olena

Hi all, Day 7... It's a saturday and I ended up crying all night...I HATE WEEKENDS...I just can;t believe I now have a sunday to face... He still hasn't called or tried to contact me...I wonder if he will...and when... I feel very down today...In the morning I was okayish...I went shopping, then gym and then back home...spent the afternoon / evening on my PC... thinking and crying... It's been a whole week and nothing....Is this normal? Olena

Day 5 Last nite I went out for drinks with people from work...I got back home late and did not feel well enough to post.... Day 6 It's friday...tomorrow the weekend starts and I am dreading it...already I feel worse that I have for days...He still hasn't contacted me...I wonder if he has noticed that I have stopped calling him and that I am no longer on MSN....Has he noticed??????

Day 3 At work my director realised that something's up and he only saw me for 5 minutes during the whole day...as soon as I left work and got on the train he left me a voicemail asking if I am okay as I looked down when he spoke to me...-don't get any ideas because of work we have to talk outside office hours almost every other day... I'll make up an excuse in the morning... Still have not heard from chris...only 3 days gone...now I have -probably-a life time for no contact...-here's what I call looking forward to something... Went to the gym and got back home to my sofa watching DVDs... At least the gym makes me physically tired, thereforeeee, my mind stops working for a while... I know he will call...it will feel so good when I don't pick up the call or call him back for the first time...until I FEEL LIKE IT... Olena

The end of day 2 finds me back home drunk and lost...first time drunk since the last night that I spent at home before leavinghim... Thank God the long weekend is over....can not stand them....I want to get my self a weekend job so that I am busy round the clock all the time.... I feel HORRIBLE.... it feels like it's been 100000 days, but it's only the second day... How could he have done this to me? I was there when he was NOTHING n aed when he had NOTHING.....and now he wanht a break to FIND HIM SELF and find HAPPINESSS;. I feel so SMALL... Olena

Hi there, I am just completing my first day of no contact, eventhough it's been 4 months since our 'break' started... I had been very week over the last 4 months...until I gradually started realising that I am only hurting my self more, by trying to get someone who 'needs to be alone for now' to be with me... I am doing this for me and for us...For me so that I stop becoming a sour, obsessive, demanding and not understanding b***ch...because this is the complete opposite to what I had always been... For us so that he has his space and I don't spoil anything that may be left out of a 6 1/2 year relationship... I am hoping that time, space and no contact will help me find me and him find our self...I am hoping that he will miss me... I have not told him that I want to disappear for a while - until further notice - just like our 'break'...It will be hard to resit temptation the first time that he tries to contact me...Very very hard... I obsolutely hate weekends and this is an emotion that I had not felt for many many years...I used to look forward to them whilst we were together... I woke up early today, went to the gym, went for a walk and I have been at home since watching movies on my laptop... I started a diary...for every day that I don't contact him... I need to digest what has happened...I really need to digest it...and the only way that I can think of at the moment is being alone... Olena

Hope, I left him on his request, because he is at a stage in his life that he has not friends and no interest on a day to day basis...and he asked me for time to figure out life...so, the whole getting back together in the future has nothing to do with pitty-just love... I spoke to him today to check on him.... I will keep an eye on him to make sure that he does not make any radical decision with his current state of mind...and I sent him a link where he can meet people from his country....hopefully he will use it sensibly... It's always a very sensitive situation to tell someone that they need to see someone as they are depressed... But in my heart I want to believe that he will get out of it...things are not really that bad, but sometimes our mind make them a lot worse... And we just need to see something different to snap out of it... It's a very delicate situation, because I must keep the balances.... I do love him, and I know he loves me... Olena

