reynder

THank you both for your reply, and she does have trust issues, and teh attraction part of it - that's obvoiusly why she can't kiss me or hug me. Thign is, I dont' really feel the urge to grab her or hold her usually - not that i don't want that - it just doesn't feel like the right time. She tells me she feels bad, because she misses me a lot, and wants to spend time together - but she knows how I feel, and odesn't think it's fair for us to share so much time together when she can't give me back what she should - affection. I'm upset with her because I feel very used - which was why i said it was sad, but we had to say goodbye. I figure that if I'm that 'best friend' to her like she said I was - then she'll make an effort. I was angry because after her parents were here for 10 days and I didn't call her, she got upset at me because Id idn't call...which made no sesne if we were friends. That was last weekend, and since then - she has been up and down, all over the place. I ended 'us' by sayign that if it's meant ot be, it will be - and that her and I could be the very very best of friends if we were in a relationship that was much more than that. OTherwise - this just doesn't make sense, and it's too diificult. Of course, there are a lot of thigns she did that I hate - things that really hurt, things that were uncalled for - but it doesn't matter - i push all that stuff aside and realize just how much she does mean to me. Everyone says "she's not worth it - move on" - and I will - but it's fresh, and I really do miss her..

If you're a woman, and have spent a lot of time with a guy and for some reason, you didn't feel the urge to be close to him? I'm talking about a guy you would call first thing when you woke up in the morning, called 5 times a day, before you went to bed. Someone you saw 5 days a week, someone you woudl get upset with if they didn't call you often. Things just ended with a female friend of mine whom I liked very much. I wasn't in love with her, but could see an amazing relationship with her. We talked about these feelings, and she explained to me that she just wasn't ready to give me that romantic rleationship - she needed time for that, it just wasn't there right now. But she would still call all the time, want me around, want me to be there. FInally, after a few days of beign treated like crap - i ended it with her. TOld her I didn't understand our relationship, that it didn't make sense for her to be one way one week, and another the next. I told her I wanted to be with her, to do all those thigns we talked about - but that i also know her feelings aren't the same and because of that, this wouldn't work. I said we both agreed that if it's meant to be, it will be - and that was it. She replied and told me that she didn't know what to say or how to say it, but that she knows how I feel about her, she just doesn't know how she feels about me. She says I"m everything and more that she coudl ever want - but tfor some reason, the feeling just isn't there -t he feeling to give me a hug hello or a kiss because I'm so great. SHe doesn't know why the feeligns isn't there - she wants to make it be there, force it, but she can't - it's just not there for her. So things came to an end - we said goodbye and of course I miss her like crazy and feel pretty crappy. I'm just wondering, have you epxerienced this before - from her perspective? To me - calling and being wiht someone so much, wnating to be aroudn them - that's closeness, that's what makes you feel that connection, to hld, hug, get closer. I think maybe it's attraction - because I too don't feel that drive ot want to jump her bones either - but it doesn't mean I"m not attracted to her or want to be with her. I'm losign my mind analyzing things so much - it's what I do....any help?

