blues_belter

To clarify I'm laughing at the cat pill thing. I like your poem, Curly- what sort of class are you taking?

(laughing)

OK guys, i'm going to leave it till Thurs- But would you reassure me on one thing? hopefully my phone message didn't spook him further. All i said was "Hey_____ your email was a bit confusing about Thurs- would you call me back?" I'm asking you because i don't want to ask him for reassurance! (don't worry, i won't )You all are really cool for setting me straight Happy V- Day everyone!

That's fair enough NJRon But about that thinking too much part, you're right. Funny thing is he told me the same thing though when we were hot and heavy. He still stopped, but still. Hopefully, my phone message didn't spook him even further- i just hate weirdness, my gut instinct is to eradicate the weirdness by making a joke about it. But yeah, you're right. I'll go with a guy on this one. It's just all so funny anyway...

Curly--- you did just fine- he has to respect you for it. Do not second guess yourself on this one- you laid it all out there and if he's the right one for you at this right time, he will realize what he needs to do to get you. I think you shocked the hell out of him with some backbone!! Don't look back! Just look ahead - with or without him you are just fine.

Thanks solo34 and NJRon yeah, he probably wanted to hit it bad- but truth is, so did i- i just knew it wasn't the right time. As you are both men, is it possible that i may have wounded his ego a bit. I think my email was really cool- not at all weird. Is it possible at all, perhaps that since i didn't come on strong at all, he was just embarrassed and had to throw it out there that oh- you are such a great friend, i don't want to ruin that, bla bla bla. I mean i believe him on one level- but then, he's acting skittish when there is no need to be I guess i shouldn't mention it, but then if he really is a friend, and he really wants to focus on the music- i think he would of returned my call by now. I think i just scared the """ out of him by being cool. But then that's just me... any thoughts? How can i clarify Thursday's plan- and get the music thing back on track- if he's already acting like, well, you know!!!

Yeah, you're both right- he never said "let's just be friends" he said let's focus on the music. And truth is, that's what i want to do- i guess i didn't want to define it all of a sudden because i am also attracted to him. We are really only collaborating on a couple songs on his record. We are not forming a band or a business. Truth is i do see potential in him simply because he showed much respect. But i can respect his limits as well. I didn't want to mess anything up either- should i reply in an email and be silly? like"um, it was already understood! if Thursday's not good for you- how about another day? Because it sounds like he already made plans with a friend. I did call last night about 8:30 after i got the email. I left a message on his vm, saying you're email was a bit confusing about Thurs. would you give me a call? He never responded. I guess maybe it already got weird for him. How can i put him at ease- he really seems spooked. I never called back. Thing is- if he wants it to be not weird, why all of a sudden is he acting like a boyfriend who can't return a phone call! It just seems funny. Hmmmm. males and females!! He never responded

