buddafleye

It's really difficult to know whether or not you're a lesbian because most women develop feelings, at one time or another, for other women. Most, if not all, women question their sexuality at a point in their life. From what I've been hearing, this is an entirely normal thing to be going through. So experiment! Just because you kiss a girl doesn't mean you're a lesbian. I'm a huge hypocrite for giving this advice because I'm in the same place as you, but from what I've learned thus far you have to just dive in and do it. You're not going to know if you like kissing girls until you kiss a girl. Now I should step down off my soap box and heed my own advice. haaha. It's hard though, I know. The situation will present itself when the time is right. Don't rush to figure yourself out -- enjoy the ride. I'm in absolutely no rush to declare my orientation to anyone. Sure, it starts to get annoying after awhile because you're like, AM I or AM I NOT? But I think deep down, you really already know the answer. It's not so much of a question of sexuality, but a question of when you're ready to admit it to yourself. You know?

I definitely would because I know how difficult it is to come out. I can't expect something from someone else that I myself am having a hard time with. I don't think you should base a relationship on whether or not someone's out. If you like the person enough, that doesn't matter.

I actually have an e-mail address for her. Getting in contact outside of class isn't an issue. It all boils down to me being a big chicken who just can't run the risk of hitting on a straight girl -- especially my first time. I guess the worst that could happen is she'd be flattered and I'd maybe make a new friend (if she wasn't weirded out), but I dunno... This is all extremely reminscent of my last three [girl] crushes. I still have a month. I doubt I'll say anything between now and then, but who knows... maybe... For now I'll just enjoy the thrill of a crush. Sure makes a boring class exciting!

Ok, so my crush is getting too intense for my liking. Literally.. the sound of her voice alone makes me hot. There's no need to question my sexuality on this one. It's so deep... not in a manly way, but in a super freaking sexy way. I couldn't even concentrate during class because all I could think about was how I would sneak a glance or two in without her, or anyone else for that matter, noticing. I had to walk by her twice and I almost fainted both times. All I want to do any time I'm in the same room is kiss her. I dunno. I keep trying to use stereotypes to figure her out and she really seems to fit the profile. Like she doesnt' wear a lot of makeup, definitely has the shoes of a lesbian...haha... is a graduate student in a program typically taken by people who are more "open", if you will (which I won't say because I'm horrified of someone I know coming on here and figuring out who I actually am) haha. But I try not to judge like that because she could very well be straight with just bad taste in shoes. hahah. Ugh. I adore her and she probably doesn't even know I exist.

I wish I could do something so simple as approaching her after class. For me, I'm just the most obvious person when I like someone. It's obvious when I hate someone... all of my emotions come through my face and I might as well have a giant, neon sign over my head flashing "I looove you!" lol. I don't want her to know I like her unless she shows me somehow that she likes me. I'm not brave enough yet to risk rejection because I think my little heart would burst... lol. If I were to talk to her, I wouldn't be myself. I'd be shy, I'd probably blush, I wouldn't be able to maintain eye contact.. I just can't have that. I'd rather admire from afar than risk embarrassing myself. Yes, that's something I need to get over. I'm aware. Bad news though. I searched her on Google and found out she's probably straight. Don't get the wrong idea... I'm totally not a stalker, but I always find it interesting to see what I can dig up on people. haha. I'm not obsessed or anything. Anyway, I found a page of obituaries that lists who attended the funeral and her name was listed in one of them.. not as a dead person (haha obviously) but next to a guy's name in brackets, which I'm assuming means she's his girlfriend. Kind of disappointing, though I've been with guys as well... so maybe there's still a chance. From the date on the page, it was over two years ago.

I should also say that I don't fit the "lesbian stereotype" of a tomboy or butch or any of that. I'm quite feminine, so I think sometimes that throws people off when they're judging whether or not I might be gay. It makes it more difficult for me when trying to experiment with women because it's only ever guys that hit on me. And like I said, I'm just not comfortable making the first move. Not yet anyway... haha. Maybe if this eats away at me some more I'll get a little braver out of desperation. lol

That's definitely one way to look at it. I could be getting crushes on them because it's safe. I've never had a crush on someone I actually know as a friend, and I've never just seen a girl on the street and was instantly attracted to her. Well, no one really knows because I myself am not 100% sure of my own sexuality. I can like women, but I've also liked men. I've had a few boyfriends and enjoyed them, but not to the extent I think I'm supposed to, you know? And I can't really judge for sure whether or not I'm a lesbian or bisexual until I have a real experience with a woman. I would be leery about coming out to my family because they're very conservative in their views, but I think if I knew for sure I would have no problem telling friends. I think some of my closer friends suspect I'm not straight because I've hinted that I'm not, but no... I'm not officially out to anyone. ---- I'm editing this to correct myself in that I have had a crush on someone other than a teacher or a TA and that was this past summer when I had a MASSIVE crush (THE crush that lead me to accept I might be lesbian) on a co-worker. She was more like a boss, but not my boss... so again with the crushing on someone I can't really have. Though, the story did start to get better near the end of the summer and I do believe the feelings were mutual, but neither of us acted on it in time.

