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Everything posted by sadchick83

  1. You are right Marital, I just cannot ask. It is so out of left field. Maybe if he sent the snow pic. Oh well, COVID is making me a bit looney.
  2. The summer guy came on so strong...Jeez, I read his fb, mentioned mental health and suicide. I hope he is ok. I agree Marital, not sure what his intentions are to come on so strong?? Re: the other guy. I would think when you ask what activities they like to do and they mention upcoming outdoor sports, they would say “with my kids/wife” like a woman might do, but no mention of any relations. Also, English is not his first language, it’s good, but sometimes things a bit gets lost in translation. I recall him being a bit nerdy/awkward, but I’m not going to “double” reach out to someone who hasn’t answered a question in my last email.
  3. I recently decided to reach out to someone who I found very attractive - ages ago. He was a military instructor I had on a course over 20 years ago. Not sure why I decided to reach out other than the fact that I had to spend 2 weeks (quarantine) in my childhood bedroom, and was surrounded by old photos, yes photos of a truly great time in my life. I was an Officer at the time and he was a Senior NCO, so fraternizing at the time would have been a no-no. Not sure of his status at-the-time either, or if he was even interested in me. Anyway, I reached out and he answered/friended immediately. I got a bit friendly, catching up and asked him about his life - no mention of kids wife, etc. I was not pushy but asked him a few professional questions. Once he took a week to answer back, then sometimes hours or minutes, always with a great answer and some wink emojis. Aside from the professional questions, I asked him to send a photo of the snow (which I miss) and asked what he did on the weekend. Crickets! I didn’t ask for a d*ck pic, I asked for a snap of the snow! No response, yet. Then, literally a day later, another guy/friend who I knew from where I spent summers for most of my life, a guy with whom I had a weekend fling 18 or so years ago, friend requested me on FB and started a dialogue, asked me how I was doing, then that evening said he “was thinking about me all day,” and started an hour long flirty catch-up session. I nearly fainted!! I believe this guy had a girlfriend at the time of our fling (really just a make out session) married her, and I see is now divorced. He wants me to meet him when I am back in the summer...which is really weird cause he married the girl he cheated on. I could not get this type of attention back in the day if I tried from this guy. I had a full crush on him in 2003. Of course since the instructor hasn’t answered me back in a few days has piqued my interest in him and I guess I don’t feel as weird for reaching out because someone I knew in my past did the exact same thing! Thoughts? Are people combing through and contacting old muses/flames because of COVID boredom? Perhaps reminiscing of a better time? Anyone else going through this??
  4. Lost, Curious to know your line of work? Please divulge to your comfort level.
  5. Lost, You sound (understandably) very emotional at the moment. While I am not retired, I have had a few gaps in employment over the years. I suggest working on YOU, since it sounds like you did a lot of sacrificing for others in your career. I have a Peloton bike which allows me to spin, stretching and yoga classes. An exercise routine is something I would recommend. Make exercise the foundation of your day. I agree with Cherylyn. Acquire great eating habits, maybe do some gratefulness journaling. Congrats and good luck with everything! Sad
  6. First, I feel bad for your current mental state and don’t think that COVID isn’t playing a part. Please look after yourself and know that this terrible time will pass. Second, I read this post and all I can recall is ghosting, rude behavior excuses, upon excuses and emotional abuse. Relationships are not supposed to be this difficult or volatile. Did he ever take you out for dinner, organize a birthday weekend or do nice things for you? Sounds like it was 90% torture and one big anxiety attack. Please realize you are a fixer and he just can’t be fixed. Take a rest, look after yourself and set the next relationship bar high. The moment a guy starts ignoring me/not responding to messages, I never contact them again. By letting him back into your life every time he vanished you are basically accepting his poor behavior. What is it that you have lost exactly? This guy is a loser.
  7. Ok he has basically said he is not interested if he doesn’t see a future with you. You also keep having breakdowns in front of him which is not appealing. Why not take a break from dating, work on yourself for a while and meet someone else? If a guy tells you there is no future, it is basically a break-up conversation. It is not good for your mental health to keep going back to someone who is expressly stating he is not interested. Certainly there is someone out there who will treat you better than this?
  8. It's so weird how this can happen so quickly - going from a large family to being almost alone. Hopefully, this will be the last year this ever happens.
