diamondangel777

I agree with the fact that someone could fall in love with an abusive person. In fact i am that person. Sometimes the lip service they give and the illusion in your head makes you believe that the abuse will eventually stop, and he or she will just open their eyes one day and be better. I also think it goes deeper than that. I believe a persons background also determines how a person will let their partner treat them. For me i saw abuse, i had an abusive mother, my dad was an alcoholic they fought, my mother had numerous boyfriend after my parents divorced that would abuse her, and sub-consiciously i think what drew me to my ex was that the drama and abuse was the only think constant in my life. In the beginning it was different, he was different. Once the abuse started however, i didnt want to face the fact that i was ACTUALLY being ABUSED. I mean i ALWAYS said my mother was foolish for stayin with idiots that treated her like crap, and here i am doing the same thing. Its a hard thing, because sometimes when you've had such a troubled life where "Love" was really not Love its hard to comprehend when you get in a relationship. You think well if he stays and does thing good sometimes well he does really love me. But the sad thing is, is that abusers don't know the true meaning of love, when they think of love they think of control and its hard for someone who wants complete control to actually and truly love someone. Especially if their lives weren't filled with actual love also. Thats just my opinion Liv

I see you laying there all small in the bed I just can't help but feel sorry For the things that I've said You look so weak and vulnerable That I just want to cry But I need to be strong for you So you don't wonder why I wish I could heal you And bring you home My poor little daddy Seems all alone I remember the day When I picked up the phone It was the doctor who said, "I don't know when he'll come home" He's in a coma Banged up real bad There are bandages on his head And more scars to add I just looked at you in disbelief I couldn't believe my own eyes There you were just laying there So helpless I wanted to cry But still I stayed strong In case you woke up And began to wonder why It's now been 10 weeks Since that frightful day And I still can't get the image to fade away All I see is you laying there Alone in the road Alone and so scared I pray every night that your pains will heal Or that we will just wake up And find it wasn't real I know the angels were with you that night They knew you had a daughter Who loves you with all her might They watch over me everyday So daddy please don't worry They are taking care of me While you are away. tell me what ya think-Liv

Hi everyone....I just wanted to fill everyone in on how i am doing with things. Well it's been 4 days since i last seen Mike. I am doing okay i guess. We have emailed a little bit, nothing to important though..and I am okay with that. I guess right now i am starting to worry about him, I mean i know i shouldn't..i should just run away and never look back...seeing some of the things that he has done to me. But for some reason, i just worry about him. I knew these feelings would start....Its good when you are angry because then you dont feel the pain...but when the anger starts to 'fade' you're left with pain...and sometimes i don't know how to deal with it. Its scary though, because i think what happens in 3 weeks when i do see him? Am I going to want to see him? Will he want to see me? Will things be different in just 3 weeks? Will they stay different, or go back to the way it was? All these questions keep coming up, and i just dont know how to handle it. I don't even know if im excited to see him. I know its far away still but I just don't even know what i am trying to say. Part of me is so scared, actually all of me is so scared. I want to be able to trust him, but he has betrayed me in every way possible. I want to be able to just forgive and move on, but i dont know if its possible to forgive and move on if we get back together. It's hard for me to even try to remember the good times, they all seem sooo far away. I really don't want to go back to what we had, it was ugly dirty and not healthy for either one of us. But do i need to change too? Have I change? What should I change? See i just have so many questions..but no one knows the answer i guess. He's probably getting mad at me now, when i first told him that we needed 3 weeks without talking or seeing each other, he was okay because he knew why i was doing it, but then he went on to say how he will probably get pissed about it...which i already know. But i guess those are just the little signs that i need to start watching for. Signs that i have been so tolerant with for so long. And if it comes where he doesn't want to see me, or finds someone else. I will have my answer. The thing that really made me angry was when i saw him the one day, he told me how his mom said that he should bring over this one girl so she could meet her. I didn't let on that it made me angry, i just took it for what it was. Later on when i talked to my councelor, i told her about the comment he made about his mom wanting him to bring this girl over, and my councelor pointed out that his mother is enabling him. Instead of pointing out to him that he needs to change his behavior to have a normal relationship shes just pushing him to find another girl, so the ugly cycle will continue. Now Mike told me that he didn't want anything to do with her, for all i know he could of just said it to make me jealous, but either way it still really hurt me. (A little background on this 'girl' i actually caught Mike with her one day and he made up a lie about it first then went on to apologize about it-They were at a park in our town and i drove by and saw his car, got out to ask why he didnt stop back at my house and saw this random girl just sittin on a bench. When i asked him who she was he just played like a stupid boy who just go caught and was like oh shes nobody...im just hangin out with her). So you can understand why it angered me when he brought that up about his mom wanting to meet her...she said, "she seems like a nice girl" I just dont know what it is. I think i just needed to vent. I have all these things running through my head. I mean i love my space i haven't had it in so long that its almost unbelievable...but then i think at times wow i wish Mike could be here with me for this. I just think because he was always there for so long. I just want a happy relationship, and as sad as it is to say i just don't know if he is capable of having one right now in his life. He has a lot of issues he needs to deal with, and once he gets them taken care of and he stops playing the 'victim' he will be better, and happier with himself...and be able to have a normal relationship with someone. Well thank you all for listening...if any of you could please help me with alllllll my questions that would be so nice...i just need some responses it makes it easier to know that im not alone in this. thanks, Liv

