Wonderstruck

THIS. I'm starting to feel embarrassed for you. And YES, it's your responsibility to BLOCK her, because she's obviously not mature or considerate enough to do it herself. You can't let yourself off the hook with "Well, as long as she keeps contacting me, it's not my fault if I respond!". Yes, it is. You're a grown man, you don't have to wait for her to block or stop responding to you. Just do it yourself.

Fair enough. But I also have never been cheated on, so this isn't coming from some inherently suspicious "He's probably going to cheat on you, they all do!" mentality. My perspective was coming from a "Never ignore your gut instinct" mentality.

Literally nobody told her that she SHOULD break up with him, we simply shared our perspectives on her situation and said what WE would do. There's no need for passive-aggressive comments tearing down someone else's advice, while simultaneously saying "Don't listen to THEM, listen to ME!". Each one of us is entitled to give our own perspective, and the OP will take whichever piece of advice resonates with her the most.

And you probably did. I'm a firm believer in NOT second-guessing yourself when it comes to your gut instinct, especially when it's a situation where you have tried repeatedly to force yourself to get over it and you just can't. I hate having to tell you this, but if it were me, I would break up with him because I could not STAND constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.

These quotes stood out to me. If he truly has NO interest in her, why is he speaking negatively about her boyfriend in a jealous way? ALWAYS trust your gut instinct. As you said, you're not NORMALLY a jealous person. So the fact that you are unable to let this situation go and cannot shake the feeling that he DOES have feelings for her is NOT something that you should ignore.

Yikes. AGREED.

How did you not completely shut down and lose all attraction to him after he admitted this? He's no prize and you are missing out on NOTHING. If this is a deal-breaker for him, you dodged a bullet. Imagine being with a guy who feels THREATENED by you being his equal, being well-established in your career, making more money than him, and having your own home/mortgage. Oh, and being ONE YEAR OLDER THAN HIM. I feel very sorry for his future wife. Run for your life, sis.

So, you're planning on being passive-aggressive?

Is there a way to stand near the front of the bus, near his seat, so that you could talk to him for your entire commute? I ask because, on the buses in my city, there is often this little "table-like" section that juts out at the front of the bus, near the front doors, where people can set their bags down and hold onto the railing, so that, if they want to, they could comfortably stand near the front of the bus for the entire ride. A LOT of people will do this and then spend the entire bus ride talking with the bus driver. Do you just say smile and say "Hello, how are you?" when you FIRST get on the bus and are showing/swiping your pass/paying with bus tickets/bus fare, or do you actually stay near the front of the bus and try to have a conversation with him as he's driving? A lot of the bus drivers in my city seem to really enjoy when passengers stay near the front of the bus and talk to them. HOWEVER, if you actually HAVE tried all of this, and he doesn't do anything to keep the conversation going, then yes, I would agree that he's either not interested in you, has a girlfriend/wife, or is too shy or too concerned with remaining professional to do anything about it.

LOL, yeah, he's old enough to be my Dad too, but he sounds like an absolute DREAM. I can see why he's "ridiculously popular with the ladies of almost every age group", based on your description of his personality, lol. To keep this on-topic, your description of this family friend may be important for MysteriousTelephone to consider.

I don't want to derail this thread off-topic, but I just want to quickly say that your friend sounds absolutely lovely and YOU should get together with him, lol!

This is the part that I feel not enough people are addressing. Do you actually stand up for your wife when your mother says or does something rude, or do you passively sit back and make excuses for your mom's behaviour, and act like your wife should just "get over it"? That's EXACTLY how resentment is fostered: when one person expects the other person to just sit quietly and choke back the disrespect. Honestly, your mom doesn't sound like that nice of a person, and I think that you're downplaying how often you were actually in contact with her, and how often she was disrespectful to either your wife or to other people. Your wife's bitter resentment towards your Mom didn't just come out of nowhere.

Whoa, I think that your girlfriend may have actually posted about this EXACT topic literally two days ago on this forum. Is this her?

