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smushy

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  1. smushy
    my husband (future ex) just surprised me by coming over to take care of me since i've been sick the last two days... (please see previous posts to get a better idea of our situation - or just ask ) he came over with all sorts of treats and movies. he said that he felt bad that i didn't feel good and that he would make me something to eat.... then we watched a movie, and then he left shortly after. my question is: does that mean anything - like he may not be as sure of what he wants as he says he is? or am i just reading into something that's not there? what do i do from here? lately, it feels almost like we're at that "dating" stage of a relationship - with the late night calls, the little thoughtful gestures, the "call me when you get home so i know you're safe", etc. - with the exception of any intimate contact. there's also the facct that he really wants me to go with him soon to see a lawyer to start the divorce proceedings - he thinks we can avoid litagation and simply use an arbitrator... what does it all mean? AND what am i supposed to do?!
  2. smushy
    from your brief "recap" of your history i can't tell why you would want her back... it seems like you have been doing better without her, then with.... don't confuse wanting her back with her little efforts to get your attention. besides, what makes you think you can "get" her back? you have a gf, she has a bf.... plus, you're looking for the "rules of a game" to get her back... ultimately, you can't - if she wants to come back she will. honesty is very important, and unless one of you actually says that you want to try again, becareful not to read into something...
  3. smushy
    my question to you is why do you want her back? you mentioned that you have a girlfriend - does she know that you are playing some sort of manipulation to get your ex back? honestly, it sounds like you are doing very well and have gotten yourself to a good place: happy with new gf, with career, going out, etc.... maybe it's time to let the past go and move on whole heartedly with your future... good luck
  4. smushy
    i have to agree with this response.... when my husband told me he wanted to leave, and i said that i loved him too much to believe that it could actually be over, he said if i really loved him, i'd let him go... can't necessarily say that the karma thing here works... was just an easy way to manipulate me to think that by not putting up a "fight" i was showing just how much i loved... but really wasn't he just showing me how much he didn't? he lets go (leaves) - love comes back to him (i still love him and want to try to work things out) - yet it's not meant to be (he leaves anyway)? doesn't seem to fit right...
  5. smushy
    my husband brought up the divorce thing again today... i told him i wasn't ready that i still think we should go to a counselor. he had promised me that we could go (for my sake, b/c it's not gonna change anything for him) however, although he says he's not trying to push me or rush this, it's inevitable and that it's probably better sooner than not, since financially he can't continue too long this way. (he has been giving me some money every other week since he left - nice gesture, and it helps, but for most of our time together i was the one financially supporting both of us for the most part) anyway, my real question is: do i have to do this divorce thing? i want to protest and yell and scream and beat the walls and cry cry cry cry cry! what do i do? i feel like i'm floating into nothingness and i feel very alone.. please help
  6. smushy
    thanks - i can't say that i'm ready to let this relationship go - in fact i know i'm not. today when he mentioned that we should meet with a lawyer soon and although we can talk to a counselor, his mind is made up, i felt completely shattered. we have been talking everyday and haven't been fighting or anything, so even though i wasn't deluding myself into thinking that it meant he wanted to come back, i was telling myself that maybe in time, with help, we can work through things and salvage our marriage. i certainly want to. does this sound like a situation where nc would be something that would be good for me?
  7. smushy
    from reading others postings, i've noticed a lot of reference to nc, and i was wondering if anyone could give me the ins and outs of it... such as when, how, what to expect, etc. i have also posted about my situation - my husband recently left me, if anyone has any insight into nc or about my other posting i would greatly appreciate it. thanks- i need all the help i can get
  8. smushy
    i have to agree with richgabe.... divorce can certainly occur, not because of conflict, but because of a distancing... i suppose that distance could stem from some sort of conflict, but i think that perhaps there is a oversimplifying of complexity and yet a complexity of simplicity hmmm deep thoughts
  9. smushy
    yes, i have tried to quit - honestly, probably not as hard as i could have... i knew that it really bothered him, and although i never smoked in the house or around him, he would complain when i "smelled" like smoke. i tried hypnosis a few years back, and off and on over the years, tried the 'cold turkey' thing. this winter for no apparent reason, i just stopped for a couple of weeks, but when i expressed my pride in myself, he didn't seem all that impressed. needless to say, i soon picked up again.... i feel like if it was just the smoking he would reconsider this whole divorce thing if i truly did quit, but apparently, it won't make a difference to him. is it really possible that he can't love me now or in the future because of a past weakness? i always stood by him and supported him - even though there were times when i voiced my discontent with that situation. yes, he was a 'social smoker' when we met, but shortly after stopped. if there was anything i could do to make this better or to "convince" him to give me a chance, i would - kinda pathetic huh? any words of wisdom?
  10. smushy
    that's my point about the mental block - i just CAN'T - like i said, weird eating habits!!!
  11. smushy
    is smoking a reason to leave someone? my heart feels like it has been ripped out.... sometimes i feel like i can't breathe.... there has to be a way to wake up and have this all turn out to have been some bizarre f-uped dream!!! i just want him to love me again
  12. smushy
    ok - pizza and french fries are high on my list of "eats" - however, the pizza can't have a lot of sauce, and fries have to be skinny and extra crispy... ketchup? what are you nuts?! i have spoken to someone about what i CAN eat and he has given me a sort of guideline... it's just easier to eat junk than do the prep work - which is stupid considering i look to cook for other people and used to make my husband dinner.... yeah, social situations are fun.... i eat like a 3 year old - actually not true - most 3's eat better than me! sometimes i think i'm missing out on things, but i just physically can't put things i don't like in my mouth. (how i know i don't like them? got me! i just don't) do i sound like a spoiled brat or what?! ugh
  13. smushy
    punchy - what kinds of things do you eat?
  14. smushy
    whoa! slow down.... no matter what - suicide is not an answer.... i can feel how bad you're feeling, but did you ever ask yourself - what will i miss if i do this? because, believe me, you will miss all the good that is out there.... 16 is a very hard time, but think of all the things you have waiting ahead of you.... i am going through a very hard personal time right now too, but somewhere deep deep down i know that things will get better, and i'm afraid to miss out on some wonderful - although unknown to me now - opportunity... someone recently gave me a coin that says : Lord, help me remember that there is nothing you and i can't get through together. other people have reminded me that God never gives you more than you can handle. now, i'm not really a religious person, but i guess i have a certain belief that there is something bigger than us "out there", and those quotes, although based on religious beliefs, simply remind me that there is something - whatever that may be - out there watching over me, even when i don't feel like there is.... take a deep breath, then another, and then another... you can get through this....
  15. smushy
    i have had the strangest eating habits my whole life... i am extremely picky - not a little, but a lot, in an absurd sort of way.... i have very specific "rules" about eating and only eat a handful of things... i don't know why i'm like this, but i seem to have a mental block about being able to do anything about it.... i won't try anything, because i KNOW i don't like it.... i don't have any rational reasons for what i do and do not eat....
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