buddafleye

*gulp* so... I just got back from my little holiday vacation and I have an e-mail from her. I can't even open it because the first line sounds pretty negative. lol. She starts out with "Dear (my name)", which is unusual right from the start. I think I've crossed a line because she's like "while I'm flattered by your attention I need to make it very...." ...and I can't read the rest because Gmail won't let me unless I open it. OH my. I have to prepare for this. hahah. I was kind of expecting this, but I think I might've preferred if she just didn't respond. Let me be excited about finally telling her and leave it at that. I'm too scared to open it right now because it's going to totally deflate my happy holiday mood. I'll post when I build up the guts to get brutally rejected.

I'm not a guy and I'm terrible with signals, flirting, etc, but that definitely sounds to me like he likes you. At least that's what I do when I like someone -- constantly look at them when I think they're not looking, etc. If I also have the opportunity to see them everyday (ie. class), I also try my best to sit as close to them as possible. I would probably be too scared to say something in person, but my advice is to basically just say hi. If he's reading a book, ask about the book. If he's listening to music, ask about the music. Comment on the weather... I don't know! hahah. You should definitely talk to him though because from your description it sounds like he for sure is into you. And if he's straight, he's probably questioning his sexuality because no straight guy would be checking out another guy on the bus.

No, no reason at all. I actually get more gay vibes from her than I do straight. She's got the short nails, weird shoes, deeper voice, etc, etc. But even though I get these vibes, I can't help but think she's still straight. I don't think I'll ever know because it's been what.. three days now? Still no response. I think she's probably going to never respond to me because like I said, we're never going to see each other again. I mean, that's pretty cruel of her, but I understand if she feels awkward and doesnt' know what to say. No, I don't think it's deterred me at all. I think the experience of finally telling a girl I like them is a HUGE step for me, regardless of whether or not she reciprocates. It will definitely help me in the future.

Yeah, I normally wouldn't have said anything either except for the fact that I knew I'd never talk to her again anyway. I live in a big city and I go to a big university, so being on opposite ends of campus means literally being 20 minutes away (walking). We work in completely different fields, so I pretty much know there will be no awkward moments running into her. I mean, fate could hate me and I could bump into her, but whatever, you know? It's not like I now have to face seeing her every day. No, I didn't say ANYTHING like that. haha. I put it in really nice words, extremely carefully crafted to sound non-threatening. I basically said that I have a crush on her. I said I wasn't really sure why, which I'm not. I told her I wasn't really expecting anything of it, but that I just had to tell her. I didn't use the words "date", "hot".... nothing like that. Mostly because I think she might be straight and I'm probably already freaking her out enough with my confession. haha. I STILL haven't heard anything back. There's a possibility she's off on vacation seeing as it is the last few days before Christmas, but somehow I doubt that and I'm pretty sure she's freaked out and A) doesn't want to respond or B) doesn't know what to say. It's all good. I mean, of course I'd like to at least hear from her to know she's not totally weirded out by me, but I would understand if she never replied. Personally, I feel 1000 times better having told her for some reason.

I feel your pain. Well, I haven't gotten as attached to a girl yet, but I sort of understand. Suddenly all those sad love songs make sense. heh. For what it's worth, you're really pretty so I don't think finding a girl attracted to you will be an issue now that you're comfortable with yourself and somewhat "out" and looking.

Nothing. I have no new e-mail. Ok, I'm taking that as a bad sign. hahah. Either she's on holidays and hasn't cared to check her email, or she checked it and is completely weirded out by me and has no clue what to say. I was really self-depricating in the email. hahah. I basically wrote it to say I thought I had a crush on her, but that I didn't want to make her feel weird or anything like that and that I wasn't expecting anything to come of it. I just had to tell her. Which is a lie because I'd give my left arm for her to like me back, but I'm just not THAT bold yet. haha. It took unbelievable amounts of courage and what I'm calling temporary insanity to email her what I did. Now I'm going to fret until she says something. I'm kind of hoping she rejects me so the whole ordeal is over.

OR... it could be horribly awkward and she'll never speak to me again, which wouldn't be totally terrible because I wouldn't have had an opportunity to speak to her again anyway. So.. I guess it was a pretty good idea. She can tell me she wants to be friends or likes me back and everything's good. She can tell me she's not interested and to never email her again and I've got a reason to get over this obsessive crush! It's win-win, really. haha. And no, I haven't checked my e-mail yet. I sent it around 1 pm and I've been shopping/dentist all day. blah.

