yy99
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Everything posted by yy99
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AzurePheonix, Did you went through similar situation? What did you do? I have done a lot of thinking.. I do love her.. and I do look for commitment and honesty.. I didn't receive any of that from her yet.. I hope one day she will... it is not too fair for me.. I think I have given the ring too quickly.. I will ask her for the ring back. And I will tell her like what you said, I am looking for commitment and honesty. If one day she can show them to me, and I am still around, then it's meant to be. This has been really hard for me... but I guess I will have to do it. Since everyone here tells me that. Do you think is there a good way to talk to her? Thanks for your advice!!
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Thanks Tom_Bombadil! I think you gave a great relationship advice. I definitely agree with you. You should end your relationship before starting another one. Cheating is just not right. I always hated cheaters, but now it happened to me, emotion is so different being the person instead of an outsider. I gave her the ring, let her know that I am ready. Even she has done all that to me, I am willing to accept it. Like you said, it's been 3 years, hard to let go.. I am not sure how long she will give me an answer, but in between the time, I will keep an open mind. I won't expect an 'yes' from her. I want her to know how I feel. I will do no contact, give her space. Unless it's important, I will contact her. I did all I can do at this point. It's up to her to come back to me or not. I hope one day I can completely let go and be strong again.. I will keep you updated on this. Maybe soon we will have an answer.
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Thanks for your opinon ComputerGuy! She does pretty much take me for granted.. I did give an okay to her to date someone else.. while I will wait. It's not a wise decision.. but I do want to marry her, let her think about it and see if she has realized what she wants. The ring is the last thing I will do. She will know that once she reads the note, I will leave her and wish her well. There is pretty much nothing else I can do anymore.. Please any comments or advice will definitely help.. Thanks!
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My gf of 3 yrs went on a trip for 2 months over this summer. About half way through the trip, I found out she was dating with this guy. I confronted her and she admits. We agreed we will discuss it after she comes back. She came back on last Saturday and we met yesterday. She said she loves me, but she is missing something in the relationship. I asked her what is she missing, but she said she doesn't know. She said that's why she is dating him, to see if she is actually missing something. It is very confusing to me. At first I thought she is still young(25), so I told her maybe you just not ready for a real commitment yet, and wants to continue to have fun. She said that's not it.. she said she wants to know now, and she wants to get married. She thought of marrying me, but she wants to make sure I am what she wants. What I get from it, is that she is choosing between me or him. I told her you guys are together like what, 2 months? Of course it's going to be all nice and wild. I told her not to rush it. I love her, and I want her to be happy. I told her go date him, but don't rush into thinking marriage. Find out what you want, and then you can commit to it. She said she might be giving up the best thing that ever happened to her, but she wants to take the risk. I have a ring for her already. I wrapped the ring as a gift, she doesn't know what's in it yet. I told her to open it when she is thinking of me. Inside I have a note saying marry me, let me take care of you. Am I doing the right thing? Is this what she wanted? Until she gives me an answer, I will leave her alone and let her think. And I will give up if she returns the ring. Oh, and her family and relatives are all very very strict. It gets to her nervs very much and she hates it. I am not sure that could be another reason she is worried? Thanks for reading this long post.. Any advice will be appreciated! I really want this to work..
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Tell your H about what you have done. It's just not fair to him. Cheating is just not right regardless how bad your relationship is. If the relationship is bad, try to work on it. If it doesn't work out, break it up. Then go out and find another person that's right for you. Every relationship is different, who knows, ur husband might be okay even though he knows about it. I know a woman who has two husbands. You have to talk to him.
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Is there anything i can say or do to change her mind?
yy99 replied to truelove's topic in Getting Back Together
I agree with EvePM. I am actually going through something similar right now. It will take a while for you to get over her. Remember, she is the one cheated on you. Took me a week to realize I should be angry, not begging her to come back. You deserve someone better, someone who really loves you. You don't want her back right now, because nothing is changed. She will still cheat. Go improve yourself, do what you want to do in life. Let her come back to you on her own, she will realize that you are the best she ever had. Keep in simple tomorrow. Calm and cool, let her remember why she was attracted to you in the first place. I hope this makes some sense.. Good luck! -
I think it will help. It is only been a week and she is still on her trip. Maybe she will realize I won't be there for her anymore once she is off her vacation mode. . I wish her the best, there should be a right person for her..
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I think it made her take me for granted. Knowing me will always be there for her no matter what. And I was doing things for her for the wrong reasons. I am afraid of loosing her, so somethings I do for her is because I don't want other people to do it. And I have never yelled, I take her side whenever we have an argument. That's also because I don't want to loose her. I think that's how you become a WUSS. I realize it's okay to be there for her when she needs me. Do all the stuff for her, but have do it not because I don't want to loose her, do it because I respect her, love her, and because I want to. And very important, she has to do the samething for me. It's goes for both ways. And I seem to be doing it a lot more then her. Lesson learned, and it will make my next relationship stronger. Thank you!!!
