Wonderstruck

I agree, but I don't even like the idea of him getting to enjoy unprotected sex because the woman agreed to take the Morning After Pill or to get an abortion. If he doesn't want to risk the woman getting pregnant, because he knows that he has no desire to be a father, then the onus is on BOTH OF THEM to take precautions. It should not just be left up to the WOMAN to ensure that pregnancy is prevented. I read in an earlier comment that he actually encouraged her to get a copper coil (IUD)?! So basically, he had no problem casually encouraging her to have this foreign object inserted into her body in order to prevent pregnancy, rather than simply having to risk having less pleasurable sex due to wearing a condom.

Why did you forego condoms and rely exclusively on the "Morning After Pill" in order to avoid pregnancy? Why is it the woman's responsibility to make sure that she doesn't get pregnant AFTER unprotected sex, as opposed to a SHARED RESPONSIBILITY to avoid unprotected sex beforehand? If you knew that you absolutely had no desire to become a father, THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE WORN CONDOMS. Not left it up to the woman, and then been like "Oh sh*t, the Morning After Pill didn't work! Poor ME." I don't feel any sympathy for you, and, in fact, I'm completely disgusted by you. This innocent baby deserves so much better.

All of this, but especially the parts that I bolded. I don't like that you're thinking of going for a "playful" approach, because I feel like it's an attempt to sweep what happened under the rug and just barrel forward in a fake positive way, like "Bygones be bygones!". NO. SHE'LL decide if "Bygones be bygones". Don't try to "charm" her into forgiving you. Though, to be perfectly honest, I think you need to accept that it's a wrap and leave her be. Wiseman has it right:

THANK YOU. You are not the only person who has noticed this. It's so gross. Honestly, this response could apply to so many of Alex's posts on here.

The fact that you titled this post "Trying hard to be interesting and cute" says it all. People who are naturally interesting and cute don't have to try. You make it sound like you're completely devoid of personality. AGREED. So, you just started interrogating him? I despise conversations where it's just one person peppering the other with question after question. That's not a conversation. It's irritating and it IS boring. You're right that it's a bad sign that he didn't seem interested in asking YOU any questions in return. He's not curious to learn more about you. YIKES. I agree with everything that Wiseman wrote - you don't actually seem genuinely interested in this guy as a person.

Are you interested in her? If you are, she's probably picked up on that, and it makes her feel uncomfortable because she doesn't reciprocate your feelings. Like Kwothe28 said, she's responding to your work texts because she HAS to. But she's avoiding you as much as possible otherwise because you make her feel uncomfortable. Leave her alone. She's not interested in you, and she has no obligation to be.

You have every right to change your mind about attending, but, just out of curiousity, why DID you change your mind at the last minute? Wait, WHAT?! Why the hell would you offer to spend A FEW HUNDRED BUCKS on this guy that you JUST started dating, when you weren't even comfortable enough with him to attend his friend's birthday party?! And WHY is buying this thing for him more convenient and reasonable, in your mind, than just giving him the website address?! What was the "something else"? Was it a sex toy? Why are you simultaneously initiating sexual conversations with him and offering to buy him expensive things right away, while ALSO pulling back by not being willing to attend his friend's birthday and acting so apprehensive about him? You are very strange and you are sending him mixed messages. It's hard to feel sorry for you when YOU are the one who is driving this strange behaviour.

This is unbelievably creepy and inappropriate of him. He doesn't actually care about your Dad's mental health - he came up with this ridiculous and inappropriate scenario as an excuse to STILL be able to get together with you, even though you made it clear that wasn't going to happen. I actually think it's really SICK that he was willing to go to the length of saying "Maybe your dad would feel better if I were there to talk to!" to try to convince you to still get together with him. He knew that your reason for not getting together was extremely valid, so it's like this was the only thing he could come up with to try to manipulate you. Ugh, reading this message made me shudder. It's complete BS. Do you see the way that he's PREEMPTIVELY trying to defend himself against any valid criticisms of his behaviour, like "I hope you don't think I was being pushy and using your dad as an excuse to see you"? He knows EXACTLY what he's doing and how inappropriate it is. He absolutely has feelings for you and DOES want a romantic and sexual relationship with you. He wouldn't call you a "beautiful, sexy, intelligent and lovely lady" and be so desperate to get together with you if he DIDN'T. He's PRETENDING that he's not even looking for a romantic or sexual relationship because you've made it clear that you don't want to be anything more than friends, so he's pretending to be a "nice guy" who "wants nothing more than friendship" in order to play the LONG GAME. This is a GUILT-TRIP and and a manipulative attempt to play on your emotions. It's not your fault, nor is it your problem, if HE'S lonely. You don't owe him companionship. Why does he keep saying this, when you never said that his offer WASN'T sincere? Methinks he doth protest too much. He KNOWS that his offer WASN'T sincere. He's telling on himself. Honestly, I would block this guy's number and never engage with him again. He's NOT a good person, he's NOT a true friend, and I get really bad vibes from him. Please protect yourself.