Hey ProphetSword - When this whole thing started with this girl - my closest female friends, after the first month, said WALK AWAY - RUN AWAY - I KNOW HER TYPE, SHE'S NOT WORTH IT. They all told me to tell her off, she doesn't deserve being treated with respect. I didn't see it at the time, i got suckered in - but after all this has come down to where it stands now, yes, I agree she doesn't deserve respect or anything close to my friendship anymore. Thing is - it was her decision, not mine - i just accept it and move on. The way I see it - telling her off will do nothing but satisfy me for about a half hour. That night, I'll regret having said anything. I have been firm with her - I dont play aroudn with this crap anymore. The thign is, with her, it was just different than all the others - it felt more real, the things she told me felt genuine (until the excuses started). I'm not going to tell her off. I just walked away. I move on, and instead of appologizing to the hot young girl making eye contact on the dance floor, waiving me to come over - I go for it instead. I accepted who this girl is - and who I am to her. I don't want to tell her off - as far as I'm concerned, it's her loss. I know what I could have given her, what I would have offered, she chose to do with it what she did. I don't get suckered in by her schemes anymore - the other day she was walking around, sulking, all down and depressed - of course it hurt to see, but I no longer really cared - as far as I was concernd she just got teh boot from some guy she was chasing after. She knows where I am - she knows how to reach me. She can call, write, do anything she wanted - the only thing I have left to say to her, besides "cold weather we're having" and "how's work going" is "You know where to find me, I'm all ears if you want to explaint hings - but other than that, you made your intentions and feelings clear, I moved on". I'm not going to tell her off, tell her how selfish and spoiled I think she is - i know her well enough that I know that won't do anything but add another guy to her list of guys who have said that to her in the past. She told me some of the horror stories with guys, the things they did and said - now I know why. THing is - I don't want to join that club - I was part of that club, and telling these women off is only temporary satisfaction. That is for me, and my situation though - maybe thigns are different for you. I just knowt hat isn't the road I'm taking!!!! No matter what either of us does, at least we're no longer stupid enough to fall for their crap. I do miss what her and I had once, because it has been 10 years since I felt such an amazing thing with someone like that before - but it was just one sided, I've lost nothing! I know that, but there is no need for me to put her in her place and tell her that - simply not worth my time or energy! GOod luck with your chick - if you choose to tell her off, or not, it all depends on what you want from it. If you want complete separation, no nothing together, then tell her off. Myself, i hvae to work with this woman for another 2 or so months, see her everyday, I need to maintain a professional "fake" appearance with her. Even though I may still say "good morning" as we pass, I'm thinking "Hey Bit#$"! hahaha L8r buddy, good luck! D

