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Thread: Confused

  1. #1
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    Confused

    Hey! So my recent ex of close to a year told me that my emotions are really stressful which I agree. I have PTSD and Borderline personality disorder. They make it hard to regulate. He has tried really hard to help me but it always backfires on him he says. He suffers from stress induced seizures. He wrote me that he wants to take a year off of communication so we can figure ourselves out. He told me that he doesn't want anyone else but me.
    I made sure to ask if we would date anyone else during this time and he said he wasn't going to date anyone. He is figuring out a job situation and he can't drive so he lives with his dad and stepmom. His stepmom and dad tried the one year of no communication and just delving into work and improving themselves. I called his stepmom and she said that it was hard but to keep myself busy. She said that she had the same fears that I have about this break but that you just have trust them with their word until they make contact.
    The thing is he still looks at my social media stories and has followed my already public art page. He follows Snapchat and my personal adventure instagram.He still has the pictures of us and a drawn portrait of me on his Instagram page but doesn't have "in a relationship " Facebook. Not single, just blank.
    Why would he be these doing things if we are supposedly "broken up"? He wants to come back in a year and see where we are in life and pick back up where we left off. He told me that he loves me and will love and cherish time spent with me. He also said he wants what's best and that's to have a year of focusing solely on myself. I have therapy appointments scheduled for every week until I can get into classes that specialize in Borderline personality disorder.
    Last edited by tajanaeperki; 02-06-2020 at 11:51 AM. Reason: Add a detail

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    He also said he wants what's best and that's to have a year of focusing solely on myself.
    Good for him. Hopefully he will get his own therapy so that he learns that he can't fix you or anyone else and that he should leave that to the professionals. Leave him alone now and YOU start focusing on yourself with the help of your psychiatrist so that you learn to control the negative aspects of your particular personality disorder. In the end, hopefully, the two of you will come out of this better people. You'll not accomplish anything while you are together and tormenting one another emotionally.

    I wish you well.

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Why does he do that? Simple human curiosity. Pretty much on par of why does anyone ever bother following other people on social media - curious, entertained, find something interesting, etc.

    What you should avoid doing is trying to read deeper meaning into that. Instead of focusing on that, spend this year 100% focused on yourself and how to get a handle on your issues. Whether you end up getting back together or not, one thing you will gain from that is a better quality of life for yourself and eventually better relationships too. Something worth working for if you think about it.

    Meanwhile, if he is serious about addressing his issues and you are equally serious about addressing yours, then neither one of you should be in a relationship or even thinking about dating. For therapy to work, you both actually need to be single and putting 100% of effort into your own individual selves. In short, makes this year count and do it for yourself and your well being first and foremost. As for the future, let the chips fall where they may. A year from now, you might be thinking that you need another year to keep doing what you are doing or you might decide that you don't want him back. You'll have a different perspective on life then and you can't really predict what it may be.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Why not wait until you have the advantage of seeing a psychiatrist, therapist and borderline support group before deciding where anyone will be in a year? No one has a crystal ball. All you do know is that he can not be with you.
    Originally Posted by tajanaeperki
    my recent ex of close to a year told me that my emotions are really stressful which I agree. I have PTSD and Borderline personality disorder. He suffers from stress induced seizures. He wrote me that he wants to take a year off of communication so we can figure ourselves out. I have therapy appointments scheduled for every week until I can get into classes that specialize in Borderline personality disorder.

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    Thank you for answering my thread! I understand that I need to work on myself and that he needs to do his own healing. We both want to have futures together because we feel like we've know each other forever. We feel like we were meant to be together. Now, we just need time to figure ourselves out and work on our stuff so we can be more stable for us and each other. I'm keeping busy with art and TV series. He continues to like my stuff on Instagram but I just keep busy doing my own thing and waiting for those classes! I'm excited to better myself and start loving myself more and more! 😊

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    Thank you for responding! I know that it is human curiosity. We broke up a couple days ago but I've posted stuff on Instagram. I posted a painting I did on both pages and he liked both. Then after 15 minutes, I posted something else art related and he liked it right away. He continues to view my stories on snapchat and Instagram. I'm almost thinking of posting nothing for awhile

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    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by tajanaeperki
    I'm almost thinking of posting nothing for awhile
    I think this is a great idea, in this situation and in general.

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    Originally Posted by tajanaeperki
    Thank you for responding! I know that it is human curiosity. We broke up a couple days ago but I've posted stuff on Instagram. I posted a painting I did on both pages and he liked both. Then after 15 minutes, I posted something else art related and he liked it right away. He continues to view my stories on snapchat and Instagram. I'm almost thinking of posting nothing for awhile
    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I think this is a great idea, in this situation and in general.
    So I should just avoid social media? We still want to be together just in a bit

  10. #9
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by tajanaeperki
    So I should just avoid social media? We still want to be together just in a bit
    You'll do what you believe is best for you.

    Me? While I enjoy a bit of social media I don't want it to ever take precedence over my actual life, in the present, or be used as a way of trying to understand how someone feels about me or manipulate them into feeling anything. It feels unhealthy.

    I take breaks from it periodically, sometimes for a reason as simple as noticing that I'm more interested in, I don't know, posting a photo of a pizza than eating the pizza. When I've been in romantic turmoil, I always remove Instagram from my phone and go dark for a bit, because I know myself well enough to know that I would use it inauthentically—posting a photo of a pizza, say, not because it was delicious but because some part of me would want an ex or maybe ex to know I was eating that pizza.

    Not how I want to live: not in a relationship, not single, not in the sort of emotional purgatory you're in.

    That you're writing about it here, that you're hyper focused on it all—I'd say that is a good sign that it's something to let go of for a bit, to make room for the real stuff you know is critical right now: digging deep, working on yourself, tending to your emotional equilibrium. I'm not sure there is a human being on the planet, including those who make billions of dollars on social media, who believes it is a positive for mental and emotional well-being. So if that's your focus right now then, yeah, I would avoid something you know is not a good influence on that journey.

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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    You'll do what you believe is best for you.


    Me? While I enjoy a bit of social media I don't want it to ever take precedence over my actual life, in the present, or be used as a way of trying to understand how someone feels about me or manipulate them into feeling anything. It feels unhealthy.

    I take breaks from it periodically, sometimes for a reason as simple as noticing that I'm more interested in, I don't know, posting a photo of a pizza than eating the pizza. When I've been in romantic turmoil, I always remove Instagram from my phone and go dark for a bit, because I know myself well enough to know that I would use it inauthentically—posting a photo of a pizza, say, not because it was delicious but because some part of me would want an ex or maybe ex to know I was eating that pizza.

    Not how I want to live: not in a relationship, not single, not in the sort of emotional purgatory you're in.

    That you're writing about it here, that you're hyper focused on it all—I'd say that is a good sign that it's something to let go of for a bit, to make room for the real stuff you know is critical right now: digging deep, working on yourself, tending to your emotional equilibrium. I'm not sure there is a human being on the planet, including those who make billions of dollars on social media, who believes it is a positive for mental and emotional well-being. So if that's your focus right now then, yeah, I would avoid something you know is not a good influence on that journey.
    I was just doing me. I post a lot of stuff on Instagram not to get attention or think that he will like my stuff. I'm definitely not manipulating him to feel a certain way. I just post my art that I'm proud of. I live my life s much as I can and I have a medical job that I love. I don't spend all my time on social media. I spend it on sleep, journaling, working, and doing artwork. I'm doing things by myself and I'm going to my favorite band's concert in a few weeks!

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