omayitna

Sounds hard. People change and it sounds like the change for you two is causing you to grow apart. Part of life. I was curious though, why does he live with you and your parents? I ask because I went through something like that when I was that age... had to live with somebody else for a while to afford the college I wanted to attend... things got hard after a time, and I felt like I was a burden on that family. Could your friend be feeling anything like that?

The title says most of it. I want to host a party at my house (in 2 weeks) for Halloween... but I have 2 big fears: 1) hardly anybody will come, 2) if people do come, they won't have a good time and they won't ever come back. Given these fears, I'm tempted to NOT have the party, and I'm stuck in this limbo of no action until I decide. I've never hosted a party at my house before, by myself. When I was married my ex and I hosted a few here, and they were fine. She has been gone for almost 3 years now, and I've yet to have a party here again. I WANT to have the party, but I'm so scared... I feel like a little kid.

I guess I don't get this part because that hasn't been my experience. I've had a number of women pursue me, in high school, in college, and after college. It has always felt very normal to me, in fact, in my life it has probably been the women doing the pursuing more than me doing it... maybe I'm too passive and maybe that is why I've ended up leaving these women in the end, they weren't the ones I really wanted. Now that it might be up to me to pursue, perhaps I lack the skills. This chic in question has called me, she invited me on a bike ride a couple of weeks ago, she invited me on a climb last year, but I don't see those as dates so much. So nobody thinks I should give her space? I'm still not convinced but I do appreciate the feedback. Regards

Not trying to argue, but why? What is wrong with letting a women initiate next contact and suggest plans? One of my ex's did this all the time, i thought it was great. Yep, I had to chase a bit. I didn't mind. I should point out that though I've known her for about a year, I didn't call her from Oct to June... I was dating somebody else, so I haven't been chasing her for a year, just a few weeks. Sorry, I left out some detail to keep this short. She talked about her ex because I asked her about it. I was interested in what her longest relationship had been and how it went. This wasn't at dinner, it was while we were driving from the climbing wall to dinner, about 45 minutes apart. At dinner we talked about food, restaurants, what we liked to do for fun, etc... I agree not that flirty yet and maybe too much like a job interview... I'll accept that feedback. Thanks. I do think about how much we have in common, because I don't want yet another relationship with a women that I'm only with because I think she is cute and can flirt. Been there and done that, I want more from a relationship. I do agree though, I should probably do more flirting while I'm also evaluating. The fun part of our date was probably actually when we were climbing. I led her up a few routes and she had a great time. I do fine with activities like that... actually flirting doesn't come as easily to me. I think in part because I've never had to work that hard before to get dates, but this particular women really interestes me so I'm trying to make some extra effort and figure out what I should do. I still am curious about why it is a problem to let her call me? Seems like it would help answer some of the question about her interest level in me. Regards

Hey, lots of question for me, but I don't see an answer to my question about my plan to let her contact me next... We have hung out before, one on one, playing tennis, hiking, climbing, that kind of thing. It was our first time going out to dinner. This is part of my reasoning about giving her space... to see if she contacts me next or not. Sure, she brought up climbing together again (we had gone climbing before dinner). I've already told her I'm interested in her and getting to know her better. I haven't asked about the other guy because 1) I don't really care yet, 2) I don't want to seem controlling. I'm fine not knowing about him. My main question is: is it a mistake to let her contact me next, or does that fly to much in the face of the conventional wisdom that a guy will call a women if he is interested.

I've known this women for a while (about a year) and we have been only activity buddies (sports). She knew I was attracted to her, and she finally agreed to go out to dinner with me this week... that was Tuesday. She told me before this that she is seeing somebody else but it isn't exclusive and it just started... I haven't asked her for more details about him, and I don't plan to. The dinner date was fine, nice eye contact, exchanged smiles, etc. We got to know eachother more, she told me the long story about her 1 very serious relationship (5 years) that ended a fews years ago because the guy was too controling, and jealous, but she did not see this until the later part of their relationship. After they started living together, he tried to get her to cut back on seeing all of her other friends and not playing in a city sports leagues. He finally hit her in a rage when he thought she had cheated on him (she walked the night he hit her). We also just talked about life, career goals, fun things we like, etc. Not really a romantic feeling date, but that can come later in my opinion. I had explained to her that I advocate a friends first approach; that I do like her, but I prefer taking things slow. Anyway, to the question. Given that she is 'seeing' somebody else, and had a history of being involved with a guy that wound up being a control freak, and given that I've done the vast majority of suggesting plans with her in the past, I'm tempted to let her contact me next, rather than contacting her next. Seems to me this could accomplish a couple of things: 1) Let her know I respect her space and don't need to know what she is up to all the time, and that I have my own life. 2) See if this would always be a situation of me having to call her... meaning she just might not be interested enough to call me. Now, I know this goes in the face of the conventional wisdom where women are told that if a guy is interested, he will call her... so I'm wondering if my 'give her space' plan is flawed. She knows I like her, so she does not need the followup call for that affirmation. I'm mostly interested in what women think, but always like all feedback. What do you think?