  9. The pandemic/your current environment may be your issue and I can totally relate as I also have a tendency to become a bit depressed under certain circumstances. I normally live in Florida, but am visiting relatives in Canada. I moved to Florida because I need the sun. It is like Prozac to me. It was a big life change (moving to the South) but one I felt was necessary for my mental health. To live in a sunny climate and walking distance to a beach is wonderful for those with a tendency to become depressed. I know the UK weather can be similar to Canada. Do you have to live in the UK, or can you move? Is there another place that will make you happier? I cannot believe how hard it is to be fully locked down and sequestered to a bedroom and bathroom for two weeks. Coupled with the fact that the weather is terrible and haven’t seen the sun in two weeks has been hugely difficult. Reiterates my move to the South was the right decision. The sun really helps. The only thing keeping me going is a bit of cardio exercise. Do you exercise? How is your diet? Eating fresh fruits and vegetables is also important to your wellbeing. You are still really young. You have your whole life ahead of you. If you are not enjoying life, change it. Take the pandemic time to figure out your next move. Maybe study abroad or become a yachtie (someone who works on a yacht). Having a plan or a vacation on the horizon will give you hope. Regarding romantic interests, I have been in and out of love/infatuation hundreds of times. I can tell you that you will likely be disappointed > 50% of the time. I wish someone had told me that 20 years ago. However, I always get over the last guy by replacing him with someone new. Find another muse if this person is not working for you. This is not the only woman left on earth. Ultimately you control your own happiness. Only you can make the changes to achieve it.
  10. I would not read into this whole situation too deeply. Why not put your own desire to see this guy “on hold?” You can always re-visit the idea of him when you return. The holidays have been really stressful. I usually communicate (with guys) with Face Time, but decided I will not even pick-up because the mask I have been wearing in the house I am stay at has given me “m-acne,” or mask-acne. I have been sniping with family members because we are all frustrated to be completely locked down with no stores or restaurants open and freezing rain weather outside. I have no desire for any romantic encounters at the moment. You have no idea what could be going on with him. Message him when you are back and decide then. Relax.
  11. Not sure why you started the post with him paying the rent with savings. Are we supposed to feel sorry for him? The fact of the matter is that you are not invited to spend New Year’s with him. I joined ENA approximately 10 years ago because the boyfriend who was living with me rent free in a home owned by my father decided to take off on his birthday weekend without me (also a “long” weekend in the summer). I waited around for 3 days expecting him to come home. Guess what I decided to do on day 3? I changed the locks of the house. Boy was he surprised when he finally came home on the Monday evening. I asked ENA if it was the right thing to do. In hindsight, yes it was. Please do not waste any more time with someone who doesn’t want to invite you to a holiday. You can thank me later. It has nothing to do with COVID.
  12. Hopefully, this will be the lowest of the low for all of us and we will be able to get back to normal in the new year. I know this sounds a bit preachy but things could always be worse. There seem to be less if not no DUI accidents this year, people are not blowing $$$ on presents as much with malls closed. I guess we could all think of folks who survived the WWI and WW2 with loved ones killed in action. Looking at people in combat over Christmas - those black and white photos/movies always shake me into reality at this time of year. Sometimes it helps to journal and think of things you do have. Or, maybe plan a Christmas/holiday celebration in July? Looking forward to something is always uplifting.
  13. I think you should do what you feel like doing. What will it hurt at this point? These are unprecedented times with COVID/staying in/all the stress that goes with being locked down. People are not themselves this year, so I would not read too far into a little less communication on his part. He might also think since you did make the effort to travel, that you want focused time with loved ones, which may or may not be true. You should just be you and reach out. There are no blueprints anymore 😀
  14. Sorry to hear you are going through this, especially during these challenging times. Better to find out now than waste many more years on this guy. I know of several (married) people who cheat. Once they start with one, more come into the fold and the lies they spin would blow your mind. Also realize it is not you, it’s them. You are very likely neither the first person he has cheated on, nor will you be the last.
  15. The false negative test occurred at one of those Rapid Testing places and according to my friend the administrator did not stick the Q-tip like thing high enough into her nose. Some places will have you hold the testing swab and direct you as to how to stick it up your nose for a sample. This is also very costly for an average person. Who has $170 for each of these tests?? Also, if you are positive, there is no test which will tell you are for sure negative as a person with continue to test positive for several weeks or even a month after infection. The “experts” say you are no longer spreading after 10 days, but they say you should go by the 10 day starting period with more major symptoms. So it's a lot of guesswork.
  16. Can you possibly meet them outside, or maybe drive up to each other and face time and do a gift exchange at that time? The car thing might work because you will be able to control your safety by not getting out of your car, and or being able to zip up the windows. Put the presents in the trunk for a few days. This Christmas has be so hard on people. Seems the only thing it is doing is dividing between camps. Those who are not worried/somewhat worried and the super cautious. By the way testing can be a bit bogus. I had a friend who tested negative with symptoms, she then went back for anther test and they keyed in her DOB incorrectly, so she was unable to get the results. She went back for a third test and was positive. All three tests were within 36 hours of each other and costly to get an answer. Also should note that light symptoms started more than two weeks before she tested positive. The contact tracing folks said her exposure was likely more than weeks before testing positive.
