olena

Hi all, thanks for the messages... We ended up chatting on the phone for an hour on Tuesday...He was asking me for time, and said that he was not afraid of his feelings changing towards me, but that he was scared of my emotions changing... He asked me for time and said again that he would like to be with me in the long run and basically take it easy as it is not a permenant break.... I told him that he should call me when he has something different to tell me - when he actually has something to tell me that I have not heard before...He said, okay, lets do it that way then, but promise me that you will take care of your self...that you won't do anything stupid as I love you... I feel very numbed..I still love him but I feel as if time has stopped at the moment...it's a very weird emotion, because I got so used to trying that not trying made my emotions freeze.... I work until very late every evening, since I left my home...I only go back to my friend's place to sleep, and I don't feel like meeting any of my friends...And I don't feel anxious about talking to him right now...it feels like I have detached my self from what used to be my life until a few days ago, but possibly it's a defence mechanism that I am developing to stop me from hurting...I am keeping so busy running around, and I feel so tired, physically and mentally that I just have no energy left by the end of the day... OLena

Hi guys, thanks for the comments... I called him after I sent the text message and he was out. I asked him what he meant and he said that he meant exactely what the message said...And then I pointed out that he was the one who wanted to break up...He said that we should talk about it at some other point....I am not going to call him or text him...I'll just wait and see what he will do next... If he misses me so much, that it's harder than he thought, then why did he want a break? I am tying really hard to keep quiet, and just wait and see what he will actually do about it...I love him, but I am actually not going to do ANYTHING...his call.... Olena

Hi all, I left my partner of 6 1/2 years because he wanted a break to 'find him self'... I left him on Sunday and on the day that I was leaving we argued, slammed the door and left... He texed me last nigh telling me that my cat was missing me...I did not reply...then today he send me another text saying that 'it's harder than he thought it would be...' I replied to the second text saying: 'Did you think that it would be easy? Think back and find the reasons that made you doupt us...' Why is he doing this to me...? Olena

I packed up my staff and all of my dream and left a while ago... Yesterday I bought a box, put inside a photo frame with my picture and a handful of shell that I got from him from the beach last summer when we went on holidays... I left the box on the table in the living room with my keys and a note saying: ''My heart would break in even more pieces if the last memory was a goodbey. That's a present in advance for the house of your dreams that you will one day have. Packed in a box, all the love in the world that I chose to give especially to you. We would have made the house of my dreams together - one day... In my heart our baby is called Sophia - so that you know... Don't look for me if I am not girl of your dreams. I am sorry for everything and mainly because I can't not remember my Chris being happy. Good luck in what ever you choose. Olena'' THE END...

I was out with a friend of my last night, when chris got back home. He usually gets back home at around 6:30 - 7 and by 8:30 he called my cell phone. I didnot hear it ringing. I got home at around 10 o'clock and he told me that he was so worried that I had left. He asked me if I had listened to my voice mail, and I said that I did not realise that I had one...He asked me to listen to it and it said: 'Where are you? When are you coming back home? Your cat boris misses you and have not stopped mewing since I got back home?'. He said that he loved me very very much...that he did not want me to leave for ever. that at the moment he has too many things on his mind including buying a new flat, looking for friends ect and that this is why he finds it too hard to maintain the relationship...that he needs time and that he is worried about losing me. I asked him to think of the reasons for which he wanted me to leave him alone. The reasons for which he had asked me to move out....he said that he did not know anymore, but that he is learning fast that he loves me a lot -more than anyone he's ever loved and that he would be the BIGGEST LOSER in the world if he lost me... He asked me for time and understanding and I just went to sleep... He came to our room and held me so tightly all night....I could feel him kissing my forehear and ears all night long in his sleep.... Perhaps time will fix the problems...perhaps distance will show him if and how much he loves me if this is how he is action now that I have not even left the house yet.... O