Out of those 10 red flags, ProphetSword - I can identify with 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9 and 10! hahahaha.....and yes, there are more - but you hit the main ones right on the head! The closest thing she ever came to be buyign anything for her, or doing anything "special" for her I would say - would be something silly about a month and a half ago. I told her I wanted tot ake her out for Thai food some evening, she has only had it once and loved it and I wanted to take her to a real thai restaurant. I suggested it one weekend, and she came back the following monday appologizing that she had to work extra shifts on the weekend and wasn't able to make it. I teased her, and said that I would have to make her a coupon or something. For 2 days she kept bringing that up, saying that I should - asking em if I made the coupon yet. So I took 10 minutes one afternoon and silly me, made ths authentic looking coupon with a bit of a sweet twist to it - because I do silly crap like that with the woman I like doing that stuff you would never admit to your guy friends about! haha. I left it in her mailbox, in an envelope with a few chocolates - she sent me an email the day after just saying "thakns for the treats" - nothing else. When we had our "talk" last week - I brought it up, sayign how she treated me felt more like she read the thing I made for her, then tossed it out. SHe said "I would never do that - i thought it was sweet". But when I asked her why she never said anythign about it - just blew me off, she shrugged her shoulders not knowing what to say, simply sayign that she still has it. I asked if she planned on using it, ever - she calmly said "I didn't know, that's why I kept it". I couldn't believe it - this girl had an answer for everything, and it didn't matter what came out of her mouth, lies, excuses, anything - she could not appologize for being the way she is to me and would tell me anything to try and satisfy herself. The emails have stopped, and her visits to my office have stopped again - Monday, Tuesday, Yesterday. Yesterday, we crossed paths in the hall and I stopped to talk for a few minutes, to see how her work was going. I could see how awkward she looked, especailly in her eyes - they began to get watery and as much of a sucker I am, I just chalked it up to the fact that maybe just before we crossed paths, she had one of those HUGE yawns that make your eyes water!!!! I can understand how pissed of you are, ProphetSword - and I hope you read this before you do or say anything. DO NOT - and I REPEAT - DO NOT tell her to F#*$ OFF, or say anything to "hurt her back". I'm going through that stage too - over and over again it seems. But i bite my tongue every time! Why? Because she's not worth it!!!! Let some other guy be the one to cheat on her, lie to her, tell her she's a selfish self-centered B#(%# who is a waste of time. Not us though - we did nothign to these women but be nice, kind, caring, understanding, patient, loving, offering a shoulder, an ear, all that stuff. No matter how thse women truly feel about us - let's go down in the books of their lives as being they guy she treated like S#@% who didn't deserve it - and always be that person! So 30 years from now when we're both married to women we sit accross a dinner table with, look into their eyes and think "Damn - thank GOD thins didn't work out with what's her face" - that we know that wherever these women are, whoever they are living their lives with (if anybody at all), that we will always be the ones who did and said nothing to make us the 'bad guy'. Trust me, man - i too have been down this road - and I said words I wish I didn't. No matter how much I want to tell her off - i will not give her the satisfaction to let her see that she did get under my skin. Instead, she see's the ME who says "that's really too bad, i thought we could have had a great thing together", and moving on with my life! Like you said before - learn to say No, learn to move on, DO NOT give these women what we gave them before - there is no point!!!! PFrenchie - I really don't know what your woman is feeling/thinking about you guys. For the first 6 months with this woman of mine, she had a boyfriend yet told me things like how she woudl be with me instead of him, how she doesn't know how to end it, that she tells her friends that just emailing me makes her feel as if she's cheating on her boyfriend. From that moment on, i heard nothing but excuses, because she had me wrapped around her little finger and if she told me she had to cancel our date because she saved a bus load of drowning school children - as far fetched as it was, and even though I heard nothing about it on the news, I woudl let it go - because she's being all sweet and nice to me again and that is what I wanted! I was fooled, was stupid - i'm just saying dont' get suckered in. Go with it - try and spend time iwht her, be with her, get close - maybe thigns will work out - maybe they won't. But do watch for the flags that ProphetSword gave - they are good indications that you're wasting your time. The worst part about this, is even though we realize what to do and that we will and can do it - we will still be thinking, in the back our of minds, that she will realize what she is missing and completely change! THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN - and we cannot keep fooling ourselves that it will. Move on - meet a new girl - say nothign ot her. Treat her with respect, talk to her when you run into her, be nice - but the next time you look at her, ProphetSword - think about the hell she put you through, that is the hell that lies ahead of you if you ever got involved with her, let it go - move on - be thankful that this is happening now and not 10 years from now with 2 kids and a mortgage! Beauty doesn't last forever - and even if we see these women as so beautiful and love the attention we get from them, if you take that away (5 years, maybe 10 or 15), are you left with a person you could spend your life with. I used to think she was that person - as I said to my mother a while back "This sucks because as beautiful and attractive as I think she is - she could have a third arm growing out of her neck and I would feel the same way about her". Yes - drastic, and not exactlyt he truth - but it got my point accross. I used to see her as that person - but now, take away the tall slim body, her pretty face, sexy way she walks, I see someone different now. I gotta get to work. Hang in there guys - I just wish I could meet someone awesome right now just to get my mind off of crazy girl. I really hate myself for having passed up the opportunities over this past 4 months - my buddies have smacked me around when I didn't approach the women that were obviously interested. But as I told them - i just wasn't ready - my heart and mind was wrapped up with someone else and no matter who was hitting on me, it wasn't the woman on my mind! I hvve to move on, and i am - slowly - but one thing is for sure - DO NOT SHOW HER THAT YOU ARE GETTING TO HER. Every other guy has told her off in her past, every other guy has done the exact same thing "because that is what most guys do" - BE DIFFERENT - BE THE ONE WHO TREATED HER WITH RESPECT WHEN SHE DIDN'T DESERVE IT. It is the best way to get even!!!

