Jo Jo

Thank you for your post. I appreciate hearing that he shouldn't have turned me away. We reach a point where the friendship turns to love and it is possible to go back to friendship...especially with all that we have been through, however he is hiding. He won't talk to me via phone or email and last night was the lowest I have been. I have responsibilities, a mortgage, horses to tend to, and a job and I am single and I CANNOT afford to be in this downward spiral, hence the appointment with the doctor. I am hurting to the point of reverting back to an almost infantile stage and I cand't afford to do this. I need to get over this quickly where I can function. I don't want this emotional roller coaster to continue as it has.

Ok, it's the girl who lost her fiance' again. I have an appt. with my medical DR. this afternoon. No sleep, I'm tired. I can't handle this up and then down, ok and then mad, he always said I wasn't normal and so now I don't know what is a normal feeling and what isn't. I feel pathetic so please someone, please. He went back to his ex wife's house and I dropped off his things were he works and I told him I hurt and I needed someone at that moment to help me. I felt I couldn't go on, so he talked to me for a few minutes and then said he had to go. In 3 years through the course of our friendship and then relationship and when he had cancer and was suicidal NEVER once did I turn him away. Oh I hurt so bad.

Hang in there. Killing yourself is NOT the answer. Believe me. Time is the answer as awful as that is to hear that, because we all have that question....HOW MUCH TIME? You should try to take each day, one day at a time. Try really hard not to focus on what he is doing, or where you will be tomorrow. Focus on today, hour by hour if you must. Attempting suicide creates so many problems, depending on what you do, you could have expensive hospital bills and health problems. He isn't worth it and as a matter of fact no one on earth is worth ending your life. It IS hard, I know. I feel your pain, I am in pain from a break up too, but I try to journal a lot, and I focus on me. Today I spent $43 on myself and got a manicure and pedicure, it was so hard getting out of the house and forcing myself to go down to the nail salon, but afterwards I felt better. Try being selfish. Try not to remember the good times, and bad times, just for now. Give yourself some time to gain back your strength. If you need to chat just email me. Hang in there.

Thank you for replying. I had a severe moment and needed to talk ASAP. I ended up getting in touch with my work's EAP counselor and feel like I will make it through today. I wasn't sure earlier. I have my helmet on and am ready for the gamat of emotions soon to come I am sure. Geez, I was doing so well and then it hit me today like a freight train. I'm going to go to sleep, but I'll be back later to the discussions. Thanks again everyone!!!

Is anyone available to talk. I just broke up with my fiance last week and was doing great and now I am not doing well. I hurt emotionally and feel like I don't want to keep rehashing this topic with friends and burn them out. I tried to get in to see a Counselor and something is happening online where I can't get in. I feel like I am on the brink of just falling completely apart. I am at work and I don't want to fall apart. Please I need to talk. Thanks!

WOW!! Thank you for the words of encouragement, I truly appreciate your time to post a message and give advice. 9:42 Arizona time and my puppy is barking so my heart is anticipating contact, but nothing. Which, I should be greatful, oh dear. This situation is just difficult. For lack of all better words, this sucks, big time!

My fear is that I remember the arguments and I remember the mean and hurtful words said, however when things were good they were really good. I used to say we loved passionately and we fight passionately. I can be incredibly stubborn, however I want to know that I am normal and okay. I do have depression and I take my "happy pills" every day. I am handling this break VERY well as opposed to how I have handled things in the past. His biological mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia and bi-polar and we have discussed on many levels that perhaps he has some issues, but he focuses all of his energy on "fixing" me and never admitting that perhaps he has faults. What is so odd, is how well I am doing and I don't want to fall back into the drama and fighting and I am not sure I have the strenght to turn him away SHOULD he contact me. I don't know, I am probably just making a mountain out of mohill...he may really be gone but I don't know. I am the type of person who is compassionate and caring (Gee, the caretaker quality, again) and when I see tears and apologies I have a difficult time turning away.

Thank you. I know right from wrong. I have access to stay at a friend's house so I am "safe" if you will. It's just tough. I love the good qualities in him, but I so dislike the fact that he says things that make me feel so unworthy. He is very smooth about telling me thoughtful things and then things are fine. I know it is inevitable that another argument is just around the corner waiting to happen. I know I am not perfect and I never claimed to be, I can admit my wrongs/faults even though he says I can't. In any case, thanks for your kind words. I know I can't go back or take him back. I have a mortgage and horses and a dog and a cat and school and I need so badly to focus on feeling better about myself. I need to remember that I am not a door mat for him, his children or his ex-wife and I need to find the strength to turn him away should he try to contact me. The other thing that is difficult and I hope it's normal is I want to hear from him so I know that he loved me. Pretty dysfunctional, I know, but at least I would know that he really did love me and I wasn't just a caretaker. I know in my heart of hearts that I wasn't but still. Ugh!

Two days ago I broke up with my fiance'. He was controlling, untrusting, and mean when I would complain. My story is my ex best friend declared she was a lesbian, her husband (my fiance') was diagnosed with a meniogma brain tumor and was going to die without surgery. I went through his surgery, his divorce, and let him move in (lost house in divorce) maintaining a friendship. Then the romance started. I knew it was wrong to date, marry, be engaged to your best friends ex, but I felt compassion and we shared so much and fell in love. We decided we would get married. We had explosive arguments when I would complain. It didn't matter if I said I had a bad day and needed to vent or made a silly comment about being tired of doing dishes and laundry. He has 2 unruly children (6 yrs. and 14 yrs.) who I have known for 3 years. I am a caretaker and always have been. He is affectionate and caring, but if I tried to discuss something that I didn't like, he bacame very angry. I have had education in human services and psychology and I try to communicate effectively...such as I'm not upset with you but I need to discuss the fact that Deb (his daughter) didn't thank me for paying to have her nails done, or buying father's day gifts. I expected (which may be my problem) for him to say, "well, I will talk to her". Instead he said well kids will be kids and a huge argument ensued. He's moved out now. This happened before and he moved out the last time and then came back. I know what is healthy and I don't believe we have a healthy relationship. We should be able to discuss negative issues without threatening, yelling, or calling names. If he contacts me this time how do I protect myself from being suckered back into the "I'm sorry, I love you". This CYCLE will not end...life happens everyday and I need to be able to address issues that concern me in a civil manner. Thanks for any input. Sorry I tried to keep this short.