Sizz813

Quick Re-cap: 5 yrs, broke up in Feb, seen each other once in Aug, talked about 3 times. Tried to do NC, it was like 1-2 months intervals in between. She lives with new BF (she is 24 he is 48 with 2 kids 22, 20). She got fired from job and quit school. 3 times we talked kept it real friendly and upbeat. Last time was beginning of Dec '04, told her how I really felt and laid everything on the line and said lets try again. She said no, sent her and her family christmas gifts (really, really nice expensive ones, don't know if that makes a difference or not). She sent me an e-mail saying we are not getting back together, but that she was confused about life and didn't know what she wants. Basically 2004 was a freaking horrible year and I want to forget everything and start fresh in 05. I left a voice mail message right at midnight telling her that I hope she has a happy year, and that she is happy and healthy and that I love her. It will be the last time I talk to her because I felt the whole year was a serious traumatic experience in keeping contact with her. Obviously we are not getting back together, I tried to go for it one more time and got shot down. My New Years Resolution is NC and to move on. I WILL NOT CONTACT HER. I hope that everyone else out there that has been hurt and heartbroken by an ex will join me in making this resolution. Life is too short to mope about the past. Stop looking at the past! Look to the future! Lets do this all together and be happy in 2005. Hope everyone had a good new years (I didn't NC FOR 2005!

Thanks for the reply. You know the more that I think about it, I feel like there were more issues at hand than I had originally thought about. It is true that I did alot of things to make the relationship work out, but alas in the end it didn't work out that way. Maybe this is the way it was meant to be. What is the really strange part is that I feel like as long as she is happy and healthy, than it is ok with me. I guess that is how much I loved her, the fact that if she could be happier with someone else, than the more power to her. I don't know, it might sound like complete b.s., but who knows. thanks for the help and advice.

Well even though I have been through a lot since we broke up, been about 7 months or so, I would still like to pursue a relationship with her. I have done a lot of growing up since we split. I started to see other people and have learned alot of things. I know that it takes two to tango, and that there were things wrong on both sides. I want to make it work, so do you think that I should contact her or leave it alone? She essentially left the ball in my court by being the one to make contact last. Please advise, thanks.

Just txt'd her and said 'thanks for the bday wishes. hope you had a nice bday." she CALLED me immediately back (first time she has ever called me since we broke up, it has always been me calling her the couple times we have talked since the break up) I didn't answer, she left a message saying basically thanks, hope you had a good bday, told me that she had an ok bday, hope everything is good. Her voice sounded a little strained? Also i txt'd her at 7 in the morning, I start work at 6 am. She was awake at this time?!? Which is very weird for her. What do you make of all of this. BTW I had it set in stone in my mind that she wasn't going to contact me back, yet alone CALL me back immediately AND leave a somewhat nice message, especially after destroying my heart and leaving me for another guy. Also she ALWAYS called me from her cell phone since she moved in with her new man at his house, but the call was 'restricted' meaning it was from a home line, her home line. maybe things didn't work out between them and she moved back home? Please help me and let me know what you think, and feel free to ask any questions.

well it has been a week since the message, so is it too late?

By the way, what do you think the txt message means? that she misses me?

Well to answer the question on whether or not I still have feelings for her, the answer is yes. I struggle everyday to go through my daily tasks. she is always on my mind, and it has affected everything in my life. I still have a strong desire to be with her, even though she dumped me for another guy. So I guess the answer to this would be not to call/text her back? I mean for my benefit/NC I guess? What do you think?

Quick Recap: 5 yrs, she broke up w/ me about 6 months ago, has a new b/f, talked about 2 times, seen each other once. Started NC, its been about 2 months. Her b-day was last month, didn't do anything, my bday was last week, she sent me an txt saying happy b-day. Now I didn't reply to the txt for various NC reasons, but now that I think about it, is it rude of me not to acknowledge it? I was thinking that I should give her a call to thank her for wishing me a happy b-day What do you think?

