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Thread: Should I wait on him a little longer or start dating secretly?

  1. #31
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I had a "thing" with my ex where we spent time together but weren't actually in a relationship. I went along with it because I thought giving him what he wanted would make him want to be with me.

    You know what he told me? He said he didn't respect me because I allowed him to treat me like that!

    Stew on that, then decide what YOU want. A sorta-relationship where HE gets everything he needs but you don't because you want to try to hold onto some part of him? Or realize this BS limbo isn't the road to reconciliation but most likely the opposite, say "peace out, thanks but no thanks" and go explore that wonderful, exciting city? What sounds better?

  2. #32
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sometimes it's time to throw out that comfortable old couch because it no longer fits in your life and it's just too worn out. That is this ex.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Just something to think about. Nothing is more attractive than a person who knows what they want, and doesn't hedge.
    This is my point, Darlington. Be brave enough to tell him what you told us you want and don't be afraid to come across as "pushy." Sometimes we just have to ask for what we want and if it's not forthcoming then we are in a position to make an informed decision. One based on fact.

  4. #34
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's best to distance yourself. How many more years of neither here nor there do you wish to waste on him. Unless it's just to scratch and itch and have a fwb until you find a bf.

    Have you read the book "He's Just Not That Into You"? This type of indifference on his part may be outlined there as well as other tips to avoid men like this in the future..
    Originally Posted by Darlington
    That he's not at this stage ready to enter into relationship.

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  6. #35
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    and a frustration at not feeling certain things you really, really want to feel. Because the person is great! Because you do want The Real Thing! So you kind of think: oh, I'm close, if we can just move a bit slow, keep things a bit lose, then

    I think the above is potentially the route cause of his behaviour. We have plans to see each other on Friday coming up and I will have the conversation with him then. At least now I am clear about what I want. Thank you for your advice! You should seriously consider writing a book.

  7. #36
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    You're absolutely right Thatwasthen, and actually I hadn't articulated how I feel as clearly to him, as I have here, so will do so. We are seeing each other on Friday for a movie and dinner and I will speak to him about it in person then. It will be great if he wants the same thing, if not, it will be great for the confusion to end.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Darlington
    You're absolutely right Thatwasthen, and actually I hadn't articulated how I feel as clearly to him, as I have here, so will do so. We are seeing each other on Friday for a movie and dinner and I will speak to him about it in person then. It will be great if he wants the same thing, if not, it will be great for the confusion to end.
    That-a-girl. Let us know how it goes. We are hear to listen to you vent if need be or to congratulate you if he's on board.

  9. #38
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    Hello all.

    I've been meaning to update you on my situation. I finally found the courage to speak to my fella back in Feb and shared that our set up at the time wasn't meeting my emotional and physical needs and that I was ready to be in a relationship. I told him there was no pressure on him but that I wanted to be honest before I take the next step towards finding what I wanted.

    He said he had been over cautious about getting back together as he was worried about hurting me if things didn't work out again. He said he wanted to give things another go to see if we can make things work now that we are living in the same city.

    So, we have officially been back together since the end of Feb, just under a month.
    So far, things have been going okay and we're taking this as a new relationship, not a continuation of the old one.

    Then COVID hits. Our government announced a lockdown, which could go on for months. We're torn as to whether to self isolate together - which would effectively mean living together and being around each other 24/7 as we are both mostly working at home. Or alternatively, self-isolate separately...which means not physical contact for the foreseeable future. I am worried about the impact either one of these situations would have on the relationship. Option 1 might be too much too soon, for a developing relationships. Option 2 is effectively long distance dating, which caused the strain in the relationship to begin with.

    Any advice?

  10. #39
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Darlington
    Hello all.

    I've been meaning to update you on my situation. I finally found the courage to speak to my fella back in Feb and shared that our set up at the time wasn't meeting my emotional and physical needs and that I was ready to be in a relationship. I told him there was no pressure on him but that I wanted to be honest before I take the next step towards finding what I wanted.

    He said he had been over cautious about getting back together as he was worried about hurting me if things didn't work out again. He said he wanted to give things another go to see if we can make things work now that we are living in the same city.

    So, we have officially been back together since the end of Feb, just under a month.
    So far, things have been going okay and we're taking this as a new relationship, not a continuation of the old one.

    Then COVID hits. Our government announced a lockdown, which could go on for months. We're torn as to whether to self isolate together - which would effectively mean living together and being around each other 24/7 as we are both mostly working at home. Or alternatively, self-isolate separately...which means not physical contact for the foreseeable future. I am worried about the impact either one of these situations would have on the relationship. Option 1 might be too much too soon, for a developing relationships. Option 2 is effectively long distance dating, which caused the strain in the relationship to begin with.

    Any advice?
    i hope everyone doesn't attack me for being stupid but... if you are isolated alone and he is alone, can't you get together at one of your places?

    I think divorced people are still shuttling they're kids back and forth. Isn't that the same thing?

  11. #40
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    If all you do is drive to his place or he drives to yours, how are you at risk? I can't see how it needs to be a live together 24/7 or not see each other at all choice.

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