Hi everyone! I know this should probably be posted in the dating section, but since i am most familiar with this section and i like everyone here, i was hoping you could help me with this one? I was once hoping to get back with my ex, but i realized that he wasn't right for me at all, so i decided to take my life back, or at least get one. I've been having a great time ever since and I've met a great guy. The problem, or i should say the situation is. I am not looking to get into anything serious. I AM highly attracted to him and he has also asked me to collaborate with him on some music. It's only been a few weeks since we started spending time together. Very early on i told him straight up- exactly what i am saying now " I am very interested in collaborating with you on some music- i do feel a strong attraction to you- i would like to get to know you- but i do not want anything to do anything to upset that delicate balance." I went on to say that because of this, i do not want to "define" anything. I was enjoying writing, flirting and all that- and i didn't want to put a label on anything "friend or otherwise"! He wholly agreed. He said he felt an attraction too but he also didn't feel like defining it. ( We're both coming out of bad relationships). But already, i think something happened to made him want to define it. The other night we went out of town and spent all night at my favorite music joint- we had a blast! At closing we noticed that the roads were really bad with snow and i was a bit concerned about driving back. He asked me what i wanted to do. I said, well i don't want you to have to drive back home 30mph the whole way back (about 40miles) I said would you consider getting a room and we can drive tomorrow when it is safer- and jokingly said to put him at ease- don't worry, i respect you as a man- i promise i won;t do anything to put the moves on you! Just being silly- he laughed. So we got to the room and of course there was this TENSION! So we got silly and started jumping from bed to bed like a couple of kids (He's late thirties- i'm 31) Then he arranges his shoes in a straight line between the beds ( i'm sitting on one, he is on the opposite one. I said what are you doing. He says i'm drawing a line. I started laughing. Then he points one shoe towards me and says "this means the door is open", then puts the shoe back "this means the door is closed" and then tilts the shoe halfway- "and this means enter at your own risk"! Of course i couldn't resist but i knew that i had to set a limit. I said look, i would really love to come over there and be with you but i have to let you know up front that i am not in any position to "tame the one-eyed snake tonight" (meaning sex is not an option) I am open to other things though and i feel very comfortable with you. He said come on over. Of course when your with someone for the first time things get pretty hot and heavy- and that is exactly what happened! But i held fast to it- he tried his best but i reminded him that i wasn;t going there- i let him know it was sure hard not to (mmmhmm!) He was very persistent but i told him, look it takes a while for me open up and when i do, if it's with you will be extremely pleased if you give me the time to do that. I said- this feels very good. I do worry though that you'll label me a tease- but since i outlined it up front... he said, no, i don't think you're a tease ( this was when we weren't hot and heavy) I smiled and said ok- then he starts right back in with the kissing and being silly. Point is, i outlined what i was willing to do and he respected that- even though he sure tried. He did not give me any guilt or any pressure or anything like that. That in my book makes me trust him more. That makes me think that he is a real gentleman. So, i decided to send him a little note the next morning (about 24 hours later) Hi (attractive nice guy) As per usual- I had a great time out with you this weekend and i must say, though from now on it is understood, I think you are a real gentleman. Thanks for respecting my limits though it must have been rough ;-). In the words of the great (friend's name, that makes you as cool as 10,000 _______ (inside joke- forum members). Anyway, i hope to show you some of my lyrical ideas for you Thurs. if you're free. Cheers, Me PS I'm going to break down and buy a winter coat this week- it's time to put an end to the denial And here was his reply.... I had fun too, so it is no big deal.....and of course I would respect your limits. I value you as a person and I think you are a great friend. As awkward as it may sound, I'm glad that there was a limit set. I thought about if there had been no limits and what that might do to our friendship and working together on music. I think it would have made things weird. I feel like we should focus on the music. Thursday should be good. B and I (friend that is moving ) are suppose to go see a band this Thursday, but I'm imagining she'll cancel like last week......the joys of preparation before relocating. (Him) So, forum members- perhaps i am a bit taken aback. Of course being friends is the best thing to do when you are thnking about dating someone, or even not. Getting to know the other person is what it's all about. Thing is, i feel like he just threw out a preemptive strike all of a sudden! I didn't feel anything weird on my part- sure maybe it was a little hot and heavy all of a sudden, but i guess i just hate being defined so suddenly. It seems to me something really spooked him! I thought my email was a nice way of saying" hey! i think you are a great guy! I'll see you later this week! We'll work on some music!" All of a sudden it's " let's just be friends"---- in an email---- on valentines day!":splat: i don't know whether to be insulted or just bust out laughing! What do ya'll think? _________________________________________________________________

It may be lonely for a while- but this is a brand new start for you. Moving somewhere else doesn't mean problems go away, and in a brand new place with no close friends and job uncertainty- it can be rough on you. I've been there too! I have a lot of respect for people who can pick up and move accross the country. It shows a type of boldness and a willingness to get outside the comfort zone. I respect you for it- try to do whatever you can to further yourself and your career. Once you do, you are bound to meet similar like-minded professionals who share your interests (friends and possibly more)

Thanks, Nathalie 1970 for the feedback!

Good Deal Curly- I was on a mission yesterday hope my rambling didn't confuse you... but what did you think about the lyrics to that song? Anyone else got a comment? Songs like that help me put things in perspective when i subtly feel like i have to rearrange my plans to suit a man

Now, i don't want you to get "full of good liquor and give a man s***" but do you get the drift of that song? I know you were happy together, but believe me DON't SETTLE- if he's smart, and he does seem to have a brain- he will realize just what he's missing with you and will do his BEST to get you back. But at the same time, he's going to see what he can get without the effort! This is where you draw the line and you don't even need to have the CONVERSATION with him- let him wonder, because he will approach you about it if he feels you slipping away. This will take some time- allow it to develop slowly. I think you are doing a great job curly- stay strong- don't dwell on the if only's and the what if's. I have a graduate degree in that- it doesn't help you!! Geez, I'm preaching again- but i am following this advice too and it is working for me- but in my situation, i want my ex back less and less and less- and this is good for me personally- we have a lot more history, baggage, abusive cycle- so you understand. Your guy sounds fine, just don't waiver. I want my LIFE back!

WILD WOMEN DON'T HAVE THE BLUES Ida Cox I hear these women raving 'bout their no-good men About their trifling husbands and their no good friends These poor women sit around all day and moan Wondering when their baby's daddy's ever coming home But wild women don't worry, wild women don't have no blues Now when you've got a man, don't never be on the square 'Cause if you do he'll have a woman everywhere I never was known to treat no one man right I keep 'em working hard both day and night 'Cause wild women don't worry, wild women don't have their blues I've got a disposition and a way of my own When my man starts kicking I let him find another home I get full of good liquor, walk the streets all night Go home and put my man out if he don't act right Wild women don't worry, wild women don't have their blues You never get nothing by being an angel child You better change your ways and get real wild I wanna tell you something, I wouldn't tell you a lie Wild women are the only kind that really get by 'Cause wild women don't worry, wild women don't have their blues

Geez- i didn't even consider that part either. You don't need a watchdog in the henhouse because YOU'RE NOT IN THE HENHOUSE! But in order to escape the small town mentality- you first must escape the small town! Not much going to change there. Perhaps if your feeling like browsing some tunes- i've got a couple for ya that speak to this: The Lady is a Tramp (Sinatra or Ella Fitzgerald) & Wild Women Don't Get the Blues (unknown)

i don't mean to be preaching, curly- just got a little fired up- other than that, i am glad to hear from you too!

tell your counselor EVERYTHING. On top of the pain you are already experiencing, you do not need more aggravation!

wait wait wait!!! i didn't even see your first post! Then, this note could have come from anyone- just do the process of elimination and keep your nose clean when it comes to the man with multiple mules in his stable. As for the crazy guy- give me some more info on his threats?