I'm turning 22. If I saw her on the street, I'd probably die of a heart attack before asking her out for coffee. It's one of those crushes where if I even look at the person, my heart starts racing, I get nervous and giddy... haha. I've only recently come to terms with the fact that I can like women, so that's also a factor. I'm too new and I need the other person to take the first step, at least for now. What's even worse about this situation is when I like someone, you can totally read it all over my face. I can't control the glancing and it becomes embarrassingly obvious. *sigh* I've been through this exact situation three times before, so I know I'll live but it's going to be tough.

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm constantly getting crushes on teachers, profs and TAs. Is it an authority thing? hahah. I can't stop thinking about her and it will inevitably only end in heartbreak for me because TAs obviously can't engage in relationships with students. Plus, it's only a semester course and I'll never see her again after December because this class is an elective for me and my regular classes are always on the other end of the campus. Oy... crushes are a wonderfully horrible thing. It doesn't help that I totally get the vibe from her that she's not totally straight, have caught eyes with her lots and she totally fits my "type".

I went through all of high school without dating any guys. All of my friends were interested in kissing, sex, etc, but for me I just didn't care. I think it was at that point I knew there was something different about me. I wasn't even attracted to girls... I just didn't think of people in that way. Then at the end of my final year of high school, I developed a MASSIVE crush on one of my female teachers. I emailed her and we continued to correspond after I graduated. Nothing much ever came of it except a good friendship, but she was the first person I ever thought about or wanted to be "intimate" with. Not to have sex with, but just to hold and kiss. After that I started to seriously question my sexuality. Why didn't I feel the same way about guys as I did for this one teacher? Through my first year of college I started to notice guys. I went out with a couple guys, but I still didn't see the big deal in dating. I wondered if I was just with the wrong guys. I had this one boyfriend... he always wanted to be touching me and kissing me and the thought of that made me want to throw up. I had physical reactions against being near him. hahah. I tried to learn to like kissing him, but it was just gross. Still, I occasionally felt sexually towards guys, so I couldn't tell if I was a lesbian or not. Then this past summer I think I may have learned the answer to all my questions. The place I worked at, which I won't name, has a high concentration of men. Almost ALL of the men, as I was told, had a crush on me. But, I had no interest in being with any of them. In fact, I went out of my way to give them all the cold shoulder, just so they'd know and back off.. hahah. At the end of the summer I began to notice this woman that worked in the same area, but a different department. She was in my area one day and I felt her looking at me from accross the room. When I looked up, we caught each other's eye and I must have turned about 500 shades of red. From that day on, even knowing she was within 50 feet of me made my heart beat out of my chest. She was sooo beautiful and she smelled sooo good. I'd never felt this way about anyone and I soon realized that what I was experiencing was a "crush". Long story short, I believe the feelings were mutual and we played cat and mouse games until finally I had to leave to start school again. I still regret not telling her how I felt... But that aside, what I'm getting at here is that it might take awhile (I'm 21), but you'll know it when you feel it. I didn't understand what really liking someone meant until this summer, so now it's got me questioning my sexuality all over again. I've never felt like I wanted to be intimate with ANYONE, until this one girl.

