She cut her hair...and I really REALLY hate it...

[greenmonster]

The girl that is basically my best friend for the last 6 years...that I totally love to death...that we've passed the friendship line and I've been "dating" or "seeing" for a couple months now.... just chopped off her hair...

 

I mean...it used to be past shoulder length and beautiful....and now its maybe MAYBE 3 inches long and all spiked up

 

She has always changed the color of it around a lot and thats never bothered me...but cutting it this short just is a total turn off...and it makes her look like hell.

 

she's done this once before...like 4 years ago when we were still in school together and I, along with her other friends, told her that is was NOT a good look for her...and she just up and did it again 2 weeks before her and I are going on vacation together.

 

I'm not saying that she shouldn't have done it...its her body/life and she can do whatever she wants...and this isn't like some sort of outburst for attention (ala Brittney Spears) act...its just the way she is...she cuts & changes her hair style/color a lot...just been a long time since she has done anything this extreme.

 

but what the hell do I do now? I mean...things have changed a LOT between us from the last time she did this and I was just a friend and was able to say "you look like crap" to where I'm more than just a friend now and cant just drop that out.... and I know she is going to ask my opinion of it. I havn't gotten to see her in person yet, just some pictures she emailed me of a party she was at.

 

I don't want to be rude or anything because I'm sure she likes it...and she is still the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, hands down...but its just one of those things that I dunno what to say or how I should react.

 

any thoughts? anyone else had this happen?

[TheFoglifter]

Actually, i think you should be consistent. There is NOTHING to be gained by lying.

 

You think it looks like crap, and you told her as much last time she did it. Now, she is your girlfriend, and you are less attracted to her as a result. I think that being honest with her lays the groundwork for you to break away.

 

If you lie and tell her its nice and all that crap, you are going to feel really guilty and disgusted inside, and she'll be able to tell. Your actions and your feelings will be out of sync, and that will become blatantly obvious. Then you'll be on the hook for lying to her, and if you dump her it will look really bad.

 

So just say flat out, laugh while you say it, but SAY it: "it looked like crap 4 years ago, and it looks like crap now".

 

I know its hypocritical, but I don't care. My gf has nice long hair, and if she ever cut it, she'd look totally butch, like a fat lesbian. You gotta look out for yourself.

[jengh]

ok, while i agree with the concept of foglifter's post, i don't agree with the bluntness... If my boyfriend were to tell me my hair looked horrible, i'd probably start to cry. I agree with telling her you PREFER her hair longer... but telling her it looks like crap now is just kinda harsh. I'd just say, "you know, i LOVED your long hair. It'd be great if you grew it back out."

[JadedStar]

I do not agree with lying. If she asks be honest and say "i don't think that is a very flattering style on you, and remember you did this once before and I said the same thing then, but also add what you did here - you are very beautiful no matter what but my preference was longer hair".

To go from long hair to drastic short - she could have asked your opinion ahead of time IMO. That is a huge drastic change.

[greenmonster]

clear up a couple things.....

 

1) she isn't my girlfriend

2) theres no dumping element involved here lol...

 

her and I's story is way too long to repost it all...but lemme give ya the broad strokes...

 

been my best friend for 6 years...nothing ever happened between us till a couple months ago when we accidentally slept together...since then things have gotten really close...we still see other people simply because we live a couple hours apart.. we both consider ourselves single...but when we are together there is no one else in the world... and we've been together about every other weekend over the last couple months...getting closer all the time

 

we are also total night and day type people...I'm a corporate attorney and she is a bartender/elementary school teacher...I'm suit and tie, and she is thrift shop and flip flops...I'm organized, predictable, and financially stable...she is random, spontanious, and spends money like its going out of style...but we are a total match when we get together...

 

its not like she looks butch...just more...punk...like Pink amost ya know? at least thats what I think she is going for...

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

 

she is still the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, hands down...

 

 

i think if you give an honest opinion ... like ... "maybe the short hair isn't the most flattering."..but then tell her what i quoted above....

 

could be the most sensitive approach.

 

i also think that you should ask her if SHE likes it...because when you feel good about yourself..it shows on the outside.

 

Who knows maybe her short hair might grow on you

[JadedStar]

IF she is not your g/f then I even fail to understand why this is a problem. I really thought based on your first post that you two were friends and it turned into a relationship.