Look, even if this guy is a good friend of yours- he's got a wife AND a girlfriend- which means if you are anywhere near him you stand a very good chance of getting caught in the crossfire!!! No, the woman should not leave a threatening note on your car- but at the same time, this man should be handling his business so it's no surprise that she may be taking it out on you. It's a thin line between love and hate, you know? Be careful!!!! I've been on both sides of this equation-

Well- things sound ok- except for that last part. I would take it as a threat no matter who it was from. Are you fairly certain that your ex wouldn't write that? Did your friend invite his girlfriend along? Depending on how their relationship is (if he is untrustworthy) she might not see it as "just hanging out" She could also just be a little batty. But i would be careful on this one- be really really careful. Other than that, I'm actually glad you are undecided about your ex- it means you're considering your own feelings in all of this. He seems pretty straightforward about what he can and cannot offer to you at this time- but it still seems he wants his cake and, well you know the rest...he can't make a commitment, but he doesn't want anyone else to have you either. That's not fair. If you can do it- keep dating him AND other people- it's not cheating because he's doing it too. Do yourself a favor, though. If somebody makes a date with you, and then your ex calls later in the week DO NOT CANCEL YOUR OTHER DATE- you don't have to tell him everything just that you have plans. Play his game better than him- get it? Don't always be available for him. Yes this IS a game- but i like to call it a dance, that's what the whole courtship thing is! Basically, it sounds as if he really misses and cares for you. This is a good thing. Let him- but if something isn't right to you, don't do it. Right now he doesn;t have any claim on you and you owe him no exclusivity. Let him be the one to bring it up. I'm proud of you curly

Yay- thanks Annie he called again last night and made plans for Friday- I'm not used to it but i think i can be! Cheers...

i like what you guys are saying- if he doesn't call within a week, i'll just call him about my ideas for his songs and be very sweet but leave it at that I'm sure he could pick up that i'm interested- even though i only gave him a hug and a "thanks for such a wonderful time" i also don't know what he knows about my ex- who i still perform with. I don't want to hide anything but at the same time, i don't want to tell him too much so soon. The curse of "my ex" is that because i still play with him, it takes a big man to be able to handle that!!! Cheers

thanks, everyone ocrob, yes he is a very considerate guy. This is the 1st time in 3 1/2 years a guy has picked me up at my house and delivered me right back to my door. 3 1/2 years because i wassted my time on a guy who never did anything as simple as that for me!! I want to raise the bar! Thank you all for helping me out

yeah, you're right--- i just remember from long ago what "i'll call you" meant! I'm just hoping it's not a brush off- too soon to tell

This sounds like good advice- my sit. is a bit of a twist. See what you think. He has come out to a few of my musical performances and had asked if i'd be interested in collaborating with him on one of his projects- so i called and he called me back but only because of the project. A couple weeks later, he came again to a show (his uncle is a good friend of mine who really empathizes with my last breakup- and this uncle - and friend of mine is very upset with my ex over it) So, it's obvious that his uncle was trying to hook us up. I was hesitant to go on a date because i didn't want to ruin a potentially good time- if i wasn't ready. Now i feel i am ready to date casually- i called him up a few days after the last gig. He seemed surprised but happy that i called. I asked him if he would like to go that following Saturday, hiking. He said yes and talked to me for a little while, i ended the call on an up note ( i hate chatting on the phone) Two days later he called back to confirm that we would be going out 2 days later- i said of course we chatted a bit more, then i ended the call on an up note again. One hour before the date, he calls again to see if we were still on, i said of course. He picked me up at my place and we drove an hour away to the hike. was a lot of fun. We went over to a club where the musicians know me very well, so they got me up onstage- he was impressed. Basically we shared a lot of laughs, friendly sarcasm and conversation about musical inspiration (his projects- my projects) As he was driving back, he asked if i would be interested in going back there with him- i said sure, but jumped the gun, of course and said- meet me for breakfast tomorrow! I expected it would shock him but he said of course, what time should i meet you? So he called me the next day to say he was running late, apologized profusely and said he didn't want me to think that he was being lazy. He showed up again, we went back and had a great time. A few hours later, we drove back- when he dropped me off he said he would definitely be calling me about the project very soon. I think he likes me, is a little nervous- and i hope i did not come on too strong Am i on the right track? It;s only been 2 days since he dropped me off. I'm out of practice and don't want to scare off a potentially good friend or more... Thanks!!!

Oh yeah, I'm 31- he's 38 and seemingly, very stable