Some reasons why I believe she might like me back She holds eye contact almost uncomfortably long. Some people are like that. I had a friend who would stare you straight in the eye for entire conversations and it made me really uncomfortable. If we're in a situation (a meeting, for example) where there are others around, I'll catch her looking at me, and then she'll immediately look away or smile. She could be thinking about something she wants to tell you... judging your reaction to something that's being said... I dunno... I always look at my friends when we're in a room together and I don't mean it in a sexual way. It's true that when someone has a crush on you, you'll generally find them staring at you from accross the room, but it's not true in all cases. Does she blush when you catch her looking at you? If we're in a situation that's casual (dinner, for example) with other people, whenever she tells a joke or is even laughing at someone else, she'll look at me. Almost checking to see if I'm laughing or to share her laughter with me. I aaalways try to make my friends laugh. She's probably just trying to make sure you're having fun. I also sometimes judge when it's appropriate to laugh by watching other people's expressions and making sure they find it funny as well. Her face seems to brighten up a lot of times when she looks at me. She could think of you as a really good friend. She plays with her hair and fidgets sometimes when we're together. Lots of people play with their hair out of boredom, habit or when they're thinking. One more than one occasion, she joked (?) about us being lesbian moms, having kids, and being a couple. Some might say no straight person would ever joke about such matters, but from how you have it phrased here and how it sounds to me, it genuinely sounds like she's just kidding around with you. Physical contact doesn't happen often with us, but when it does, it's intense. Some examples: We were looking at photos on my digital camera and she came up and wrapped her arm right arm around my left arm, and held onto my hand. Another time that we were looking at my camera, she held onto my hand to look. We were rolling out pizza dough once and I had to hold the table cloth down. My hand (the palm) was against the table and the back of my hand was on her *very* upper thigh. She didn't move or seem uncomfortable at all--- it was there for at least 3 or 4 minutes. We've also shared a few bear hugs. The physical contact may indeed have been intense, but only for you. All of your incidents sound like everyday, normal things that would happen between friends. She's not going out of her way to touch you and she's not responding to your touches. I've met her whole family, when others that were around were not introduced. My friends have lovely families... She mimicks some things I say and the way I say them. She thinks the way I say certain words is cute. Very indicative of friendship. She's told me things that she's never told anyone else. She really trusts you as a friend and likes to confide in you. When we sit by each other, we're usually thigh to thigh. This can be interpreted either way, but it sounds to me like she's just really comfortable around you. If she liked you, and since we know you like her, there would probably be a lot of sexual tension and uneasiness with sitting thigh to thigh like that. I don't know... I could be totally off-base because, again, I don't know either of your or your entire situation. Yes, almost everything you've mentioned is a sign that she may like you in that way, but from the context you have given it sounds more like a really good friendship.

I've been in soooo many situations where I'm like, "Is she? Does she?", but I'm no expert by any means. From the list of positives and negatives you listed, it sounds to me, in my personal opinion, like she is just interested in friendship. Then again, I don't know either of you or your entire situation, so take that with a grain of salt. I would suggest trying to ask her about it, but I know how difficult that is.

Hey there, I can definitely relate to what you're saying. Don't worry about being a virgin at your age -- I'm 21 and still haven't had sex! But I've discussed that issue with older "mentor" ish types and some of them didn't lose their virginity until they were 22-24. When it seems like everyone's having sex (and trust me, I know it does), just remember how special it is that you haven't given in and are waiting for the right time. Lots of my friends regret losing their virginity when they were teenagers. But I'm sure you've heard all of this before. I also understand your questioning your sexuality as a result. I'm still trying to figure that one out. I've only ever been in relationships with guys (and very few, I might add), so I can't technically label myself as anything. Sometimes I do develop feelings towards other girls and I also wonder if that has anything to do with the fact that I haven't had much experience with guys and so I'm just hungry to try anything out. lol. I can't really give you any advice because we're in exactly the same boat, but what I can recommend is that you just feel things out (pun intended). lol. Don't pressure yourself to get in relationships with people... it'll happen eventually. If it's with a girl, if it's with a guy... whatever, you know? These are the years EVERYONE experiments. I wouldn't try to label yourself either. Just do what makes you feel good and that's all that matters. But yeah, I'm with you on this one. You're not alone! hahah..

Ok, so I never built up enough guts to ask anyone for her phone number. I did find out the spelling of her last name though, turned into creepystalkergirl and I *think* I found her phone number. She has a unique last name and it's in the correct area of where she lives. SO.... the question now is, do I call her? You're all going to say YES! but I'm a little nervous. An e-mail would just be so much easier. I'm worried that all this "flirting" that happened was in my head and really she has no idea who I am.... I think that's not the case, but if it is I would probably die on the phone. hahahha.

Thanks. It's a scary thought thinking about phoning her up and telling her everything. Somehow I'm sure she already knows, but for me to have to take the first step is really difficult. But I think I might do just that because it's still really bothering me that I never told her.

Well, everyone's phone numbers aren't exactly listed somewhere. And I think my co-workers would find it a little strange that I was asking for her phone number. The whole thing was very covert. I am thinking about asking if anyone has her e-mail address because "I forgot to give her a piece of information about something". hahah. I don't know what to do. I've got four days. There is an upside to this story, though. I do go back next summer. Whether it's to the same department, I'm not sure. Will the feelings still be the same eight months from now? I'm not sure. Will she even be there next summer? Again, I'm not sure. HENCE -- tell your crush about how you feel NO MATTER WHAT.

What's keeping me is the fact that I'm moving out of the area.

