lostandhurt

When entering into a new relationship you shouldn't have to earn anything from your partner because if you are then you are paying the price for their other relationships. I view it as everyone is trusted until they do something to either increase the trust or decrease the trust. Your bf is insecure for what ever reason and it will ruin your relationship eventually. You are already heading down that path. His jokes are not jokes, they are a manifestation of his insecurity coming out dressed up as a joke. Time to sit down with him and let him know that he needs to do something to address his insecurities in the relationship or it will ruin it. No more jokes, no more accusations and no more questioning you. Make it clear that he either trusts you are he doesn't and if it is the latter there is no reason to stay together. Without trust there can be no true love. He will tell you he trusts you but he doesn't trust the men around you which is total BS because a thousand men could try and chat you up but if you set all of them straight that you are in a relationship and not interested it doesn't matter what their intentions are, only yours. This is not your fault unless you are a big flirt exacerbating his insecurities. Lost

Wait what? You make a profile using girl in it and then post a problem you are having with your bf but you aren't the girl in the situation you are in fact the bf that lied. Why did you lie to us and post as the gf? Why didn't you post as the bf that is having issues with his LDR gf? Lost PS If you are this sketchy with an anonymous online forum I can see why she is having trust issues with you.

There is something else going on here and it has nothing to do with your wife. Holding this in this long with you not knowing it is there is unlikely but not impossible. If you are losing sleep and obsessing about this then yes you not only need to seek out a therapist but you HAVE to. This is not healthy. Your first step is your regular MD so they can help get you started. They may want to run some blood tests and give you an overall check up and then refer you to someone to talk to. This runs way deeper than you know so seek out help as soon as possible. Don't feel like this is unfixable, with help you will figure it out and find out the cause of these feelings. Lost

If she was excited to see you again I would think she would have responded but you never know until you try. Give her a few days and then try calling her when you think she will be able to talk. I know texting is easier and less painful when you get turned down but be different and call her. If she answers be ready to ask her out on a specific day and time to a specific thing. Dinner at ________ around 6:30 on Friday or what ever. If she says she is busy but offers another day/time that is a good sign but if all you get is excuses then... If she doesn't answer leave her a message but don't ask her to call you back because that leaves you waiting for a call that may never come. Tell her you are sorry you missed her and you will try back another time. If she returns your call anyways that is a good thing but if not and she still doesn't answer then just leave it be. I don't want to tell you not to try again with her but the slow response thing initially and then silence when you brought up seeing each other again soon is not a good sign but I think you already knew that. Keep meeting new people and putting yourself out there as it will happen soon enough. Lost

Anything he does you see as a positive when it is nothing more than guilt and loneliness. He chose his new best friend and drugs over you but they cannot fill up all of his time so he reaches out for parts of the life he left behind. You really need to tell your family to block him so you can stop hoping he will come back every time someone gets a text message from him. You shouldn't be trying to get your ex back, you should be spending your time realizing you can do better than him and should do better than him. Marrying and having children with an addict, former or otherwise is risky at best. You seem way to fragile for that kind of life. Stop doing NC to get him back and start doing it to heal and move on. Lost

My first question is: Is he straight or homosexual? I am not kidding, it is a valid question and might explain a lot. So lets say he is interested but you kept it professional so he took the hint and dropped it. I would guess that yes he was interested in you. Not many guys will approach a woman and compliment their clothing unless they are trying to move in closer. Don't feel bad if you missed the clues or saw them to late as it happens. Confidence is sexy and very attractive to me and other men so work on that. Do something for yourself like pamper yourself, new outfit or a mini make over to boost your self image until you believe it when others tell you how good you look. What would happen if you went up to him and asked him if he had any big plans for the weekend? Could you be brave enough to do that? Lost

