chocolady

Ever wondered if you hadn't pursued a man, he woulda and still would be instead of it fizzling out? I think if a man, however shy and solitary he is WILL ask you out if he is really that into you. If he doesn't, I honestly don't think he woulda or shoulda, as he is just wasting his time.. and yours.

I guess you're talking about relationships and I'm talking about the initial meet and the fun of the chase, the start of an attraction, the flirt, the fun etc. But I will answer.... The whole 'idea' of the chase is to catch and be caught so there would be no chase when you have been 'caught'. it' the very beginning, not long term. When you know you both feel the same, it stops. At least with me anyway. The dance never ends when you are with the right person. You don't realise it's there, but it very much is, it's because the dance just becomes more graceful, endearing and 'effortless' with time. - speaking as someone who was happily married for 18 years and knows of the difficulties of relationships probably better than you do, if I may be so bold. If I do not follow my gut, I will always feel out of step with the other person and like I am treading on his toes. Maybe crazy to you but I can't change what I think and feel inside. I'll keep you posted on his reactions and what happens, it will be interesting to see the results

Oooh Good questions 1) I think if you become friendly with someone, in work for instance, you grow on each other. A certain warmth, sexual tension, eye contact, flirting etc works. But I would always be the one who pulled away from eye contact first, walked away grinning after flirting leaving him smiling and effectively wanting more. I feel it's like we are equally attracted to each other and dance the same dance. 2) if I have done something wrong, whether he chased me or I chased him, I would have no problem in approaching him first and apologising. If I have done something to upset them, it is MY PLACE to reach out and say I am sorry as in any relationship, so I don't think that it would cause an imbalance, I know when to do the right thing.

Ok I am new to all this dating stuff and I am a big believer in 'men pursuing women' so I would like comments from other women who feel the same... I joined a dating site and was checking out the profiles when I saw this nice guy I quite faniced, I kinda forgot I was on his page and I clicked 'friend members' out of curiosity, which then 'asked the guy to be my friend' Damn, damn damn. Have I blown it already by me pursuing him or does this just make the guy aware that *I* exist?

Omg, I'm so sorry, I'm crying my eyes out. Hugs to you and your family.

Thanks guys, you're certainly opened my eyes, and you're all right. Though it was to good to be true. But how the heck are you supposed to know what they want, he seemed really nice? IF he does reply, I'll tell him I think he's looking for something different. Sighs. Back to the drawing board...

Ok I joined a dating site, I'm a widow (4 years ago), never dated since, so I'm a little cautious (actually terrifed) to say the least. I saw this gorgeous looking guy on the site so I bit the bullet and messaged him. We mailed back and fore a couple of times, I showed him my pics and he sent this reply.... "you look stunning babe. my number is *********** if you want to text me and i will ring you so we can chat proper hun. hope to see you soon. [his name] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx" So what's the problem? Well I panicked, and sent him a mail back .... "Smiles, thanks. Any chance we could go a little slower? I really am new to all, maybe have a chat online and see if we get on? See ya later I hope". He showed as being online today but didnt reply. Have I blown it? Should I just wait and see if he replies in the week or just forget it? Being a widow, which I do state on my profile, I don't want to be messed about or used.

Ok Lets put things into perspective....this isn't a real relationship. This is a mental and emotional thing going on in your heads and on the computer. I'm sure what you have is very special when it's good and he does care about you but surely you can see that this isn't going to be more than that until he commits to meeting you? I too am guilty of it in the past but something I read on here clicked in my mind which changed everything for me..... "A woman wonders how the relationship is going and a man wonders if he should start a relationship with you at all"! See now what you are doing? You are talking to him like you are in a real relationship when in fact, he hasn't even left his house! So stop doing that. See this for what it is, a meeting of minds where he can just click the x and is gone and until he walks through that door, treat him like he is still wondering. Take some time away from the computer and see what is REAL and what is not. I know I did and it helped me put things into perspective and realise that I was wayyyyy too close to see the truth. Ask him if he wants to ever meet you and pause. Wait for his reply and listen. A man knows what he wants and he will tell you so believe him. It's highly unlikely that he will change his mind. If he says he does not, then I think you should back off completely as you are going to end up with a broken-heart over a man you've never met and who doesn't even want you. If you want to remain friends at least take some time away and on your return set some boundaries by telling him that he can't talk to you the way he does anymore as it confuses you and it is unfair.

Ok, it really p's me off when I'm talking on Messenger (to either sex but mostly men I admit) having a really good laugh, being flirty, giving ALL my attention to them, generally having fun etc... then their box pops up with some completely random sentence that has nothing to do with what you are talking about like "yea not bad?" followed by "opps wrong box." I don't mind if they want to talk to others at the same time but why not say first off that they are talking to someone else too so you know where you stand and don't even start a convo like that? Makes me annoyed. Are they being rude or is me being too touchy?

A cautionary tale for you.. I talked to a man for over 8 months. I too saw pics of him where he didn't look very good, but we had cammed soooo many times I just sort of ' meh'd ' them as he made videos on his digicam too just like yours did and he looked lovely and happy, good looking etc. But the truth of it is.. Photographs DO NOT LIE... video cams do. Do not ignore the them. When we met, I nearly fell off my chair. He was ugly. I mean ugly with a capital UG. I'd wasted 8 months getting sexy and flirty with a man, planned a future with a man, started having feelings for etc who in real life looked like something out of "The Hills Have Eyes" (original film). *shudders at the memory* Needless to say, nothing came of it and when the date was over I walked out of the restaurant and I RAN. I mena I ran up the street and out of sight, releived that I hadn't told him where I had lived or made any promises to him. I can't imagine how I would have felt if this man had packed up his old life and moved to be with me. Even if he had, I still would have run. Please consider meeting this man at least once before he makes any permanent decisions about moves to be near you. You could end up dating the man in the pics.

I'm so angry and hurt at the moment, I feel like I'm going to implode. I've just found out that the guy I was talking to for the last year, the guy I thought wanted me in real life, the guy I was faithful to in real life as I thought he was worth it. I thought we were building up to meeting but it turns out he doesnt want to meet me afterall. He left his wife 3 years and lives alone and has had family problems with his son so he sees her often because of him.. I also wondered if he would get back with his ex so I let things ride because of those reasons as I thought he needed more time so I didnt put any pressures on him and I didnt want to get hurt. Now it turns out that he doesnt think he will get back with her. I really trusted him, he gives me beautiful love songs that I thought were coming straight from his heart. We cam and have fun together and when it's good, it's awesome!! I thought this was the beginning of something special in real life. Turns out, he's just playing and doesnt mean any of it. Yesterday I asked him if he wanted to meet anyone off the net, and he said "Not particulary, I'd rather meet people in normal life". He KNEW what I was getting at and now I am sooooo hurt. I also wondered if he would get back with his ex. So my question is, do I tell him how I feel, that I am angry at him for leading me on or just fade away slowly and not show any concerns? I really want to tell him what he has done to me,he's made me cry and feel rejected and feel like a fool etc But should I let someone in on my hurt. He acts like this is nothing and talks like normal. I hate him for it!!