While I do suspect the feelings were mutual, I don't want to seem like a stalker. There's a .1 chance I was reading the situation wrong and if that's the case, it would be highly embarrassing to track her down and then get rejected. Things would've been so much easier if I had've just said something when I had a MILLION chances.

Yeah... I'm like, 99.99% sure the feelings were mutual. I mean, it was pretty obvious. But because it was left so late into the summer, two weeks was just not enough time for me to build up the courage. I don't know if I'll ever get over it.

I have a small piece of advice for all you people questioning whether or not to tell your crush about your feelings for them -- JUST DO IT. I've been working at this place all summer... for safety and anonymity's sake, I won't say where. All summer long I was single and didn't find myself attracted to anyone, man or woman. Many of the guys, from what I'm told, liked me though. But I wasn't interested. Then along came this girl. I assume she had been working there the whole time, but I only just took notice of her a few weeks ago. I started crushing HARD. I can honestly never say I've felt this way about anyone. I consider myself bisexual, but never had any intense feelings like this before for a woman (just further confirming my orientation). I still remember the exact second our eyes first met and how every time we looked at each other thereafter, it felt like my heart was getting electrocuted. She made me nervous and giddy, and I even blushed a few times because she caught me looking at her. Every second I was at work and every second I was at home, I craved to be around her. BUT... I was too nervous to say anything. What if she wasn't into it? What if I embarrass myself? How do I know if she's interested? There were signs she was interested, but I pretended to be a little naive in order to save myself major embarrassment if I was reading her wrong. She is the most beautiful person I've ever seen in my entire life and to have her hate me would be the end of the world. Now it's my last week. I come in to work, assuming we'll continue with our little "games" of finding ways to be around one another, glances here and there.... etc. Only to find out she's on vacation for the next week. There's a strong possiblity I will never see this girl again in my entire life. As scary as it would have been to tell her how I feel about her, it's an even WORSE feeling knowing that now she'll never know and now I'll never know... Trust me when I say you don't want these feelings of regret. It's going to eat away at me for a long time. Just tell him/her how you feel.

I don't really think her relationship to me is a necessary detail. Suffice to say she's in charge and the two of us getting together would be bad news for both sides. I read your posts and yes, I can relate to how you were feeling. I've decided it's best for both sides if I give up on the thought and just try to be friends. I'm completely confused about my own sexuality and so there's no need to bring someone else into that. I like her too much. It'll be hard, but not unlike any other crush I'm sure. Thank you for your advice.

Divorced with older children.

I don't know what I really want. I really like her as a friend and want us to be friends. I don't understand why I'm having feelings for her and thinking about her non stop. I can't say for sure what I'd do if I was ever given the opportunity for it to be something more because I don't have any experience with women. I feel like I might not go through with it, but at the same time I still wonder what it might be like... I'm just confused. lol.

I'm technically not involved with anyone and she is divorced. I don't know if she's dating or not, but my guess would be that she is not. I would LOVE to distance myself from her, but I can't given the circumstances. I have to see her every week. I've tried distancing myself from her a couple of times by just avoiding her at all cost, but it always makes her feel like I'm mad at her and then I feel bad.

I can't stop thinking about this woman. She's a LOT older than me and in a position of authority. I've never identified as anything other than straight, but recently have been questioning my sexuality and feel that I could quite possibly be bi. However, I don't think I can ever truly know that until I have an actual experience with a woman. Anyway, this woman consumes my thoughts like no other person on earth ever has. Literally from the moment I wake up in the morning until the time I go to sleep, I think about her and wonder what she's doing. Is this a crush or am I borderline OBSESSED? lol. She's played a fairly large role in my life in helping through tough times and so sometimes I wonder if I look at her as a mother figure or if I actually LIKE like her. Sometimes all I can think about is kissing her or cuddling with her, and yes.. I've had the odd fantasy about her. It's just so weird for me given I've never had these feelings for any other woman and also because of how much older she is (roughly 20 some years). At times I have felt like the feelings are mutual too. Then I wonder if I'm over analyzing and making it SEEM like the feelings are mutual, just because that's what I want. When she touches me it feels like electricity shooting through my body. Often, she'll find ways to touch me while she's walking by or emphasizing a point. There was one awkward point where we were sitting and she rested her hand on my upper thigh (I was wearing a short skirt) and she sort of just kept it there not really saying anything. I almost jumped out of my skin, but never said anything. Another time she walked by caressed the inside of my arm, and another time she ran her hand along my waist. She's known as a friendly person and so I can't tell if these touches are just her being her, or something more. I don't know what to do or how to get her out of my head.