Note: Very long post, but please read it and let me know what you think Hi I have been reading alot of these posts on age-gap relationships and I have gotten alot of good advice. I know that there are many different factors that need to be taken into account if you wanted to guess on how a relationship would turn out (there are so many that I won't list them). Here's my question.. I know this friend of mine who is dating a much older man. She is 24 and he is 47. When she started dating him she was still living at home with her parents, hadn't finished any schooling besides high school (but I believe she wants to finish college), had a low paying job, and not much money saved up. Now he had recently gotten a divorce after I think 20 years of marraige, has 2 kids 22 and 20, had a modest home and makes decent money I guess (I'm guessing somewhere in the 50k-70k range, which I think is pretty low for someone who is almost 50, but please don't flame me, just my own opinion, I make about 80k btw) I really love her to death and I know that she has been hurt in the past by dead end relationships and I don't want to see her get hurt again. I am opposed to this relationship because I don't think anything good will come of it for her. And the reason that I believe so is that I think that they are on two total different mental levels. I know that she wants to settle down eventually and get married and have a family. He obviously has already gone down that route. And even though they could in theory start another family, I believe that is a very highly unlikely situation considering his current family and age. Also, just my own personal opinion, I don't think that you can really be on the same wavelength with someone that much older than you. I know people that are 5 years older/younger and they don't cherish the same things and memories that I did growing up, and thats just with a 5 year difference. I can't imagine what a 10 year, 15 year, 20 year, yet alone a 23 year difference would bring. The terms that I think of it in is that when she was born he was already 23, probably graduated school and was starting his life and exploring. When he was 30 he had already been married for 3 years, had 2 kids and she was only in the 1st grade! His memories from his youth were from the 60's-70's and hers were from the late 90's - Present. I don't know this for sure, but I think that his life plans don't include starting a new family up, but I know for a fact that she wants to one day. I think that she is setting herself up for disaster, because she is really falling for this guy and I would hate to see her get heart broken. Also how much can you really share with someone who is that much older? Here is my philosophy on age-gap relationships. I think that they can work for the various reasons that have been listed throughout this forum. If you think alike, have the same life goals, are dedicated to one another and making the relationship work, have the same interests and hobbies, etc..etc..etc... than it is possible that is can work. But heres the kicker to that whole thing. I think that relationships where the two are older, for example 35 and 50, 40 and 60, 50 and 70, etc.. have a much higher chance of success than a young 20 yr old and someone in their late 40's and this is why: From what I believe, the social revolution started in the mid 60's. Life began changing very drastically from what the American people knew of. Television, movies, music, education, everything started to change. Segregation was banned, wars were now considered bad instead of heroric, womens/minority rights came about, I mean the list goes on and on. I think that for someone who was born before this or grew up while this was going on/recent, would have a totally different outlook on life in general than someone who grew up in the 90's - present times. I mean the whole world is a 180 degrees from what it was back 40 years ago. And that is my point. For a couple that grew up in the 50's, 60's and even some of the 70's, they could relate to each other much better than someone who grew up in the 90's - 00's. I know that is isn't always the case and that their are always exceptions to the rule, but more than likely not. I think that the novelty would wear pretty quickly for these two and that they will both end up being unhappy because of it, her more so than him, because I believe that he has a much more stronger foundation on relationships to bare the brunt of the pain. Here is my reason why I think that she is dating him and moving everything along so fast: I think that she is subconsciencely seeing him as a way out of her family home, because I know that it has been really bad lately. Also her relationship with her father has always been stagnant at best, and the age differences between her father, 53, and him, 47, is close enough that she can superimpose a father type role onto him. She wants to be taken care of and not have to worry about financials (obvious due to that fact that she quit her job when she had no money, lots of bills, and moved in with him right after.) I mean she has been dating him for a couple of months and has already moved in with him, quit her job, doesn't go to school, and just stays home all day. Maybe thats the type of life that she wants to lead, but let me tell you something. If he is only making about 50k-70k, this is what I guesstimated after talking with her and finding out what he does for a living, and has alimony to pay, not so much child support, but I believe he still supports them, mortgage, etc.. how much can he take care of her? Not only does he not make enough money to support everyone, but I think that he would get pretty sick of it after a while if he is paying for all of her stuff and she is doing nothing. Maybe in the beginning it wouldn't, new love and all, but eventually it will reach a boiling point. Also I can't see how her parents/family/friends would approve of this. I know that it shouldn't matter if you are really in love and that they should be supportive of her, but when the gap is so wide apart, friction will have to occur. I didn't bother asking her what her parents thought of the whole situation because 1.) I don't think that she has told them 2.) In the event that she has, I already know what their reaction would be. Now if #1 is the case, and she is scared/nervous to tell them, then the ship has already left to docks to the big iceberg in the sea of relationships. Also I don't think that any of her friends would approve and that's why she has been shutting us out so much lately from her. More so, I think that it is more than likely a physical attraction that he has to her, nothing much more than that. I mean animal instincts account for alot, and males want the female that is young and females want the males in posistions of power and pretige. And that will probably wear thin after a while too. So what do you think of this all? I am sure that I have left out some kind of important part, so feel free to ask any questions that you have. Anyone whos agrees/disagrees, please feel free to drop a word and let me know what you thiknk

