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You have a lot of different issues here but I am going to address the one that I think is most affecting your relationship (because it is tied into everything else). Your wife has lost physical attraction to you. Ouch. This can be a hard thing for a lover to hear. How do you feel as though someone lites your world on fire one moment and the next, nothing. You don't. She can be physically attracted to you again. Here's the thing, while we are initally physically attracted to a persons looks that changes as time goes on. Soon the physical attraction actually becomes more emotionally based then appearance based. In other words: She feels as if she's no longer attracted to you because all of your emotional baggage has built up and put a barrier between the two of you. All of the mistakes (swingers clubs, online sites, etc) have built up between you two. The problems with your children, the fact that she likes to switch mates every couple of years, etc. all has built up. These things need to be broken down if you really want to save your marriage. Counciling is ideal. You say she won't see a counciler, she'll only talk to you. Then perhaps you need to take a break from one another for a while. Show her what she's missing. Talk to her first, express that you can't live this way and tell her that you think both of you need to see someone about this. Sure you can keep staying out late with the guys. You can keep doing your day to day things and going on with your life (this is good). It's healthy to do outside activities... but it's not healthy to say "menopause and MLC" is what this is. That's all. It will blow over. It won't. Problems don't just go away. They need to be addressed. Haven't you learned that? If problems just went away you and she would be happily married right now. Cause all of your past issues would have went away. They won't. They just build and build and build and if ACTION isn't taken soon you won't have any relationship to salvage. You'll cling to the woman she was and she'll move on to whatever is next. I really suggest counciling for the two of you. In the least get some books on relationships and read through them TOGETHER. I suggest Dr. Phil's book on relationships with the workbook that goes with it or "don't sweat the small stuff in love". Read these things together is she won't seek out help with you. You might be able to salvage your marriage... but first you both have to admit to ALL of your mistakes. From reading past posts I can see you've gotten some really good advice, but advice means nothing if you don't act on it. Your wife is indeed suffering from "the grass is greener" syndrome. Something that has destroyed MANY relationships. But it sounds like she's aware of this and is willing to live with it. She knows that she likes to bounce from relationship to relationship chasing that brand new feeling of lust (instead of love). Hopefully she will be willing to seek out help with you and begin to understand that deeper, more meaningful love is much better then that honeymoon feeling.

You need to reevaluate more then your friends. You need to reevaluate you. Why do you let yourself hang around with people who treat you badly? Where does that come from? Is your father, a big shot in the community not around often? Does this lead you to seek approval from any other peer you can? Do you need to feel good through the approval of others? These are not healthy things and if not dealt with they are thing that will destroy any future friendship or relationship you have. Ultimately that lack of being able to hang onto a worthshile relationship will also widdle away at your self esteem and self worth. This will make you want approval from others even more. As you search for more approval that you won't be able to get you will create more realtionships that are unhealthy and cause more pain for yourself. Before you know it you will be on a path to self destruction. So be careful. It doesn't matter how nice your car is, how much money you have or how many friends you have... you are human. Same as someone with no money, a crappy car and no friends. As a human you have very human emotions and problems. Money offers you no protection against these things, neither does a high society father. In fact many times these things can add even more pressure. Beware of people that use you. Beware of people who give you a bad feeling in your stomach when you're around them. You're body might be trying to tell you "this guy is bad", ignore it and you will pay later. Intuition is powerful. Why are you so nice? You need others. You need to feel loved and you need to feel like you're worth something. You need to feel as though you're as good as your car, house, money and father. Young man be careful with your life... you only get to live it once. Don't waste it on others who wouldn't be there for you if you needed them. If tomorrow were your day to die, your friends would not take your place. They would not die for you. So then why, today, on your day to live, do you let them live for you? I suggest counciling for yourself, but if you are unable to do that because of your father, insecurities, etc. get some self help books and learn to build yourself up to be a better person without others. Learn to be a strong individual. If you learn that you will be a much better friend and a much happier person.