Hi all, Five weeks ago I left my partner of 6 1/2 years to give him space to figure out life... He's always said that he wanted to be with me, and even after we started this 'break' he tells me that the only thing he knows if that he does not want to lose me, and that he would like to be with me again. I can't do NC. He does not have any friends because all of them moved back home and it's a bit of a catch 22 for him and he can not leave england and go back home...He is in the process of buying his first flat, but his heart is not in it...He wants new job, something NEW in his life, to change his mood. He is slipping into depression as he sees negative things in every aspect of his life.... I cant' do no contact because I simply realise now that he does love me and that preventing the break up from happening was beyond his control as he could not have done things differently... I met him on Friday evening and he was well upset...He has no motivation, to keep him going...And I am so deeply upset... I don't know what to say or what to do to help him. I really love him and it upsets me even more to see him suffering and feeling that nothing is working out for him...There are positive things in his life, but he simply can not see them... Any advice? I made it clear to him that I will support him and be there for him without any pressure or expectations for the relationship. But I don't know what more to do to help him.... Any ideas? Olena

Hi all, I am not sure what is going on in those guys head...and I don't understand why being with someone that they love can be a burden whilst trying to figure out life... I just can't believe that he would lie to me...that he would say thinks that he does not mean, and that he would only want me to realise that it's over with time... I feel very lonely and I am constantly with people...I have to put up a show at work everyday (nature of my job as I have to deal with a lot of people) and even though I never get a minute alone, I feel very lonely... Tomorrow I am seeing a flat...hopefully I will be able to rent it...I want to move out of my friend's place and be on my own...I am thinking of going for a short trip on my own...to think, find me and see what next... In my life I have always taken control of situations, problems, obstacles and dealt with them...But now I feel powerless, nothing that I say matters nothing that I say makes a difference, and I am left with NOTHING... 61/2 years of my life are gone and I am left with NOTHING.... I am 27 and I have to start figuring out my life all over again...friend's -yes a good distruction, but really, I would like not to hear any more negative things about chris at the moment... I still love him... Olena

Hi there- thanks for your responses everyone. I have been keeping away from Chris, from texting him or calling him all week...He has not contacted me, and I have not contacted him... And I am very curious as to what is going on in his mind... In my mind I am very confused and upset that he has not contacted me. I have a feeling that he may call me in the weekend, but I don't think that I will pick up the phone... As the days go by I get more upset than when I was when I left home a month ago...Probably, reality is settling in - I am beginning to realise that he is not around and that I don't know what the future holds... Being busy all the time, going out every night, and avoiding to spend time on my own is no longer fun...As the days go by, I feel more and more isolated, and I miss chris, my cat, my home even more...every night for a minute I have the feeling the I am going back home to my life, and then I realise that I can't... And I know you guys will say that time is a good healer, and that I will learn to live without him and make a new life on my own and that if he comes back I will have a choice... but it's not as simple at the moment... Not knowing what to think is worse than being told in your face that a relationship is over.... Olena

Hi there, tonight he drove round to my friend's house to see me...we went out for dinner, and he was talking to me about his efforts to set up a business back home (where he wants to end up). He then said to me that he made up his mind and that he would like us to go back home together once the time is right...I asked him what he meant and he said that he knows what he wants to get out of this break...to put his life back on track and then make the circumstances right, for us to be a couple... He said to me that he can see himself having children with me and spending the rest of his life with me...when the time is ready... I just listened to him without giving him an indication of what is going on in my mind or in my heart...He said that he is trying to make him self happy so that we can be happy... And he mentioned to me that his mother was asking him where I am and how I am doing... I feel very confused, but to be honest I feel much better than being in bad terms with him... I do love him - I know that, but my feelings are numbed at the moment...they can neither grow of disappear...it's as if time stopped for me interms of the relationships, and whilst I am getting on with the rest of my life, I am putting the whole situation on hold my self... It;s a bit like, let me focus on my career and so on, and then see what he does in the future... He swears that he loves me... And I am just listening... Olena