I just got out of a relationship based on my wanting to date her non-exclusivly and she didn't want that. We moved pretty fast and she just assumed we were exclusive, though we had never talked about it. I told her I didn't want to be exclusive, unfortunately she has fallen for me very hard after only 6-8 weeks and was using the L word. About the same time I had gotten back into contact with somebody that I knew last year and wanted to date (other post about that, long story, probaby some karma there ) The way I saw it is that we had different needs. She really wanted an exclusive serious relationship... I just wanted to date but not be exclusive. My needs are based on the fact that I've been married and divorced twice, and I think one reason that happened is that I became exclusive too quickly.... I want to date a lot of women before I make another very serious move again. Anyway, I would probably not date more than one person at a time if I was intamate with one of them, and I would not become intamate with somebody that I knew was also in an intamate relationship with somebody else... though if I was trying to win her over, I might do what I could to see how tempted I could get her...

"you have to wonder why she intentionally told you about him. It's almost as if she wants her ego to be stroked intentionally, eh? *Red Flag*" My guess is that she told me out of respect. If somebody asked me out and I didn't know whether or not that person only dated monogamously, I would let them know. I think she was just explaining why things were somewhat complicated. But, in the end, I'm further along with her today than I was yesteray, she has finally agreed to have dinner with me on a specific day, and she understands I'm not going to put up with being cancelled on.

"I bet if you date other girls and subtletly (sp) let her know you'll win." I think that is what this other guy is already doing. She mentioned it when she said they were not exclusive. For all I know, she would then be dating me to do the same thing... but that just seems too much like game playing to me. I just want to have fun with her, and not waste my time.

This is part two of an earlier post of mine from today ( ). I've been hanging out with this women doing activities (climbing, hiking, biking, etc) in an effort to get to know her better. Anyway, I had the impression she was avoiding me after I asked her to dinner, so I finally just went to her place tonight and asked her what was up, face to face. I did this because we had plans to climb on next Tuesday, and I wanted to make sure she wasn't going to cancel at the last minute... I wanted to make it clear to her that I didn't want plans with her any more unless they were solid... and this wasn't something I wanted to explain on the phone or in email. I was hesitant to just drop by like that, but it worked out. She didn't mind that I just dropped in and I know what is going on now. (The cancel thing was related to her cancelling our plans last week due to having to work late for an audit a client of hers was going through). She told me she has been dating another guy for a few weeks, and didn't know that I was interested in her for anything more than being friends. She knew I thought she was cute, but that is water under the bridge now. She said she often overbooks her time and then has to cancel something. I made it clearer why I wanted to have dinner with her, so she agreed to have dinner with me Tuesday... we are going climbing then going to dinner. She could do it sooner, but I can't, I'll be gone over the weekend on a 2 day climb, and we both have other stuff going on before then. Anyway, I made it clear that I don't want to make plans and have her cancel them, I value my time too much for that. She understands. Ok, so she is seeing this other guy, but she made it clear they are not exclusive, and they just started hanging out, but she did take him on a 3 day weekend to her sister's new place and to visit some friends at Crater Lake... so she likes him. I have some serious catching up to do, as I think she was almost done putting me in the pure friendzone, but I think I have a small chance to get out (she is going to dinner with me, and she understands that it is a *date*). So.... my question is, what should I do knowing that she is also dating this other guy? This is new for me. I will say what I don't want... he decides he doesn't want her, and she ends up with me as a fallback. I don't want that. I want to beat this guy in a head to head battle for the prize Any tips? Pointers? A bit more about her... fun for her is climbing, hiking, golfing, boating, etc. She isn't that urban... meaning going out to dinner by itslef isn't her idea of a great time, but dinner after something else is. But, I do think she likes to dance so I was thinking of that for a later date. She said this other guy is a party boy... I didn't really ask for more information about how she knows him or anything... maybe it is good to know thy enemy, but I want to focus on what I can do.. I can't do anything about him. This is actually kind of exciting... if I've ever dated a women that was also seeing somebody else, I've never known it. Well, once in college, but that was a long time ago. This will be a challenge. Maybe I should offer up a price to the person with the best tip? Hmmm... I'll have to think about that.

As a guy, I'd say if he is only interested in spending 40 minutes with you before going home, he is a dog. If I like a chic, I'll stay out late to be with her... life is too shart to be that worried about getting up early for work.