Just wanted to say a quick thing. I haven't read any messages on the forum for about 3 weeks now. I have a totally different prespective on everything. It makes me sad to think about all the people that are hurt and looking to this forum for advice. One thing that I learned after 3 months of NC and going out on dates with other girls is this, nobody is worth all that heartache and pain. I myself will never let it get to that point again where someone will be able to hurt me like that. I mean I had daily thoughts of suicide and stuff after the breakup. I'm really glad I didn't do anything that went through my head. Girls are interesting creatures and don't even think of ever trying to figure them out. I am through with relationships and all that BS. Just go out have fun, drink, party, and make lots of money. You will be happy trust me. Just on a side note, I had been in a slump for the past year, not getting any of the goals that I had set for myself done. This breakup really got the ball rolling for me and made me realize what I needed to do to become sucessful. Got a new job, new place to live, new outlook on life. Good luck guys

Trust me don't call her. It will serve no purpose and will probably just push her away more. You even said it in your post, she has your number, she can call you when she is ready to talk. After being on this forum for a couple of months and reading all the posts, I have a total different view on relationships and women in general. Going out and doing other things will help you out alot in getting over it. Also NC is the best thing, because the last thing that you want to happen is ending up talking to her, and just getting hurt more from it. I say f*ck it and just go on and meet up with other people and have fun. Life is too short to dwell and be sad, especially over a girl (no flaming please), I know that sounds really really harsh and I am sorry about that. Its just that I am going through the same thing and I have come to realize and it just isn't worth it sometimes, good luck brother

The best thing to do is to go out on some dates or to the club and meet some girls. Trust me on this, as soon as you get to hit up another chick, the pain will greatly greatly lessen and you will soon start forgeting about her, trust me I was in the same boat as you, it works.

Hi you might remember some of my posts from before but basically it went down like this, 5 year relationship, she broke it off stating that she didn't want to be in a relationship and wants to see whats out there in the world (total BS in my opinion by the way), started seeing another guy (ironically someone I know). I did NC for about 2-3 months now, messed up twice and called her, nothing came about it, she was just pretty cold to me. This has stressed me out to no end. Great thing is, in the past 1 month, no joke I have gone out on dates with 6 different girls and they have all been really great. I see that there is much more in the world than I thought and it is probably a good thing that she did this. She is a total loser B***h anyways and we would have probably ended up in divorce in a couple of years anyways. There is nothing about her that I can even think of now that I want and good riddence I say. I know what I am worth and any girl would be lucky to go out with me (don't mean to sound too into myself here). Things went well in all the dates, way farther than I thought they would go, especially on a first date (wink wink). Now this is the question that I have. Obviously after coming off of a long term relationship, I think that it is pretty stupid to jump into another one. I mean wouldn't that just be the rebound relationship and those don't last right? Another question I had about rebound relationships is this, does it apply to the person getting dumped, or the person doing the dumping, or both? Last thing I would like to ask is this, I shouldn't see too much into these dates I am going on should I? I think I should just take them for what they are worth, just dates and see how many I can go on. Do you think that if I started a relationship with a girl right now that it would end up working out? Thanks for all the help, really appreciate it.