Hi all. I had not talked or contacted Chris for 2 days...and today I logged into MSN and the sent me a message... He said that he wanted to see me today and that he was sorry he had not called me but he had a cold with fever... I said to him that I did not think that it was a good idea to meet as it's too soon and nothing will have changed... He said that it could take a while for him to change and feel happy, and that in the mean time he could not live without seeing me... He asked me if what I meant was that I only wanted to see him if he was ready to come back, and I said yes, of if he has something new to tell me about us... He said that it could take a while as he had too many things to sort out... And then he said : 'Put what I want aside, and remember that when you want to see me, or talk to me, let me know and I will pick you up straight away...' I said to him that there are no hard feelings and that I wished him loads of happiness because I genuinely loved him...but that I had decided to him him exactely what he wanted -'space' to sort out himself... He sent me a hug... And I said goodbye to him, and to give loads of love to our cat... then I logged out... I then went for another long walk... Tonight, when I got back to my friend's house, I felt sad that I could not see him, or call him... I wanted to talk to him, but I stopped my self from calling him... I do love him, and I suppose, he is not the only one taking his chances with the relationship...I am also taking my chances, as I am not giving him what he wants... But hopefully, if he loves me enough, then one day he will come back to make it up to me... He promised me on Valentines day that if he manages to make himself happy, he will come back for me to make me happy...and that all he needs is time... I really really wish him good luck...and I say that full of love not sarcasm... I suppose, I am setting him free so that I test if he ever loved me... It a weird coctail of emotions.. And I still don't know what my gut feeling is telling me because I have not had any time on my own since I left my house...It's as if I unconsciously try to keep my self busy, all day long for the last 3 weeks... I am thinking of taking a few days off work and just going on a trip on my own...to spend some time alone, away from london, to just see who I am... Maybe sometime in March... Olena

Hi, The truth is that there is nobody new in his life at the moment...and I know that for a fact... He even said that the point is not to find someone ealse as he would only be transfering the same problems into a different relationship...He is genuinely not happy in his life... I try to focus on me...but it's hard at this stage to find a purpose for my life at the moment. Olena

Hey there, I know what it feels like to miss your pet...I had a cat - with my partner and I also left him behind.... I could not bear the though that my partner would come back to an empty house... I also miss him soo much... Olena

Hi there, Thanks for the reply...I am now on my second day of absolutely no contact... Last time I spoke to him was on Valentines day...He once again said that he knew he wanted to end up with me...Chris is now 31, and in fact our problems started when he turned 30...He said that for some men it's like going through an early middle life crisis...putting questions in their mind as to what they want from life and where they are going... I am really trying hard to keep it together...tonight I went out with a friend who makes me laugh...tomorrow I am going for another long walk in London... I try to keep really really busy...but the real test will be when he calls me...and I know he will at some point -chances are during the weekend... On one hand I am dieing to talk to him and find out how he's feeling...and on the othe hand, I don't want to as the conversation will be inconclusive, yet another time... In my mind, I would rather talk to him when he has something new to say to me... NC is becoming very hard...and it's only the second day... I suppose you are right...it's the good old saying ' if you love something set it free,,,if it comes back to you it's yours, if not then it never was....' I am scared of losing him...but I guess doing nothing, just sitting back and giving im 'space' is the right course of action... I really just want to be LEFT ALONE.... I only talk to a few friends of mine about it...the rest can not really understand...it's funny that a situation like this makes you realise who your real friends are...some people elegantely step back and let you get on with it, and others become too nosy and too judgemental of the situation...and at this stage I feel that it's a 'personal affair' something very personal to me - only open for discussion with people that can understand.... My head and my heart are really messed up...I can;t even cry anymore...since I have cried so much in the last year...I feel numbed, but then in my heart I know that there is something missing in my life... I suppose I do love him...and that's why once again, I try to give him exactely what he wants...all I wanted was to be loved back.. It seems that I am turning out to be a difficult person to love.. with all his problems... I pray for him...and wish loads of happiness for him... Olena

