bamster

1) 2,5 years. 2) 6-7 months. 3) Officially, she said she needed to experience more things(men). I didint agree at the time but now see that it was better this way. Also nearly 1,5 years up to breakup was long-distance relationship which didin't help. Overall we where a good match but we met too young unfortunately. wish we had met later in life or already had experienced more things. 4) Me 22, she 21

no u r not at all. It is the right thing to do, just let him know that u are not angry at him anymore and what happened is in the past but it would help if he stoped contacting you. Just be honest and tell him off in a nice manner. I've sort of got the same situation. My girlfriend of 3 years left me for someone and didint think twice. I used to call her for the first month after breakup, in which time i didint know she had found someone else. Most of the time she would tell me to stop annoying her and forget about her. You know, the standard situation after being dumped, feeling terrible, sad, angry and the rest. Well it's been nearly 4 months since breakup and I have come along way, basically it still hurts but I've learned to deal with the situation and look after myself now. She has contacted me twice once about a month ago and she actually sent a text message today saying What's up and how are u? I havent replied and probably wont. I don't know why she is still contacting me, the last time we spoke she said that she had broken up with the new guy but I told her that I really don't care anymore. Anyway I'm hoping that she will slowly stop contact alltogether. If not, then maybe i'll give her a call and gently tell her to stop contacting. My opinion in my case is that she probably still has feelings for me and in some way is trying not to lose contact with me just in case we can maybe meet but in the near future (she said she wants to meet with me but i said forget it). She is probably feeling insecure now that things with the new guy I was dumped for turned bad and maybe she hopes that at some point she could have me in her life. Honestly I still care for her and would maybe consider getting back had she not dunped me for someone else and lied to me for a whole month. Now though I have to put myself first and protect myself. I am a believer that if the glass breaks it can never be put together. I believe that if I got back with her I would be in serious risk of getting hurt once again and I could not handle it again. Thats why I'm steering clear and looking for new things in life. You should do the same, U already have someone u love, so stop wondering why the ex calls and tell him off and get on with your new relationship. It's not productive to sit and wonder all the time. I might be wrong, but the fact that u are on this board might mean that u still have feeling for him, even though u have said otherwise. It's ok to do so. U can never forget the good times even after things have gone really bad, its in our nature to be curious and retain feeling for past loves. The best thing is to put all your energy into your new relationship and stop wondering what the ex is thinking. Cheers

u all probably don't know me, I used to visit this website about 3 months ago and still visit it from time to time because its full of good advice. I've also watched Swingers and it tells the truth I tell ya! My ex broke up with me about 3 months ago after a 2,5 years together. It was both our fault but I was hurt more because I was the one who was dumped. Anyway, I loved her to pieces(and still do but in a different way) and tryied everything to get her back but there was no repsonce. Meanwhile I was studying away from home in a different country so it was tough as most of my good friends where back home. And since I'd been for such a long time in a relationship I had the impression that me and my friends were sort of loosing touch and that really sucked. But that happens when you give your 100% for a relationship. Anyway I was really bad for about 2 months and felt terrible. Around this time I found out from my ex that she has found someone else already, someone she knew for a while. This of course was the final blow. I felt like s***, it was really bad and there was practically noone around me to help me through it. When I fianlly got back to my home country I didint expect things to get better as I had lost touch with my good friends alot. But still we hanged out and I told them my situation and you know what? They acted exactly like those ones in the movie. Like I hadn't been away all this time and things where like the good ol days with my mates. The lifted me up just at the point where I was ready to break down. Truly REAL friends (3 of them). Anyway I was still thinking about my ex but was getting better but I needed something to distract me a bit. Well about three weeks ago I had a nice experience with a lovely girl which although it didint mean much, it certainly helped my ego tremendously. For the first time in along time I woke up thinking of the new girl instead of the ex! Anyway the funny thing is that after that I would think less and less about my ex until about a week ago she phones me out of the blue!?! And guess what? She said she wants to catch up and meet with me and blah blah blah... hahaha. If only she had said all that 2 months ago, if only! I told her that there is no point in us meeting, as it wouldnt help me and wouldnt lead anywhere. You cant imagine how good that felt!!! Oh, by the way she told me that she broke up with the new guy, hahaha! I felt like I was in control once again and left it at : we'll see in the future but not now... and havent spoken to her since and I'm not planning to either! Its over baby! Anyway the purpose of my story? 1. Keep your real friends close as you never know when you might need the or when they might need you. 2. It seems that an ex will call when you have started to get over her or him. Cheers.