Today i talked to Mike...we sat down (i figured i owed that to him at least) not really but still i wanted too. After talking to my counselor about it today...she said to give it 2 months...without speaking..i knew that was probably the best idea..but i asked for 3 weeks...and she said whatever i was more comfortable with. So anyways...My whole way home from school...i was trying to figure out when, if, how i was going to tell Mike that i didn't want contact for 3 weeks. When i got home however, i didnt really have it planned and he called..i wasn't expecting him to be home so soon...well we talked about it and he agreed. Thought i was crazy at 1st...but understood why i was doing it. He also went on to say that what is three weeks when i put you thru 17 months of hell basically. I told him it will give me a chance to get my feet back on the ground...and start taking control of my life again....and for him to start doing the same. I believe this will be a good thing...this will give me some time to do what i need to do to make myself stronger...and for him to look at the ways he needs to change. My councelor also said that if he is willing to meet you in 3 weeks...with a different attitude it will show how serious...or how unserious he really is about having you in his life...which i thought was a good point. I can't tell you how wonderful it was to have a conversation with him...where i knew i was in complete control of my life. It was either he took it and accepted it or totally blew me off...But right now he is feeling guilty...time will tell how will much he really wants to work to change his life for the better.... Thank you all for all your support...i am so happy i found this website..it is amazing. and i will keep you all posted...on Me and how i am doing..and i will let you all know what happens in 3 weeks...when i see Mike again.... Liv

Hi i just read your post...the best thing that you could do now in this situation is get a restraning order. and if he does get into your building...don't let him into the apartment. just ignore him and let him look like the idiot yelling at you thru the door. and if it does come down to it and he wont leave..by that time if the neighbors don't call the police...you can. you have the right to call them, if he is harassing you and wont leave you alone. just don't let him in because then, you are in the wrong. if you don't want this man around you dont give him and fuel for the fire...just stay strong and stay away...he won't leave you alone until he knows he cant get anywhere with you. if you stand your ground and cut off all contact with him...he will finally start seeing the picture The fact that he threatens you with suicide is his own issues. hes using that to control you...he knows that you "don't" want him to die because you keep letting him back in...but once you show him that you dont care...(even if you kind of do) don't let on to that. he will eventually get the point. best of luck with everything....stay strong and remember you are not alone