Hey P-frenchie, Be careful! That is exactly the same stuff I heard. She told me how terrified she was of how easy it is for her to get close to me. She said why else do you think I don't call you like every day? She said it wasn't fair to me to just jump into another relationship when she's getting over thigns with the ex boyfriend. He was her first for everything, it was hard. I understood - and believed her - but it was all bull!! She tells me how I'm such a great guy and how she woudl go out with me, but then treats me like I'm nothing ot her - only when she wants to be friends, she starts to pour it on. Finally hearing her tell me that she felt me getting closer many times, but that was it, she would stop and think that maybe she was sending em the wrong signals. This froma woman who sat there and told me that how easy it is to get close to me makes her sick to her stomach, she can't even eat, but she knows she's not ready - it would be fair to me because I'm more than just some rebound, some safety net! WHAT A LOAD! Just be careful - as long as she is spendign the time with you and doing those things, and you're enjoyign them, I say go for it - be her friend. You'll see the signs when that starts to change. My situation, she tells me she doesn't want to be with anyone right now - nothing at all. Thing is - if that is the case, and she truly cares about me - she would explain her situatoin, talk to me about what she's going through - but she tells me she isn't like that, she keeps things to herself and deals with things that way. I believe, and I told her this the other day, that when she meets the right guy, when the right guy comes along and she realizes she can't take the chance of losign him - she will think differently - that she will do anything and everythign she can just to get close to him. She just listened, kind of gave this funny look and shrugged her shoulders. Basically I took that as "you're right - and i don't feel that way about you"! for me - time to move on - and to take ShaddowSwords advice about saying no for a change. For myself, having to work with this woman, i'm just happy that I'm changing jobs and won't have to deal witht his anymore in a couple months. Take care, and just BE CAREFUL. It is possible that it is just bad timing (and when I said that to my friend - she said that was exactly it, just bad timing), just watch out fo the signs, and don't get sucked in too deep!!! WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW, IS WHERE I WAS WITH HER ABOUT A YEAR AGO, WHEN SHE HAD A BOYRIEND STILL AND TOLD ME SHE WAS ENDING IT LIES LIES LIES - SELFISH !!! WATCH OUT!!!

Yes ProphetSword - i agree, women worthy of us. I keep telling myself she's only one girl - someone I woudl be miserable with anyway if things did work out. I know I woudl - deep down, I totally know I would. I won't be mean to her - there is no point. I like and agree with your idea of saying NO - i thought about that as well, just haven't had much chance to use it the past month. We got into a fight about a month ago, didn't talk for about 3 weeks - then last week we had our "talk" which basically put me in my place, her not wanting to have disapointed me or hurt me, that wasn't her intention. A few thigns I have changed - I don't initiate anything anymore. I don't write her email or go to her to start a conversation. If she writes me, instad of writing back within a few minutes, I always wait at least an hour - maybe even 2 or 3 before I reply - and I keep it to the point, without allowing much room for too much of a response from her. When she comes to my office to chat, I chat, make her laugh, but then say after a few minutes "I really gotta get this done, so I"ll talk to you later". The week ended last Friday with her sending me an email that just read "I think I have a chocolate problem, I need help!!!!". Before I left for the weekend, about an hour or so after I got her email, I replied with the subject line "results of a chocolate problem" and drew this really pathetic picture that was supposed to be her, face all chubby and body all fat - sent it along with saying to have a nice weekend that I was sneaking out a bit early. She replied in like 30 seconds - sayign how funny the picture is because it actually does look like her. My normal reply to things she said like that woudl be "no way - as if - bla bla bla" making her feel good. This time - I didn't reply - not a word. Stupid thing with me is - my heart keeps telling me there is more to this and she isn't being honest with me about how she really feels about me. I can't see a person spendign that much time with someone, being that close, if they didn't care and felt something more than just being friends. Again - it's my own stupidity for thinking and feeling that way - soething that will go away in time. Time to move on.... thanks for all your advice...and good luck buddy...

I agree with Prince - however - make sure you move on. Do not hang onto the hope that one day she will decide you are the one for her - because that day may never come and you'll have passed up other opportunities that woudl have been 100 times better. I'm goign through something similar - although I am starting to truly believe that she never had intentions on being with me at all. The time she spent with me, the laughter, the emails, it was insane - even people in the office (our own director) coming to me and commenting how much time she was spending around me, asking if I was interested because obviously she is. Must move on, that's all I can say. I held on for a year - and each week you keep being hopefull, the longer it will take for you to accep the rejection and move onto bigger and better things. Good luck!!!! Be strong...