  17. Have you ever cheated with your husband? And by cheating I mean anything from physical to micro cheating, which is like phone sex. Of my married friends who have cheated, once they start, they cannot stop. I have a feeling this guy is going to want to get closer to you on his terms. He may even string you along, then ghost you once he finds somewhere geographically closer. If you start something with this guy, just keep in mind your marriage is basically over. Cheating is a point of no return.
  18. Thanks to everyone for their responses. To clarify, I am not insecure. Actually, I just lost a bit of weigh, am exercising and feel and look great. At the moment I have decided to start going out again after a long hiatus due to a horrifying breakup (read: team of lawyers on both sides) with an age appropriate man. I moved to the South and didn’t not leave my apartment at night for nearly 2 years. So at this point I will chat/have a drink with anyone who approaches me. It could be in a drugstore or out at a nice martini bar. I don’t really care about age or race, however, I really don’t want anything serious right now and I feel younger guys are not at all shy and seem to fit the bill. A work friend, who is approximately my age, is seeing a couple of men and has many smutty photos of them on her phone. I guess I was just asking when did this become a thing? Last time I was single was 2011 and no one was snapping nude photos of themselves for selective distribution. I do appreciate the advice and agree with many of your points - asking for photos is definitely a sleazy request, especially if a person in on the fence about a person, like ewww. **Update: Lawyer guy messaged me tonight after a few texts this week and asked me for photos - forget it, totally gross request at this point. About to block him. Younger guy: has COVID, so definitely good that the flirting, smutty chat was over the phone. Will end it will him as well. My sister thinks there is some odd reason we met in person but don’t see each other due to work schedules. He works until midnight/1:00am, and I’m not meeting up that late. She thinks he either lives with his Mom/girlfriend or has an STD. Honestly, flirting with the younger guy got me to finally go out at night, I was sexually dead before that, as the long term relationship I had was virtually sexless, so grateful he got me out of my shell and feeling excited again.
  19. I know a married woman who cheats on her husband who has as smooth excuses as this woman. The spiderweb of lies and responses is just enough to make the husband believe what he wants to believe - his wife is not cheating. I think you deserve someone who is totally into you. Regarding Match, I have an unpaid profile that I use to check out guys, but I certainly do not have a photo as the account is used only for snooping around. I know it sucks, but I think you are trying to convince yourself of her innocence. Move on. Go flirt with a few women and get distracted from this situation.
  20. I posted a few weeks ago about a 23 year old male who was pursuing me, begging for sexy photos, even masterbating on FaceTime in front of me. I haven’t been dating for a while so just wanted to know if this was normal. So last night I went out to bar and met a nice lawyer. He had a table with bottle service and was fun but professional. At the end of the evening and today he has bombarded me with requests for sexy photos. SO OK, the 23 year old restaurant employee is young and virile, but the 2nd guy is at least 10 to 15 years older and is a professional. I do not get what is behind asking women for sexy photos??? Is this the new norm? Really? People have been able to take photos on phones for ages and I don’t recall being inundated with sexy photo requests. Can someone please explain? Seem the order is : Meet girl, get number, get sexy photo.....not sure what happens after that. Is it a test of sorts?
  21. Please do not discount the damage COVID is inflicting on people’s mental health. Taking a new path in life is very difficult at any time, so let's cut the bf some slack Are you becoming a Chartered Accountant? It sounds like you are from the UK. This is a very highly respected designation. Hopefully you will pass all of your exams. I can almost feel his insecurity through the screen as I write this post. What he needs now is tons of reassurance that you love him and that is perfectly ok for him not to know his precise career path at age 23. Maybe you could encourage him to spend an hour a day looking into businesses that might appeal to him, maybe trades, or go back to school. I would not call what you are doing “parenting” you are trying to support someone in need. On a side note, my university ex - the guy who I went traveling through Europe with in 1st and 2nd year university just killed himself and he was very successful. I am now dealing with an anorexic/alcholic friend who’s parents just flew into NYC to have her committed from drinking over exercising and under eating, and still wants to drink on the seizure meds. What Im trying to say is COVID is f*&ing up a lot of people, seems to be pushing people over the edge, especially those that already have mental issues. Be kind and supportive, maybe try to have some fun.
  22. Thanks Wiseman, I moved to the South a while ago. I haven’t changed my location on eNA. I notice you suggest dating apps on this site. Can you share any success stories?
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