You are choosing to be upset about this. The question is why now? This has nothing to do with how many men she dated, it has everything to do with how many men she had sex with. If you had sex with 4 other women before meeting her and she had 5 sexual partners I would bet you would feel the same way. I always find it interesting how someone that finally got what they never thought they could get finds a way to ruin it by dredging up the past. Why is it you want to ruin your marriage? Lost

If he wanted to or needed to he could get a job but since you are paying for his lifestyle why would he. If you pay the bills for everything then you are legally entitled to shut everything off. No phone, no internet, no food, no anything. Basically you need to take this from an all inclusive resort to a inhospitable environment. Then give him legal notice to vacate the premises. He will find some other sucker to take him in I am sure and if not he can go to social services and they will find him a homeless shelter. You are not responsible for his life, his shelter, his well being or his care and feeding. This isn't some helpless puppy you found, he is a grown man that is capable of taking care of himself if he has to. Time to make that happen. Sounds to me like he is a guest in your house which means after you ask him to leave and he does not he are trespassing. In the end he hasn't cared about your feelings or well being so why should you care about his? Lost

So you give him the property and stay together. How does that improve anything? You will still be with a man that doesn't want sex and you will still be miserable. Cheating is wrong and you were selfish to have this emotional affair. Cut this coworker out of your life and start the process of ending the marriage. Right now you are afraid of this huge change but in time as you go through the process and see and feel some freedom from what you have been living the fear will slowly subside and you can heal and start your life as a single mom. Once you get your stuff together and the kids are all good then and only then can you even think about dating. The divorce will divide the assets equally pretty much so don't give him anything. No reason to stay in a marriage if it is as bad as you say it is with no hope of improvement. Lost

Crazy? No but I totally agree you cannot just move in with someone, anyone and expect it to just fall into a good groove. It takes time and communication. Take some time to really think about the things you would like to improve (notice I didn't say change about him) in the household so there will be peace and joy, not snide remarks and quotas. Then when there hasn't been a big issue and things are calm and good sit down with him and talk about how the TWO of you can make living together jive better. He will ask what you are talking about and then you can tell him how his remarks and the way things have been going make you feel and you want to talk about how to make things better. If you phrase it this way he shouldn't get defensive and some progress can be made. Dumping him over this is short sighted and radical for the problem at hand. You are both young and I am guessing the first time living with someone else you are in love with so you have to expect some bumps along the way. Relationships take work and this is one of the things people regularly work on in a relationship. Keeping score and passive aggressiveness will get you no where. Lost

You are over thinking all of this. You are strangers and know virtually nothing about each other. This whole "first date" was a mess. I lost track of how many different plans were talked about just to meet and get to know each other a little. The guy is interested but you surely did not make it easy for him at all. Were his invites unusual for a first date? Absolutely but you going back and forth like you did would have had me rethinking meeting you. Sounds like it is time for a do-over. If you like the guy for who he is and not for his success and wealth then ask him to coffee. Keep it simple without all the convoluted plans and counter plans. Lost PS Just because a guy doesn't try anything doesn't mean he doesn't want to.

Interesting after 5 dates and that amount of time you never talked on the phone. I guess texting really has replaced person to person contact. Pretty sad... Good on you for not dragging it out. Lost

5 dates you do owe her some respect and honesty don't you think? I wouldn't meet her for a drink to dump her and definitely don't ghost her. Be brave and give her a call when you know she is able to talk. Be honest and tell her what you told us. It will be uncomfortable but in the long run she will be better off. Now you say you don't feel up to dating at all so that means she will not see you on Tinder the day after you dump her right? If you handle this right with respect and compassion who knows you may run into her some day and the timing might be right and she just might agree to date you again. If you are to chicken to call her send her a text. I don't like it but it is better than asking her out to dump her. Lost

Pretty simple really. You have 2 choices 1. Go to his house and have sex with him which is all he wants from you or 2. Delete his number and don't lower your standards for a jerk. Lost

