horty232

its actually the opposite, when I'm in a less crowded place i feel more anxious and more "scared" of talking to people. Its more of the one on one factor that i tend to freeze up and not know what to say. Ialso live in a dorm room where i see new people everyday...so i will try to practice talking to people like you said. I know it sounds silly to be afraid of one and one interactions and i know it...but when the time comes i just freeze up and i feel like everything i do the other person is judging every move i make (which i know is also not true) For some reason i just cant get past that.

Lately i have been really shy and reserved and im afraid to talk to anyone. I always think that everything i say will be judged or that i will judged. I've also become extremely shy when i'm alone and cant look anyone in the eye and dread simple things such as saying hi to another person. I'm a genuinely caring and overall nice guy and i just don't know why im so afraid to do such simple things. When I'm with my friends I'm confident and usually can talk to anyone, however as soon as I'm alone I freeze up and become extremely insecure. What can i do to get over this fear of pretty much any social situation thats outside my comfort zone and what can i do to not get over but better deal with my shyness. Thanks for any responses

Quick view of my relationship...in college right now with a girl i have been seeing for about a year and half. My friend does not like her and never has....although he has kept his mouh shut about it at least to her. Ok now to the problem...the other day my friend and i went to a party and when i came back my girlfriend was a little mad at me because she wanted me to stay with her because she was sick and she wanted me to be there with her. She kept text-messaging my friend asking where i was and he got upset about it (because he doesnt like her and he thinks that shes controlling). Well later on that night i came home and talked to my girlfriend about me going out and everything weas pretty much settled. I went back home for the night, fell asleep and thought everything was good. Well i guess later on that night my friend and my girlfriewnd got into a huge argument and my friend spilled pretty mucyh every bad thing and everytime i lied to her and everything he could get out to...well really i dont know what his goal was but i tihnk it was to try to get her to break up with me....he also went on to tell her that everyone hates her and pretty much made her feel like shes worthless. Well obviously considering that the next day i wasnt too happy with what i heard because my girlfriend is pretty upset because she thinks everybody hates her now and obviously she heard pretty much every bad thing ive ever done to her., i got pretty upset with my friend and starting talking.fighting out the issue with him. All in all he pretty much gave me an ultimatem...either pick her or pick me, which i think is ridiculous considering i dont even ask him to talk or be around her....just respect the fact that im with her. I just don't really know what to do...if i follow my heart im going to lose a friend. If i side with my friend im going to lose the girl i love... and i know i couldnt handle that right now either. I just really dson't know what to do...people always say that friends are always right....but do you think what he did was right in this situation. Can you really consider him a friend? I don't know any insight or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

what do you mean aimed at me? was she tring to get back at me or make me feel uncomfortable?

So last week i went to flordia with my "sort of" g/f...we kind of were broken up but not really you know how that goes....but i promised i would go to flordia with her to meet her step-dads side of the family....well to make things short when i got down there her whole family pretty much ignored and neglected me the whole time i was there and my gf thought i wasnt trying hard enough to include myself so she started ignoring me too...so basically the whole time i was there i was left to myself not talking to anybody for a whole week...then my gf says to me that i ruined her whole vacation because i wasnt putting in enough effort (whcih i was trying to talk to these people and get to know them but they wanted nothing to do with me...) and she says she started ignoring me because i wasnt trying hard enough.... my first question i guess is if you bring someone with you to meet their family shouldn't you do everything possible to make that person feel welcome and included? My gf did nothing but yell at me because i wasnt being included in anything. Next is about her ex-boyfriend who was also living at the house we went to stay at. It was her step-dads side of the family so she was not blood-related to this kid at all...but techinically he would be her step couzin. This kid has a baby and a girlfriend...but i felt like my gf started to get her old feelings back for this kid. When i asked her about it she said no feelings for this kid anymore and that i was being paranoid...but whenever he was around she treated me different...wouldnt show me very much affection... proceded to flirt with him on many occusions... and she stared at him for god knows how long whenever he was around. I asked her multiple times if her feelings came back and she said no.... but dont actions speak louder than words? And if i had doubts about that shouldn't she do everything to prove to me that there isn't anything there? I'm sorry this is kind of long i know people usually dont like reading long posts like this but i have so many questions about all this... when we got back it kind of left off as we are going our separate ways until she says i show i want to be with her and i need to change...and she didnt see ny of that in flordia because i didnt show her any affection ( which yes i didnt because she would shrug me off everytime i tried) and i didnt put in enough effort to try and talk to her family.... and i guess the logical thing is to just let her go because a person shouldn't have to change for anybody am i right? if she doesnt respect me for who i am then i shouldnt be with her...but its not that easy. i love this girl to death and i wnat nothing more than to be with her... but there are so many things that point to jsut letting her go... i dont know any advice about the situation would be very appreciated thank you for listening