This comment was unnecessarily vicious, uncalled for, and unhelpful. The OP deserves better than these type of responses.

THIS. Why is the onus on YOU to maintain contact with him? The relationship should be reciprocal - he should be excited to text, or at least, talk on the phone with you! You're his GIRLFRIEND. And he should definitely be INITIATING text and/or phone conversations with you at least some of the time. You should NOT have to feel like you're PESTERING him every single time that you want to speak to him, or like the responsibility for keeping in contact with him rests solely on your shoulders. You said that the fact that he takes 8 hours to respond to your text messages results in you guys not being able to "talk properly and have a normal conversation due to the big gap". I suspect that this is EXACTLY why he's doing it. He's trying to discourage you from texting him, or trying to make the conversation so slow and labourious that it can never actually turn into a conversation. You deserve better than this. Actions speak so much louder than words and his actions are SCREAMING at you that he doesn't care about you and doesn't have any respect for you. Don't put up with this. Either call him out on it or break up with him.

I think this one is PERFECT. I always think it's better to phrase it as "I don't think we're a match", because it focuses on you two not being compatible. Saying things like "I didn't feel any sparks" or "I didn't feel any chemistry" makes me cringe, because I feel like it's on par with saying "Sorry, I wasn't physically attracted to you!". There's no need to get that specific about it.

This was extremely unfair to you and I'm so sorry that she handled it this way. You have every right to feel shell-shocked and devastated over the way that she handled it. I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this. THIS is the part that stood out for me, that I really wanted to address. PLEASE protect your mental health. If someone's text messages are causing you so much stress that you're physically trembling, please do NOT feel that you HAVE to respond to them. I understand that you responded this time because you understandably wanted answers over her confusing behaviour, but, going forward, please remember that you don't owe her ANYTHING anymore. SHE broke up with YOU. Regardless if her reasons were completely legitimate or not, that doesn't mean that you have to keep sacrificing your mental health in order to appease her guilt, her loneliness, her desire to reach out, or whatever else is motivating her to keep contacting you. Unfortunately, it sounds like she's made her decision and my advice to you would be to completely focus on taking care of YOURSELF right now. And that includes ignoring any more attempts on her part to contact you out of guilt or whatever else is driving her. I know that you probably don't want to do this, because you still have deep feelings for her and hope for reconciliation, but you MAY have to end up blocking her on all forms of social media and through all methods of communication, so that she can't continue to derail your healing process. Remember: PRIORITIZE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH. Take good care of yourself.

You stated yourself that the REASON that you broke up with him was because HE started acting cold and distant, and when you tried to address it with him multiple times, he shut down, wouldn't acknowledge that anything was wrong, and wouldn't change his behaviour. Now you're beating YOURSELF up for the break-up, saying that you think it's because you rushed into the relationship too soon after your last break-up, you're emotionally all over the place, and you still need time to work on yourself before you can get into a healthy relationship. While all of those things are probably true, why are you glossing over HIS direct contribution to this break-up, which is him suddenly starting to act cold and distant toward you for no reason, and refusing to communicate about it with you when you tried to address it with him? I agree with Lambert: Acting cold and distant toward you, and refusing to communicate about it or comfort you, could be him showing you his true colours. When people show you who they really are, believe them THE FIRST TIME. I think that you're exactly right in your decision to stay single and work on yourself right now, but I'd actually DISCOURAGE you from trying to reconnect with this guy in the future. He's shown you who he really is.