I packed up all of my things in 3 suitcases last night...Ou bedroom was half empty when he got back home. He walked into the bedroom to get changed whilst I was sitting in the living room smoking and crying... He walked into the living room and asked me why I was crying...I said to him that because during our relationship he build up his confidence, progressed and got love, and that all I ended up with was my 3 suitcases... I asked him if this was love and he started bitting his lips...He told me that it had to be done, and that he did not expect to see my suitcases all packed up...that it is different to think about it and actually seeing it happening... He said to me that he did not want to make a big deal out of it as he does not feel that this is the end - that it is not a permenant break for him but some time to get him self together... He is in the process of buying his own flat... His mother called and they talked about the flat...I asked him if he had said anything to her and he said no..and that he will not even mention it to her...he will just say that we live in separate houses, because he does not want her to get involved, or even ask why we got back together in the future... He said that this is just a pause...that he's known for a while that at some point he would like to marry me...I was pregnant 31/2 years ago, and that made him realise that he wanted to marry me, but the circumstances at the time were such that it was just not an option...the years passed and the circumstances in his life did not change greatly...and that this is yet another attempt to make him self happy in order to be able to make me happy in the future... He said that he would be devasted when I leave....and that it's a matter of time to come back because he loves me... I simply said to him that I want no contact at all...that I only want to hear from him when he is ready to fix us...that I am not going to play friends with him and that I am not going to put my self on stand by...I said to him that guts is what I did yesterday afternoon...packing up to leave....he was almost in tears...and said that I should stop blaming him as he is only trying to save the relationship...That I am his heart... I feel fine now...I am trying not to think whether he will come back or not...I am trying to think of ME...I am moving in with a uni friend of mine and at least I won't be alone in the beginning...I threw the ball in his court, and it's up to him to catch it...I suppose, it is guts to pack up and leave someone that you love...let him I am thinking, and if he does love me the way that he says he does, he will come back running...Yesterday whilst packing it did not feel as if I was leaving him but rather as if I was packing to do to a far away trip... I am sure it will get harder down the line...but I will keep my head up... I feel that I have run out of tears.... O

I left work earlier today...I wondered around the streets of London with my head full of thoughts and my eyes full of tears... I came back home and he is still at work...I started packing and throwing away old cloths and things... I feel that my life is all put into a suitcase and that soon I will pick it up and leave...I wrote a short note this morning that I will leave for him on the day that I leave... Saying that I am sorry for all the arguments and that he should not contact me as I don't need someone to love me as a person and that I want what he has taken for granted all those years... This is the hardest thing that I have done...and it's only the start-that's what frightens me...I just want to go and hide somewhere where he will never find me, because i can not bear the thought that I don't fit into his life when he actually decided to do something to find himself... I had so many dreams and now I have none...I am left with NOTHING and he gets to keep everything that I gave....After 6 1/2 years i am left with NOTHING... O

Hi guys, I wrote here before...I have been with my partner for 6 1/2 years living together for 4.... He needs space - he needs to find him self as he previously detatched from him self, and loved me in that way...He loves me but does not want to lose me, but wants to be alone, and live his life with his friends...But he does not want to lose me for ever...he would like to be with me again, when he feels happy with him self.... I am moving out this weekend...My heart is broken...I feel betrayed and cheated, but he canot see it since his definition of betrayal is totally different and involves chating...I had dreams and hopes from this relationship and now he's turned them all into a VERY BIG DISAPPOINTMENT.... I am moving in temporarily with a friend of mine....for a few months until I get my self together and look for another flat...I have not said anything to him....probably he will find out when I move out.... As if he is going to remember me in 3-4 years time when he's lived his life and is finally happy with him self...why can't he just say, that he can not love me any more instead of messing me up...how can you love someone and not want them to be part of your life for the next 2-3 years? Is this love? Because I loved differentely. I was supportive.... I met a person who was totally lost and 6 years, messed up his studies and helped him...held his hand through his studies, through his job, through EVERYTHING....and now I must let him run and 'live his life' without ME.... IS THIS LOVE? And in the meantime I am being asked to walk away from my life and my dreams.... olena...

