Crystaltopaz84

I agree with the previous post, having sex that frequently can sometimes cause this to happen. I know from experience with my boyfriend. We were kinda concerned at first too, but after we slowed down it wasn't a problem anymore.

I don't know for sure why he took it so personal, but I tried to explain it to her that I think he did because as I mentioned before he has always been really protective of me and has said many times that the last thing he would ever want to do is hurt me. I think he might have been accused in the past of being a bad boyfriend or something crazy like that because he has his own business and it takes up most of his time (can't always go out during the weekends, not much time to spend relaxing during the week, etc.) Also, I have heard from others and he has told me a few times himself that he thinks he's not good enough for me and is always asking himself "why does she want me when she could do better?" To me this is silly because I have asked myself almost the same question in regards to him (he and I laughed about this when we broke down and told eachother our concerns LOL). With this in mind, I think maybe that's why he was so defensive when it sounded like someone was in fact telling him he wasn't good enough. I really would like to keep my best friend if at all possible, we have a great time together, feel so comfortable around one another that we can share everything, yadda yadda yadda. I've been officially dating my bf about 4 months now, but we've been kinda 'together' for about a year. My family has no problem with him and my other friends just give me the usual speech to be careful and watch out for yourself, but don't really cop an attitude about it like she does. My last boyfriend was what most of my family and friends considered toxic because he was possessive, controling, and constantly critizing me or putting me down about stuff. My mother would constantly tell me how she didn't like the way he treated me, but with this new one she sees how happy I am after I get to spend time with him and all the little stuff he does....she knows he treats me so much better. My best friend knew my ex and I when I dated him, and she knows how bad it was for me, so it baffles me that she would react this way with my current bf. The only explination I have really is that she is hidding her jelousy (and not very well ) I like to keep the peace between my friends, so this is really bothering me....but I have a feeling there really isn't anything I can do. Its up to them to fix this or not. I really appreciate your responses and questions though, they are really making me think through this.

That's why I was concerned when she first brought it up, but I've known him just as long as she has and over the past few years (and during other relationships) he has actually talked to me more than her. I forgot to mention she used to have a HUGE crush on him, and even though she tells me that she is completely over him I can't help but wonder if part of this is just her lashing out because she realizes that he never cared for her in that way and never will. I agree with this statement, but considering our age (she is 19 and he is 21 like me) you know how stubborn and irrational one can be. They are both hot-headed and stubborn with sensitive issues like this, so I can just forsee them having a huge fight and never speaking again. She does plan to try and talk to him about this, I guess I was just seeking advise on anything I could possibly do to help them work through it and patch things up. Should I try to get in the middle? if so, who's side do I take (because I don't think it'll be possible not to choose a side)?

I am having a terrible time right now between my best girl friend and my boyfriend. They used to be good friends, but had a bit of a falling out a few years back. Even though they did patch things up enough to become casual friends again, ever since I got involved with him things have been really strained and awkward between them. He has been hurt badly by his past two girlfriends and has had a lot of trouble trusting me and committing to a relationship, so she has seen me go through times of happiness and also sadness, anger, and frustration with him. She though she was just being a good friend by telling him when they were talking that he needs to treat me good and that he better not hurt me. Well he was greatly offended I believe to hear that she would think he would even want to hurt me (he and I have known eachother for about 5 years and he has always been really protective of me). This was a big blow to his ego I'm thinking and ever since then he hasn't really wanted to talk to her. A few months ago when talkin to her and sharing some intimate details (we are very very close and share just about everything) she out-of-the-blue asks "are you sure he really means everything he says and isn't just saying this stuff to get sex?" This made me so angry that she would even believe that he would try to pull a stunt like this or that I would let myself fall for it!!! Well I didn't know who to turn to and of course it made me second guess myself so I called my boyfriend to talk about it. I think this was the worst thing I could do if I ever wanted them to be friends again because he was SOO angry with her for upsetting me like that and accusing him of being such a jerk. Now when she tries to contact him he either ignores it or rudely asks "yeah, what do you want now?!" She does nothing but second guess him and put him down now and is constantly making me double think things. This is stressing me out because I want to be able to do things with both of them, or even go on double dates with her and her boyfriend but that's impossible now because she has given him the impression that my boyfriend is a sexist jerk. I don't know what I should do to ease the situation because I can see it coming down to me being given the ultimatim or him or her.....and I just can't choose between them! (sorry this is soooo long)

I know just how your feeling because I am in an almost identical mess myself. Difference is, my best friend is still officially with his girlfriend, I just get to hear him talk about all the reasons why he isn't sure if it will last. It has been so tempting so many times to tell him that I don't think it will last either so he should just end it now, then I could be there to pick up the pieces. I haven't done that though because its wrong in the first place, and the girl he's dating is a very close friend of him and I would never want to see her hurt. I agree that the best approach would be hands-off. Just try to subtly let him know you are interested should the opportunity for you both to date arise. Hopefully the girl will understand in time, and not hold a grudge against both of you. Of course, you can't start dating as soon as they break up (I did that once and it turned out terribly, and didn't even work out in the end). Its really hard waiting to see how things turn out, but the best then you can do is continue to wear your 'best friend' hat until things become more settled, then see where it leads.

Thanks everyone for the ideas, I really liked some of them (such as Iceman and Foxy). I have been trying a few different ones for him on my own, but he never seemed to really respond too well to what I came up with and I just couldn't think of others. Again, thanks so much for all the great suggestions!!