Hi guys and girls, you might have read my posts before, here is the link to it link removed Well it has been NC for me for 15 days and they seemed like hell for me. Everyone that I have talked to and everything that I have read online has told me to stick to my guns regarding NC. But what do I do? The stupid thing of course and I call her up. She answers her phone and we chat about little things, how things are going, family, etc.. The reason I told her that I called her was that she had left me some photos to get developed of her family reunion about 2 months ago. Well during this whole delimma I forgot about them until yesterday. I went to go get them developed and was wondering what I should do about them. I know that they are important to her and that she would want them. I was comtemplating sending them to her by mail with a little note, but that seemed so cold to me, even though she was cold to me and broke it up with me, I couldn't see myself trying to return the favor, so I decided to call her up to let her know that I had them and if she wanted them. Well when I mentioned this to her, she sounded surprised that I have actually got them developed. I wanted to know how she wanted to pick them up and she asked me about my work schedule and when we would be able to meet up. What sounded weird to me was that she seemed very enthusiastic about the possiblity of meeting up with me. I mean she was all super into meeting up with me and wanted to know all these different times that I worked and stuff and when we would be able to meet up. I told her that I had a very busy schedule and that I didn't know when I could meet up with her. She sounded kinda sad about this and said well why don't you just drop them by my house then. I told her that probably wouldn't be the best thing. We made a date to meet up, when we both had the day off. Now tell me, what do you make of this all? Should I just drop off the pictures and start NC again? Should I try to do some chatting, maybe ask if she wants to get some coffee or something to eat? Let her know how I feel again? Be cold? I mean so many things are running through my head. Also during the conversation she wanted to let me know what she was up to over the past couple weekends. I know that she housesits on occasion for a couple family friends. She told me that was what she was doing for the past 2-3 weeks, feeding the cat, cleaning, etc.. So I guess my delusions of her being with some other guy kinda flew out the window and I felt pretty stupid for thinking such, I mean she has always denied seeing anyone else, yet told me that one of the reasons she left was to be single and see whats out there? (I mean is this code for sleeping with other guys or what or am I just naive?) So many crazy thoughts are going thru my head and I don't know what to think. The date is for this upcoming Thursday, ppplllleeaassse give me some advice on what I should do!! Thank you

What did I do? It has been 13 days of NC for me and I broke down and actually called her. What was I thinking? Her mom answered the phone and told me that she wasn't home. She then proceeded to tell me that she has been very busy with her life. I didn't officially talk to her, but is talking to her mom considered the same thing? We spoke for probably like 20 secs. What do you think I should do? Just maintain NC? I wanted to wish her a happy July 4th. We have always spent it together for the past 5 years watching the fireworks/family BBQ/etc... Do you think this is a good idea? Please advise, thank you.