Do you guys think that if two people love each other they will end up together? Why would a guy who wants space, a break, to be alone, because you are not the problem but they are according to them, they would also say that in the future they would like to marry you? I feel that I am being mistreated. Have any of you been in a position to love someone and have to let them go because keeping them was not an option at the time? That's what Chris (my partner) is telling me...that he wants to make things right for himself first and then if I am still around to make me happy... We are breaking up, but we are talking about the future...how it would have been nice to get a second cat and name her doris to keep company to our existing cat boris...he promises to take me to santorini (greek romantic island) in the future when we are back together... And he is telling me that he wants me to stick around...but not be in a relationship for a while, to find himself.... How can someone who wants to break up with me, want me to continue to hope and dream....? How can someone tell me that I am his weak spot, that I am his heart and choose to take a break from a 6 year relationship?!?!?... Is this love, or am I just his habid, that he wants me to stick around in case things go wrong??? I feel like disappearing...walking out of my house, switch off my phone, changing e-mail addresses - just disappearing - to see how hard he will look out for me... I keep asking my self...will he be back? O

No, there are no children involved. I had an abortion 3 1/2 years ago and went through a difficult time... He does not have any friends as he lives away from home, and although he is doing well with his job he does not feel that he is doing well enough... I have asked him if I am the reason for which he has no friends and he said no. He said that he needs to be alone to figure out what's is causig him unhappiness and that he needs to find him self. he says that everytime in his life that he was left alone he managed to change himself.... He needs a clear head.... I've come to the point that i don't know what to say...the last thing that I said to him is that I loved his heart and that all of the success off the word will not impress me... O

Hi wishiknew, I am getting the same answers from my partner with whom I have been with for 6 years. Not now - I don't want to be in a relationship - I love you but I don't want to lose you - but you don't fit into my life like a partner at the moment- it's over 'for now'... I have spent the whole of 2006 asking questions, trying to find answers...and then only thing I ended up with has been arguments, and tears in my eyes... I am due to move out of my flat soon to give him space... And deep in my heart, I know that if I stick around and play friends, this man will never miss me...he will have all the good things about me with out any commitement, without any obligation - plus not guilt not real fear of losing me and not real reason of ever wondering what it's like not have in his life all the good things that I have been giving him all these years.... It hurts me deeply, and after 6 years I can not every begin to imagine what my life would be like without him in it....but people only learn to appreaciate something once it';s gone... Trust me - there are no answers in the questions that we are both asking...answers will only come with time. For now we can only keep our head up ( and I have failed to do so in the last year) and leave... I feel for you...I know what its like not to have answers and closure... O

Do you love your wife? Do you find her attractive? My partner also says that he loves me, wants me, finds me attractive but does not have any desire for sex with me...he also looks at porn on the web.. it sounds like you have desire for sex, but not with your wife... How does she feel? Do you have any idea how a woman feels when she is told that you love her, but do not desire her? It's broken me into pieces...to know that in spite of all the love that I give, my partner does not desire me, and that he gets this desire for porn, or for other women perhaps.... It sounds to me as if you love your wife as a person - not as a woman-not as a whole...and believe me-this probably hurts your wife more than it hurts you. I ended up crying during sex, simply because I felt not wanted by the person that I loved....this is where it leads to. you need to sort your self out. you need to be honest with your wife...open up and explain what is missing...once you find out... O

