cochise

Hi, and welcome to the board. I don't know how old you are and I don't know what the "hell" and the "pain" is that you refer to. I can tell you that I had many of the same feelings before several years ago. I would suggest you try and figure out how you got to this point. Was it a set of bad experiences? Have you been tested for a chemical imbalance? Seriously, that might be part of your problem, and there are pills to help you with that. I do believe suicide is an extremely selfish thing. You hurt the people that care about you most and you deny people you have never met from benefiting from meeting you. You also do an injustice to people who, if they were so lucky as to have what you have, would not be so quick to throw it away. I hope I can help you see some light at the end of the tunnel. The greater effort is in living, not killing yourself, but it is so well worth it! First of all, you need an attitude adjustment. You say that your problem is your philosophy on life. Well, then change it. Yes, you can, because you have control over how you think! How do you know that there is no purpose in life? Obviously, you do not really believe that or you would not still be here still searching for a meaning. Meaning in life cannot be proved by conventional scientific means, but I don't see how anyone can deny that there is purpose in life. There is no reason for anything to exist if there is no purpose in life. The fact that we are here---there has to be a reason. Personally, I see this purpose through my belief in God. Don't blame your mom. She is only afraid of losing you and trying to show how much she loves you. She may not understand fully what you are going through, but that does not mean she does not love you and is showing it in the way she knows how. I agree, she's not doing what is best for you by doing everything for you, but it is not because she doesn't want the best for you. There are going to be good days and there are going to be bad days. Life sucks sometimes! But, trust me, look around, just turn on the t.v., and you will see that you have it much better than most anyone else in the world. There are others that are born with deficiencies (physical, mental) and circumstances (political, economical) that they can never overcome and which makes it impossible to fully live. I know you know that. Judging from the thoughtfulness of your post, you have a very good mind. No doubt, you could do ANYTHING you wanted to. You should feel damn lucky to have a life in which you have been given so much. Just because you don't see any purpose now, there is one if you're willing to accept it. Everyone has a purpose, no matter how seemingly small. You don't see your purpose because you don't believe you have one. Purpose in life comes from the relationships we have with others in the world. Focus on who you are as a person. Focus on what you have to offer, what you can GIVE to other people. You are searching for this great illusive purpose in life, but giving, giving love, that is the greatest purpose in life. I would suggest you just take each day as it comes and make the most of it. Wake up every morning with a smile on your face. When you go to wash your face in the mirror every morning, take a deep breath and smile. Tell yourself how thankful you are to see another day. Hopefully, with time, the smile and the words will come naturally. You must make yourself get out of the house. This was a struggle for me at first, but I got tired of feeling the way I was feeling, so I forced myself to change, and with time things have gotten so much easier and better. Give all you can of yourself each day, don't let the small stuff get you down, and keep on going. You will get hurt, there will be those times you wish you had ended it all, but the good times that come out of the time you allowed yourself to have on this earth will more than be worth it. I know in the world today it's easy to be cynical, but just live for those moments when the world is good. Try and create as many of those good moments yourself, in your own life, with your mom, with your family, friends, and people you meet on the street. There are so many people right now going through what you are going through. There are so many people living a private hell. You never know the impact you have when you reach out to a stranger, even if it's just saying a friendly "hello". There are people in this world that are quietly crying out for someone to reach out to them. There are people in this world that need you—they are your purpose. I sincerely hope you find meaning in life. You have the potential and the power to do so much! Feel free to private message me if you wish.

Hi Kate Quit beating yourself up about your answer. I can see how it's possible that your answer may have been taken as being arrogant, but really I think it's a stretch. Anyway, it's really not important because what's done is done. Forget that it ever happened and quit waiting for him to make the first move and talk to you. Maybe he thought you weren't interested, so he started to lay off a little. It's been my experience that some guys, when they perceive that a girl is not being very responsive, will turn around completely and begin to give you a cold shoulder. I am pretty sure that if you made a move, his behavior would change back to what it was. I'm no expert, but this has worked for me in the past. By making a move I mean, YOU go sit next to him again (don't wait for him to do it) and give him a big friendly hello. Initiate conversation about anything and SMILE, SMILE, SMILE. After some small talk, maybe you could even comment on how much you like the visiting professor and how much more you've enjoyed this class compared to some at your own university. If you rather not revisit that subject again, there are a hundred other things you could talk about. Just be yourself, and don't try hard or he will know it. Like I said before, you've got to forget about that incident. Please, whatever you do, DON'T apologize for what you said. You don't even know if that has anything to do with his change in behavior, and it also looks like you're trying too hard to make him like you! Don't have the mindset of "I've got to impress this guy" or "I can't say anything stupid". Don't go in the class thinking you have to redeem yourself. Wipe the slate clean. In your mind, assume this guy already really likes you and is a friend and act like you would in that situation as best as you can. I wish you luck! Let us know how things turn out.

