Hi i'm new here, I posted this in the breaking- up forum too, but thought some of you here may have some similar experiences or be able to offer some unbiased advice?
My Background: Married 10 years, 3 kids. Divorced, realised i was gay, in a relationship with a woman for 7 years, gradually became more unhappy due to her controlling behaviour and drinking. Had been apart from her for a year and met a wonderful woman, really thought this one was the one. Never had an argument in the 6 months weve been together, totally in love with her and she with me. Problems are: she has had relentless three years of many problems to do with health, divorce, unhappy relationship and bad break up with previous g/f. Met me before properly healed from last breakup, and is still dealing with how hurt she was. She has two kids ( 5 kids between us age range 11-15). We live 40 miles apart and have been spending most weekends together alternating houses. We both find it hard that we have very little time to ourselves, also that with all our committments around our kids schools, activities and friends means that we are looking at a minimum of 3 years before we could even consider living together. When we are at her house, her son cannot have his friends over, as my g/f cannot be out where she lives, his is not the sort of school environment where having a gay mum would be ok.Its also very hard to work round the varying individual needs of 5 teens to try and keep them happy, especially when theyre not spending the weekend in their own home. Neither of us has much family support, we are both full time single mums as well as working full time, neither dad is involved with the kids on a regular basis (dads choice). I'm not finding it easy, but so delighted to have found her that I'm keeping going by concentrating on the positives and trying to ride out the negatives, however my g/fs stress levels are going through the roof, and she isn't sure she can cope with everything thats going on despite not wanting to lose me. My elder two sons are causing me stress too, oldest has jealousy issues, and middle one is very unhappy at school, and Im not having a lot of support from the teachers, and this is something i'm trying to downplay so I don't add to my g/fs stress. At the moment we are having a "break" to try and take the pressure off her so she can decide what to do. She doesn't want us to split up, but is terrified of causing more hurt if she finds in a few months she really can't cope with the stress, and also our two youngest kids are upset over this as they have grown very close (my son 11 and her daughter 12) She is feeling very much under pressure of time as she knows its hard for us all being in limbo, and i am thinking maybe I need to end the realtionship to take this pressure off her, even though its the last thing I want for myself. If we do split up she wants us to stay best friends so we don't lose each other, but I think right now that would be way too painful for me. Does anyone have any advice or similar experience? Sorry for such a long post.