pumpkinjam

Hi I'm back again. I thought things were getting sorted but yesterday we had a really big argument. He said I was going round in circles, which I suppose I was but I didn't seem to be getting through to him. He shouted at me because I had gone out without him because I didn't want to come home first after taking the boy to school. And my partner was in bed. He said I should have woke him up and he would have been ready and come with us. However, as I told him, I have tried that before. Last time I asked him to get up to help me with the boys, he didn't even get out of bed until 15 minutes after I should have left the house. We were arguing about all sorts of things after that. He accused me of lying to him and cheating, just because someone is supposed to have told him that I walked into a pub with another bloke. Now I have no idea of the real reason why he thought this because he won't tell me the truth. He just seemed convinced that it was true. And apart from that, he has done so many things which have lead me to believe he is cheating. Every time I go out without him which is usually less than once a month, he accuses me of something like this. Then he tells me I can talk to him about things so I tell him straight that the problems are basically that I feel rejected and taken for granted because he doesn't help out at home and because he spends all of his spare time between the pub and the computer. All I got from him then was that I was going on and I always nag him. He said that maybe if I didn't nag him then he would stop but this isn't true because I have tried and this doesn't explain why it all started in the first place. He thinks that because he goes to work, he shouldn't have to do anything at home. He thinks that if he has a day off, he shouldn't have to do anything. He doesn't appear to understand that I have to do everything every day with no time off. I have been ill the past few days but despite him having plenty of time off, he has still spent all the time between the pub and the computer. I have tried really hard to explain that these things are a problem and why but he just complains that I always go on about the same things. But I don't think he can understand that this is because it is the same things which are still problems because the wasn't prepared to do anything in the first place. We get no time together, we can't afford for him to go out every night but he continues to do it. I don't see why I should do everything at home on my own while he sits at the computer. I feel like there is no point in a relationship with him because of all this. He said he wants to try to work things out but then he carries on doing the things he knowsare upsetting me. If we have an argument, he always ends up telling me to leave and saying I am using him or something. I just want to know the real reason why this is happening. I know there are things going on at work which he can't tell me because of the nature of his job but I don't know why he can't just say that there is a problem or why he has to spend 7 hours a day at the computer and every night in the pub. I thought decent people wanted to spend time with people they love. And I can't understand why he would rather upset me and the boys by doing these things than relax by spending time with us. He was also upset with my mum interfering. But all she did was try to make him understand all the things I have said here because he has obviously not listened. He says he loves me but I have told him I don't feel that. He says the only problem he has which I have done wrong is nagging him but as I said, I've said to him, if he listened and made an effort to do something about the things he is doing wrong when I tell him in the first place, then I would have no reason to nag him.

i think it's normal for lads your age to be like that but if you love your girl that much then you must stop yourself. whenever you have a "bad thought" think "how would my girl feel about that?" and finding something to take your mind off it is also a good suggestion. i wouldn't recommend porn or phonesex or anything like that cos that could make it worse.

hi there. i think it can happen at any time in life. these other guys are getting immature girls and immature relationships most likely by showing off. i expect you will find a nice girl soon enough. someone who notices important things. get to know a few girls at college. hope you find someone. don't worry about it too much. 17 is very young for a serious relationship. good luck

you need to get over her. this was a cruel thing for her to do. apologise to your friends and tell them about it.

letting out my frustrations on here seems to be helping. my partner was upset that i had talked to others and not him. he was also upset that i had used email to communicate rather than talking. i told him i had done it because he hadn't seemed to listen to anything. i have spoken to a few people but the only person who knows about the self harm is my partner. i don't know if he doesn't care or just doesn't know what to do. my dad keeps telling me i look depressed but i don't think anyone can understand the extent. if i talk about how i feel to my parents, as i said before, all they do is critisize my partner and are not very supportive. the one person i really need to support me is my partner but i just feel like he doesn't take any notice of me(even though he says he does) he keeps telling me i can talk and he will listen but i don't feel like this is true. whenever we are at home together, he is at the computer. i don't remember the last time i had his full attention. i wrote down a lot of the things that were bothering me but he ignored it because he said i should just talk to him. i don't feel like i can talk to friends about it, although my partners best friend has been supportive but there isn't really anything he can do. and i don't feel like anyone will take notice of me.

i even bought myself a sexy new outfit today. he told me it was "nice". i hoped to make him want to stay in with me. obviously he has completely lost interest in me and no matter what i do, i can't change that. i don't see the point in trying anymore. he says he wants me but i am still waiting for him to show it. how can he say he wants me when he chooses t ospend all his time away from me?

he asked me to get a babysitter for tonight so we could go out together but i couldn't. so, as usual, he has gone on his own. he knows i've been down today and obviously wants to make it worse. if he wanted to spend time with me then surely he would have done. he came home from work at 1pm, went straight to the computer for 4 hours(checking emails only when i wasn't around) then he watched a rugby game shouting at the tv like an idiot. soon as that was finished, he went and got himself ready to go out. never asked me if it was ok or anything just went upstairs, got changed, came down, said goodbye. he got upset with me because i hadn't told him about my nephews birthday party. he went on about me arranging things without him. he goes out without me every night he can without a thought so why is it different? is it that he can't see he's hurting me? or that he can't understand or accept that what he is doing is wrong? i can't understand the situation. he says he wants to be with me. we live in the same house yet we spend no time together. to me, when you are in a relationship then you are supposed to want to spend time together. not every minute ofcourse but he never spends time with me. he would rather sit at the computer or go to the pub then he can't understand why i think he doesn't wasnt me or that he is cheating(which i still think he is).and he doesn't seem to have any idea why i am upset. i told him that sitting in front of the computer all day makes me feel unwanted and that i was uncomfortable talking to him when he was on the computer. he told me i could talk to him about anything so i tried and, even though i mentioned how i felt, he continued playing a computer game all the time i was talking to him.