Thanks, Prophet Sword - and I do agree with you, I've been feeling that way on and off throughout the time we have known each other. There are juts things she has done (and not done) that sent up the red flags - however - stupid me kept giving her the benefit of the doubt that she was sincere and being honest about everything. Yes it hurts, but it's something I"ve been thinking about as well - plus what my friends have told me. Of course you don't want to believe it - but she's a very beautiful woman - every guy in the building watches her, I can see it when we're together. Thing is - it was me she gave the time too - nobody else - and to me, I give time to a woman like that only if i'm interested - so - I assumed that was where this relatoinship was going - even though she had the boyfriend! Yes, she did break up with him - and in the back of my mind I always had this sneaking suspition that I"m going to totally run into her and some new guy she's dating some evening and it's going to rip my heart out, because this "i need time" is such a load of crap. I told her that in our last talk - not to that extreme - but simply that I know for a fact that when she does meet the right guy, there will be no such thing as "I need time" and "I don't want to be with anybody right now" - that she will do anything and everything she can to be with him because she will not want to lose him. She just listened, then kind of did this funny thing wiht her mouth and shrugged her shoulders either say "ya - you're right and you're not him" or "I don't know". Either way - I"m not him! ANd truthfully - you're right - what does she bring me in our relatoinship - even just our friendship. The answer is nothing compared to what I have and woudl have given her. My best friend said to me "buddy - with a woman like her, it's not a matter of IF she will screw you over - it's when she'll screw you over" - and it's true. She can preach about how she cares and doesn't watn to hurt me - but the entire time she has only cared about herself! So tell me - what are you/have you done about your situation? DO you still keep in touch with this girl? WOrk together? I still work with her, and as of earlier this past week (after a month of us not talking - and then her telling me that she thought I just wanted her to leave me alone and give me some space - that she thought our friendship was fine ...AS IF...) she is back to the emails and the visits and I've been making her laugh and sending the "life is great" vibe. Basically I plan on playing that angle for the next 2 months until I leave - then where she figures we'll talk and keep in touch, it is over for me as of this past week - not that i will ever say that to her, it will just be obvious by the lack of interest I have keeping in touch. Other than doing that - I have no idea what else to do because she will not explain herself, she will not do anything but lie and give excuses about things, it's just such garbage. Frustrating - yes - very!

Hey buddy, i know what you're going through. It's horrible to analyze everything, and just lie here on your bed with all the time in the world to do anything you can imagine - and you can't think of a thing! Keeping busy is one thing - you have to get involved in activities. I strongly suggest a martial art, maybe a boxing class even - believe me, after the first few classes you'll feel completely different about yourself and it does wonders for your self esteem. There is somethign you really really want - and whatever that one thing is, it is keeping you from being happy with everything else in life. For myself, it's a seroius relationship - and I"m trying to live my life without worrying about finding that one special someone. My happiness shouldn't depend on someone else - that I have to change - but it's okay to want it. I just have to find and work for the things I want out of life. What do you want? What sort of work are you interested in getting into - school - a hobby. I know sometimes NOTHING can make you happy - or so it seems - that is where getting involved in some activities will change things for you. Plus - you'll meet people as well, make soem friends who have similar interests as you!

Hey there, Yes - a "nice" memory! I too wish I knew what was going on - but as I said, nobody who hears my story can come close to understanding her. I"m only watching out for me right now - that's all I can do. She did love him, she admittted that to me after they broke up - and I sat there and told her that if she loves him to not let him go then - talk to him, work it out if she has such strong feelings. She said no, it would never have worked out and it's only because he was her first for EVERYTHING. I can understand that, and how hard it is - but that still gives her no right to treat me the way she did and still is. ALl I know is that I can't do or say anything more - and I"m just going with teh flow at work. Like I said - she's sending emails again, coming to me - and I make her smile and laugh and make sure I don't act any differently as if I"m upset and bothered that her and I didn't work out. As I told her, we are like night and day and want/need different things - I'm looking for that love in my life, that special someone - she needs to be alone. Still - it doesn't give her the right to be so cruel and selfish - not caring about me at all, even though she keeps saying how she does. Actions speak louder than words - I alwasy believed that.