Telling her outright that you want to go on a romantic date with her rather then doing something as friends is the only way to go. If you go out with her and she's thinking "great time with my buddy" and you take her to a five star resturant for a candle light dinner you might freak her out and ruin any chance you may have. You need to talk with her before the date to explain that you would like to go on a DATE, not a friendly excursion. This will be hard because you're probably afraid she'll say "I'm not interested in you that way" but it's better you find this out before the date then during it or after it. Worse case. You take her out on a date, she thinks it's a friendship thing. You waste your money trying to show her a good time, freak her out and possibly hurt your friendship because she feels "weird" around you from that point on. Not good. Better to be upfront in the beginning and take it from there. At least then you'll know where you both stand.

Wow. This whole situation is really, really bad. First off you should never ever expect somebody to change after you get married. When you marry a person, you marry that person. Now without a doubt as years go by that person will change (we all constantly change) but to think that someone is going to change just because of marriage (or commitment or a child) is unwise. Sorry this happened to you, it's a hard lesson to learn (as you are now experiencing). You've had your ups and downs like any other couple. I can respect that. All couple do go through good time and bad times. It's how you handle those bad times that really matters. You should discuss problems, not scream about them, you should communicate, not isolate. Sure every once in a while there might be a really heated debate where voices are raised and screaming happens but this is an ineffective way to communicate. When you scream and yell at someone you put them on the deffensive. As soon as that happens the shields are up and no progress is gonig to be made. You both need to learn to communicate more effectivly (whether you stay together or not). So he's posted a singles add and admitted that he's married but not happy. You are also not happy. You've only been married for six months. Why did you get married? These unhappy feelings had to exist before the marriage (about three years ago you started sleeping with someone else "John"), did you think they would just go away? Your marriage has been doomed from the beginning. To build a happy marriage (or long term relationship) you need to have a solid foundation on which to build upon. No matter how strong the house is, it's going to fall apart if it's built on quicksand. It doesn't sound like you had a very strong foundation. With all of this said, I ALWAYS believe that people should work on an existing relationship before moving on to a new relationship. You married this man. So you had to feel as though he was worth marrying. So something is there (even if it's small). So you need to work on things with your husband. Here's the thing. In order to work on things with your husband, he needs to be willing to work on things with you. If he's not, then the relationship won't be salvagable. One person can not fix a relationship, both partners need to be activly involved. First you should try to work things out with him. I would suggest marriage counciling for the two of you. You have a lot of issue to face and you're going to need a neutral, third party to help you through it. Your chances of being able to survive this relationship without conciling is slim to none (much closer to none). If he is unwilling to go to counciling with you, then you have to throw down the guantlet. You have to explain to him that your "relationship" can not continue the way it is. If he is unwilling to go to counciling still, you need to separate. During this time of seperation you need to get counciling for you. You need to work on yourself. If you rush into another relationship with "John" or anyone else for that matter you are most likely dooming your new realtionship. You need time to close the wounds left by your husband. Once those wounds are healed you can move forward into another relationship and begin building a better foundation. If you move right into another relationship without healing from this one you really are setting yourself up for more hurt later. After taking a couple months off I feel as though you should talk to your husband again. Did those two months serve him well? During that time did you realize how much he missed you and does he want you back? If so then go to counciling together. Under NO circumstances should you get back together with him without counciling. If he promises you that he's changed during his time away from you, if he shows you he'll pay the bills,etc. You still need to attend counciling with him. He needs to understand that to be with you, it's neccesary. If he can't do that, don't take him back. If you're really worth it to him, he will do this. If he's not willing and you have spent a couple of months apart, get the divorce. After the divorce take a couple more months off and then start seeing people. If you do start a relationship with John, get counciling. By cheating on your husband with John you've sent the message to John (whether you want to or not) that it's okay to cheat. I mean it's not good to cheat but there are certain circumstances where one doesn't have any choice (this is what you may be saying). He may not even realize you're saying this... but a year or years down the line you and he may be faced with problems that he feels justify cheating. And you've done it, so why can't he? You certainly wouldn't be able to blame him. Bottom line. Maybe you and John will work, maybe you're "meant to be", who knows. But first you have an obligation to your husband and that relationship. If it can't be salvaged, move on. P S - If your husband is abusive, has hit you or has a history of violence it changes these circumstances. I say this because you said he punched the wall and smashed things. If this is the way he is (angry and violent) you may not want to work through things. That's understandable. He scares you. I would suggest a restraining order, some time off from one another and counciling while you don't live together (separate counciling and marriage counciling). He might also need some anger management courses, communication classes, etc. DO NOT stay in a marriage or attempt to work on a marriage with someone who is violent without outside help. Nobody should ever hit you or physically intimidate you. If that's what's happening then get him out of your home, get him to counciling and move on. If he won't do that, then get rid of him, get counciling for yourself and move on. Hope this helps.

