RJ

I been there before. You're in a death spiral and need to get out. You're hurt and will keep on hurting until you move on. If this person cared for you they would have made the opportunity to be with you, and only you. Here's my experience: link removed I use to post under the name "IMAbadman" but realized I'm really not all that bad so I switched to "RJ". Maybe take a look at my past issues and hopfully learn from them. Good luck.

MC, Hey no one can really tell you what to do about this. It's your show. I would suggest that you figure out what you want from her though, i.e. friendship, nothing, her back, whatever? If it's friendship maybe you should try to talk to her if your ready. If not let her know that you're not ready to be friends yet. You need time/space and if/when you're ready you contact her. If it's nothing, well then keep doing what you're doing, no contact. She'll get the hint sooner or later. But if you want her back you're going to have to start talking, friendship like at first, and getting that emotional bond going. Nothing serious, no relationships stuff and try to be happy and remain vague and aloof. Let her do most, if not all, of the initiating for a while until you're sure what she wants from you. She'll let you know you just have to listen. If I remember correctly this girl is seeing another guy, right? Did you want to be her emotional crutch or the second man? These are things to keep in mind. And might I suggest you think with the big head here and not the little one, have a little self-respect man. Hey if your ex asks you on a date you might say, "I don't feel comfortable with that, you're seeing someone and that's not right." It's a subtle hint that implies you have respect, character, not to mention you not a back-up plan. Then see what she has to say… I'd suspect the just as friends line and you can then decide that thing about being friends or not. Whatever way you go MC you've got a chance that many of us don't get. Choose wisely and choose what's best for you. Remember why you broke up and whether you want to deal with the hurt again. Maybe this new girl you've met is really someone special you may not want to just toss that to the wind either. - RJ

GeeCee, Proud of you honey. There's a lot of hill and valleys on this road, not to mention a number of bumps. Hang in there. Your posts have been an inspiration to me for some time. … although I broke down today. Saw the ex's number on my caller i.d. over a week ago. No message though. Called her just moments ago to see if she was trying to reach me. At first she said it was a prank call then she said she was just looking for a phone number of someone. I said I guess the joke is on me then. She asked me how I was doing, told her I was just working away… (damn couldn't I have come up with something more exciting to say) Anyway I went on to say I'll let you get back to work to which she comment talk to you later and I went on to say goodbye. I went 4 weeks without initiating contact and just tossed it to the wind. I feel bad now. Anxiety attack 101.

MC - Buddy hang in there with the No Contact you said it yourself... she will contact you. And hey if she doesn't, you're taking the correct steps to heal yourself, learn, and grow. Be prepared however if she does contact you. I'm currently in a situation similar to yours. She also has someone in her life as well. We last spoke 4 weeks ago and when we went out for a drink, her request, but when we got there she informed me she only had an hour. I was immediately PO's. She phoned later and we talked for and hour so. It wasn't a very good conversation, not lite and flirty as I would have hoped, in fact she commented having a headache 30 min. into it. But I told her my thoughts and feelings I told her I wasn't comfortable seeing her like this (me being the other guy) and I do care about her but it was time to mourn the loss and move on. I also said I could not be your friend right now either. The choice was now hers. I did phone back 2 days later briefly saying thank you for meeting up with me and apologize for the phone conversation not going as well as hoped and said goodbye. I probably did some things wrong that maybe seemed emotional and possibly viewed as needy. It's out of my hands and that's OK with me. Either way I'm going to be happy with or without her. Needless to say I saw her when I was out with a group of friends last weekend for dinner. She walked by I smiled and said hello, yep she was with the other guy. Well when I come home from work on Monday I see her work's telephone number on my caller ID. No message though. I didn't call back nor will I. No message, no need too is my theory. My point is MC only you know what you want and what you're willing to accept in your life. Speaking for myself, I am not willing to accept second best. I'm not willing to give all the control of the relationship to her. I will not have my time with her rationed when she can sneak it in. Nor will I accept the fact that I can't call her when I want. NO. Not acceptable. Demanding? Yes. I give more and I expect more. I may be throwing any chance with this woman away but that's my choice. In time we may even be friends again and potentially I can seduce her again, as I said that's MY CHOICE. MC determine your resolve, write it down and stick with it. Should you question you confidence read it. When you're talking with her, read it again in your head. It's a kick straight to the junk buddy, hang in there and you'll make it. Gets better each day.

MC, Hey glad to see you took my advice, as well as others. No contact isn't a fail safe plan to get her back and it's painful now but you really are on the road to recovery. "Whatever a thing may be, be it pleasant or terrible, the less it has been foreseen the more it pleases or frightens. This is seen nowhere better than in war, where surprise strikes terror even in those who are much the stronger party." Xenophon. Sorry... I couldn't resist. I view this "game" as war. I fight to win. I take no prisoners. Next step... she will call. Believe it. And you must resist talking/texting/seeing her for a few weeks. Let her sweat and you need to get your Doo Doo together. Then when you're feeling better about yourself and have your emotions under control maybe take one of those calls. Be brief, vauge, and aloof. Smile when you talk... people feel it. Then say you've got to run, it was great talking to you, maybe we'll talk again sometime. Let her call again. You're in the "game" my friend.

I agree with waynerwayner!! Toss her. But hey who am I to tell you how to live or what your life style should be. If you two are happy that's all that counts. Although, I guess what's good for her is good for you as well. So get out there and start bouncing on those bettys! I think you'll find that she's not so accepting when the shoes on the other foot.

I wouldn't contact her, in my opinion. She dumped you, let her sweat it. You want her to feel that you've moved on with your life and things are going well. When she contacts you on Monday be aloof and vauge, "I'm doing good, family is good, etc... Hey I got this blah blah blah going on so can't chat. Maybe well talk sometime." Then wait for her to call... email/texts are so impersonable. Good luck... because I know how all this sucks.

Quite frankly I don't like this situation, even as good as it sounds. And believe me it sounds really good right?!? You're getting a little ego boost. You're feeling that she really wants you back. You're talking and chatting it up. Right? Well I've been there before. I think you're being used. She hanging on until she feels better about the guy she's with right now. You're a back-up plan in my opinion. And if it doesn't work out with him you MAY have a shot. Problem is do you want to hang around having your heart, head, and emotions drug about? You'll go nuts, it'll hurt you, and you'll make dumb mistakes that'll blow your chances with her for good. I say let her go for now. Stop contact. Let her know that you care about her, wish her luck, and that it's time you get on with your life too. Give no plans, no details, be vague. Tell her maybe someday we can be friends but right now that's a bit of a mental burden to deal with. Then if she comes back let her know that she has to be single to even get a shot with you, you'll not settle for second choice, be gentle but firm. After that take it slow and go with the flow. RJ