gattsuga

Yeah, I really think it's time for me to make myself less available to her. Sometimes she calls me up and asks me to pick her up from university, and study together... and i absolutely love doing that with her... but i guess it's time to put my foot down and start looking out for myself too. It's hard to avoid her though since we have the same friends, same church, and we're even taking some dance classes together... what should i do? i don't want to start negelecting my friends or not go to church, cuz those are very important for me too. It's really hard to us to not have contact since we pretty much go to the same places all the time. I need to give us space, but how can I do that? Should I tell her that we need some space and I need to start taking care of myself? or should i just stop contact and wait for her to come to me? And if she asks me for rides again... should I just tell her no?? that sounds really rude and she might misunderstand that. I don't want her to think I've lost interest and gave up on our relationship. How can I do this in a nice way without hurting her?

Hey all, I wrote a few weeks ago about me and my ex. Basically, we broke up a couple months ago... and it was totally my fault for pushing her away and never spending enough time with her, or treating her the way she deserved. In short, I took her for granted, and was a total jerk. It's strange how much your feelings can change after you totally lose someone. I've never been so in love with anyone in my whole life, and she loved me wholeheartedely too while we were together. I guess the situation is reversed now, with me loving her with all my heart, but she's really unsure and doesn't know how she feels about me anymore. To make things a little more complicated, her best friend (for 2 years i think) confessed how he felt to her... and she has a lot of mixed feelings for him. She says that sometimes she feels more connected to him, and that she and I can't communicate that well sometimes. I know feelings can change and all, but she always told me she felt nothing for this guy except feelings of sisterly love or friendship. She's told me in the last month or so that she still loves me, but has feelings for him too... and she doesn't want to make any decisions, or choose one of us, cuz she doesn't want to lose one of us. I really love this girl, and I want nothing more than for her to be happy (hopefully with me but should I say something about how she doesn't want to make a decision? She's leaving both of us hanging, and I feel that is really unfair for us two guys... waiting and hoping for her answer. Last week, when she was going to make a choice, she was so stressed out, and just wanted to choose no one at all. This week she seems to be much happier cuz she decided she didn't need to make any decisions. I don't want to make her unhappy again by asking her to make a decision...... but i just feel this will just get much worse the longer it drags on... whoever she decides, the guy she doesn't choose would just be so much more hurt by this right? what should I do? should I ask her to make a decision? i don't want to give her an ultimatum... cuz that's just really unfair i think. I'm just worried that she will take another 2 months... or maybe a year to make a decision...

It's weird how our abundance of love has shifted. It use to be her who loved me with all her heart.. now she's unsure. and it's me who's head over heels... I wonder why love is like that. Always see-sawing back and forth... Isn't there a way to balance ? Thanks for your advice people. I'm preparing myself for the worst, and I'm setting my life straight. She told me last night that she doesn't believe my words anymore... but I've been doing so much for her lately... flowers, traveling, theatre, love notes, and most importantly freedom... but it looks like she either can't trust me right now... or refuses to try. i guess if she refuses to even try to trust me again... it's all going to be over.

yeah... she loves both of us very much... and she doesn't want to lose either of us... and honestly i don't want to hurt her best friend.. cuz he's a nice guy. i'm just afraid she doesn't want to come back to me... and i'm having a hard time just letting her go.

sometimes a guy's pride gets in the way. But I bet he really does truly appreciate every effort you're making to make him feel better. I say don't stop trying to make him feel special... I really think he likes it deep down... just his pride doesn't want you to see him weak... cuz a guy has to be strong and tough in front of his girl. it might be hard for you cuz he's not returning any of your love... but I think it'll be worth it after the 5 weeks are up