Well I was being in my depressed mood all day at work yesterday when I got a phone call from my friend asking how I was/what I was doing. I told him that I was just sitting at home doing nothing. Well he lives about an hour away from me and told me that he was at my local Starbucks with 2 of his friends. I asked who he was with since we share mutual friends, he told me that I didn't know them, but to come out and meet them. I asked again who it was and he told me that it was two girls that he met up with and for me to come out and meet them. Wow, I didn't know what to say at first. I am still in mourning/depressed/sad and I didn't know if I could take going out and meeting some girls in the state I was in. Well after much convincing I decided to go out and meet them. I met them up at the starbucks and there were 2 really really cute girls sitting there, and I was like woah. We chilled out and drank some coffee and talked for a bit. Went to a nearby mall and strolled around, then went to dinner. Had a blast. The girl that was I guess going with me was totally cool and we hit it off pretty well. We talked about alot of different things and it felt really really weird to me, a girl being nice to me and digging me after my ex was so mean to me all the time. It was really cool. Afterwards she gave me her number and told me to call. We made a date for this Sat to go out and eat, she wants to go to Black Angus because she has never been there before, likes steak and heard that place is the bomb, (its ok). I am so happy/confused. what do you think about all this? Is it a good idea to go out with someone so soon after breaking up with a 5 year relationship? What is weird to me is that I was thinking about her the whole time on the way home and I was like laying down in my bed staring at the ceiling, just daydreaming. It was really cool. It seems kinda wrong to me though, since I still have these very strong feelings for my ex and want to make it work. I guess its kind of hard considering the fact that she wants nothing at all to do with me, and is with another guy now. Please some advice would be really appreciated! P.S. 9 days of NC so far and still going.

Another thing, would anyone like to read the 'final' letter that I sent to her and let me know what you think? It is about 6 pages long. Or I can post it here? Just let me know, thanks.

Just thinking about the last contact I got from her, it was an e-mail that she sent to me. I know it might seem kinda private to some, but I would like to know what you think of this letter and any feedback would be greatly appreciated, thanks.... "Sam I know that you still love me, but could you please stop telling that to me. We are not together anymore, and for me its meaningless. I know your trying to make things better, But in all honesty it is not going to change anything. I'm single and I'm going to go out there and see what life has to offer. I'm not going to give you false hopes that we are going to get back, because Sam we are not. I'm moving on, and I know that you hate that but I have to because it is what has to be done. Please for me, move on to. I'm no longer yours, I haven't been for a while now. Stop, Sam please stop. Take Care, e-mail me whenever you want, Tiffany "

Sorry about the last post, it must seem like I'm a crazy idiot. I will not drive by her house, or anything like that ever again, I will not contact her family or her friends, (I haven't since starting no contact). I will not do anything that would jepordize any chances that I have of getting back with her again. I will not bug her, beg her, or plead anymore. I will not send anymore gifts or cards. She does mean everything to me, I just can't express how much in words. I will not be a super jealous, controlling, question freak anymore, I promise on my grandfathers grave (I know that is a bad thing to say, but he was always good to me and I hope he understands, hi grandpa ) I will not be a stupid idiot anymore and take peope for granted I will learn to express my emotions and not keep everything pent up inside. I will learn to think from the other persons viewpoint and emphathize with their feelings. I will learn and do the things that make her happy, and not be so selfish in wanting everything for myself. I am not always right. I will not be that person ever again. I know that is the person that she fell in love with, the good and bad parts of me, but I will NOT be that person ever again. I will be a better man and learn from my mistakes, and not repeat them. I will get myself out of this hole I'm in and succeed and be something. I will make all my dreams and hopes come true with hard work and patience. I am a good person, I am caring, giving, smart, funny, charming, and have a good future ahead of me. I am great with children and want a family. I don't do drugs, drink, or anything bad (except smoke cigarettes). I am not a violent person. I don't ever cuss. I am adventerous and like to try new things all the time. I will not be late. I will not be self serving and look for the good in others. thanks for being here guys, it really helps, just venting.