Aren't you the same user who created that thread about how you did a sexy photo shoot in lingerie for your boyfriend as a birthday gift, but you asked your EX-BOYFRIEND to take the photos of you?! And then you were shocked when your boyfriend was rightfully upset about it, and broke up with you over it? That was just a few months ago. Do you already have a new "possessive" boyfriend? Why do I feel like your stories are fake?

I agree with everything that Kwothe28 said here. I hope that you re-read his comment and really absorb what he's saying - it seems that you addressed everyone else's comment except for his. The only thing that I would add is: Why was she mad at YOU for not contacting her all weekend, when she never contacted you either? Also, please NEVER ignore your gut instinct. Your gut instinct was spot-on in your last relationship, and it is likely to be spot-on in this one as well. Please stop beating yourself up.

While I completely understand her apprehension at having you come down to visit when she was so close to giving birth, I don't understand why she insisted that you sleep on the couch, and not in the guest room. That IS insulting, no matter how anybody tries to spin it. Did you ever find out WHY she insisted that you sleep on the couch? I suspect that she doesn't like you, because that is an incredibly rude caveat to have when they actually have a guest room that you could have stayed in.

I know you said that you DON'T want him to be physically or romantically attracted to you, but this statement stood out to me, especially since it was in response to Wiseman saying that it seems like you are smitten/have a crush on this guy. You didn't deny it and, in fact, seemed to confirm it. Am I reading that incorrectly, or is that what you meant?

I'm so confused, is this comment directed toward me?

Thank you so much for this response. I think you're EXACTLY right about the reason that there is still such a stigma surrounding it, and I just find it very frustrating. ESPECIALLY when, as both you and Batya mentioned, there are so many proven medicinal benefits, not just for cancer patients, but even for treating conditions like depression and anxiety. But also, I just don't understand why someone would have an issue with somebody going home and smoking a joint or popping an edible, but have NO issue with that same person going home and relaxing with a glass of wine. I hope that the stereotypes continue to fade as more and more places legalize marijuana.

Fair enough and I respect that. You're right that it's off-topic, and that's not really fair to Bolt, so I'll shut up now, lol.

Okay, it sounds like you and I are on the same page, but I can't tell, lol. What I meant by "socially acceptable" is that there are people who look down on people who smoke pot recreationally, but have no issue with people who consume alcohol recreationally, such as going home after work and having a relaxing glass of wine, or having drinks out with friends at a restaurant. So, my question to THOSE people is: What's the difference? Why do you look down on Marijuana, but not alcohol, if they are both legal, mind-altering substances? Alcohol, in general, is still considered more socially acceptable to consume, and I don't understand why.

I agree with this 100%. I would LOVE for someone who has no issue with alcohol, but looks down on Marijuana, to be able to explain what the difference is to me. I'm in Canada, where pot has been legal since 2018. That means that both Marijuana and Alcohol are LEGAL, MIND-ALTERING SUBSTANCES. So why is alcohol considered socially acceptable and Marijuana still has such a stigma around it?

Don't assume ANYTHING about me or any other woman on this forum. I have NEVER been pregnant and I don't have an absentee father. Tread lightly.

This is absolutely horrifying advice. My hands are literally shaking as I type this, I'm so horrified. You are literally advising this guy to STALK AND HARASS HIS GIRLFRIEND, and, more importantly, NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER. Guess how that plays out? RESTRAINING ORDER AND A CRIMINAL RECORD FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.

Are you kidding me with words like ABUSE and SEXIST?! ANSWER THE QUESTION THAT I POSED TO YOU. Why was it solely the WOMAN'S responsibility to prevent pregnancy?! IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT SHE WENT ALONG WITH IT. Why were you CASUALLY suggesting a really invasive, potentially painful procedure like INSERTION OF AN IUD, as opposed to the much simpler option of you wearing a condom?! Why is YOUR pleasure more important than what could potentially be a painful, invasive procedure for her?! You're a grown adult who understands how pregnancy happens. YOU KNEW THE RISK. It is unbelievably irresponsible, selfish, and callous to place the entire responsibility for preventing pregnancy on the woman, especially since you KNEW that you didn't want to become a father. The coddling and infantilization of this grown man in this thread is really gross.