I was in your shoes back in 2008. 20 years together, 8 yr old disabled son and our lives were going really well then I caught her. I actually gave her 3 chances but the last one was for me so I could go into the divorce with no regrets that I didn't try everything possible to fix it. She lied and did things I would have never in a million years thought she was capable of but she was and more. Your wife is not the person she used to be or you thought she was. The fact that her own mother helped her cheat leads me to think the apple didn't fall from the tree at all. The first thing you need to do is accept that the women you love is gone and is replaced by the person you know now. She is a liar and cheater and nothing she says can be trusted, NOTHING! So she calls crying because her exciting fantasy life has been ruined, she isn't crying because she misses you, she is crying because her life is messed up and she wants it back like it used to be where you paid all the bills and provided the security she could always return to after banging this other dude. Time to stop seeing her with love goggles on and clear your vision. Counseling will not work because she clearly thinks she hasn't done anything wrong other than getting caught. Proof of that is her continued disrespect of you, family and your marriage by spending time with her bf while you are out of the house. This shows how much she cares about your feelings. Telling you if you come home she will stop dating her bf also shows just how selfish and narcissistic she is. One of the favorite lines cheaters use is:"We are just friends" She probably learned that from her mother. She is still banging her bf and even posting pictures with him. Pretty bad... So can the marriage be saved? The better question is: Should the marriage be saved? At this point what is there left to save? The trust is gone forever, respect is non existent, lies are her life, she clearly is not in love with you any longer and most importantly being with her has and will continue to turn you into someone you don't want to be. What kind of life would that be? I know fear is steering your choices but you need to stop that right now. You will be just fine when it is all over, the kids will adjust because having one parent that is happy and honest (you) is way better than a lying cheating wife and a miserable father. I was afraid too and it is totally normal to feel that way. What will happen to me? Will anyone ever want me? Will my relationship with the kids be okay? Will I be broke? Will I lose half my stuff? How will it all turn out??? I will never tell my ex this but she did me a huge favor and I am happier now than anytime with her. I focused on my son, used a mediator for the divorce and paid her off so there was no alimony and I calculated the child support myself. Life goes on and can be really awesome once you get your feet back under you. Don't let fear make your choices. As it stands now there is nothing to save except her free time to go see her bf. I am sorry but these things almost never turn out well especially when the cheating spouse is still dating her bf while trying to reconcile. Lost

Should you tell her you like her? You already have several times by asking her out so she knows you like her. Try backing off and let her decide if she wants to go on a date with you. The last thing you want is to have to convince someone to like you. If it isn't there is just isn't there. She has been lukewarm and cold thus far so it doesn't look good I am afraid. You best bet is to get busy doing other things and chatting up other girls to keep you from dwelling on this one girl. Ideally you want someone that is just as excited to spend time with you as you are to spend time with them. Lost

I say this a lot on here but I will repeat it for you. The number one line cheaters use is: "We are just friends" Your ex and this guy will keep it on the down low for a few months and then they will publicly be a couple so it doesn't look like she was cheating on you and dumped you for this guy. I know this hurts and the normal reaction is to want answers to what happened just like I did but in the end I came to realize all the answers in the world wouldn't change the fact that she cheated and it was over. That is what you need to accept, that it is over no matter the why just that she is out of your life. See if you can sell the ring back to the store and start healing. Being betrayed is a hard pill to swallow but in time you will see she did you a favor. Just imagine if you had married her and then she pulled this crap. Lost

Well done and you handled that respectfully and honestly. You didn't stoop to her level and can walk away with zero regrets. People like her have a hard time being told go away or it is over for good so be prepared for her to circle back some how some way. There is nothing to discuss so do not engage no matter what she says or does, just stay silent and she will go away and find her next victim. Hug you kids and enjoy the stress free life you just created for yourself. Best wishes Lost PS Dating can suck but it doesn't mean you never go back to the stove and cook a meal right? Heal, reflect on your mistakes in letting this go on to long and in time you will feel strong enough to venture out once again.