 

If not, then you can still tell her what I suggested "it's not as flattering a look as long but I still think you are beautiful".

 

Shouldn't be anything wrong with that since it is 100% truth. But if she is only a friend I am not sure why the cut even bothers you enough to wonder about how to approach it.

[avman]

I would use more tact than Foglifter suggests, but I do agree that you should be honest. If she asks you what you think just say "Well, remember I wasn't really fond of that look on your the last time you did this and I'm not fond of it now either."

[Lady Bugg]

GM.....I don't think you're wrong for feeling like this. It is a personal preferance. I'm a hair dresser...and I see this extreme all the time.

Being a woman.....I guess I understand the need to for change.

It's kind of like shedding your skin....and reinventing yourself..so to speak.

Lets just hope her hair grows fast..

[Lady Bugg]

Also..I remember you posting about this person before.....

and saying you wanted to tell her you were in love with her.....

does this hairstyle change your feelings on that as well?

[greenmonster]

IF she is not your g/f then I even fail to understand why this is a problem. I really thought based on your first post that you two were friends and it turned into a relationship.

 

If not, then you can still tell her what I suggested "it's not as flattering a look as long but I still think you are beautiful".

 

Shouldn't be anything wrong with that since it is 100% truth. But if she is only a friend I am not sure why the cut even bothers you enough to wonder about how to approach it.

 

 

no...we aren't boyfriend/girlfriend...its just a weird situation that has moved that way very rapidly...

 

after being best friends for 6 years we've talked about it and are both very carefull about our progression because neither of us want to ruin what we have...but we both see what we can be.

 

we aren't in a commited relationship...but we certainly aren't "just friends" anymore...far from that...

[Mavis VDSande]

But if she is only a friend I am not sure why the cut even bothers you enough to wonder about how to approach it.

 

I agree. In the same light if your opinion was important to her, would she ask you for your views before going for the chop?

 

I also don't think you should view it as just a haircut. People can change their appearance for a no. of reasons - and they don't have to be Britney Spears to do that! Maybe she wants to clean out the clutter in her life, and having that change means that. Whatever the reaosns, I don't think you have the right really to say "I don't like your haircut".

 

For e.g I use to have VERY short hair - when my bf met me, my hair was short - if I cut it now, yeah he'd be a bit put off, he'd make jokes and stuff - but it wouldn't really be a problem.

 

Hair grows!

 

Maybe you could ask her why she went for the chop and see what she says. The reasons behind her decision could allow you to get to know her more and appreciate why she did it in the first place.

[greenmonster]

Also..I remember you posting about this person before.....

and saying you wanted to tell her you were in love with her.....

does this hairstyle change your feelings on that as well?

 

 

NO WAY!!

 

I still totally love her...and very much IN love with her...I really don't care if she shaves her head...my feelings wont change on that.

 

like I said...its just a turn off...kinda like if you were dating a guy that burped in public a lot...

 

I've told her I love her...and we had "that talk"...she loves me too...but just like me, she is very scared to give up our friendship that we already have for the chance of what we could be...thats why we are moving slow on things...

[greenmonster]

In the same light if your opinion was important to her, would she ask you for your views before going for the chop?

 

haha...this girl hasn't asked anyones opinion of anything she has ever done in her life BEFORE she does it...

 

She jumps head first into everything....then gets out and asks how deep the water is...

[Lady Bugg]

GM..I don't understand the point of your post. Did you wana advice..or just to vent? You said this doesn't really change your attraction for her.......so I am confused.

 

Question? What if she decided to keep her hair like this and NOT grow it out? How would you feel about that?

[hosswhispra]

 

but what the hell do I do now? I mean...things have changed a LOT between us from the last time she did this and I was just a friend and was able to say "you look like crap" to where I'm more than just a friend now and cant just drop that out.... and I know she is going to ask my opinion of it. I havn't gotten to see her in person yet, just some pictures she emailed me of a party she was at.

 

I don't want to be rude or anything because I'm sure she likes it...and she is still the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, hands down...but its just one of those things that I dunno what to say or how I should react.

 

any thoughts? anyone else had this happen?

 

Greenmonster this is a tricky situation. On one hand her hair will grow back--on the otherhand, will she keep cutting it?