I think the girl definitely likes you. Sounds very similar to my situation...I'm the one who has been doing the things she's been doing toward someone I like. There's nothing you can do to prevent you from blushing, it's something you have no control over, but trying to build your confidence up and practicing alone making conversation with her might help some. Just pretend she's one of your friends, and don't get caught up thinking you might say something stupid. Go with the flow, and see how things progress as you learn more about the kind of person she is. Just be yourself, obviously that's enough for her.

Just going by what you've told us, it just looks like maybe she just asked about where you were because she knew this person was your friend, and she was just making friendly conversation. There's no reason to read anymore into it than that, just going by this incident. I'm not sure what you're trying to imply by saying she wasn't where she usually is on the weekend. But, I have to agree with the others, you should stop paying so much attention to her every move. No offense, but it sounds obsessive.

Catie, please please please leave this guy alone. He is just leading you on because you are a boost to his ego. He is right about one thing though, practically begging someone to like you is not attractive. You shouldn't have to do that. Like Athena said, feeling sad and engaging in self-destructive behavior is not a good sign! I can guarantee you this guy does not have good intentions. As far as being in misery for the rest of your life? Trust me, I know you feel that way now, but I've been there, and when you look back on this five years from now this will mean nothing to you. I'm sure you've probably heard this before, but it is so true, I promise you. I'm going to say something, and I don't want you to take it the wrong way, but I don't think what you need right now is a boyfriend. You seem to have issues with self-esteem, and you should work on those first. Try working on you relationships with your girlfriends and do things that will help you feel more confident, like focusing on school. In the long run, you will be grateful you did. You have to be happy by yourself. Don't expect others to do this for you, it doesn't work that way. When you are happy, others will naturally flock to you--the right kind of people will be drawn to you, not the kind that will take advantage of someone who is down. I wish you the best!

Hi, everybody Thank you for taking the time to read and help me with my situation. I really appreciate it. OK here is the deal: There is this guy that sits near me in class. I have liked him ever since I've known him, although the feeling had gotten stronger a few months ago. Shortly after that, I found out he has a girlfriend. However, this did not bother me (I'm happy for him) because I would be very happy just being his friend. I get giddy when I'm around him and laugh at practically every word that comes out of his mouth, but only because I genuinely find him funny. I get a good vibe from him, and he makes me feel good. The problem is that this guy has been acting in a way that seems to imply some interest in me, but I'm not sure what kind. Here are some examples: --I've been to a couple of parties where he and his girlfriend were present. He danced with his girlfriend, but he always did it right in front of me and kept looking at me to see if I was paying attention. He also kept looking at me the rest of the time. He would be facing one way, and if I went to go talk to someone on the other side of the room, he would turn around to look at me and also come closer to where I was. --He is not a shy guy (I can be very shy, especially if I don't know a person very well) but he seems to have a problem initiating conversation with me. Sometimes he tries to bring me into the conversation by talking first to a friend that I am with. Once he chased me down the hall and started talking to me. The conversations that we have had consist of a few words of playful teasing, for the most part. He seems less at ease with me that he does with other girls, and he does not do things like pass gas in front of me, although some girls that I have talked to say he has quite a reputation for it --Once I went into a room to meet some of my friends, and he was a few feet away with a group of his friends. His face was the first thing I saw as I entered the room, and a big smile came over my face as our eyes met. A few minutes later, he came over to my group, and didn't say a word. Maybe he was waiting for me to say something. Then, he left after a minute. --I have noticed a few times he seems to try and listen-in to my conversations with my friends. He sits near me, so sometimes if I'm talking to one of my friends, I've seen him lean in and face in our direction. --He looks at me a lot…A LOT. I cannot stress this enough. Yet, when he talks to me, he almost never makes eye contact, and when he does, it's only for a split second. Sometimes he doesn't even face me! I think I can say with a fair amount of certainty that this is not the kind of guy who would cheat on his girlfriend. What I mean to say is, I do not think he would still be with his girlfriend if he did not really like/love her or if he really liked me. I'm beginning to think he just likes my personality or finds me interesting and wants to be friends. Maybe he can also tell that I really like talking to him, as rare as that occasion may be. Maybe I make him feel good, like he does me. At the same time, I can't understand why I would make him so nervous (Maybe because I'm somewhat shy? But I really feel comfortable and open with him) So… IS THIS THE BEHAVIOR OF SOMEONE WHO JUST WANTS TO BE FRIENDS? I would appreciate anybody's thoughts on this. Thanks so much again for taking the time to read this long post. Take care everyone!