Hey dikaia, how's it hanging bro? About your situation, you just never know what they may mean by saying that. My ex said the same thing and only after a very short while had found someone else, so she said it just to lessen the pain for me but it actually made it worse. The trick is to not think about it anymore. By the way i'll update you on my situation (you remember my story right? long distance, been 2 months since break up). Well I'm finally back home this past week and yesterday I arranged to meet her at her place to get some of my stuff and give her back some of hers. In my head everything was over and even if she did want back I honestly dont think I could forgive her after all this. Well as a sidenote I've recently come to some serious desicions with myself and my family and have pretty much decided that I'm going to go abroad to work, indefinetely. Well we met up yesterday and we had a small chat while we were exchanging our stuff. I tried to put up a confident face and succeded I think, she also seemed pleasant and commented on how gorgeous i looked. We talked about random events and she invited me to come in for a drink and i declined saying that there is no reason for that. So we continued talking at the front door and at some point the conversation went to how I was doing and what had been happening and I told her about my decision to leave the country to find work(which she didint know about). When I told her this her mood suddenly changed and she got all emotional and started crying. I said it was the best for me as I no longer have anything to look forward too in my home country. She didint say anything but was clearly upset upon hearing this. I told her to calm down and gave her a letter I had written a while ago which explained exactly how I felt and how I cant forgive her for what she has done. I then gave her a small kiss goodbye and left, she was so emotional she could hardly say goodbye. About an hour later she sent me a text message saying that she is sorry for everything. And that was that. I managed to keep my cool in front of her but cryied all the way back to my home. I suddenly realised that that was probably the last time I would ever see or speak to her and it broke my heart once again. I'm sure she felt the same and maybe a bit guilty. I keep having these thoughts in the back of my mind that she will call me and beg me to come back. I dont know why. Even if its been 2 months it is still raw inside. But sooner or later things will change for the better i hope. Any thoughts on this situation i just explained? Keep your chin up and you will find love again.

Hey dikaia, remember me and my story? The possibility of her having found someone new is always there and you should get used to it. I remember I was wondering all day and everyday what was going on, she always said that she want's to be alone and doesn't want to find a new guy for the time being, but still something didin't seem right. Well one day I just cracked and asked her "Are you still in love with me and if not are you in love with someone else? Please tell me the honest truth and think that you will be helping me that way!" The answer was "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore, and yes I'm with someone else now!". That was only 1 month after we broke up and during that month we had frequent contact and she kept on dragging me along and not telling me the truth! You can imagine how I felt when I got that answer... Terrible, just terrible. Its now been nearly 1 month since I found out the truth and I'm already feeling alot better and more confident and I've come to accept what has happened. Unlike others I can't forgive her for what she has done. I haven't contacted her since. I'll be going back home in 5 days and I'm planning on meeting her for like 5-10 minutes to get back some of the stuff that's still at her house. I'm really stressed in seeing her again and i'm wondering what her reaction will be once she see's me (long distance, been nearly 3 months since she has). Anyway, I'm going to play it cool and just get my stuff and go, I'm not expecting her to say much. I'm considering this as closure, after this then it will be all over. What I'm trying to say is be prepared to hear what you don't want to hear. Would you still wan't to give her a chance after she has been with someone else? Think about it. If you do then by all means continue on what you are doing. Is there any way you can find out if she is with someone else without directly contacting and asking her?

Hey man. My brother has been doing heroin for the last 3 years. So I can give you some advice. He wouldn't be selling it if he wasn't doing it, trust me on this one, 95% is that he is doing heroin. Now if this has been going on for quite a while and he's hooked then believe me, you can't do anything about it. It's solely up to him. Maybe it would be a good idea to inform your father on the situation. Honestly man, heroin can destroy a person, I can see what it has done to my brother. It is the worst thing that can happen, it's like a curse, once you're addicted, it's nearly impossible to get out of it. If he has just started doing it then there may be a chance that you can pesuade him to stop before it gets any worse. First of all you have to talk to him and find out the truth no matter what! If you need any more advice on this subject, I've got tons to give. Stay cool 8) .

Hey man cheer up! At least she probably hasn't had "actual" sex with someone else. My ex is already with someone since we broke up 1,5 months ago and I still don't know the truth about when exactly she met this guy... But I've come to terms with it and I think to myself: If this has happened then we are probably not meant to be together so get over it and move on. The good thing is that at some point sooner or later we will meet someone special again and they will make us completely forget of all the miserable times spent thinking about the ex. This hasn't happened to me yet but I'm pretty damn sure that if she can do it so easily then so can I. It will happen, it's just a matter of when! So chin up and don't get miserable about it like I did for the past 6 weeks. You don't gain anything by being miserable! If it is meant to be it will and she will let you know if she has changed her mind. Meanwhile look after yourself for a change and never feel sorry for them.

Sorry if I sound mean but you are living proof that women like being treated badly! I mean you were with this guy and he didin't give you any attention back and didin't treat you right and then you meet a new guy who treats you right but you still want the old one! Unbelievable! Sorry but I just got dumped by my girlfriend of 2,5 years after treating her like a princess! She left because of someone else. Dump the old guy and forget about him, go for the new guy! He deserves it more! All us guys who treat women right deserve alot more than those who don't, but it seems you women don't know what you want!