 

I won't fault you for your preferences. I am not into facial hair so if a man grew a long beard--that would turn me off! So as you can see everyone has their preferences and attraction "killers" or igniters!

 

Is she into wigs? Wigs are kind of fun to play with and often give the wearer a different look and a different persona. Just a thought.

[ycmanvs]

I cut my long hair many years ago. At the time, no one told me that they hated it. I wish they had because I kept it short for a few years. Once I grew it back, everyone I knew explained to me that they loved it long.

Anyway, it sounds like this woman knows that you did not like it short the first time around, so she is cutting it because she enjoys change.

You should ask her how she feels about it and why she decided to do it again.

Then you can tell her how you feel about it.

I'd like to hear more about the relationship. It sounds like a fascinating story.

[greenmonster]

GM..I don't understand the point of your post. Did you wana advice..or just to vent? You said this doesn't really change your attraction for her.......so I am confused.

 

Question? What if she decided to keep her hair like this and NOT grow it out? How would you feel about that?

 

I dunno...guess its just monday and I'm still a little over come with just seeing these pics of her last night...so part vent/part seeking advise...sorry.

 

I guess I just wanted to know what to say to her...because I don't wanna drop the ball on this...the vacation we are going on together here in a couple weeks is coming at a really important time where we're going to figure out a lot of whats up between us...

 

It hasn't changed my true underlying attraction for her...just some of the surface level stuff. I guess its kinda like...I've grown my hair back out the way that it used to be in college and she loves it...and has told me that a bunch...but I've been thinking about cutting it, and told her this and she's said "NO WAY!! I love it!!"

 

so in a way...I'm kinda asking if I should do the same thing? as of right now my hair is actually longer than hers!! but I dunno....just confused...

 

I guess I take peace in knowing that she wont keep her hair like this for long...last time it took about a month and she realized how much she hated it too...and I know her well enough to know that she likes playing with her hair too much to keep it short forever...

 

but if she did keep it short? I'm sure I could grow to like it...because its attached to her!

[ycmanvs]

Well, in a way this is a good thing because it makes you appreciate her for who she is rather than what she looks like. It sounds like you care for her very much, so you can tell her that and then tell her that you prefer it long, just like she prefers yours long....(no pun intended)

[greenmonster]

I'd like to hear more about the relationship. It sounds like a fascinating story.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

theres the links to the story...its about a full afternoons worth of reading...I type too much...but since you asked...

[ghost69]

it's just hair.

[ycmanvs]

 

 

 

 

 

theres the links to the story...its about a full afternoons worth of reading...I type too much...but since you asked...

 

 

Thanks for the links. I just finished the first one. I wonder where life will take the two of you. She may just surprise you in a few years.

[Miss Firecracker]

haha...this girl hasn't asked anyones opinion of anything she has ever done in her life BEFORE she does it...

 

She jumps head first into everything....then gets out and asks how deep the water is...

 

I think this is why you like her.

 

Oh, and as for what you should say about it...just say, "I like it if you like it."

[EvaGina]

You'll get used to it

She might be feeling insecure about it, so dont say anything, but dont encourage it... say things like "I miss having hair to run my fingers through" as opposed to "I cant run my fingers through your hair when its this short"... make long hair positive, not short hair negative, if you get me.

 

but dont mention it much... its just hair

[TANKGRL]

GM.....I don't think you're wrong for feeling like this. It is a personal preferance. I'm a hair dresser...and I see this extreme all the time.

Being a woman.....I guess I understand the need to for change.

It's kind of like shedding your skin....and reinventing yourself..so to speak.

Lets just hope her hair grows fast..

 

I'm a hair dresser as well and women do OFTEN change their styles drastically. I had a lady come in one day with her hair down to the back of her knees....well now it's a shaggy cut about 4 inches all around.

 

Big change but she carried if off well. I also did get her to donate her hair to Locks of Love.

 

If she can carry it off and feels good in her skin...more power to her! I love short funky hair... I usually wear my hair that way as well...except for a change I am growing it out and it's about shoulder length.

 

Maybe she just wanted a fresh summer cut?

Maybe she wants a reaction out of you?

 

But like others have said...if she asks... tell her you preferred it longer but if she's happy with it then rock on!!