One thing for sure - DO NOT KEEP GOING AFTER HER. I shoudl take my own advice, and I try - but it's always harder when it's your own personal situation. Thing is, Buddy - maybe she is confused, maybe thigns will change - but you constantly calling and trying to be around, not a good way to go. Makes you feel needy - i've been there, done that, you only feel more pathetic for it! The only comfort I can offer is that in time, this will get better - things will be much better and you can look back on this day as simply an experience. Maybe it will be with her, maybe it will be with someone you look at and think "wow - thank God it didn't work out with what's her face". Again - I've been down that road before too - with a woman I was very much in love with for a couple of years and out of nowhere she just ended it. AFter months of fighting and believing her lies, i found out from her best friend who came to me and said "I can't believe she is treating yout he way she is after everythign you have been for her - so I have to tell you the truth" and proceeded to tell me that a month before she broke up with me, she met another guy in residence and they have been together since then. To me - she needed time, space, concentrate on school - wanted nothign ot do with a relationship. Man - she looked me in my eyes, holding my hands as tears ran down my face, and said "I love you, woudl never lie to you, there is nobody else - i dont' want to be with anybody else - i just need to be alone". I said nothign to her that i knew the truth - utnil about 6 months later when she came home for the summer and called me right away - asking ot go to a movie and get together. AFter our movie, we went and talked - where I told her I couldn't pretend with her, that I knew all alogn about ( and a said his name) and that I couldn't be friends with someone I can't even trust. She started to cry, yelling at me to tell her how I found out. I said nothing - drove her home - and as I sat in her driveway and she sat in my car not moving, i put the car in reverse to give her the hint, stopped just before backing out of her driveway and looked at her to get out. She looked at me adn said "good night" and I looked back and said "no - goodbye". Now that, buddy - put me through hell for over a year! This stuff happens - and they say it's for our own good - i just don't know about that! All Ic an say is - after having gone through that - I'm not bothered by it now - iI had the experience and I"m better for having gone through it - and i"m happy that her and I never worked out. Although right now I"m going through a different crazy thign with another woman - wow - you want o hear about that, read my post i made earlier today. Hang in there - this will get better. Never let them see you hurt - your life goes on, no matter how hard it is to force a smile, do it for your own sake and don't give her the satisfaction that she has that power and control over you!!! There is a time to let your feelings be known, for a woman to see you hurt, to cry - but you'll know when that time is right and this is not it!

Thanks for your reply, shadowdancer. Yes - you are right - it has changed the way I see any sort of relationship with her at all. I hate myself thinking "what if she comes back and says..." because it's as if I can't let her go. Understandably, for over a year, I got close and emotionally involved so I have to deal with that - cannot quite see yet how everyone else around me hears my tale and says "RUN RUN RUN, as fast as you can - this is a blessing that things didn't get more serious". I keep saying to myself that the only way this friendship at all can be fixed, is if she comes clean, tells me what has been going on with her and to open up to me - becuase otherwise I just can't trust her at all. I haven't said this - i probably never will. What I did say, however, in our talk a few days ago which I described a bit of in my post - was that all this has never been about her and I and having a relatoinship - i was never pushign that and she knew it from the start. I told her many times that i was in a position where I want ot get that much closer to her, or to fall back and become just friends - that I needed to know what I"m supposed to be doing. She woudl give me every excuse, but not honestly say she just wants friends. I told her that the other day as well, when she wrote me and said this was just bad timing and that she never wanted to disapoint me or hurt me. I replied and simply said that I don't know what this does to our friendship - but that I accepted another job and will be leaving shortly anyway. I told her that the little thigns I did for her, the way I was, that changes - because that't not what we are anymore. I told her that things will be different, not in a bad way, just in a different way, and that she should have simply said, a year ago, that she only wanted to be friends - period - and everythign this past year didn't have to happen. She said NOTHING in reply. Just one other thing I can say - because like I said I'm torturing myself tryign to understand her. AFter one of our 'talks' a few months back, I wrote her an email and shared a story about how I understood the difficulty of getting over a relationship - and that I didn't want her to experience the same thing I did years ago. She came to see me after she read it and she was so mushy and sweet, it kind of freaked me out a bit - she was sending me the vibe of "this is it - i want to be with you". She looked at me and for the first time since we met, she asked if she could call me on the weekend - sundaya fternoon. I said sure, I should be ohme in the evening. SHe then told me that she would email me at home later that day, which IT hought was kind of strange - figured it was going to prepare me for what our talk was going to be about on Sunday. I got home that afternoon - and sure enough, she sent an email. It was a forwarded JOke email that was titled "Something that every husband, boyfriend or significant other should keep with them to understand women" and it went on to talk about always offer chocolate to solve all problems. I was thinking "what - this is what she wanted to send me at home and couldn't send me this morning". Sunday afternoon came - I sat here from 4:00 pm through the entire evening, she never called! The next day at work - I gtotally ignored her - she walked by and I didn't even make eye contact, just blew her off because I was pissed! A little while later in the day, i get an email from her as if nothing was wrong - and she said "I called you yesterday but I guess you were still at your parents because the phone just rang and rang". I replied and said "That's funny, because I have call display and my phone keeps track of who called - you weren't one of them" and that was it for the day. That night, guess who called me!?!?!? She told me that she memorized my phone number when she went home for the weekend and then realized that she had the last two digist reversed in the phone number. I let it go - not quite believing her of course - but we talked for about an hour and a half about NOTHING - just chat like we always do. A few days later, curiosity got the better of me and I called that phone number with the last two digist reversed - and after not even a half a ring you get "We're sorry - the number you have reached is not in service...". WHY LIE? SHe keeps saying "I value your friendship" and yet she does that to me. It makes no sense. That is why part of me thinks she does have srong feelings for me - feelings she has never felt before for anybody - and she doesn't know how to deal with them. I just don't know - but I hate myself for thinkign that is what it is because it only tortures me even more. So frustrating I tell ya - and tomorrow, i get to see her again - and i know that she will be sending me email and coming to my office to talk - as if nothing ever happened. She started last Thursdya and Friday - each day a little more time and a little more closer. I don't deserve that - everybody says it - but my heart won't let go adn still gives her the benefit of the doubt. HOW STUPID AM I?