Wow! She is with someone else after only 2 days eh? hmmm.... Look in my honest opinion she probably knew this new guy before you broke up, I might be wrong, but then again I might be right. I'm kinda in a similar situation with my ex. She left and kept lying to me about the reasons until she broke down and told me she had found someone else. I'm not saying that this is the same in your case, but it seemes really strange how quickly she found someone, almost too quickly. The point is if you still wan't her back after her being with someone else. If you do then tell her this BUT don't call her. Let her call you and start this conversation. Ask her why she is calling and don't be too pushy about it. If she just calls for no good reason avoid cantact until she has a good reason, if she does. Thats just my opinion by the way. Do what you feel is right.

It's really tough dikaia! really awful feeling inside me. I am prepared to move on but it's only been a day since I heard the truth and I haven't recovered from it yet. 2,5 year relationship just went down the drain like that! I'm having difficulties accepting it. I'm even giving myself false hope that maybe she said what she said just to make it easier on me so I can move on. Of course I'm not planning on calling her but I realise now that it will take quite some time to get over her. What I fear most is that she might attempt to contact me once I get back home. I'm pretty sure that she will at some point sooner or later and I won't know what to do. What do you think I should do? Aaarrrggghhh! I feel so bad that she was lying to me! The reason I give myself false hope is because of that one night about 2,5 weeks ago when she called late at night just to say she loved me and missed me. When I asked her recently why she said that, she said that she really meant and wanted to tell me! Why would she do that when she has someone else?!? Ok I don't know if she has someone else yet because she said that there was something going on with some guy, no details at all. But in my opinion that means that she is with some guy. It must be serious if she told me that. What do you think? I'm trying to move on, slowly but steadily.

look at my post: "to whoever it may concern". Hope it helps you...

By now maybe some of you have read about my situation (long distance problems, blah blah blah). Anyway, today was a sad day for me cause I found out from my ex that the reason she had left me was because of someone else! What bitters me is that she told me this 1,5 months after we broke up. All this time she was giving me somewhat false hope(like phoning to say she loved me and such) and that she didin't want to be in a relationship anytime soon. She said these things while she was seeing someone else! What a complete liar! She should be ashamed of herself for leading me on. Had she told me from the beggining I might have moved on by now. But no. Anyway I'm sickened by her actions and plan on never speaking or seeing her again of course. My point is that for all of you that are in similar situations, let it go. If your ex hasn't left because of someone else and you are sure of it than maybe they are worth fighting for but if that is the reason then they don't deserve it. Noone should put up with his or her ex leaving for someone else. I sure as hell wont! You all deserve someone that will truly love you and support you. Don't give them the satisfaction of having the last say! Just say goodbye and never look back! You deserve alot better than that. And feel assured that whatever comes around goes around! Maybe when they get dumped by their new boy/girlfriend then they realise what they truly lost but then it will be too late and feel assured that it will happen at some point. Don't look back and get on with your lives. I'm sitting here just 2 hours after I found out the truth and I'm still raw inside. But I know that I have it in me to move on and I will. It's just not worth doing otherwise. Cry all you want, break something, hate the whole world if you wan't to but get it all out! You will feel relieved. I do. Good luck to everyone on these forums and chin up!

About your post i think that saying that won't get you anywhere unless you really mean it. From my own experience I said something along those lines and it didint help my situation because I just said it to see her reaction. But going back to no contact would be good i think. About me, yes when I get down it will pretty much mean the end of long distance for us (except maybe for a bit more here and there, but no more than a month). Do you think It would be wise to go ahead with my plan? I'm willing to give it a shot because as I said before, about a week ago she cracked and expressed her true feelings(she contacted me). That was after talking for a while in a friendly manner. So do you think I should try talking to her till I go back? It worked once (but I messed up by pressuring her and arguing) so I suppose it could work again?! I'm prety sure she hasn't met someone else, at least I think so.... My mind is going to explode, I'm counting the days till I get down and see her! She is the one I want, I just hope she realises the same about me!

Ok guys and girls hear me out plz! You know the situation (long-distance, broke up with me last month, had some progress and then a nasty argument), anyway I broke no-contact today after 6 days just to ask her about those shoes she wants. She said she hasn't checked the right shoe size yet but will do and let me know. We had a brief chat about things and that was that. I told her I still want to meet her once I get down, even if its on friendly terms. She didin't say yes or no... So here's my gameplan: I get home in about 3 weeks. Apart from meeting up about the shoes and stuff I will try and arrange a night out for just the both of us somewhere nice. I'm pretty sure that she will accept if I insist it's on friendly terms. Anyway at the end of the night (if its gone well and was fun, i'm sure it will be) I'll offer seven roses (seven is our lucky number, haven't done that before) and explain calmly what she means to me and what I truly feel for her. I still know she has strong feelings for me because at some point about a week ago she called and said she missed me and loved me. If after that there is a good responce then hopefully I will proceed slowly slowly to get her back in my life. If there is not a good responce then I will give up and move on. I'm doing this because we broke up because of long distance and over the phone. I'm sure that when we are face to face things change quite dramatically. I'm really curious what her behaviour will be like when she see's me. I feel I owe it to myself and her to give it one last shot face to face, if that doesnt work then i'll accept defeat and move on. What do you think??? Any opinions or advice please?!?!

you cant find that out in my opinion. you will just put more pressure on her so dont even try it!