My new boyfriend is the best at surprising me with pet names to call me, but I keep drawing a blank on something personal to call him. I don't really want to be generic (like sweetie, honey, etc.). Any help with this is greatly appreciated!

thanks for the replys. I think you guys might be right, I guess I just don't want to admit that to myself lol. I really care about this guy, and I guess its hard when I'm ready to date and he 's obviously not. Oh well, all my friends have also been telling me "plenty of other fish in the sea, just keep looking". That's easy to say when it isn't them being rejected I guess I just feel like this poor little emoticon sometimes ](*,) never getting anywhere....

okay I've known this guy for about 5 years now, we've both told eachother that we have feelings for one another and woud like to maybe date sometime (the timing just hadn't been right until now). Unfortnatly, now that we are both single he doesn't seem as interested as he did before. I asked him if he could ever see me as something other than just a good friend and here is what he said: "As much as I want it to be more. I just see at this time a little sister. Because I am too wild and your still the calm one. But you are starting to catch up with me. Give it another 6 months or so. Then it could start out to get serious and stay serious" WTF is this supposed to mean?? I'm so confused. Do you think that he is just delaying telling me that he doesn't want to date me anymore, or something else?

Yeah I am planning to drive more with my parents, going back and forth to classes this year/semester. I hope that by mid semester I should be able to do it fine by myself. [-o I would just use public transportation rather than bugging my buddies or parents, but unfortunately I live in a small town where there really is nothing. My only option would be to call a cab, and I don't want to do that and spend that kind of money unless I really need to. Good suggestion though, thanks.

Thanks so much for the support and understanding. You are right, it does help to know that I'm not alone in my fear because in my area seems like no one else has problems with it (they all think I'm just weird of lazy). I was surprised to see just how many people suffer from this fear/phobia. I have been to the empty parking lot to drive, and that is how I got my practice for getting my liscense. Its just the venturing out of the parking lot that causes the anxiety attach. I was talking in one of the phobia help chat rooms and the psychologist that was there said there must have been a terrible experience with a car or driving that I experienced when I was younger to make me have this deffensive reaction to it. Of course, it doesn't help that I grew up in a very judgemental environment and I have very low self esteem/confidence. I really appreciate the support and opinions, I'm going to start working on overcoming the fear in short steps now. Maybe I'll update when I make it!

I've been in many near accidents before, I am worried about making mistakes and really screwing up. Yeah the traffic is nerve racking too. Why do you say its an unhealthy fear?

I currently don't drive. 8-[ I have my license and a car that runs some of the time, but I have a fear/phobia of driving. What is your personal opinion of someone with this fear? Do you think of them as immature, lazy, weird, etc. or do you understand and sympathize? Guys, would you date a girl that didn't drive? any and all opinions more than welcome, thanks!

thanks lily. I am feeling better than I did this morning, I was just really down after the bad/dull conversation I had with him yesterday. Reading about the problems some others are having has really put mine into perspective though. I just might try bringing it up to him again the next time we talk if he seems to be in a better mood. I didn't want to say anything when he wasn't really paying attention to the conversation and would probably give a half-thought answer anyway. Yes, I am very glad it isn't a LDR too, I'm not sure how some do it! I would go crazy not being able to see them at least once a week.

Thanks for replying Betty. The problem with talking to him about this is that I don't want to seem too pushy because I've told him that I don't want to put any pressure on him to make a decision to date or not. I truly don't want to add any more stress to his already strenuous life, but when it seems that he is just stringing me along I get a bit deffensive and worried. I suppose I just sound selfish, but I got so used to his flirty comments and him talking about a future together and everything that this sudden change has really shaken and upset me. I keep wondering if it was something I did or said. Maybe he's changed his mind now or something. I scared to lose him because I care about him so much and think that it could really turn out to be awsome if he give it a chance.

I can completely understand and relate to your feels actually. My last boyfriend was so passive and easy going all the time that he didn't seem to have a reaction to anything! It was so totally frustrating that he never had an opionion with stuff, and nothing I did seemed to upset him at all. I think we feel frustrated an annoyed with this because we don't want that person to understanding/perfect when we get upset about stuff. I know at least I didn't want to seem to be the witchy or annoying gf, I just wanted to get some kind of reaction from him to know he had a brain, lol.

I really hate to say this, but it does sound like it is possible he is using you to get over his past girlfriend. Either that, or he is trying too hard to make it work this time and now screw up the relationship. His behavior sounds completely opposite from what it was before, and that is something a lot of people tend to do when one relationship/way of acting doesn't work out for them in the worst way. I understand your frustration that he doesn't seem to care about anything you do. My opinion he is still healing inside and needs a lot of support and reassurance from you. Talk with him about this. Tell him that it is okay for him to be concerned about what you do at times, and that you actually welcome it because it shows how much he cares for you. He probably doesn't know yet how to be in the middle of the two extremes (highly protective or totally passive) and it will take a while for you both to find a comfortable and happy medium. Hope this helps! O

Well I am at my wit's end currently, but I'll try to keep this as short and to the point as I can. Basically, there is a guy that I have known for about 3-4 years now and we both have expressed great interest in dating eachother but the timing has never been right. Now that we are both single, I have been really excited about finally getting the opportunity to date him and he seemed to share my enthusiasm at first. However, now he hardly calls me and when we chat online the past few times he has answered my questions with about the shortest most generic answers possible! He owns his own landscaping business, which has been keeping him busy lately so I am trying to just convince myself that is the reason for his change in character rather than him possibly changing his mind about 'us'. I have just been waiting for this for so long that I can't seem to stop thinking about him and worrying that it is over before it started. Another potential issue/problem is the fact that he has already had a few physical relationships and I am still as 'innocent' as they come. He says he is worried about hurting me (probably because of this) but I don't know how to make him see that is something for me to worry about and not him.