its not really intimate details im sharing with this girl though...its just asking her advice on some of the fighting that goes on because shes been through a five year relationship...i dont know its the exact same thing as coming on here and discussing a fight that just happened... i dont know if im in the wrong i guess i can accept i can see where your coming from how it would make her feel i dont respect the relationship...but where else can i go for help when i need it...whats right and whats wrong?

young 18 both of us

My gf and i have been fighting it seems like forever now...we have even broken up and gotten back together twice within the last 2 or 3 months... we have been together for a year and a half but lately all we do is fight... i feel like the fighting is tearing our relationship apart and i dont know what to do about it anymore.... recently my gf accused me of talking to another girl about our problems more than i talk to her(my gf) but thats untrue... i always go to my gf about our problems first and it just seems like they never get resolved so i ask the other girl for advice... my gf on the other hand thinks there is more going on and i try to tell her that it is jsut a friendship between us but she doesnt believe me.... my gf said she wants me to stop talking to this other girl or she will be done with our relationship(yet on the other hand she says she cant live without me) and im not going to let her tell me who i can and cant talk to especially since this girl is a good friend... i dont know what to do any advice about my situation? i am in love with my gf i just cant deal with fighting arguing and being accused of things that arent true anymore...but on the other hand i want things to work out and i dont want to break up

im still working on quitting and thats what bothers me the most... i slipped a couple times and now suddenly i betrayed her? i gave up something that really i did not want to at the time (now i realize that im way better off without smoking) but i still do get those cravings and i do cave every once and a while.... i agree i shouldnt be going behind her back and smoking and i should be straight up with her when i have a cigarette... i dont know what im suppose to do now though... like i dont feel like i betrayed her and she does...?

My girlfriend basically forced me to quit smoking about a month ago...saying that she made a promise to her step-dad that she would not date a smoker and if i did not quit she would break up with me. We have been going out for about a year or so... isnt that wrong of her to do? And ive had a couple of cigarettes since she said that and now ive "betrayed" her trust because i told her i would quit...which i did and i only had a couple since that. Someone tell me if this is first off...right for her to do to me... i mean i could see asking me not to smoke around her and not to smell like * * * * around her...but forcing me to quit or else she'll break up with me? iAnd how did i betray her trust because i had a couple cigs.... i used to smoke aorund a pack a day so if i had two cigarettes since doesnt that mean that i did quit? i dont know just confused and kinda pissed that im getting accused of betraying her trust