I completely understand where you're coming from and that you only have good intentions. The thing is, if you actually DO believe that your friend has Borderline Personality Disorder, then contacting your friend's therapist behind her back is definitely the LAST thing that you should do. If she's cutting friends out of her life simply for calling her "too sensitive" or telling her that she "over-reacts", and you're scared to even broach the subject of BPD with her for fear that she'll cut YOU out of her life too, doing something that even the most reasonable person would consider to be a HUGE breach of trust and privacy is GUARANTEED to make her completely shut down AND cut you out of her life forever. And this time, she wouldn't even be over-reacting. I know that you feel frustrated, helpless and like you're all out of options. But there's NO WAY that doing this will end well. I would actually suggest approaching her about this over email, as opposed to in person, because I feel like that will give you a chance to sit down, collect, organize and refine your thoughts, and express them to her in the most gentle, loving, compassionate way that you can. What I feel is SO important is that you stress how much you LOVE her and genuinely care about her mental and emotional well-being. That she's like a sister to you and that you consider her to be family. That you're approaching her from a place of genuine concern for her mental health BECAUSE you care about her so deeply and hate seeing her so constantly miserable. Also, if you feel comfortable to actually bring up the possibility of Borderline Personality Disorder, you could frame it in a POSITIVE way, as in, a weight being lifted off of her shoulders, because it's an EXPLANATION of WHY she feels the way she feels and acts the way she acts. I know A LOT of people have said that receiving an actual diagnosis of a mental or personality disorder was actually a HUGE RELIEF for them, because it suddenly illuminated so much of their thought processes and behaviour. They had an explanation that was outside of themselves, and it was like the clouds had parted and a weight had been lifted off of their shoulders. They stopped blaming themselves and hating themselves for their own behaviour. There is so much more that I could say, but I feel like this comment is getting too long, so I'll wrap it up for now.

I understand what you're saying, but I consider this to be a false equivalency because, based on what the OP has described about her friend so far, it doesn't sound like her friend is at a crisis point where the OP NEEDS to get involved in order to prevent something tragic from happening. What I've gathered from the OP's description is that her friend has anger management issues and paranoia. She is hyper-reactive and the OP finds it increasingly more and more exhausting to deal with. But NONE of that warrants the OP overstepping her boundaries and breaching her friend's trust and privacy in order to contact her friend's therapist behind her back. That is the kind of thing that would POSSIBLY only be acceptable if she genuinely believed that her friend was seriously considering suicide. The OP didn't indicate ANYTHING like this in any of her comments. And if she DOES genuinely believe that her friend is seriously considering suicide, I STILL don't think that contacting her friend's therapist is the right route to take. That's when I WOULD suggest dialing 911 or 988.

THIS. I find the idea of you trying to find out her therapist's contact information and ACTUALLY CONTACTING THE THERAPIST BEHIND YOUR FRIEND'S BACK to be completely horrifying. I can't believe you think that this is acceptable. If I were your friend and I found out that you did this, I'd ice-cold cut you out of my life forever. This is SUCH a breach of trust and privacy. Do NOT do this.

Your co-worker is a pot-stirrer. I hate people like that.

I can totally relate to this, and I think that it's because, deep down, you don't actually feel any tenderness toward her as a friend anymore. Here's what you've shared about your friendship throughout this post: I personally probably wouldn't have even accepted the invitation under those circumstances, but since you already did, and you have decided to go through with honouring your commitment, I would attend the engagement party, but then completely part ways with your friend after this. It sounds like your friendship never recovered after the "temporarily friendship-ending argument" and you don't feel any warmth or tenderness toward her anymore. You're just going through the motions and delaying the inevitable. I wouldn't even bother having a serious heart-to-heart about it with her - it sounds like the friendship has completely run its course. I would just decline all invitations going forward and fade out of her life, which shouldn't be difficult to do, since it sounds like you guys barely see each other or interact at all anymore as it is.