Don't beat yourself up over this. You have feelings for this woman and tried several times to make it work but it simply is not something you can fix on your side of the relationship and she is unwilling to even admit she has a problem. The holidays are over and a new year is on the horizon so how about you let this woman know that you can no longer be in any type of relationship with her and you wish her the very best life may bring her way. Then delete her number, block her, remove her from all social media and focus on your children and healing. While you are at it call all 3 of those friends and make things right. With the next possible gf make sure you talk about the fact that you have female friends that you are close to and ask them how they feel about opposite sex close friends just to cut down on the drama and crap later on. If they don't like it then you know what you need to do sooner than later. Be good to yourself and clear this woman from your life, the weight from your shoulders will be lifted and you can get back to the dad your kids love to be with. Lost

It depends why you have sex with this guy. If you have sex because you think he is handsome and are really turned on by him and just want to then go ahead. If you have sex with him hoping it will turn into a relationship then don't do it. He was straight with you so be straight with yourself. You are an adult and have all the facts and if you decide to have some fun between the sheets then there should be no regrets if you go into the whole thing eyes wide open. Besides if it is just a physical thing who care what he thinks as long as he knows what he is doing. The person that should care the most about what they think of you having sex is you and only you. Lost

His response was over the top and hurtful. He could have handled that way better even if he didn't like the gift. Yelling at someone that just gave you a gift is totally uncalled for no matter what the gift is unless it is a severed ear or something gross. I have a feeling this is about more than the blanket, probably that someone else saw you looking all sexy and he reacted badly. I don't think you should do or say anything to make up for the gift, in fact he is the one that should apologize to you for blowing up like he did. Let him stew on it for a while and calm down and then simply ask him "Why did you blow up at me just because you didn't like the blanket?" If he will not come clean with his own feelings then tell him you were really hurt by the way he reacted and talked you in a raised voice just because you tried to do something nice for him. He was wrong to act like a child that didn't get the game console they wanted. Lost

Jumping from where you are at to telling someone you have feelings for them is a huge leap. I agree with Tinydance in that you need to step it up from your usual and see how she responds. This is pretty long distance but it doesn't mean it cannot work so while you are on lockdown why don't you see if she is interested in having an actual voice conversation. During this convo you can get to know her way better and faster and even take the convo in a different direction. You should be able to tell by the tone of her voice, how she responds to your questions or topic if she like talking to you or is just being polite then take if from there. Lost

Muddy, Regardless of why this sentence by you is exactly correct. Right now it is these female friends but once they are gone it will be a coworker, a neighbor, a friends wife. You need to see that you cannot solve her issues by contorting yourself into the perfect person that will not trigger her insecurities and horrible behavior. This is only going to get worse and when it is all over you will be down 3 old friends and alone and this is coming from a man that thinks people in a relationship having opposite sex close friends almost always causes problems sooner or later. I would bet if you had a super close male friend and spent a lot of time with him your gf would have a problem with that too. Your friendships aren't the issue in this case, it is your girlfriends insecurities and cruel treatment of you. I know you care for her but this is not good for your soul, heck being alone is better than this isn't it? Lost

SuperDave so good to see you. It has been a long time. Seems like yesterday but a million years at the same time since we first landed here. How have you been? I see you still have a way with words and context. Are you planning on sticking around? Lost

Yes please slow down. You have a crush, not love but that is okay. The problem I see is you are asking open ended questions. Give her some space and when you are back in school after the holidays ask her on a date. Don't be vague like "Do you want to hang out sometime?" That is not clear enough and when is sometime anyways? On Thursday ask her if she wants to go see a certain movie this weekend. Make sure you have one or two you would like to go see and ask her. At 17 hopefully you have a car you can use. If she declines because she has plans and doesn't offer another day/time then you need to start accepting she isn't into you like you are her. It happens even if she is nice to you it doesn't mean she is into you like that. Lost