Hi guys, Happy new year to all of you. Here we go. it's new years eve and I have been crying out my eyes for almost a year. I have been with my partner for 6 years in total. we met about a year after he broke up with his ex, and he still had unresolved issues. our relationship started really slowly, but we ended up moving together about 4 years ago.during the relationship I stood by him, I supported him I gave him all the love in the world and he remained faithfull, loving...But in the last year - the minute he turned 30 he decided he wanted a break. he started seeing his life froma different perceptive, realised that he has no friends, no social life, that he feels worthless. during our relationship and especially after an unplanned pregnancy he did not want sex, he was interested in me as a person and treated me like a girlfriend in any other way but sex... He now wants to be alone to find himself. He says that sex is a domain that does not interest him at the moment. he says that he wants to be alone because he feels worthless, because he can not give me whole love as he is incapable of feeling that after getting hurt by his ex. he says that he loves me and does not want to lose me, and that he would like to be able to come back and try again to make things right, after he 'finds himself'... He says that he would one day consider marrying me, but that before, he needs to find what is making him unhappy in his day to day life... I loved him and stayed faithful to him. i didn't leave him and I supported him through everything and now he wants to go and find some friends have some fun, and I just don't fit in. I feel deeply hurt and left out, and I feel that he is not being too fair telling me that he loves me and that he does not want to lose me when he does nothing to show me all these things anymore... He says that during our break he would like to stay in touch, he would like to know if I am allright, what I am doing with my life. But I need him to love me as a whole -I can't just play friends and pretend that I am happy that he will he living his life without me We have been arguing for a year and all I am getting is that I may fit into his future, but that I dont fit into his present because he wants to be 'ALONE' - not in a relationship. How can someone tell me that he loves me and that he does not want to lose me when they do nothing to support what they say? I can;t help but feel that I have been his little toy that gave him love and support when he needed it, and now that he is ready to make an effort to be happy I have no role to play in his life. In spite of the problems, I loved him so much that I wanted to marry him - I have always dreamt of how good we would be together when he would eventually be happy with him self.... I have been just an idiot. O

Hi guys, I posted on this forum a few weeks ago and got some helpful advise...I have been reading through everyone's postings here and I have been thinking that it's amazing how many people end up getting hurt from their relationship... I am just coming to tems with an 'I love you and I don't want to lose you and it's not you but its my life and I would one day like to marry you....after I find my self by being along' type of relationship and I understand how much it hurts... I suppose people do lose them selves in relationships...and so that they find themselves we become the ones that go off track and start doing rebound relationships to get over our previous ones....and down the line, without wanting to we may end up hurting someone so that we find out selves... I just felt very low and lonely and I wanted to vent... I have started my new job and I am trying really hard to keep on top of all of my meeting and everything as it's manic right now....but I just don't see the purpose...In the end of the day I feel that I just earning more money but it has not really changed how I feel -empty and alone.... Can just one person disappoint you so much that nothing ealse matters??? Olena

Dear all, thank you for your responses. CrossCheck75 you are right in saying that often people tell you to just 'get on with your life'. I have had a couple of my friends telling me to do so, but what these people don't understand is that after a 6 year relationship, you don't just get on with your life - you just walk away from it. My partner says that he does not want a permenant break. He tells me that I am his heart and that he would like to be able to get back to me when he feels happier. He says that he feels so low in him self, that it's inevidable to affect us and he can not feel responsible for me missing out on things that I should be doing at 27. He says that if he can not make me happy today by giving me the devotion that I need, he feels that he needs to let go off me...He says that the last thing that he would want after our relationship would be another relationship. It's all about him and according to him it's now or never that he will have to sort out the mess... A few weeks ago we had an argument over a misunderstanding and I just walked off. He run after me - which is quite out of character for him to run after a woman- and held me. He told me that he could never forgive him self if he lost someone like me over a misunderstanding as he had 'different plans for us'. He said that 'yes there are one or two problems but I do love you'... He has said to me on many occasions that the only reason that should stop two people from getting back together is if one of them cheats. He said that he is proud that he has not even felt the need to go there and that he is confident that I have been faithful to him in spite of the problems, and thereforeeee he has no reason not to ever want to be with me... Every evening when he gets back home he is very down...He keeps questioning his life' choices, and trying to find solutions...He says that at the moment I can not fit in as I am not part of the problem.He says that I am not responsible for him being unhappy today, but that I may become the reason for which he will not be happy in the future if I don't give him the chance to sort him self out through being alone... I would personally find it very cruel if he was just lieing about everything...I just find it inconceivable that someone would lie to me, about loving me and hoping to one day to be in a position to make me happy, so that they walk away easily...I mean...why would they? Personally, if I didn't want to be with someone I would be very direct about it...better to hurt someone once by saying it than by 'killing them softly'... I love my partner...and as much as it hurts deep in my heart I can not deprive him of what he now needs. As for me, well I suppose I will have to find my self...another relationships is definitely not what I would want rigiht now...I can not think of anything worse than having next to me a different man to the one in my heart -that's a compromise and in a way breaks or break ups are not anything about compromises.... I will always hope that he comes back as it has been very important to me from day one to see this man smiling at me... I keep telling my self what CrossCheck75 mentioned -that I have to set him free and see if he comes back... Olena