This is ENRAGING. So, basically, he's telling you that if you stand up for yourself over ANYTHING that transpires in the relationship, call him out on ANY type of mistreatment, or express ANY negative emotions like anger, frustration, or hurt feelings, it will shatter his image of you as a "sweet girl" and he will feel nothing for you. THIS IS DESPICABLE. He said this to guilt-trip you and shut you up, so that you would crawl away meekly with your tail between your legs, genuinely believing that you're a "crazy b*tch" who "drove away a good guy" by daring to lose your temper, instead of a woman who accurately recognized that she was being mistreated and called him out on it. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! He had the AUDACITY to admit to you that she's more important to him than YOU are?! And you're just expected to choke that back and be okay with it?! Nah, he's gaslighting you. You reacted exactly appropriately - you called him out on disrespectful, hurtful behaviour and he couldn't handle it, so now he's trying to make you feel like YOU'RE the one in the wrong. He WANTS you to believe that a "sweet girl" would have been laid-back and calm over his inappropriate behaviour, so that you will beat yourself up for daring to express your anger and hurt over his disrespectful actions. He wants you to blame yourself for the break-up. He is a SCUMBAG and, though you can't see it now, you DODGED A BULLET. I'm so sorry that you're going through this, but please know that you can do SO MUCH BETTER. You CAN find a guy who would never DREAM of treating you this way.

Actually, short relationships are often the MOST difficult to get over, because they usually end during the honeymoon phase, when you are still head-over-heels in love or infatuated with the person, and not after years and years of tedium, misery, fighting and eventually emotionally checking out, which is the way that A LOT of long-term relationships end. Also, the shocking abruptness of them ending so quickly after they begin usually leaves you full of "What ifs?" and pining after "What could have been", whereas with a long-term relationship, you had the chance to see exactly how it played out, which can give you a stronger sense of confidence and acceptance that this person was NOT the one for you. Please don't let anyone make you feel like it's weird or abnormal to feel heartbroken after a short-term relationship break-up. One of the break-ups in my life that I felt the MOST devastated over was a relationship that lasted for less than a month, and it was BECAUSE it burned so brightly and ended so abruptly that I was so devastated. It took me a LONG time to get over it, so please allow yourself to take as much time as you need to grieve the end of this relationship, no matter how short it was.

THIS. Instead of being so focused on trying to get the guys to like YOU and trying to live up to THEIR standards, you should actually be evaluating whether or not you like THEM and whether or not they live up to YOUR standards. For instance, I was happy to see that you DID list some of your own personal deal-breakers in an earlier comment in this post. That's so important.

This is EXACTLY it. You've put up with disrespectful and flaky behaviour from her multiple times in the past, so if she can't extend grace toward you this ONE TIME, especially in light of the circumstances, then that just confirms that this friendship has become completely one-sided and non-reciprocal. If that's the case, you have three options: 1) Completely cut her out of your life then and there. 2) Stay friends with her, but significantly pull back, start setting and enforcing firm boundaries, and STOP doing ANYTHING for her that will cause you to feel used or resentful toward her. 3) The same as the second option, but ALSO sit down with her (or speak over the phone) and have an extremely open, honest, pull-no-punches conversation about how frustrated and resentful you feel toward her, WHY you feel that way, and if there's any way that you guys can work through it or if this is the end of the road for your friendship. If you DO choose to discuss your feelings with her and she acts defensive, dismissive, or unapologetic throughout the conversation, I would pull the trigger on this friendship for good.

WHOA. All of the parts that I've bolded seem like huge red flags, yet you seem pretty nonchalant about them for some reason. Aren't you the least bit creeped out about the fact that he has been going out of his way to try to get your contact information WITHOUT your knowledge or permission? Also, most importantly, WHY are others implying that he is "bad news"? What specifically have they said about him to indicate that he is bad news? And why are you ignoring their warnings about him? I would keep your distance and find out A LOT more about this guy before you decide to pursue anything.

You don't owe ANYONE on a dating site a reply if you're not interested. Always, ALWAYS do everything you can to protect your physical and mental well-being FIRST. I would say that the safest thing to do would be to either: a) Not reply at all, and then block anyone who dares to be rude to you about it. or b) Preemptively block anyone who contacts you that you're not interested in, just so you can avoid the trauma of potentially being harassed afterwards for not replying. NEVER prioritize being "nice" over protecting yourself.

I don't understand why he would ask YOU, but not his own girlfriend. That makes no sense to me. Wouldn't the easiest way to get the answer he's looking for be to ask her DIRECTLY? Then he'd have the answer immediately AND it wouldn't just be you guessing at what her possible motivation could be. If he's too nervous to ask her directly, that's already a red flag and a sign that they have terrible communication problems and/or he knows, deep down, that she has one foot out the door, but he doesn't want to confront the truth.