Well I did it. Yes, that's right... I DID IT! OMG my heart is coming out of my chest, I can't believe i just wrote what I wrote and sent it. I decided on a whim that I didn't feel like waiting until the new year and now I'm sort of regretting it a little bit. hahhahaha. OMG! I'm sooo stupid. holy smokes. If ever there were a cure for a crush, this is it. I totally don't want to know what she says in response.

Well... there are only so many times I can go through this, you know? This is my third or fourth really huge crush on another girl and if I don't soon say something to one of them, I'm going to spend the rest of my life regretting things. I've got enough of that already. It's also kind of easier because I know the chances of me ever running into her again are slim to none. We're on opposite sides of campus. I'm going to be majorly nervous and embarrassed to tell her, but at least I don't have to see her again unless she wants to. It kind of kills two birds with one stone -- getting my feelings off my chest and if she responds negatively, finding a way to get over her! haha.

Actually, I've decided that I'm totally telling her. I'm not going to do it before Christmas because I'm headed out of town in a couple days and won't be able to access the internet for a couple weeks, and the little time I have left here is jam-packed with stuff I've been avoiding doing. *sigh* But for sure, no doubt in my mind, I'm going to tell her over e-mail when I get back. If she wants to tell me she's not interested, she's straight, or just downright ignore me... it will be less hurtful over e-mail. If she wants to talk about it, that would make me feel better and at least then it's not me just randomly asking her for coffee and then fretting about it for days. We can go into coffee knowing what's going to happen. So that's REALLY scary because I've NEVER told a girl before if I liked her, but I just have to tell her. I may never see her again and my feelings are just too strong to not let her know. I've been in this situation before and TOTALLY regret it. I pretty much think about it every day. SO... I'm scared but I think it'll be ok. She's nice. I'm prepared for her to say she's not interested, I just want her to know. I'll update when it happens in the new year.

See... no... she's making it difficult. I had to ask her something, so over the weekend I e-mailed her. It was actually a legitimate question this time concerning the class. haha. Anyway, her e-mail has made me think about her ALL morning and now I'm going to obsess about her all day. I wonder if she'd just let me touch her if she knew what I was willing to do for her Just once! One little lick... hahha. I AM crazy. This must be how guys feel. I have a new respect for them. Truly. hah.

I'm in the same position as you. Most of my friends, since I left elementary school, were/are guys. I'm pretty feminine, but I still relate to them better on a friendship level. I find girls too catty and competitive all the time. I lost my best friend (girl) because she was jealous of me. That sounds weird, but I'm not going to explain the situation in fear of outing myself to potential readers (!) Anyway, I have no idea what to do to experiment with girls either. I keep getting crushes on my profs and TAs, which clearly is not going anywhere. I absolutely refuse, REFUSE, to attend a gay bar or LGTBQ club at my school. I have feelings for girls, definite sexual feelings, but I will NOT label myself anything for anyone until I'm absolutely positive. And I can't do that until I meet an actual girl! It's hard because I find real life, normal girls my age don't interest me. I want someone older or I want someone I can't have. I'm not uncomfortable with myself, but I'm uncomfortable with the fact that I'm still not 100% clear on my sexuality because I can't seem to get an experience with a girl. I'm really not keen on hitting up the lesbian personals online because that's just super shady to me and not at all how I become attracted to people. Attraction for me comes when you look at someone for the first time and their look alone gives you major butterflies. Then you spend days sneaking glances at one another, etc. I can't skip that fun part by going online just to experiment with someone. I wouldn't do it with a guy and won't do it with a girl. So... sorry I have no advice for you. hahah. I can blab on some more though.