Well just to update, it has been 1 week since NC started for me. It has slowly gotten better, than all of a sudden the despair comes back like waves of darkness of my shores of grief. There has been no contact from her, no surprise there. Also I am pretty sure that she is seeing someone else, I was talking to a friend about my situation and was telling him about all the different things that we fought about and came to a realization about something that I hadn't thought of before. She had become very hostile towards me during the past year and would snap at anything that I said to her. Also she would like to disappear, turn off her phone. Also the sex stopped between us. She wouldn't want to hold hands, kiss, touch each other at all. I think that we slept together maybe 4 times in the past year. She would always tell me that she wasn't in the mood/all that I thought about was sex/etc..etc.. Why didn't I see this coming from a mile away? She was seeing someone else, right? I am pretty sure that she has moved in with this guy. Reason being is that she lives right next to me with her parents and I have to drive by her house all the time (well I guess I don't have to, I could take a alternate route, but it is the best way to get to work, home, and the only way that I have taken since forever) Well since she broke up with me I have noticed that her car wouldn't be home when I was getting off of work (usually midnight), nor when I would leave in the morning. But for the past week, it hasn't even been there at all, not once. Do you think she is living with someone else now? I can't think of any friends at all that she would move in with, not one. So it has to be this guy right? (I heard he has his own apartment somewhere) What do you think? Am I crazy or what? What should I do? Thanks

Oh and also a side note I wanted to add. There have been numerous times during our relationship that I would go out and buy them breakfast and stop by to eat with them, so it isn't like something out of the blue that I would do, kinda normal? I guess. thanks.

Oh BTW, she still hasn't contacted me yet. Actually since the breakup about 2-3 weeks ago, she hasn't contacted me, just me calling her for that first 2 weeks doing the beggin pleading thing. Here is something that I did in that first 2 weeks after the breakup - I thought it would be nice to buy her whole family some breakfast and bring it over in the morning. I knew what everyone liked (mom, dad, brother, her) and bought it and went over to drop it off in the morning. I had a strong relationship with her family and spent much time and nights at their house when I didn't go home. When I rang the bell, her mom answered and said that I wouldn't be able to see or talk to my girlfriend. She also told me that I couldn't come in and she couldn't accept the food. Well after much persuasion, I convinced her to take the breakfast and just left. What do you think about this? I have a couple more things that I did during that first 2 weeks of begging ,gift giving, just want to know what you thought of this before I share my other experiences. Thanks.

Just wanted to update - I haven't contacted her yet, sticking by my guns, it has been 5 days now....it is soooo hard for me....I can only think about her and it is driving me crazy. It has affected me at work too. Everyone keeps asking me why I look so sad all the time...... You know what is crazy? I get these feelings of pain all through my chest when I think about what I threw away/lost. It brings me to my knees sometimes, feels like a heartattack...I dont like the feeling.. Sometimes I get feelings of just ending it, has anyone else had these feelings? It just goes through my mind that it would be easier just to end it all than face this pain/loss. I know that would be the cowards way out..doesn't help that my family has a history of suicide huh. Has anyone here tried medication like zoloft/paxil/prozac? does it really help at all? How can she tell me that she doesn't love me anymore after 5 years of being together? That is pretty harsh, I mean if she was going to break up, then break up, but why would you want to put someone down so much like that? Isnt that kinda f'd up or what? I mean say it isn't working out, need to move on, need to be free (which she all said), I mean I guess thats what people say when they break up, but why make it like the ultimate personal slap in the face with the 'dont love you anymore' line? Does she want to make it absolutely clear or what? Is she trying to make herself feel better or strike home the point more or what.... Sorry about the rant/rave. I feel so lost. This might sound kinda stupid, sorry, but it seems like the people I read about and the people responding to my posts have become like friends/family, I mean you guys/girls are here for me and that means alot. sorry for sounding so mushy, it isn't usually like me. It is like 2 hours before I have to go into work and I'm still awake analyzing everything in our relationship. What went wrong? I need to write everything down and make sure I never do these things again. I mean why was I such a prick to her? Why was I so jealous and possesive all the time? I should have given her space when she needed it. I guess I learned too late, I don't know. Is there still a chance? I mean I did good things too. We did spend 5 years together and she was there for me when no one else was. She cared for me when I was sick, when it seemed like nothing was going right. I havent ate anything in like 2 weeks, since the breakup. I have went from 178 to 164, not too healthy huh. Today I ate something substantial for the first time, me and my brother went to go eat some pizza. He knows I was feeling down and wanted to take me out. The thing that sucked the most in the whole world was that we went to this new pizza place in town and they had this special way to make the pizza so that it is thin crust style in the middle (crispy) and like thick pan on the edges, really good. Well what sucked about that was that its the style of pizza that my girlfriend loved the most, she really likes thin crust pizza, I dont like it personally. I just kept staring at the pizza and thinking about her and I felt the tears beginning to form, and my brother asked what was wrong and I told him that it was my girlfriends favortie style of pizza. Then he got mad at me for saying that and told me to just forget about it and enjoy the pizza. Needless to say I lost my appetite after that... Why does this suck so much? why can't everything be cool and fun like it used to be? damm this sucks. sorry again i don't mean to bring anyone down if I did, just it feels better talking about it.. talk to you later, stay strong and keep your hopes alive