ok well its been a while now since all this went down and were back togehter now.... and it has been going pretty good until the last couple of days... i got really insecure one night because some guy who i ddint know called her and i asked her if her feelings were still the same for me...stupid i know... but she got really upset and siad that i should know what her feelings for me and that i need to trust her more...and the sad thing is i know she loves me(why would she get back together with me for a third time? but why cant i trust her? like i just feel that theres someone else she wants to be with all the time and i dont know why... i mean logically if she got back together with me for a third time she wants to be with me right? so why am i not able to trust her right now? i want to because i know it wont work otherwise.... but i cant...is iot just because all the break up * * * *...the hurt and confusion and will it eventually go away? becuse i know that it is hurting my relationship with her and it wont work if i cant trust her...please i need advice on what to do here...i cant be with a girl i dont trust because it just drives me crazy and i know it wont work anyways... and i want to be with this girl more than anything i really do....so do i just let time heal things...can i do anything about it... or just give up because maybe it shows this relationship isnt that strong anymore.... i dont know want to be with this girl more than anything in the world but i want to be able to trust her

yeah its pretty rough...the thing is i was giving her time and space gfor her friends i realize that she cant be with me all the time and i need my friend time as well... the fact is that when she was with me she constantly checked her cell phone for texts and other things and not giving me the attention i needed from her when we were spending alone time together... but you think i did the right thing?

Ok well i had a pretty long post going in the "getting back together section" called back together but bad feelings or something like that if you want to know about my situation a little more. I just broke up with my girlfriend on Saturday night because i was making a lot of changes for her that she wanted to see (like qwuitting smoking.... opening up to her more...taking her out more) and i felt as though she wasn't appreciating anythin i was doing and only giving me fifty percent of her attention to me (she would text friends and check her phone multiple times...be crabby all the time.... and it jsut seemed like she wasn't fully there with me) and her excuse was that she was working and exhausted all the time. That didn't bother me except for the fact when i told her that when i was with her she wasn't giving me one hundred percent and thats the only way this realtionship would work....she couldnt give me one hundred percent because she was too busy and i should be ok with that. So basically yeah i ended it. My questions are i guess.... 1. If i have doubts about her and i want her to be more there for me... if she loves me shouldn't she be willing to change that? 2. If this break-up is final....and shes driving my car right now because i have an extra one to drive until she fins a new one...should i ask for it back or let her keep it? 3. Should i go NC with her and let her figure out what is important to her or should i be trying to work this out... i mean i have told her multiple times that i want this to work and i care about her a lot...but I can't go through these changes without her being one hundred percent with her. 4. What do i do from here? I am hurt and depressed and just dont know where to go...should i just live my life and see what becomes of this or...i dont know?? Thanx for all you help!!

well i did discuss the changes and things she wanted to see in me and i did a pretty good job of showing her all the things she wanted me to do... and i wanted to make those changes happen as well it wasnt just for her.... but i dont know i talked to her about how she is giving me nothing in return and i feel like shes giving me 50 percent all the time... but she blamed it work and how she was tired and exhausted all the time. I jujst dont understand that even when if your tired and crabby you still want to be there for the one you love. well given all that... i did do what i knew i had to do in my head...and i should probably be switching over to the breaking up forum right now but oh well. When i did though...she said i didnt underrstand that she had a busy schedule and that she cant always give me 100 percent...but i do understand about her work and things like that but i figure the two or three days we get to see eachother a week she should be able to be there for me instead of textin her friends or being crabby all the time...its just not what i want/need in a relationship... a busy schedule doesnt bother me...its the fact that she cant give me 100 percent... am i wrong for doing this? Should i be more understanding about her busy work schedule and her not being able to be the person she used to be? i dont know i think i did the right thing but i dont know how to take it from here....

Well im sorry about your last relationship it really sucks to give so much and not receive anything in return. I think your right and i know what i have to do...but it is just so hard because i know how good this relationship can be... but i know i cant continue it unless she wants to start giving back to me like the past. Do you think if we break up and i do NC she will realize what shes losing...a caring guy who will do practically anything to make her happy as long as i know she she willing to give me 100 percent back... or is the way she treating me right now kind of showing that she is not interested in this relationship anymore... (and if thats the case why did she give me a second chance instead of breaking all ties when we were broken up two weeks ago) Thanks for all your advice by the way its really helping me think things over a lot.