It's really difficult to tell though because as a TA, she's supposed to be professional via e-mail. It takes two seconds for some crazy student to print off an e-mail, claim sexual harassment and have them fired. Over e-mail I never got really personal. I joked, but I joked about the school work. I never said anything personal about myself, besides the fact that I need to eat lunch or else everyone in the room can hear my stomach. haha. There were signals given by her in person that made me feel there was a slight chance. But I'm going to go with her not being interested in me because that's just a hell of a lot easier. hahah. Having her reject me would break my heart more than me just giving up on it. I will probably be the same way -- see her a month from now and wonder what on earth I was thinking. I find her extremely attractive right now, but that could have a lot to do with the fact that she's an authority figure. I have a really big problem with falling hard for people who are in charge. hahah. With men, it's firefighters, cops, politicians, etc. With women it really seems to be these goddamn teachers/TAs. I really wanted her *sniff*, but alas I will move on. I guess I'm just eager to have a woman interested in me so I can experiment. There have been some women, but not the women I want. Besides, I think I saw her in the mall yesterday on the arm of some guy. I wasn't sure if it was her because I was in a hurry to get the hell out of there. Christmas shoppers are psycho!

Oh man... can I just say how much it annoys me when people talk about this "normal" life we're all supposed to have? Getting married, having 2.4 children, a big house, a white picket fence, a dog, yadda, yadda, yadda, is NOT normal. I mean, haha, yes, it is normal, but it's not the ONLY normal. My god, the media has us so well trained. You've been trained/brainwashed to think like that. We're socialized to believe the only right thing is to be straight and to lead these perfect little lives, but that's just not the case for a lot of people. Even people who are in these supposedly "normal" situations... they aren't happy! Look at divorce rates, etc. You have to do what makes YOU feel right. Of course that's tricky because you *think* you feel it's right to have a husband, kids, etc, but you wouldn't think that if it hadn't been pounded into your head since birth through the books you read, the movies and tv shows you watched, etc, etc. Religion is a HUGE factor as well. You live in a predominantly Christian country where Christian beliefs created your laws, insitutions, etc.... but not everyone fits that mould, you know? LOTS of people have feelings for the same sex. I'm so convinced of it that I think EVERYONE has feelings for the same sex. Some are more willing than others to explore it. People are scared to talk about it because the second they do they think people are going to treat them differently. And they most likely will... because they've been socialized the same as you. But please oh please stop saying having a husband, kids, house, etc, is the only normal way to live.

Can I just also say I have no idea why I'm so attracted to this girl. She is by no means your "conventional" beauty. I mean, she's pretty but she's not like model pretty or even pagent pretty. But I just find her soooo attractive. I don't know anything about her personality or her personal life. I don't even know how old she is. From her looks I'd say she's a little bit older than me, but I can't guess how much. She sort of fits into my "type" with the fact that her hair and eyes are brown, but that's about it. Like I just don't know what it is, but I feel like I always want to be near her and would give ANYTHING just to even hug her I think. A kiss would probably kill me. It's 100% lust, so much so that the sound of her voice reverberates inside of me and makes me squirm in my seat. haha. It's freaking intense. I don't know what it is about her, but it's something.

A few weeks ago when I e-mailed her about a "problem" I was having, she suggested we meet because I'd sent a rather long e-mail with a lot of questions all at once. Mostly just me trying to get her to write as much as possible. hahahah. But anyway, we were to meet before class and I said I had to grab food because that's my only break during the day and I needed to eat or else you'd be able to hear my stomach during class. She was like, ok well maybe we can grab something to eat while we talk. Yay, right? Progress. No. You know what I did? I picked up something before I went to see her and when she met up with me and asked if I wanted to go get food I told her I'd already eaten. !!!! How big a moron am I? Like really. I saw her and I just froze. I couldn't leave the seat I was sitting in, so we just sat there and talked. If she reads these boards she'll know exactly who I am. hahah. Then she'd try to say hi to me every day and I'm not even sure if I ackowledged her. I think I made a noise back at her. hahah. Oh, GOD. I'm so embarrassed of myself. RE: the e-mail thing. That is some good advice. I still don't know if I want to do it though. In a couple of my e-mails in the past I tried to be funny or personal and she didn't really respond to it. She responded to me more in person than she did over e-mail, but I can only be cool over e-mail apparently. hah. It might seem weird for me to ask her about something professional because we come from two very different backgrounds. I took this class to fill space in my schedule as an elective. It doesn't relate at all to what I do. Well, it sort of does. I could ask her about being a TA I guess, but I think that would still just keep us in TA-student mode. I think if I had've been less of a nerd and actually talked to her when I had the opportunties, this would be less difficult.