Hi everyone....i dont even want to say this, but i know i need too, i know it will only help. But i saw Mike yesterday (Sunday) and on Saturday. i know it is only going to make things worse and harder for me to let go, but for some reason i just needed to see him. He was nice, what i expected...he usually is when a time like this comes, but the question is how long will it last. I spoke with my councelor and she is giving me some help on how to be strong when he calls and not to see him no matter what...so i just have to remember this. The sad thing now is that i am starting to feel sorry for him, and i know i shouldn't because when that happens my defenses go down and i let him back in...full force. i want to be strong about this, i need to be...i want my life back. I just needed to write this..and vent i need some help and advice just some motivation from people who have been there...and know some things...anything will help right about now...please i dont want to go back..i am scared but just not strong enough to say no Liv

Hi...I know exactly how you are feeling and i also know it is very hard to just get up and walk away...and when you actually leave there is nothing left of yourself that you dont know where to start on being happy and living for you. I was in the same kind of relationship....granted i just left last sunday but its almost a week..and i've only seen him once...(no my choice by the way...he came to me) i gave everything i had to my ex boyfriend Mike...and now that i dont have him...i feel like i don't have anything...but as my friends have pointed out...i didnt have anything with him...i wasn't happy and he wasn't happy...not with himself so he obviously couldn't be happy with me. I Found this one quote that i think might help you... "You Don't Want A Man To Do Things Right When He Realizes You Have Left, You Want A Man That Does Things Right To Make You Happy When You Are Still Around" Im starting to live by that quote...and i think that once you and me both start living our lives for ourselves and learn to make ourselves happy...that eventually we will find someone that see that we are confident and will treat us good. I did the same thing you did...just basically....LET MYSELF GO and everything i did bought was for him...it didnt help the fact that every time i did dress up or look nice he thought i was doing it for someone else...or would make a commet that i had a little love handle or that the jeans i was wearing didn't fit right...i started to figure that i just looked like crap it wouldnt matter because if even tried to look nice he would find something wrong with that... Its amazing how people with that mentality can have such control over your life that the things that once matter the most to you...you begin to question...its a sad thing but there are many people like that out there... my only adive for you is to stay strong..and STAY AWAY....its not worth the pain in the end...he will only bring you down... im always here if you need anything...believe me i know how you feel... Liv

Thank you crookster...that really means a lot. Right now its okay for me because i am so angry at him, that its easy not to care...but i know that things have to get worse before they can get better...so when the time comes when i start to miss him and stuff is really the time when i need to reach out to good and understand people...like friends and family and even you people here...because from what i can see...you are all very supportive. It was so nice today...i just hung out with my family and even went and saw my best friend...and i didnt worry about being home a certain time or that Mike would be mad at me because i wasn't home when he called. i realize that i have to be ready when he does try to come back, because im positive that it is not over yet. he is not good at letting things go, obviously...so its going to be awhile for him to fully understand that its over...and i need and WANT a new and BETTER life... The sad thing is...at some points i begin to feel sorry for him, like i just wish he could experience full happiness...but i know now that happiness needs to come from within and its not something that someone can actually give you...because if you hate yourself....no matter what people do for you...you will never be truly happy. It sounds weird...but im trying to look at the bright side of the whole situation...maybe it all happened for a reason, i mean the abuse and everything was completely wrong...but i just feel that it helped me realize that i can't 'save' someone...or change them really....i tried to but in the end...i was the one who changed...the one who grew...and he is still the same person....and the image of the "prince charming" that i once saw was just an illusion. I don't hate him....i just hate the things that he has done...the fact that he can't take responsibilities for his own actions..and he doesn't realize that his actions effect everyone around him....his family my family and friends..etc. it was all a learning experience for me...and im happy for the good times i did share with him...but in the end it just wasn't meant to be...because the bad times and the fighting shouldnt out number the good times. i just need to remember to stay strong these next few weeks...and maybe by then he will get the point. i just dont want to fight anymore..and i know that will happen if i see him or even talk to him...there is no reasoning its just black and white for him no gray...and i want my life back....i want to be the happy Olivia that i once was..and i know in time i will be that girl again.... I hope my story has helped....and if you have any questions or anything about how i finally saw the signs and realized this wasn't right for me...please ask...i hope i can at least help some see the things i didnt see at first... Thanks again... Liv

