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audrey28

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Everything posted by audrey28

  1. audrey28
    i think you shouldn't settle. you should be with someone who is with you completely. love is reciprocal....and so is the entire course of the relationship. if you try to postpone things because they are ok "in the meantime", it will only be harder if you let it drag on. my suggestion is for the two of you to talk about your "non-negotiables". if you feel that your non-negotiables are being compromised, you need to let go. it's better to be alone than lose respect for yourself.... hope you work this through...good luck.... and just keep posting if you need someone to talk to.
  2. audrey28
    Thank you TonyMar75....the encouragement helps a lot.
  3. audrey28
    thanks shaker. trust me, i am putting in a lot of work to this moving on thing.... i got a makeover, i bought myself a plane ticket for a 2-week vacation, i've been reconnecting with old acquaintances..... there's still this nagging thought at the back of my mind...to call him. i know i shouldn't and i know i won't.....but it is just not easy. it's driving me crazy!
  4. audrey28
    hi everyone....i believe that with our exes, they still care for us....the same way that we still care for them. i, for one, think about my ex all the time. i worry about how he is doing with his life. i decided to go NC...it's day 10 for me. the way i see it, it's not so much that feelings change...but that we recognize the relationship isn't working...so going NC is perhaps the best way to move on. when i was much younger, i had a difficult breakup as well. i wasn't able to go NC....and i think bec of that, the healing process was dragged on. at that time, i felt humiliated when i would call him and he would be so cold.... now that i'm older (and hopefully more mature), i realize that it's hard--- very, very hard....but we have to take responsibility and make our own choice. it's been done- the relationship, the trying....and we're just tired. the relationships we had...there were a lot of good in them....we will never forget these good memories....but now is not the time to be dwelling on them. we owe it to ourselves to move on first. in time, when we are healed, we can think about these good memories and smile. it is a cliche...."if you love someone, set him free"...it's cheesy but it's true. sometimes we have to let go for one reason or another. sometimes it is just not the right relationship for us. we will continue caring for that person....he/she will always be special. that won't ever change. but life is complicated....these waves we are going through....we just have to ride them. better things will come....
  5. audrey28
    it's day 10 for me. yesterday was hard. today is also hard. i don't know why it's getting harder and harder.... i go out every night so i can avoid situations when i'm alone and i could pick up the phone easily.... i just feel so unhappy right now....i know that a lot of my attachment is the routine itself....not just the ex....but still.....it is so damn hard!!!! anyway...to stop myself, i just think of the bad times that we had. i figured i will never forget the good times...and i'm thankful to my ex for those....but there's a reason why we broke up....and i have to remember it. the relationship was destructive. we both deserve a better life. i deserve better treatment!!!!! please help me!!!!!!!!!!
  6. audrey28
    fleur-de-lis.... i don't know....i guess just different ways of coping? anyway what do we know? they most likely are struggling too....in their own way....
  7. audrey28
    it's day 8 for me (or 9? if i get through this day, it will be the 9th...) anyway, i have been doing well the last little while but today has been really difficult....i am so tempted to call him....i miss him.... i went out last night and it's hard to get used to the idea that whatever new thing/s i'm going through, he will no longer be there to share it with.... i am so so so so so so so so so so (to the nth power) tempted. this is really really difficult and i need all the help i can get!
  8. audrey28
    need2bme, i am sorry for your pain. it's really tough...there are days that are really just more difficult than the rest.... you will get through this....we all will.... good luck to all of us.
  9. audrey28
    you are a very courageous woman! it's very easy to fall into the trap of a relationship that isn't working anymore just because it's convenient (in some ways) and provide temporary security. it takes a lot of guts to walk away. you did the right thing! if you feel you have been doing so much to make him happy and these efforts are not reciprocated, the build up of resentment could be destructive. your needs are not being met and you acknowledge that. i admire you for your strength and you are an inspiration to me as well. although my relationship problems were rooted elsewhere, it's the same principle of "settling for less than what we deserve". we just have to remind ourselves that and try to move on as best we can.
  10. audrey28
    i'm sorry things suck right now. i am going through a break up myself. just hang on and do things that will take your mind off him. you said he's like a drug therapy. it's very big of you to admit that. perhaps the best way to go about this is to replace this therapy with something more productive...maybe a balance of meeting new friends, trying new activities you never tried before, or even traveling alone. i can relate to your loneliness to some extent. i live in a foreign country and i have very few friends here. now that i have broken up with the bf, i plan to turn acquaintances to friends, go swimming more often, have a makeover, take a trip in a couple of weeks and basically just fake it til i make it. of course, there are times when it gets really lonely and i am tempted to call my ex....i just let the loneliness dwell when it's there. i cry and excuse myself when i'm at work, i cry in cabs, i cry at home. i know everyone copes differently. and i hope u find the way that works best for you. now is also a good time to reflect on your own learnings so you don't make the same mistake in the future. know that people are out there who care- family, friends, people in this forum...and that we have inner strength that will get us through this.
  11. audrey28
    thanks it just sucks bec i am consumed by thoughts of my ex (i am not even used to saying that).... he also wrote me an email...which was very touching and nice...i will probably reply with a short thank you....
  12. audrey28
    I feel so pathetic and alone. It's my birthday today...the worst birthday ever.
  13. audrey28
    i am going through something very similar. just hang on. i feel your pain. for me, it worked that i opened myself up and talked about my feelings when i was ready. i know that things will no longer be the same between us, and i wanted to say everything that i wanted to before we lose this closeness completely. as time drags on, it will get more and more awkward. u might want to say a proper goodbye to make sure there are no loose ends. what i did was tell him honestly how i felt- that we weren't bad people, we were just a bad match. we gave it a good try but it's for the best. i also thanked him for the good memories. i told him i will always care for him and wish for his happiness. i told him things as though it's the last time i will ever see him. that's why there's only thanks, no anger, no bitterness, no blame. it's very painful to let go of someone you love. but sometimes it means you love each other enough to let each other grow. it was a nice goodbye (if such were possible) with some laughter and some tears. it's heart breaking but i think it's important to get closure. i know there are no more what ifs. go with what you feel is right. remember, he is hurting too. the coldness is a mask for the pain. we all feel the pain. just stay true to your feelings and don't be afraid of showing him that you care- even though it's going to be in a different way from now on.
  14. audrey28
    thanks for all your support. i really just have to keep myself busy... btw what does NC mean?
  15. audrey28
    i am going through a recent break up and it hurts like hell. i know it's for the best. we had an unhealthy relationship and i always knew at the back of my mind i wasn't going to end up with him. although we cared for each other, we were incompatible and we found it hard to get through to each other. our relationship has become emotionally abusive and draining. now that it's over, i know it's the right decision. but still, i miss him so darn much. time seems to drag on forever. although i am able to function at work, i am able to eat and sleep normally, i just feel so lonely. i am consumed by thoughts of him and the future that we will never have. i am sadenned by the fact that from hereon, we will lose that closeness we once had. one day, he will be a mere stranger. i just want to vent it out because the pain is just too much to bear on my own....
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