One reason I've been holding back on the 'bust a move' approach is that I don't want her to get the impression that I'm a player. A bit more detail around that. We met climbing, and did Mt. Rainier last year with a club. When we were at the ranger hut getting the permit, a women ranger that I knew was there, and greeted me with this big smile and emotional 'how are you'... it was almost embarrassing (I knew the ranger from an outdoor first aid class we had both been in a few months earlier). Then I took this chic climbing to a local indoor gym, and when I'm with her my climbing coach (also a women) comes over and is chatting me up and smiling and again I'm wishing she would go away cause I'm trying to get to know my date; then another time we are climbing at the same gym and two other women are flirting with me (sort of) right in front of her. Also, I've been married and divorced twice. So, I feel some need to live down a reputation... I want to be her friend first... and I'm serious about that because I like this chic much more than any of the others I just mentioned. I don't want to bust a move and scare her into thinking I'm just another dude that wants to get laid. So, I'm trying to go slow, but I'm ready to start ratcheting things up. But I hear what you are saying, if I go too slow I risk her losing interest. I was mainly trying the read the situtation about why she might be shying away from dinner. I'm climbing with her Tuesday after work (as it turns out I can't do this weekend because I'm doing another 2 day climb), so I'll try to be warmer to her.

The kind of hiking we do is high intensity, no side by side strolls, the trails are not that wide. She is normally right in front of me... good view for me that way too. When we climb, our hands touch as we exchange gear back and forth, chalk bag, carabiners, etc. I get the sense the moment lingers a bit, but that could just be me. There are ways to hand gear to somebody without touching them, and we don't do it that way. I'm a bit of a serious type when I am nervous, I must admit, and find it much easier to relax or flirt after some wine (hence the dinner idea), but I'm going to try to touch her more when we climb next.

Batya33: I like the cruise idea, she has told me multipe times how much she likes boating. The ones in this city seem rather touristy, but I'll check it out. Beec: I didn't mean to give the impression that I'm not comfortable with dinner, just that I've been taking things slow. Great advice about the joking. I think most of my dating experience is more in the traditional sense, dinner, dancing, that kind of thing. And in those settings I have no problem busting a move. Climbing or some related activity isn't something I normally associate with dating, and this chic makes me a bit nervous, so I'm probably not in top flirting form around her. But, last time we went out there were in fact a couple of other chics talking to me while I had her on belay, so I'll try to use that line with her about them just wanting me for my body You also might be right that I should be listening to her about what she likes to do (hike, climb, ride, tennis, boat)... maybe that kind of stuff is just more fun to her. I just have more move-busting experience on dates that are urban so I'm trying to get us in that setting. Thanks to both of you.

I've been seeing this women for a while, mostly activity dates: mountain biking, hiking, tennis, climbing, stuff like that. I call her a bit more than she calls me, but she does call me, it isn't one way. We are not *dating* exactly, no kissing or anything, I'm working to be friends first. I've gotten too involved with women too quickly before and I want to take things slower this time. Anyway, there are times I've noticed that she seems very withdrawn, and I've noticed that this seems to occur when she is having an acne or cold sore episode. She is very pretty, but also very active and athletic (plays soccer in a league, plays tennis, runs a lot) and I think she has the kind of skin that some athletes have that breaks out when you sweat a lot. It doesn't bother me at all, and it has never come up in conversation, but I've noticed that when I'm with her and she is having one of these episodes, she won't make eye contact, and doesn't smile, or anything. Other times, she seems fine, perky, up beat, and talkative and makes eye contact. I know this would bother some people, so here is the question. I've been trying to propose a dinner date with her. She will say yes to the idea, but when it comes time to actually choose a night to do it, she becomes busy; she is a CPA and one of her big clients was going through an audit, and then she went out of town to visit her sister that just moved to a different state and had to make up a bunch of hours at work since she took a 4 day weekend in the middle of this client being audited. Now, she tells me she wants to go climbing with me this weekend... but acts like she forgot about me asking her to dinner... and I'm wondering if I'm supposed to be catching some hint that I should stop asking her to dinner and be content to hang with her doing sports. I think she is the kind of women that has a closet full of sports clothes... but almost no going out clothes... she told me once she had to go to a friends wedding and was going to have to borrow a dress from a friend because she didn't really have anything nice enough. So, my dilema is trying to read her, and I've come up with these: 1) Either she is ashamed of these acne/cold sore breakouts and if she is in the middle of one she doesn't want to see me, and it is just been bad timing that this has happened about the time that I proposed dinner. 2) She is brushing me off and I'm too dense to get it; meaning she just wants to be friends but not romantic 3) Her idea of a date is climbing or hiking, not going out to dinner; she is a tomboy (but that is one of the things I liker about her) I've heard of women canceling a date due to an acne breakout she didn't want a guy to see, in fact I recall my sister doing it once, but would an adult women really do that? This chic is 31. I don't mind asking her about #2 or #3, I'd feel weird asking her about #1. What do you women think?