Thanks for all the good advice. It is really nice to know that there are people like you out there that actually care. I will follow the no contact rule, and I think that 2 months would be a good measure also. We used to talk to each other constantly when we weren't together, so I would guess that if she doesn't want to speak to me after 2 months, the she doesn't want to at all. I will keep you updated on my situation, and I hope everything goes well for you too. I need to look at myself, my faults and try to fix them. Maybe it will be better for my next relationship or maybe it will let my past one become better if we ever get together again, but regardless it will make me a better person. Thanks again everyone, it really makes me feel good inside to read what you have to say. Just on a side note I have been talking to this girl at my work about what has happened to me. I mean I have told her everything that I can think of, even stuff that shouldn't be said. I said everything to get her take on what I could do, or what might happen. Now she is 31 and has been in many relationships before, so I guess she would have some pretty good advice for me. This is what she said....she had been seeing this guy for about 1 year and fell in love with him. The only thing was is that he had some bagagge with him (ex-wife, child) and she didn't know if that is what she really wanted. Also she wasn't the type to hold down a long term relationship, 1 year being the longest she had ever gone before this one. So after much thought she broke up the realtionship, said everything my girlfriend told me (doesn't want to be with me, wants to be free, single, explore the world, feels trapped, incompatiable, you guys get it) to the guy. Well he tried for 2 straight months to win her heart back and she refused all of his advances. She even began to see another guy. Well all of a sudden he just stopped. I guess he instituted the no contact rule. He didn't do anything to win her back after he tried so hard and for so long. Well 1 week went by, then that became 2 weeks, finally a month went by without any contact from him. Within that one month she finally realized the actually true feelings that she had for him, it just took some space and time for her to realize that. She called him and they began talking again, taking everything slow. Eventually they got back together and he asked her to marry him, she said yes. The 3 months total they spent apart from each other (2 months of him pursuing, 1 month no contact) made them both better people, and taught them alot. After hearing her story, it gave me such hope that things could have a chance to work out. I mean here is a success story right before my eyes. The only bad thing about this is, is that it might give me a little too much hope, I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing for me right now. But she did tell me this, even though the story that she just told me was very inspirational, the best method is to move on, and try to forget about her, it, the whole situation. It will make both of you better people. She also told me that the best way to show her that I really do love her and respect her wishes was to leave her alone. She will come to the decision of whether it will work out or not. And until she is ready, I can't do anything about it and waiting for her call for too long is not good for my health. Hope this helps out someone out there, it did for me, a little bit at least. What I believe is that you should never give up hope, never give up your dreams. Without them we would just be shells of our former selfs. P.S. The new guy I'm pretty sure that she is dating is a total loser. He is younger (me 25, him 22), has no job, money, clothes, nothing. I mean if he was richer, better looking, something, I could say to myself, hey at least she got with someone better than me, but this isn't the case. Now do I should like a total jerk-self serving for saying this? Looking at what I just wrote it sure seems like it to me. Or is this just a natural feeling, no matter what kind of guy she ended up with? Thanks for all the support and help, hope for more and good luck