This is my piece of mind at the moment... To make my self a better person - but not through relationships, but rather through my work and social circle... You are right...feelings don't disappear just like that after 3 years...and I am in a way trying my best to take some time off - on my own... And then when I feel ready, I will contact him and meet him...see what he says...how he's getting on...and in the mean time, I know he'll contact me...and depending of how I feel on the day, I may answer the phone or I may not... Thank you for the response - I only just read it...but it's more supportive and understanding that many other things that I have heard from friends in the last 3 weeks or so... Olena

Hi, Thanks for the response...the reason for which I don't want to be in touch with him anymore, is really because I want him to see what life is like without me... Not in a vicious way, but rather, because I don't think that he will ever miss me enough if he has the security that 'I am there to listen' but not there to be in a relationship with... It's not in my nature to play games and pretend that there are 5 guys or that I want 5 guys to date me...I don't care about this sort of things...100%not interested, because I know in my heart that I will never love anyone as much as I love chris... chris was always a priority in my life...and I don't think that I will ever give someone the same chances of becoming a priority in my life again...from now on, it's about ME, not anyone ealse... I don't want to analyse what he thinks or why he does what he does...but I know his heart...and I want to believe that he means what he says... Does this make sense? Olena

Hi there, The 'getting on with your life' does not really make sense after a break up...because you do...whether you are sitting in a corner crying your eyes out, or trying to keep it together...This is because in both of those circumsances you get on with your life...People often assume that after you break up you can press a button and 'get on with your life'...but the bottom line is that what ever you do you get on with you it...This does not mean that you forget...as some feelings are difficult to go away...especially, if the one who wanted a break clearly loves you...and especially after 6 years...I feel twice as much sadness (knowing that he is on his own struggling) as I would feel if I know that he was out there having a good time on his own... olena

Dear all, It’s been almost 3 weeks since I left my house and my 6 ½ year partner… He needed space and needed time to find him self, and figure out life…During those 3 weeks we often spoke on the phone. He’s been telling me how weird it is not to have me around, and that he misses the whole thing…but that he is not ready to come back, as he still needs to sort out the rest of the problems in his life… He sounds stressed and down, and that he has a lot going on in his mind…He told me that nothing makes him happy in his life, and that he is trying to do something radical, to stir the water. He says that all he wants from me is to love him. And that he loves me, and that those 3 weeks that we have been apart made him realise that he does not want to lose me for ever and how much he loves me… I keep listening and asking him ‘ what about what I want’…and he says that at the moment he can not give it to me, but that he hopes that one days – once he sorts out his thoughts he will…He promised me the other night that he will make me happy when he manages to make himself happy… He said that for us to get back together, it must be serious and special…and that for now the timing is bad, because nothing major changed in his life, in terms of his daily routine…he says that getting back together now would only bring us back to square one (to where we are now), as the problems won’t just go away… I am not sure what to say or what to think…so I have stopped calling him since Wednesday evening…When we talked on Wednesday evening he mentioned that he wanted to see me on Thursday…and I said that I was busy…he said he’s call anyway, but he didn’t…and I have not contacted him since…I know it’s only been a day, but I just feel very confused… I deeply love him, and I accept that there are many many problems in his life that he needs to sort out before thinking of a long term relationship…and I am trying to use this time alone as an opportunity to ‘find my own self’… I am really really not interested in meeting someone new…I know it’s all too fresh, but at the same time, I don’t want to give him the security that I am always there so that he takes me for granted… I realised the other night that the reason for which I was getting so upset and agree with him in the last year is because I wanted him to come after me…. I have been doing all of the chasing up in the last year, whilst he was trying to focus on the rest of his problems… And now I feel that it should be his turn to come after me if he truly means it – that he does not want to lose me…. I am praying day and night for good luck for him…and some happiness…but then again, who’s doing the same thing for me? Just my thoughts… Olena

Do you guys think that people break up because they want to be ALONE not in a relationship so that they can make decisions for their life? Do you guys think that if two people love each other enough, in the long run once those decision have been made, they can get back together and try to make it work? Olena