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Thanks for all your advices!! Beec, rich46,caveat!! I will talk to her if I see her again, I will let her know to have fun if that's what she wants. If in the future we get hooked up again, so be it. I am not going to wait, it looks like I am the only one who is trying to make it work. She even cheated on me, I finally realized I am a WUSS.. not backbone whatsoever.. I did everything for her, if she doesn't know how to appreciate it, she is not the one for me. I guess it takes 3 years to realize it. I will miss her, the old her, but not the new one. I have learned a lot from this, I need to improve myself and know what I want now. Time to go out, hang with friends, meet new people. Maybe one day I will meet my dream girl. Thanks for your support!! It feels really good knowing so many people cares about you. Never give up. Wish everyone best of luck!! I will lend my support to my best.
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Is it true when women enter their early to mid 20's, they struggle with making a choice between commiting themselves to one man, or with "having fun"? On the one hand they want the safety that comes with a steady relationship, but on the other hand, they still want to experience life (and, let's be honest, other men) before they settle down? My gf is in mid 20's and she mentioned she wants me for life. But now we no longer together because she isn't ready for a committment. We are very comfortable with each other, and it made both of us want to be with each other but still want to "have fun". I only thought about it, but I convinced myself she is the one. However, she suggested the break up because she is still tempted. I have written down what I want to tell her, but I am not sure if I should tell her what I have wrote down or just give her the letter? Which one is more effective? What I have wrote is: "I hope things will still work out for us. But we should know what we want for our life. I still want you, but not until you are ready. I know you love me, wants to be with me for life. But I understand you still want to see what's out there and have some fun before you settle. I will wait for you, but of course, I am still human, hopefully the wait won't be too long. I will keep doing what I do best, learn from the mistakes and mature even more. I will miss going to the beach with you, visiting interesting places, play basketball with you, dance with you.. You are very smart & capable person, please don't ever underestimate yourself. Take good care of yourself, be safe. Call me anytime, you have my number." What do you think? Do you think it is a good idea? Thank you so much for listening!! All your response means a lot to me. As of right now, I can't see what I am doing.. Constant headache..
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Thanks Nomore! I just emailed her today saying how much I loved her and what our future could be if we are still together. In the end, I wished her the best, hopefully finding someone better than me. Of course, I said I would rather that person be me. I hope it was a good idea to email her that. I will go NC soon and see how that goes. I will try not to pressure myself to find that significant others, but I am just afraid I will.. because it took me 5 years to find this one.. I am going out more, sometimes forcing myself. I hope I am not doing it for the wrong reason just to meet girls.. Do you think I am doing the right thing? Thanks for all your advices!! I feel better just having read your support!
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Thanks CarterJonas! I will move on and find someone else who will love me as much I love her. We don't have significant possessions between us, so I will keep whatever I have of her and I wouldn't want anything back. Keep it as good memory that I had in my life. I will not think of getting back with her, I will just treat her as a friend. If we end up together in the future, so be it. But at least I will know what I am looking for and know if she has changed. What's the best way and place to meet people? It's been a while since I have gone out.. If you have any advice of how to get over her, please, lead me. I really want to get over this, get on with my life. I have started praying, never in my life but it gives me some sense in myself. Thanks for all your support!!! It's incredible how people I don't know in life will help me this greatly through the tough times. I will give whatever support I can to anyone too. Thanks again!
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Thanks for the advice nomore! I guess I needed a slap in the face to wake up... I miss her a lot! I hope for me wanting her back is a normal reaction.. I never had this long term relationship before, it's just so hard to give it up. Especially when I am ready. I am just afraid I won't find someone I would love this much.. Should I still talk to her, but not too often? Help her on anything if she needs any? But meanwhile I will try to get on with my life and improve on it? I am curious about myself is how come I miss her more than being pissed about the whole thing? I should be angry, but wanting her back is has more on my mind... Is that normal? Should I give all her stuff back, including love letters she wrote to me, and just forget about her? It's stupid to ever want her back? Thanks for listening!! You have no idea how much this means to me!
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Hi! It hurts just to write this.. My gf went on a trip for 2 months, I supported her all the way because this is her last summer vacation before real work. We called very often in the beginning. One week she didn't call, her family called me and asked me if she is okay. I didn't know, and I have decided to check on her to see if she is okay. That's when I found out she was with another guy on the trip. I am not sure it's just a fling or what.. But I have confronted her. She was sorry, but she explained she wasn't happy with me because I have become more monotonous, less enthusiastic. She loves me but needs time to think things through. We have been going out for 4 years. I have been busy planning for the future, be a better person she will marry to. I could've been to busy thinking that I missed being more enthusiastic. Right now we are not together, and she is the one suggested it. She mentioned she is not ready to committ to anyone right now. She still has two more weeks left on the vacation. Last time we talked is a week ago, it was casual and good. At the end, she said it was really nice to hear from me. I want her still, regardless what she has done. She said she loves me, but she can't committ right now. Do you think after she comes back from the trip, after I meet with her couple times, see how it feels, and I propose, is that a bad idea? Do you think she still want this relationship to work? She on the trip still, could that be why she is not thinking too much about it right now? I am thinking to fly to where she is right now for a week, we can hang out, get her to remember that I exist. Is that stupid? Or should I do the NC? If you think NC is the best way, what are the steps to take to have her back? Thank you for your advice! This will change my life forever.