i have done my best to tell my partner how i feel but he is still doing the same things that he knows are upsetting me. he was at the computer for 4 hours playing games. i got really wound up with him. the baby was crying while i was feeding him and my partner intervened when i got angry with the baby. he will ask me if i am ok but if i say no, he asks what's wrong but won't listen because i repeat the same things(because he continues doing the things he already knows upset me)and if i say i am ok then he thinks nothing of it. i told him i didn't mean to get angry but he didn't seem to care that i had he just said it's over and done wit hnow and not to worry. but it's not over and done with because the bad things are still there because he won't talk about anything or listen to me

your family are talking nonsense. you are obviously trying to find a job. could you go to college or something like that? that way you can meet new people at the same time. i have felt a like you do but there are ways to deal with it. you could even look out for ads in the local papers for jobs where you work from home. ofcourse you can't afford a car when you have no job and i can't understand how your family think you can. not having a job doesn't mean you're lazy. get application forms for everything you see and fill them in(even if you have no interest in the job). leave them where your family can see them so they are aware that you are looking. when you feel down, take yourself for a walk. i find it relaxing to sit near water and just watch it. if there is a park near you with a pond or lake maybe then try this. it doesn't work for everyone but it's worth trying! the important thing to remember is that YOU know you are trying. don't let your family get you down.

i don't think having a relationship is selfish. i do think this man is selfish and i think that continuing with him would be selfish and harm your son. i do agree that it is not ok if any new baby wouldn't be cared for by both parents. i have 2 children with different fathers. my current partner accepted the child i already had as his own but, no matter how i feel about him, my children come first. if he hadn't accepted that i had a child then i wouldn't be with him.

you don't want him back. he says you are rushing things because he is neither ready nor mature enough to take on an instant family. you are not wrong in wanting more regarding your son. he makes you believe you are because he is selfish. he wants you all to himself and finds this hard to accept.

well my partner got the email. he took it as i didn't want to be with him! even though i actually said i did want to be with him but basically felt there was no point in me trying anymore. anyway, tried to talk today. he gave me a big hug and told me i could talk to him about anything and he was upset that i had told other people about the problems instead of him but the thing is that i have told him about the problems before but he has chosen not to listen. i have told him plenty of times that i feel like he is pushing me away. i just don't seem to be able to make him realise that spending time between the pub and the computer is the ideal way of making me feel unwanted and pushed away even more. he said he has been trying and that's why he works all hours to make things better but that isn't the problem. if he didn't spend so much time away from me then first, i'd feel better and second, he wouldn't need to work so much to earn back the money he spends in the pub. he has done a few little things but there are so many things he keeps saying he will do to make things better but never happens. i know i am going off topic really but these things are affecting the situation. ofcourse i appreciate that my OH goes to work, has a good job, pays the rent, etc. but that is all. he doesn't put anything into the relationship itself and doesn't seem to want to be part of a family. i know he gets annoyed if my parents interfere but i go to my parents about some things whereas i don't think his family are all that close or ever have been. the only reason i won't talk to my family about things sometimes is because it upsets me when they only say bad things about the man i love.

thankyou. i have tried to talk about it but i just can't. i have emailed my bf to tell him about it because it seems the easiest thing to do. but i don't want to make him think it is his fault. i didn't feel depressed as such before my baby was born but i did feel that my partner was pushing me away. i don't want to talk to my family about it because they blame my partner for everything and already think he's not good enough. that's all i'll get from them, more whinging about him. i don't blame him but i do think he has made it worse.

thanx a lot. the computer does seem to be his life and has been for a while. he has actually told me that he is not ignoring me or the kids by being at the computer. i have told him that i felt like we were second place to it. he seems to get annoyed every time anyone wants attention though although he has told me he doesn't get annoyed with me. i have tried to explain that doing things like putting the baby next to him while he is at the computer IS ignoring him but he says he is giving him attention because he talks to him. he promised me that all of this would change but it seems he gets everything he wants from the computer. he looks at porn instead of being with me, he would rather play a computer game on his own than do anything with me(although he says this isn't true)and if he wants a chat, he'll talk to his mates in the pub. i have tried, without success, to get him to realise there is something wrong. i don't want to leave him but i feel trapped in a one-sided relationship. i have left him an email(because he is at work tonight and talking just causes arguments)to tell him that. i'm waiting for a response but have a feeling he might not even bother reading it as i have tried before and he seems to have taken no notice. the stupid thing is, he says he wants me and always has and gets upset if i do something to make him feel unwanted. i just don't get it. it's like he does want to be with me but seems to have forgotten what it means to be in a relationship. he used to be really attentive but now it feels like as long as we are in the same room then he thinks that's the same as spending time together.

i had a baby 8 months ago and didn't have too much support from my partner. i felt upset about it because it was as if he couldn't be bothered. i put it down to the shock of the situation. anyway, we have only been living together for about 6 months but i have been feeling really down all the time. i have thought about suicide but couldn't do it because of my kids. i began to cut myself because i felt so bad. my partner and his mum asked what i had done when they saw the cuts. i couldn't tell them the truth. i don't know who to talk to or what to do. but i do think that having so many problems within my relationship is making the situation worse. don't know what to do. any advice?