Hi dogheadma, Thanks for the reply...I have it in mind that I should tell him how I feel about him before I leave...probably when I am leaving I will tell him that I loved him so much that I wanted to marry him and share my dreams with him... I am surprised that he brought up marriage as throughout our relationship we never discussed it. I never implied directly or indirectly that I wanted to get married as as a matter of fact I don't want to right now...And suddenly one day when he decides that he wants a break he tells me that he would like to be able to marry me one day...I asked him what role he would like me to have in his life and he said that for the time being (whilst alone) a friend but hopefully in the long run as his wife... I feel as if he is letting me down easy...That he just says all these things to drag me along -even when he is alone in case things don't work out - nevertheless without having any responsibility towards me...But I find that very mean and selfish, although I can not perceive that someon would intentionally want to sound like that... I feel very unloved and unworthy at the moment...it's probably the lowest days of my life and I am trying really really hard to get my act together and move out...But I love him and I have always wanted him to be happy, so it really hurts that he is not and that he is treating me as the obstacle in his route to happiness... It really hurts... O

Hi all, I have been going out with my partner for 6 years. We met just a year after his previous girfriend dumped him for an older well off man and he was in pieces. He had missed a year at uni and was far behind schedule. I supported him in finishing his first degree and then getting a masters and then finding a descent job. During our relationships he has been very caring and loving, however sex has been issue from the beginning as he was never in the mood for it. This part of the relationship has been poor, and he has been explaining to me that I am not the problem as if I was the problem he would have found someone ealse and not stay with me for 6 years. At the moment he wants a break. He says that he is generally not happy with his life and with the progress that he's made. His friends have all moved back home and his life is from work to home and back. He is lonely and as he has recently turned 30 he feels that he has missed out on a lot of things in his life whilst trying to catch up with his studies and work. He has explained to me that he loves me and that he would like to be able to come back to me under different circumstances. He says that as he feel miserable every morning that he wakes up he feels that he is dragging me along and that he needs to be alone. He wants to put his life back together, feel happy whilst on his own and then if we both feel like it to bring me back in. He said to me that he would like to marry me one day... I feel very down as throughout the relationship it has been a priority for me to make him happy. But now that he actually decided to do something about it himself, I just dont fit in..He swears that he loves me and does not want to lose me and that whilst he is taking his break he would like us to be in touch. I am torn in pieces as I feel totally unimportant not to fit into 'his happy life'. He wants to find the person that he used to be before his ex dumped him as he feels that at the moment he is a different person. And he feels that this is the reason for which our relationship is poor in terms of intimacy.... He has asked me to 'leave him alone' but to continue to love him....I am very hurt as I feel that for him I was just a rebound relationship whilst for me I love him and cared for him like the man that I would like to get married to one day -when he reaches happiness...(I have never told him that or ever mentioned marriage). I am very confused and heart broken...I feel deeply disappointed and hurt as in spite of the problems I remained loving and loyal to him all these years... We still live together and unfortunately at the moment all we do is arguing...and on every opportunity that he gets he tells me that he loves me...I asked him to clarify if he loves me just as a person or just like a gilfriend and he said that he loves me in both ways but there are some things that he can not do -as expected in a relationship - because of his 'issues'... I know nothing was done or said with the purpose of hurting me. But I feel very hurt and used as I was only good enough until he finally got the courage to do something for him self and go back to normality.... I am looking to buy a car and find a new flat to move out...I need to gather my courage and give him yet one more time what he wants -space. But what about me? I am starting a new job this coming Monday and I simply feel awful...nothing can impress me anymore, as I would no longer be surprised if it disappoints me in the end... I mean, what are the chances of him thinking me when he eventually finds him self and feels happy? I would like to hear your thoughts as I really could use all of the support that I can get nowdays... Olena