Thanks for the great advice. I have been tempted so many times to just give her a little call to say hi and let her know that I am still out there. I guess she already knows that I am still here. Something that I didn't mention was that I wrote her a letter explaining my feelings, talking about her feelings as well. It seemed kinda like a final letter, basically good luck in everything that you find in life, but know that I still love you and will be here kinda deal. I have read that this sort of letter isn't good to send out, but alas only found this out after the fact. Do you think that it was a good idea sending out this sorta farewell, goodbye letter? Will it let me move on or let her move on easier? Now that I look back at it, maybe I shouldn't have sent her that letter. It doesn't seem like the best thing to do, but I wasn't in the right state of mind, and I'm not in the right state of mind right now either. It is so hard to go everyday without her, after 5 years of constantly being side by side. The funny thing is, is that I wanted to marry her and start a family together. I was just waiting for the right time to do it. We were both young when we started dating and I didn't want to start a family until I knew that I was on stable grounds to support one. I just recently graduated from college and landed a good job. I had been saving up for the past 6 months to purchase a house and a ring for her. Now those dreams have been shattered. Is there really a chance that we will get back together? I guess there is always a chance that we will. The only sad part about it is that she was so sure, so final about the way she talked to me about the ending of our relationship. I mean after being together so long, you just don't tell someone that you don't love them unless you really mean it. I mean that is a pretty hard thing to say to someone. She couldn't say something like that unless she really meaned it right? Would she say something like that to make it easier for me or her to move on? It is good to see some of the success stories that I have read about using the no contact rule. It just seems like there are more unsucessful stories than successful ones. Does it really work? I read that the no contact rule is more to help the person get over than it is a good tacit on getting back together, what do you think? What really sucks for me is that deep down in my heart I think I know the answer. She isn't coming back. We are not gong to get back together. I mean I can hope and pray all I want about dreams and fantaties of getting back together. Will doing so help me? Probably not. It will probably just end up hurting me more in the end. Does that mean I should give up all hope? With the no contact rule, how long should I go without any contact at all? What if 1, 2 , 3 months pass without her callling me. Is there any time that I should give her a call to see how she is doing? Or is it best never to call again and just let her be. By the way she talked to me about not being tied down and seeing what the world has to offer her, it seems like she will be out and about for a while to see all the other great people in the world. Just as a little side note, when I first met my girlfriend, she was overweight, didnt wear makeup, didn't dress stylish, but within the past 1-2 years started changing her whole look. I have always told her that I loved her no matter what, but do you think this change brought about her decision? Maybe it was before she didn't get the attention that she wanted from other guys, but now she is getting so much that she has been tempted to go on to other things? I am not trying to put all the blame on her for the breakup. In all honesty alot of it was my fault. To be honest with you I am a very jealous and controlling person. I just wasn't able to see that side of my personality until this. I can see now that the little things that I did in fact helped push her away from me after all these years. She kept giving me chances, kept waiting to see if I would really change or not. I guess she got fed up with all the BS and wanted to move on. I know I can change. Not only for her but for myself as well. Maybe this is a good thing for me, even though it doens't feel like it. I know for a 100% fact, that if we were to get back together again, it would be a better, stronger relationship. I mean I have to look at what the root causes of our problems were, before I can even think about being together with her again. Sorry for the long post, just have a lot of things on my mind right now. All the support and advice you can give would be greatly appreciated. Thanks alot for being here for me, it means alot to me. I think that if I didn't come accross this forum, I might have done something really, really stupid, but this has helped me calm down and really think about things. I have my fingers crossed that she will see that she really does love me, and might wanna see if this can work. I don't know, but all I can do is hope, because without hope there can only be despair.