Can someone explain to me what it means when someone tells you that they want to be alone for this period in their life? To figure out for them selves what they want out of life...and that they don't want to be in a permenant relationship, eventhough they love you and don't want to lose you? Chris just rang me...and that's what he said... I started crying and said to him that if in two weeks he can still keep his emotions under control, it's unlikely that his emotions will become stronger down the line...He says he wants to see where this relationship can develop down the line... I feel as if he is doupting us... He asked to see me tomorrow and I refused as he does not have anything new to say to me... He said we should talk at some other time...and that all he wants of me for now is to love him and spend some time away from him, alone... I asked him not to call me... I am starting NO CONTACT all over again...

Thank you all for the replies... The truth is that since chris and I started talking about the break that he asked me for, he has been consistent in what he says.... He is now in the process of buying a flat and thinking of what he needs to do to improve the quality of his life... When we met the other night on his birthday, he was affectionate...Chris never used to be the type of guy to sweet talk me...but as we were having dinner, he told me that I was his heart and that he loved my eyes...He held my hands and kissed them... It saddens me that people that we used to know are slowly finding out that we are not together at the moment...last week I bumped into a friend of his who told me that chris had talked to him about me leaving, and said that it was over for now but that we may get back together in the future... When we met on his birthday, he was telling me that he tried to contact some old friends in order to improve his social life...with little success as those people have moved on... Then he mentioned to me that he did not want to make me unhappy next to him and that this is why he needed time to find what the problems are...and I asked him to explain what he does to make me happy...he said that he is not doing anything that is too obvious to me, but that he is trying in different ways to improve him self... I don't know what to do next...I love him dearly...with chris it's beyond being in love - it's love...Since I moved in with my uni friend, I have only been coming back home to sleep...I keep my self very busy at work, after work, in the evening, in the weekends and I avoid giving my self the opportunity to think too much...everytime I realise what's happened I feel very upset... Today I was at King's Cross and I saw a cat...I started weeping because I remembered how much I miss our cat...He was my cat, but I did not want to take him away from chris as chris would have had to come back home to a completely empty house... I don't know if I should contact him and keep it very formal or just make no contact with him until and if he does.... O

Today it was chris; birthday. I called him at lunch time to wish him happy birthday and he said he would call me back in the evening to go out for dinner...He came to pick me up straight from work. We had dinner and at first we talked about the new house that he is buying. Then we talked about us. He told me that when I left the house last week he started crying because I had left. because he did not know where I was and because he was regretting arguing and hurting me for the last year...then he said to me that he loved me, and that he knew that in the long run he wanted to be with me and marry me...he said that he needed time to sort him self, out and that nobody could compare to me, as he knows that nobody would stay with him all of those years when he was having so many problems... I told him that I fel numbed and that I can not be upset anymore...it has nothing to do with whether I love him or not, but rather with the fact that in the last year, I have been so deeply hurt and upset that I can not feel anymore...He was upset as he perceived it as if I am beginning to stop loving him... He dropped me back home and I said to him that I am not going to contact him any more, and that it's up to him to sort himself out...He mentioned to me that he told his mum that we are staying apart for a while, and she commented that it's his choice...All of his friends told him that he should come back begging me to take him back...I aksed him what he thought...and he said that his heart told him that he should be with me, but his mind told him that he should 'find himself' first if we are to have a real chance together... Is it normal to feel so numbed and still love someone? Olena