Well it's kind of awkward to talk to her like a friend too because she was my TA, right. There's a different kind of relationship there than it would be if this was just another student in my class. If I suddenly e-mailed her and tried to talk about personal things, I don't really know if she'd respond. I dunno. I got hints here and there that she *may* be interested, but my gaydar as pretty much useless I think. It was probably just me WISHING. haha. I'd always catch her looking at me and sometimes it felt like she was going out of her way to say hi to me, but then again with my ignoring her and stuff. I couldn't talk to her anymore because the two times I got a chance to I got all nervous and flustered and I hate looking like a fool. It kind of just feels wrong to say something to her. Like I'm crossing a major line, not just in asking her if she's interested or telling her that I'm definitely interested... but the whole authority figure line. If I DO say something, it would have to wait until they're done marking exams. Maybe my new years resolution should be to just tell her and get it over with because even if she doesn't respond positively, at least I'll never have to see her again. hahah.

It feels so immature and loserish to say it over e-mail, though you are right. Had I tried it in person I probably would've made a huge fool of myself as well. I doubt I'll say anything. It would be too embarrassing if I ever ran into her again, which is highly unlikely.

I just don't get it because when I'm with a guy and I have feelings for him, I can toootally talk to them. It's easy. I know what to say, I know what to do. With women... with women it's driving me CRAZY. This is my third major, real crush on another girl and it ended the same way the other ones have. I just don't know what to say! There's this girl in one of my lectures whom I'm pretty sure likes me and is constantly trying to make contact, etc. And I downright ignore her. I won't even make eye contact. She tries and tries and I know what she's doing, but I guess maybe I'm still scared to start an actual relationship with another girl. Which I totally don't get because my body says YES, DO IT ALREADY, but my head's just not there. This crush in particular, she kept trying to talk to me ever since I made my presense known. And what did I do? I ignored her. So if she was even slightly interested, she won't be anymore because I probably made her feel like I'm not interested and don't even like her.

I am hopeless. Hopeless. So I let the entire semester go by and didn't act on my feelings. Well, I started to an made contact with her. I actually talked to her one on one (!), which is I suppose an improvement for me. haha. But then I got nervous, didn't say anything I wanted to say, etc, etc. When she tried to talk to me other days I IGNORED HER, or was really short with her. WHY? Why do I do that? Why do I treat the people I have the biggest crushes on like they're scum? I'm going to miss seeing her every week. She'll never know how she made me feel. I should just stick to guys because I suck at dealing with women apparently.

I think the quote could be true. Obviously it's not true for every gay person in the world. It's just a study, people. I'm not sure if it's because gay people know what both sexes are thinking, but instead perhaps more of an ability to be open. Open to thinking outside the box, open to aspects of their creativity and mind that others are too closed-minded to see.

Hey... I had a really, REALLY similar situation to this. The teacher and I ended up talking extremely frequently after I left her class and we talked about EVERYTHING. Like we'd always discuss intimate details of our lives, sex, etc. I could ask her anything about sex and even her own sex life and she would answer, then sometimes ask about mine. I was young at the time (high school), so I didn't really understand what was happening because I hadn't really clued into my sexuality, or at least that side of it. I started developing a massive crush on her and constantly wanted to be near her. We went out for coffee lots, we had lunch and I even went to her house. Our visits always ended with a hug. She even bought me a Christmas gift and signed the card "love *her name*" So needless to say, I was quite confused about the situation. So I asked her what was up and what all of this meant. She said she was just being a mentor, but when I think back to some of the things she said to me and the way we were around each other, there was definitely something a little more than friendship happening. After that, she started pulling away from me and not talking to me as frequently because she said she had a life and a husband, etc, etc. It totally broke my heart. Literally, my heart hurt for days and I cried at night wondering how we went from so close to not even speaking. That was the worst pain I ever felt in my life and I don't think I've ever really forgiven her for it. But anyway, your story just reminded me of it.

Congrats. I'm glad you were finally able to come to a conclusion. I wish I could say the same for myself. I mean, I pretty much know deep down that I'm probably a lesbian, but there's still a small part of me holding onto the idea that there's a possibility I'm not. I'd prefer to just not label myself anything at this point, except maybe "open". Anyway, good luck!

Ya, I'd say the same... Just treat it like you're going out for lunch with a friend. Each pay for your own. I generally even pay for my own things on the first date with guys (just as my own little rule), regardless of whether or not they offer.

yeah... welcome to my life. Any real love I've ever felt has been unrequited. But I'm young... so...