link to comment
p_fred Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 Yes, I'm not sure how long it has been... 5 years? When I decide that there is no future of > US Link to comment
Tezza Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 No contact forever sounds great to me, I have tried to live this way for the last 6 months, and it was working until he called me last month, as soon as he said hello I hung up on him. He only recently found out about my new bf, and was trying to contact me. I know that he has been doing stupid internet pranks on me, like signing my msn up to various websites etc, but I can't prove it. He cheated on me, is married to the other woman, in fact he got married to her when he went overseas while I was still living with him, and I didn't know. The last 2 years of our relationship was a total lie, and frankly he doesn't even deserve one ounce of my time. I wouldn't even say hi to him in the street if I saw him, and we were together for almost 8 years... Link to comment
bubblyblonde11 Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 I plan too - go NC forever that is Link to comment
sao2 Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 I have 3 ex's most recent(2 months ago, 2 years together): We are probably going to see each other in another month and "hopefully" reconnect. Our break was never really intended to be a break up, although it often feels like one. We broke up mainly due to extreme long distance issues. They will be somewhat changed soon. She is amazing. I am hopeful. Next most recent(3 years ago, 2 years together): I emailed her about 1.5 years ago when I heard she was looking for a job at the place I was working at the time. I basically warned her off of it. I was pretty bitter about the job. I broke her heart because I was unable to give her more. I sometimes think about calling her, she was a very sweet girl. I was lucky to have been with her. First ex(6.5 years ago, 3 years together) I saw her at a club about 4 years ago. Just said hi. I have no desire to contact her again. We were both young and we hurt each other alot before, during, and after the breakup. I don't even remember that much about her anymore. Link to comment
Ripples Posted August 28, 2007 Share Posted August 28, 2007 NC is an absolute must in the event that someone is escaping the clutches of an abusive partner. Additionally NC is an absolute must for those codependant people who tolerated an abusive partner or couldn't cope with rejection from a healthy partner. In otherwords NC is all about us finding the time and space to reflect and address the impulses and motivations that make us who we are, whether good or bad. This cant be done whilst under the influence of others. Link to comment
mushmouth Posted September 19, 2007 Author Share Posted September 19, 2007 Just an update since I started the string....I am somewhere around the seven month mark of NC. When I first got dumped, a friend said to me not to contact her for 6 months. Then he said, once that time is up, go another six months. Since NC has been so so so helpful, let me add that I may even go an additonal six months on top of what was prescribed...which will really just lead me into never contacting her again as it probably will be an after thought at that point. God bless NC. Link to comment
Ripples Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 Well done. It gets easier and easier doesn't it! When you do think about the relationship now, which should be infrequently, you will start to see the insanity of it all. Thats when you start to say to yourself "what on earth was I doing!" Congratulations! Link to comment
MsBear Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 Count me in, havent heard of the toxic ex for a month now, contact initiated by the ex so I think my NC is going to be forever Yeah, I'm more than sure that he just contacted to check how I was doing and if I was holding resentment towards him lol so as he found out I'm a nice person he just disappeared Kool, NC is going to be forever then Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 Yes. I dated someone about 4 years ago, who was very abusive. Once he got all his things from my apartment, we never communicated again. Link to comment
SpeedingCars Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 I've done NC forever... but that's because I was the dumper and I really didn't feel like being his friend because I didn't love him or even like him. He was annoying. However...I don't think our relationship was of substance. My feelings for him were never even strong enough to miss him! Don't ask why I went out with him... I don't know. I think I was bored! This was when I was young... realllyyyyyy young, so I don't think it counts O_O However, I recently broke up with my ex and we haven't talked since then. It's been 3 days. I know he's going to call me... or, he should. He said we'd still be friends. I was the dumpee. Let's hope he calls... I wouldn't mind it. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 Why does everybody look at NC in such black and white terms, like forever. Nothing's forever. Nobody's ever done anything that bad to warrant forever not talking to them. Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 Why does everybody look at NC in such black and white terms, like forever. Nothing's forever. Nobody's ever done anything that bad to warrant forever not talking to them. I agree. If I ever need to go on NC again, I'll just do it till I don't care anymore... Then I won't be on NC, I'll just won't be proactive in contacting that person. Link to comment