Hi there, No I had no idea that I am allergic to anything. I have never had any allergies and none of my family members ever complained of allergies...so it was a bit of a shock. I am better now and the swelling has gone down. I have to keep on taking my steroids for 3 more days, and then when I get back home I will have some tests too see why I am allergic to. Chris has not called me to touch base and see if I am recovering well. He was really caring and concerned on saturday and sunday and then for 2 days nothing...But he is generally like that, and he is the type of person who postoponds things... Tomorrow it's his birthday...I will call him to say happy birthday, and keep it short and sweet... It's weird not having been in touch with him...Last week at some point he texted me and said that I should not doupt that he loves me and that I am only temporarily away from him and our cat...and that I am all he has... I am hoping that there will be a quick fix to all of this...but I suspect that it may take him a while to realise what's he done...I love him with all my heart and as upset and hurt as I was with him for the past year, given the arguments, I can not hold it against him.... There is trust and respect between us...but it just seems that everything ealse is not helping at the moment, and he's hit a very low moment in his life... I try to keep busy all day long at work, and not to think too much about it otherwise I will get very upset....it's as if time has stopped with my emotions, whilst he told he in the weekend that in the last week he loved me ever more than he did...with chris it's pure love....he loves me first as a person -perhaps too much as a person and then as a girlfriend...and I love him in the same way...I could really see my self with him in the long run and that's what's making it so complicated...and he says that he can see him self with me in the long run, once he sorts out everything ealse in his life... Anyways, another long e-mail from me... Olena

Hi all, thank you for your replies... He did not call me yesterday to see how I am getting on and I WAS quite upset about it... tomorrow it's his birthday...I am not sure if I should just text him and keep it casual or if I should actually call him... It does seem that love is not enough, as there are so many circumstances in his life that make him unhappy... And I do love him... Olena

I have been apart from my 61/2 year partner for a week and a day. On saturday I decided to go out with a friend for lunch as I was feeling really down...When my friend went to the toilet a guy approached me and greeted me... It was my boyfriend's good friend. He told me that I looked better than ever and that chris had told him that he asked me for a break. His friend told me that he told chris that he is an idiot as he will never find anyone better than me. Chris told him that maybe we will get back together in the future, once things improve... I got really upset, as chris had told me that he would not let anyone know as he did not want people to ask questions... On the same evening I went home and being upset I went to sleep...At one in the morning I woke up with itchiness on my hands and feet and by 2 o;clock my face and arms were swelling. I realised that there was something wrong as I could not stop scratching my self all over my body and my lips trippled in size... I panicked as I was home alone and realised that I was having an allergic reaction to something... Then I was suffocating and I ended up calling chris to take me to the hospital...chris came straight to where I am now staying, and called an ambulance on his way to me. I was taken to hospital and just came out the following afternoon. I apparently went into an allergic shock and they had to give me 3 bottles of fluids and 2 shots of steroids to control my breathing...Chris was there all the time that I was in hospital and then insited that I go back to his place, rather than stay home alone...I ended up sleeping where it used to be my house until a week ago... he slept next to me, and then in the morning we started making love, but it did not work out...he said that he did not know what was wrong. I asked him if it was me and he said that he did not know... He said that he loved me and that he did not want to lose me, but he did not know if at this time in his life he wants to be in a permenant relationship... When I woke up I just left... we spoke later on in the day and he said to me that he was upset that I left before he woke up. that he was upset to wake up and not find me there...and that he loved me... I said to him that I loved him too, but kept the conversation brief... Today he did not call me to see how I am doing...On Wednesday it is his birthday, and I am not sure of what to do... The bottom line is that I love him and he seems to be struggling with the break up himself. when got back to his place after the hospital he told me that I was his heart and that he loved me deeper than I could ever imagine...and that basically the 'sexual' way of loving a girlfirnd is locked up because he got really hurt in the past and can not express himself in that way...He said to me that he doesnot want to lose me and that he does not want to go after other women because he knows that I am the only one who really loved him... I am very confused by this whole situation...he is struggling with his emotions...on one hand, it's me that he does not want to lose, on the other hand it's the fact that he had missed out on having frineds and a social life - a guy;s life between his 20-30s because he's been in relationships...and somewhere in the middle is the fact that he can not express his love to me in sexual way.... I don't know what to do to help him...he;s asked me for time to sort out him self and then try to 'fix us'.... I love him a lot, and I am not interested in other guys or even getting into a new relationship...I just want things to work out, and him to feel happy with himself.... Any advise? Olena