You two will talk again - it can't just end after 2 years with a hang up and that is it. But if you know it's for the best, and you're not wanting to "fix" what you had together - that it should end and you both shoudl move on - then you have to be strong and you can't play with his emotions by calling and wanting that closeness with him. He'll probably call today or this week sometime - and if not, you can call him in a few days and talk about it. Be prepared to be strong though, if you know what it is you want - that you want to move on - be strong and end it. If you don't know what you want, then tek the time to decide how you truly feel. IT's always hard to move on - let go of something that becomes comfortable. That is why there are so many BAD marriages - because people are too scared to be alone and find something that would make them happier - all they know is their relationship with this person they are with - and after 10 years of marriage (or 2 months), kids, whatnot - the problems that once existed are still there and come back 10 times stronger. you have some decsions to make - listen to your heart.

IF you can be friends, be friends - but I say move on. I'm going through the same similar thing - with a woman who has been leading me on for a year now - and even when we met, she had a boyfriend but showed interest in me - now she is single (5 months) and i have heard it all - that she needs time, not ready, just wants to be friends for now, just wants to be single, doesn't want ot be with anybody. I firmly believe that if it's the right person - there is nothign that will stand in the way of two people being together. IT doesn't have to be all serious right fromt he start - but for some reason some women just beat around the bush. A different guy might coome along next week and bang, all of a sudden now she's ready to have a relationship. I've seen it happen before, and I can see it happening now to me (and to you). Be careful, buddy - it sounds like you're setting yourself up for somethign that will never happen. My advice (which I have to take myself) is to move on.