Ripples Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 I agree. If I ever need to go on NC again, I'll just do it till I don't care anymore... Then I won't be on NC, I'll just won't be proactive in contacting that person. I think that is right. "forever" tends to suggest that there is some emotional tie to the ex that we cant shake off. Yes it takes a while to heal and accept the change but if we are healthy people we should reach the point where we just dont care about these people in the way that we did. And this should happen quite quickly if we were rejected. There are however people who you just cant allow back into your life because they are dissordered. These people will have you chasing your tail like an idiot if you give them half a chance. I tend to think there are a few tail chasers on here!!! Link to comment
Tezza Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 Trying to go no contact forever. He tried to contact me, first by calling, I hung up on him, then via txt about a month ago asking me to forgive him for the way he treated me. I ignored him. I am not giving him any closure no matter what. I think he gets the message now. I hope that I don't ever see him again. Link to comment
Ripples Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 Trying to go no contact forever. He tried to contact me, first by calling, I hung up on him, then via txt about a month ago asking me to forgive him for the way he treated me. I ignored him. I am not giving him any closure no matter what. I think he gets the message now. I hope that I don't ever see him again. Tezza, if your ex is truly a narcissist (diagnosed) then you are doing absolutely the best thing. Congratulations on finding the strength to keep going. Just remember, if you dont acknowledge him he cant exist and that is his worst nightmare. Silence is the sweetest revenge when dealing with narcissists! Good for you! Link to comment
servedcold Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 But then he refused to help me move, because he had to make the woman he left me for his "priority," even though he admitted that they really weren't really "boyfriend and girlfriend" anyway and he always had contact with his exes during our relationship, which resulted in this mess to begin with. Isn't it a kick in the teeth when they do this? My most recent ex is trying to mend her ways, but of course, I'm not the beneficiary of this new person she claims to be, HE is. LOLz. Link to comment
SRufus Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 When I think forever, it does sting. However, I can't see her now, unless she's willing to try again. It's just too hard being single, and feeling this way. Link to comment
Dr.Amore Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 I have no problem with NC forever...... I just don't have a chance to meet them again and I really don't have the need to call them. I have friends. I don't need my ex'es to be my friends. Couldn't of said it better myself. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 I didn't speak to my last ex for almost three years, and I put an end to it by e-mailing him recently. He e-mailed me back, and mentioned his girlfriend of two years in the e-mail, saying that things were 'going well'. I have to admit it threw me a bit. I don't regret contacting him, as we didn't break up because of a big drama, but part of me wishes I had waited until I was with someone, too. Because I can't help but do an admittedly irrational comparison. Why did he find someone but I didn't? I just don't know, but it does hurt a little. I definitely agree that people come into our lives and serve their purpose, but I just found it so insane that someone who was my best friend for three years isn't in my life in any form anymore. In the cases of abuse, I say absolutely no contact forever. But the grey-area-type situations are different somehow. They leave a lot of open space. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Personally, I don't see the need for NC forever. No one deserves that, unless they really did something to betray you, like cheat on you, abuse you, etc. Yes, relationships come and go and people move on, but "forever" is a bit harsh. Link to comment
tomtommyboy Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 This is all very pertinent for me right now. I miss my ex as a friend and am ready to forgive her (I think), 8 months on. Am thinking of contacting her over Xmas, so a little while longer yet to think it over... She was my first true love so can't really comment beyond this! I don't think I'm in touch with any of my previous "exes" but they weren't really serious enough to merit that name anyway. Link to comment
GuyNamedBob Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 i have been going no contact with my ex ex for over a year and a half and am 100% sure i wont break that Link to comment
destiny0791 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 In my case it will be NC forever. Long story short, I was in an LDR. My ex is 9 1/2 years younger than me. He dumped me for a woman his own age. I spent months trying to hang on to him (he desperately wanted to stay friends), going NC, breaking it, made every mistake I could possibly have made, basically made a complete arse out of myself until I finally threw in the towel, bit the bullet and went hardcore NC. I changed my phone number, blocked and deleted him in yahoo, cut all lines of communication. I didn't want to come off as the bitter, angry ex (even though I AM angry) so I sent him a final text on his birthday via skype, telling him he had meant a lot to me, I would always love him but now I'm moving on. I promised myself there was no depth of depression I could sink to that would induce me to pick up the phone and call him again (unfortunately I have his number memorised), and I haven't, and won't. That was 35 days ago. I don't believe there's any obligation to contact your ex after a break. If there's no emotional tie, then why bother contacting them at all, no matter how much time has passed? Besides, some things just can't be forgiven, so NC forever is the only choice for me. Each person should do what they feel is right for them though, whether others agree with it or not. Link to comment
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