Hi..I just recently found this site and i love it already. i have been in a 17 month relationship with my boyfriend Mike. We just recently broke up (last sunday). I have put up with a lot of things from him. He is a 'recovering' alcoholic/drug addict that still tends to relaps every now and then, and not to mention he has an uncontrolable temper, to the point where i have been scared to death. i've been looking up websites lately on verbal abuse and emotional abuse, thats actually how i found this. i finally see the red flags,and the signs that i missed for so long. In the beginning he was wonderful, super nice and actually respectful, but as our relationship went on, he began to become more controling, to the point where he hated my bestfriend because she stuck up for me one day and said something to him he didnt agree with. 17 months later and he is still holding that against me. he also tries to control me with my family, saying that they baby me and dont allow me to grow, and he uses the words hes learned in AA and his couceling towards me like Enabling and whatnot. i dont feel that they are enabling me, i just dont think that Mike can completely understand the difference between caring and completely trying to take over someones life. I had to come to the point where i would have to lie to him to be able to see my friends or even hang out with my family. I know many of you are probably thinking.."Hello" are you crazy for still staying?! I seriously believed at the time that i was doing something wrong...and i would feel bad after for 'being mean' even though he would be 20x worse. And then there is the verbal abuse that has been happening too frequently. In the beginning i was beautiful and wonderful and every good thing my 'prince charming' would say would make me melt...but then it changed i cant remember when but one day it was different. now im a F-ING A**HOLE a C*NT every name in the book. for the littlest reasons for him being angry at me i get called these things... and unfortuanlly there is the physical abuse. that was a major RED FLAG but obviously i thought it would be better the next time, that i could help him or "save him" or whatever, the first time we were arguing and he hit me in the facing leaving an ugly red mark that i had to lie about, and a bruse on my arm that was huge, then there was the time that he pushed me and i sprained my elbow...but for some reason it was my fault so he says because i ripped his pants trying to get MY keys back that HE Stole from me because i wanted to leave. the last time was because i had family plans that interrupted with his and he was mad i didnt tell him before...a big blow out in the yard and there was pushing and yelling and he tried to get me into my car and drive away, but somehow that didnt happen...eventually the cops were called, and when they showed up he was nice..."Olivia i love you...im so sorry it wont happen again i promise" and stupid me i knew he was lying but so wanted to believe it...right after the cops left we went for a drive and he started on me again..."You know Liv this is all you're fault"...is what he kept saying to me...im like you wouldnt let me leave just kept taking my stuff that you knew i needed to just go home.. It has happened so much, that i am just tired of it. i want to be able to have a life a happy and fun one, my childhood wasn't normal this is what my parents did..they fought all the time...and i walked right into the same thing...but im trying to break this ugly cycle. For a long time i couldn't see the control or the manipulation...before him i didnt even know what the word ment but now...thats all i see. im only 21 and so is he...i dont want to rush into things so fast...i do a lot of things, and it seems that hes trying to take that away from me..so he can feel better about himself. He called last night, and at first was wonderful...but then it changed when he asked me why i didnt call him when he got home from work...im like we are not together anymore...i have no reason to call you...and then the yelling started....my mother came upstairs and heard him yelling on the phone with me...shes asked if he always talks to me like that...im like yeah most of the time....everytime i do something that goes against him. basically he just went on to say that...i am giving up on him and the relationship and that he has given so much towards the relationship and i just sit back and not care. which is true now..but in the beginning i sacaficed a lot...more then he realizes i think. and i was just saying its not working...you cant force someone to feel someway if they dont feel it anymore...i went on to tell him that i have seen things and been through things that i never imagined in my life...and it has completely changed me. after awhile he finally calling me a F-ING B*TCH which i knew was coming and i hung up on him...he tried calling back but i didnt answer and he didnt leave a message. i haven't spoke to him or seen him today which is good... Im sorry this is long, but i didnt want to leave anything out. i wanted to share my story, just basically to vent. and maybe to help someone realize that the name calling and yelling and intimidating are signs of abuse so maybe they can get out before it gets worse... Thanks again... LIV