Hi all, I really need some advice on what's happening, and what I should do. I guess I'll start with the background. Me and my ex-girlfriend have been dating for 2 years, and during this time we've had our share of fights and arguments, but overall things were pretty good. She loved me very much, and I loved her. A couple months ago, we broke up due to some emotional baggage I had. I felt awful, and I knew I was doing something terribly wrong when I broke up with her, but I felt I needed to get rid of that emotional baggage that's been hanging around for years. And I believed it wouldn't be fair for her to be with me while I tried to get rid of my baggage. So I ended things between us, and started to get myself altogether, and get my life all worked out. I believe that I couldn't have been a good husband until I have my life set straight, and no past memories haunting me. I don't know why it took me so long to get over my first girlfriend... I tried everything from confronting my first girlfriend, to not talking to her for 2 years, and even ignoring her whenever she tried to talk to me... but nothing worked. Until now, after some discussions with some friends and my pastor and my first girlfriend, I finally was able to move on and I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. After a month of just prayer and self-control, I knew that I was ready to be in a relationship again. I feel like a new man now. My heart is filled with so much love for my ex-girlfriend. I've never felt so strongly for anyone in my entire life. However, when I told her how I felt now, the feelings of hurt and betrayal are still there... and I totally understand this, and I told her that I am definitely going to try my hardest to win her trust back, and show her how much love I have for her now. But, during those two months... her best friend confessed how he felt for her. This friend, we'll call him Greg, told her he started feelings things for her in the last month, and immediately he told her how he felt... I confessed how I felt probably a week after he did. I had no idea that he felt that way until my ex-girlfriend told me a few weeks after I confessed.... (i always had my suspicions he did...). So now my ex, we'll call her Amanda, doesn't know what to do. She doesn't want to lose her best friend, but she doesn't want to lose me either. She tells me she loves me still, but has a hard time trusting me. But she also feels something for Greg now. She sometimes thinks Greg and her connect more, and communicate better. While she thinks we have difficulty communicating sometimes. We were talking on the phone for an hour today, and she keeps telling me how she loves our relationship right now, and how well we're able to communicate and just talk about stuff. I keep asking her why she has feelings for him, and am just looking for answers. But she doesn't know why, and she doesn't know how she feels. I think she's just really confused with her emotions. The last thing Amanda wants is to hurt us.. I know that for sure. She feels really guilty for hurting me and Greg like this... and she would rather have herself hurt than us. But I never want to hurt her again, and I never want to let her go again. I believe we're a perfect match. We are fairly opposite at times, but I think that just compliments one another. She is the sweetest, most loving girl I have ever met. I don't ever want to hurt her again. This would be so much easier for everyone if Greg never confessed... i mean he only felt these feelings for her for a week or two! oh man i really screwed up. So am I too late? Did I ruin what could have been my future wife? She tells me she doesn't want to be with anyone right now... but I'm so scared that she would choose him over me... just because of how I hurt her in the past. She says that this would be so much easier if Greg didn't confess. And she keeps saying how weird their relationship is, like she's just not used to it.. or never expected it. I love her so much, I would do anything for her.... I would spend the rest of my life treating her right and loving her as best a man can possibly love another woman. What should I do?? I don't want to lose her, and I don't want to give her up without a fight. Greg is pouring out all his charms on her, and it looks like it's really affecting her positively. I'm reading about NC a lot on these forums... but is that wise in this situation? Should I NC while Greg is continually pursing her and making her feel special? Amanda keeps telling us that she doesn't want anyone right now, and I am more than willing to give her that space, but I don't think Greg will stop doing all these special things for her... Please help a poor stupid guy out...

Breaking promises usually leads to no trust. Why would he keep believing your promises if you break them right? As said above me... don't ever make a promise you can't keep. You're only 15, so maybe you think you can keep these promises, but end up not being able to.... so solution is, think things through, don't just say it in the heat of the moment. you have to rebuild the trust with tiny steps

thanks guys for the advice. now with the NC thing, should I just start ignoring her if she talks to me? try to avoid her? or tell her that i'm doing this NC thing?

we are separated right now, but she keeps telling me she wants to get back together, but doesn't know if it's a good idea since i've hurt her. I told her that I was responsible for everything that went wrong, and I want to make things right. The reason I broke up with her was because i was going through depression. but now that i've come out of that (thank God), I know that i want her to be a part of my life forever. she isn't the type to do things to spite me or give me my own medicine.... she's a real kind hearted girl. i want to make things right between us, so i'm giving her the space she needs to think things through, but it's just killing me to think she ignored me while i was sitting beside her when she was asked out on a date....

Hello all, brief background... i broke up with my ex a couple months back, and now i can't seem to live without her (yeah, i know i was the jerk... and am sooo lucky to have another chance). we've been talking a lot in the last few weeks, and things have been going really great. We hang out, go on dates, laugh, hug, kiss, etc. but she still doesn't completely trust me yet. I totally understand that, I did break her heart. but what's got me confused and hurt, was when i was talking with her today, another guy comes up and starts talking to her... and she totally ignores me and focuses all her attention on him... like i wasn't even there. i waited for her to finish talking... but all of a sudden the guy asks her to go on a plane ride with him around the city at night. I guess he's training to be a pilot. without even hesistating, she accepts, and gets super excited to go. Just when I thought we were getting back together, she ignores me, and agrees to go on a date with me right beside her. does this mean she lost interest in me?? after they finished talking, i talked with her a bit, i didn't mention anything about her accepting the date, but she acted as if nothing was wrong. Could i have misunderstood?? does she not see that as a date? a romantic flight around the city at night with just two people? i just need a little guidance... after reading this forum for a bit, i'm going to try the NC thing for a few weeks... but am I overreacting? or do i have a right to be angry about all this? thanks for your advice