My advice to you is to be careful here and really think things through. The good news is you've asked for advice and you seem as though you're trying to make the "right" decision. The bad news is the "right" decision is probably going to be difficult to make. We live in a society where we are always looking to upgrade, super size or move "up" so to speak. We want the faster, newer computer, we want the better car, etc. unfortunately I think this has leaked into the mind set of just about every aspect of our lives (including relationships). Sure you've got a great realtionship with someone you've been with for five years... but now there might be something here with this other person. So is it time to upgrade? Time to trade in that old model for a newer one? I'd hope not. Because people are people, not cars or computers. Feelings are involved. And when feelings are involved you have to be very careful. There is always going to be someone else. Someone smarter, funnier, cuter, leaner, someone who seems to enjoy what you enjoy more then your partner. Always. If you hooked up with this new person, the same thing will happen later on down the road. You'll eventually meet someone else who is a little more "upbeat" or "like you" or whatever else it is you find attractive. The thing is if you constantly chase after the better, friendlier, happier, smarter, cuter person... you will never be able to enjoy the funny, cute, happy person you are all ready with. It's a cycle that will never end. Every relationship goes in cycles. The first cycle is the honeymoon cycle. Anyone who's ever been in a relationship knows this cycle well. It's that first phase. It's when EVERYTHING is ELECTRIC and bursting. It's when a kiss can send you to your knees, when a look can make your heart skip beats, when a smile makes you melt. It's a great phase to be in. unfortunately the honeymoon does end. It always will. Then you move into another phase of the relationship. A phase where every kiss isn't electric, where everything isn't great, where every smile doesn't make you melt... but this phase is deeper and more meaningful. You now have a partner who loves you for who you are. They have seen your ups and your downs and they still accept you . Take a deep breath. You're lucky to have what you have. So make sure you don't trade a meaningful relationship for that honeymoon feeling. If you can't stop thinking of your new friend as more then a friend and you don't want to hurt your current partner you have a VERY difficult task ahead of you. You need to break off the friendship with this new person. If you don't, the feelings are likely to increase (as you concentrate more and more on all the adorable things about this new person) and that will only lead to more trouble. If you really care about your partner, then you need to stop this friendship before it becomes more then that. If it is all ready more then that (you think you might love this new person) you need to put a hault on it fast. Think about your partner here. This person has shared five wonderful years wtih you. How would you feel if your partner would do this to you? If your partner had come to you four months ago and said, "We're breaking up. I love you but I might like someone else too." what would you have said? How would you have felt? What would you have done? If you are having feelings for someone else and you care about your partner I suggest working on making your current relationship STRONGER. Get some relationship books or visit some web sites and really work on things with your current partner. I suggest the book, "don't sweat the small stuff in love". I am sure what you will find (if you read this book WITH your partner) is that you not only have a GREAT relationship all ready... but you also have a GREAT relationship that can be even better. That's right. The person you are with has loved you for five years... that's awesome... and with the right tools, that love can grow, not dwindle. You have found someone who is with you after five years. No doubt you have gone through ups and downs, good times and bad times. However the fact that you have been together for five years speaks volumes for the strength of your relationship. If you have been happy with this person (your partner) over the last five years you SHOULD not leave the realtionship or cheat of your partner. Because the chances of this new person still being with you in five years isn't that good. That's a long time... and how would you feel if you tossed away your five year relationship for a new relationship that barely makes it past the honeymoon phase (as most relationships do not). Think of it this way. You all ready have what it is you are looking for. You have a partner you love, who loves you, good times, someone who accepts you and someone you are happy with. It doesn't make much sense to throw that away so that you can try to find someone who loves you and accepts you. In other words, don't throw out love to look for love. Losing this new friend will hurt. But don't fool yourself into thinking you can "just be friends". You've all ready admitted you might not be able to do that. I would suggest taking a three to six month break from this new person. Let those feelings die down. Then if you think you can procede with the friendship, try... but if you know that those feelings are still there and won't go away... you need to step up and let this other person go. Hope this helps.