night_whisper

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been a little distracted. But I really appreciate all the feedback. Rikki - I think you might be very right. I have been feeling unfullfilled for a long time. I do deal with some depression (medicated and stable, I guess). And there have been a lot of difficult situations I have been dealing with for a long time too. So I haven't been with anyone who has fulfilled my need for connection. Maybe that is what the whole problem is. Not a disinterest in sex so much as a lack of emotional connection with someone. And that is my fault because I never let anyone get close enough to become significant. I never seem to let it get past the infatuation stage. Hmmm... maybe I need to look at this from a different angle. oh, and L8RISER... I've needed professional help for a LONG time. LOL Sorry for the long post

Maybe. But I think we would still go for the unattainable one even if the "in front of us" person is more beautiful. But why are we always seeking what we can't have? Why are we not happy with the beauty right in front of us? Excuse this tangent, but every religion has us chasing an ideal that is beyond our reach...right now.

I think we are always looking for the unattainable in some way. I have the same problem you have. I always want someone I know I can't have. For me, part of it is the chase. I want to flirt and worry, feel awkward and uncertain. I want to feel my heart race as I try to see if the person cares for me the way i care for them. When someone is standing in front of you, beautiful and caring and in love with me already, it loses something. I am not interested in them. Its too easy. I want the chase. Its sounds so juvenile and schoolboy-ish, but I think thats what its about. But this is just me. Maybe I'm undertanding you wrong.

Hey Seabisquit... I understand exactly how you feel.. It just felt so good to stick that card in his face. You wanna call it revenge or closure or whatever, thats fine. But sometimes being mean can feel pretty good. There's obviously a lot of history. (Now tell me where you got that card!!)

I wish it was that simple. I don't think it is. I would love to be with someone sexually and I want to have sex. But I run from every opportunity. Part of that running has now become expecting to fail and not wanting to get in that embarrassing situation again. And I know that I have been in love with an unattainable person for many, many years. (That aspect with this person has ended because of a recent tragedy.) But I keep wondering if there is something wrong with me because I am so afraid to let someone close enough to me that a sexual relationship is possible/probable. I know I'm not being very clear. I have trouble explaining all this.

I have not been interetsed in having sex in a long time... a LONG time. I 'm just not interested. I don't know why. I masturbate and I lust after guys (I'm gay) but I don't want to have sex with anyone. I have had sex many times in the past and I guess it was OK. But I haven't been trying to get together with someone in a very long time. And for many years (yes, I said years) when i have had sex with a guy, I never got an erection. I enjoyed the sex, but it was all about me doing for them. Needless to say, this lack of "response" on my part, even in the middle of it all, is very confusing to the guys, and to me. So I avoid having sex with them again. Or anyone for that matter. I'm over-simplifying this whole thing, but I think you have some idea what I'm saying. I just don't understand why. I know each of us have different sex drives, but mine is in neutral. It wasn't always like this. I can remember when I would get very excited about having sex. And then just one day... nothing. I've tried looking at my life and seeing if there was something that happened that put me off sex, but I can find nothing. Its very weird and I'm very confused. (sorry about the long post)

hey, sorry about another post. You might also want to check out the "sex and Relationships" forum. There are some interesting discussions going on there.

ok, here is a gay man willing to answer any question you ask. I don't have too much experience, but i might be able say something. but what is the exact question? Is there something you're thinking about in particular? I suppose i can answer general questions in the open forum, but if you have a question of a more "graphic" nature, shall we say, feel free to PM me. Just a simple bit of advice: its not as complicated as you think. Just go with what feels good. Being a guy, you already know what feels good for you. You can pretty much assume the same thing will feel good to another man.

I need a little advice from people. I have been depressed for a long time and i am getting help for it. I have been on medication for about 2 years. But I have a lot of questions about whether it is helping me or not. I know I don't fall into any soul-crushing holes like i used to. But at the same time, I don't experience any real highs either. I'm sorta just there. I feel almost flat. I know a lot of my problem is because I don't take time to do things for myself. I work in human services and and it is emotionally draining. I also do alot of volunteer work which also drains me. And friends and family use me as the person to come to when they have a problem. Thank God for medication!! So my question is: how do I know if my medication is effective? I don't like increasing it because I worry about side effects. Is there some marker that will tell me its effective or do I spend months bouncing around different medications? Yes, I have brought this up with my doctor and I'm still not sure. Sorry for the long post! Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Hey James... I've been reading this thread with interest. Of all the advice I have seen, Carl's was absolutely right on the money. As much as you wish something could develope between you and your friend, you need to give him the space to come to you when and if he is ready. I know this is a terribly hard thing to do. If you want to be the friend I believe you are, you must step back and give your friend the support and acceptance he needs. Don't pressure him. Coming to terms with your sexuality is a process; its not a simple A or B decision. Have faith, trust in the friendship and remember that old saying about the dove: "if you set it free and it returns..."

you're worrying too much. there is nothing wrong with looking. all guys your age look at other guys and at girls. You ( and they) are just trying to see how others look. its all perfectly normal. this is no time to try and figure out if your gay or bi or straight or some combination in between. Just enjoy being who you are. and don't worry about having "feelings" for some other guy too. that's normal too. just relax and celebrate the person that you are.

best thing you can do is take it slow. See where this guy goes with it. Does his flirting bother you? No? Then don't worry about it so much. He might be a little unsure of how he feels. I know this can be confusing for you. If he is really interested in you, he will keep flirting. Have you tried flirting back? Maybe nothing big and dramatic, just give him the idea that you might be open to being more than friends (if that's what you're intersted in). As impossible as it may be, try not to read too much into everything he says and does. Just be yourself and let things go where they will.

Hate to tell you this, Ivory, but there might not be much you can do about this. Us guys have been tormented by erections in class ever since we could start having them. It is a problem that has tormented guys since the beginning of time. Best bet is to try focusing on something different. As attracted as you are by this teacher, do you ever believe there is a chance you will get with her? In reality, not fantasy. A good fantasy about a hot teacher is fine for when you're home alone, but try not thinking about it while your in class... and carry a book in front of you when yo stand up!