For me, this started just over a year ago - a few days after we met, we started having long conversations (I mean half hour to an hour - AT WORK), and emails back and forth - it was crazy. When I woudl drop hints about us going out sometime - she would say nothing, avoid my email or hints and then go right back to her frequent visits and emails. Finally, after 2 months, I had lunch with her one day and said that it was obvious that I liked her and wanted to take her out, but i didn't even know if she was involved with anybody. SHe looked at me with this strange look - then said that she was kind of seeing somoeone, but it wasn't serious, it was long distance and he wasn't the one for her - she was ending it. I told her we shouldn't talk about that now then adn we changed the subject. WHen she had the boyfriend still, she would tell me how going out with me and doing something outside of work would feel too much like she was cheating on him so she couldn't accept my invitations. SHe would tell me that if she met me earlier, she woudl go out with me - and that she couldn't just break up with the boyfriend adn be with me because she wouldn't want me to think I was just a rebound or safety net - i was more than that. That went on for months - flirting, and her staying with the boyfriend - although it was long distance and they never saw each other. We continued with our friendship, because I was hopeful things would change - and it was hard, month after month. She broke up with her boyfriend about 5 months ago, and we continued the insane emails and talking - and she was telling me that her and I going out was just not something she was ready for - that she doen'st just date, and that she needed time to get over things with the ex - it was hard, and there were other things she needed to sort out in her life. She would never talk to me about them though - just be so closed off. We had a long talk one day, when I asked her where this was going - that i liked her, and wanted to spend more time with her - take her out - but I dont' know if she only wants to be friends or what. WHen I asked "do you just want to be friends", she slowly nodded yes after a pause - looking all awkward like - then over the next half hours time, she explained that it was just that she needed some time, didn't want a relatoinship right now, that there were things going on and it wasn't fair to me because she couldn't give me what i need because her mind is on her ex boyfriend still. She started getting worked up, saying that it scares her to death to think of how close she feels she can get to me so easily, it makes her sick to her stomach, and there are things she could tell me that would probably make me run in the other direction. She said she has chickened out so many times - and didn't want to push me away. It just made no sense - and she finished by saying she didn't want to disapoint me or hurt me. She first said she only wanted to be friends, then said all that stuff - so I asked her what she wanted - was it 12:15 when she said she only wantd to be friends, or 12:45 when she told me all that other stuff and we talked about me waiting, giving her some time. She said she wants US to wait. Thta was about 2 months ago - and still it's nothing. We had a pretty big fight this past month, just started talking to each other again this week. In our talk she said that she thought our friendshp was fine, and that we keep going in circles with all this stuff. She explained that there is stuff going on with her family and she doesn't know if she's coming or going, and that she doesn't want anythign with anybody right now - she just wants to be alone. First she said that she felt us getting closer, but she thought ot herself that she was sending the wrong signals. WHen I asked "you felt yourself getting closer, or you thought I was" and she said it was me she thought was - that she didn't feel that way. Then she said she did like me, does like me - and as she said before that she just needed time. IT left me confused - because I dont' know what to believe - and yet I got emotionally involved after a whole year of this. I don't know what to do anymore - my friends and family can't understand her at all. TO me - someone of the opposite sex doesn't spend that much time with a person, in person, emails, all that stuff if they are not attracted and interested in them, you just don't do that stuff. People in the office even came to me and asked what wasw going on because she was in my office ALL THE TIME, even our director noticed adn made a comment about it - saying I should ask her out, it was obvious things weren't serious with her boyfriend (this was back in the beginning). RIght now - I'm faking our friendship. Everyone tells me the best way to handle a person like her (which everyone says is selfish and doesn't care about other peoples feelings) is to make sure she see's you have no problem with hw things turned out. SO I do just that - tease and flirt with other women in the office, always joking and making people laugh as I always have. She has started comign to me again - in my office for a small chat, emails, and I down play it - write her back in an hour or two instead of right away like I always did. The good news for me is that I got a promotion adn will be leaving the divisoin in about 2 months - so I don't have ot see her anymore - I just have so much hate for her because I felt like she played me this entire time. The last thing we said about all of this stuff that has gone on was that it was all a matter of bad timing - and thigns would have been different if we met a few years ago or a few years later. Thing is - I care about her, have feelings for her - but have this anger and hate for her at the same time, where I want to be friends - but also can't be friends because I don't trust her. IT's a rejection thing as well - feeling not good enough for her - and I know that next week or next month, when a guy comes along that does itnerest her - there will be no THINGS standing in the way of her going out with him. Can it be just bad timing? If you're a woman and you can sort of understand WHY she did the above, what you think went through her head - is going through her head - please, do fill me in because I'm left confused and honestly - driving myself crazy tryign to analzying EVERYTHIGN that happened between us. I know for a fact, that tomorrow she will be back in my office, laughing and talking - sending me emails asking how I"m doing, if I"m busy, how things are going, bla bla bla - as if we're best pals in the world. I just want to scream sometimes. Thanks for hearing me vent...