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Thread: Ex playing mind games.

  1. #1

    Ex playing mind games.

    I want an unbiased opinion on my situation instead of friends who know both of us.
    Me and my ex have worked together for 12 years. We were only together for a year and half and he broke up with me in Sept ’18. We argued a lot towards the end but I was still devastated when it did end as he was really cruel with how he went about it and I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else.
    I started to pick myself up and move on all the while he started to suffer regret. Two months later we met up to talk as he wanted us to try again but by then I’d learnt to realise we probably weren’t best suited after all and it was for the best we called it a day. Plus I’d met someone else and told him as I felt it was only fair he knew. We had more common ground which was refreshing but I took it slow as part of me still loved my ex. You could say it was more rebound for my vulnerability. Within days my ex told me he’d met someone else too. My ex is known for wearing his heart on his sleeve so within weeks of him being with this new gf he was living with her. We still spoke at work asking how each of us were getting on in our new relationships and wishing each other well. Was nice to be friends again. In Jan ’19 I noticed however that he’d blocked me on Fb and just suddenly stopped talking to me, He went out his way to avoid me at work. I’m not sure if he blocked me through choice or the gf made him do it. I felt like I was being punished for nothing.
    While we were together we used to send each other a little symbol in our messages that no-one else would notice. This symbol represented every time we thought of each other and loved each other. Our little lovey dovey quirk. He used to write it on his work timesheets knowing I was the only one who’d see them and because said symbol looked like an ‘S’ it was easy to put into the writing without it being noticed by others. Obviously after we separated that stopped.
    By Feb ’19 he was in his new relationship and moved on. I separated with the current bf as I realised I wasn’t fully over my ex and wasn’t fair to be with him if my heart was elsewhere. I didn’t tell anyone about the separation through humiliation. One day I came to work and when I collected my ex’s timesheet I noticed he’s written the symbol on there. I felt shocked, confused and upset given what it represented. I chose to ignore it. Two weeks later he did it again. By then I knew I needed to speak to him about it. He wasn't at work so I left him a note on his work bench asking why he was playing mind games with me and how it was cruel and unfair to his new gf given what it represented. I asked him not to do it again and he didn’t. Since then he bought a new car with his gf and they’re looking to buy a house together. I had so many unanswered questions!
    Recently, early Aug ’19 I got the timesheets in as usual and noticed he had done one again!! I haven’t spoken to him about it, but have checked for any more each day since in case he does. Few days ago I walked past him at work and it was the first time in over 3 months we made eye contact and he had such a look of hatred on his face it made me well up and feel broken inside. I’ve not done anything wrong to him to deserve being messed with and feeling punished. I’m struggling to move on because of it and have many unanswered questions playing on my mind. I don't know why he's writing the symbols when he acts like I don't exist. Is he reaching out for me and testing waters for my reaction or just trying to get a fix over it. I would really appreciate your opinion and any suggestions on what I should do.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
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    Why not just ask him what's up?

    Right now, you've got your dukes up. He won't respond to that, so if you want answers, lower those dukes and simply ask him what the secret messages are about.

    I don't necessarily think you're going to get a satisfactory answer, mind you, but you will need to approach this a little differently if you truly want to know what this is about.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you his supervisor? You both need to use more professionalism and get over this. You need to delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps and stay professional. Only communicate about work related issues.

    Do not communicate outside of work or about "symbols" or other nonsense. Stop subjecting the entire office to both of your romantic drama. It's not fair. People come there to work and make a living, not be be sidetracked by you or him and all this romantic drama.

    Get on some dating apps and date people you don't work with. The workplace is where people go to make a living. It's not a singles bar or soap opera. Keep saying that to yourself. Then go home from work, relax and start making friends and dating men outside of work.
    Originally Posted by shortone1988
    Me and my ex have worked together for 12 years. We were only together for a year and half and he broke up with me in Sept ’18.
    By Feb ’19 he was in his new relationship and moved on.

    One day I came to work and when I collected my ex’s timesheet I noticed he’s written the symbol on there. I felt shocked, confused and upset given what it represented.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    You're making a big deal out of a mark on a timesheet? What do you hope to get out of that?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    He may be re-using an older template and inputting new data in it where the older template has been saved with the symbol. He doesn't sound very meticulous about his work even after having been notified of the issue.

    You've lost the opportunity to develop a sincere bond with a new boyfriend or love interest. How many times are you going to play tricks on yourself pining after this person, continuing to lose future opportunities in living a more fulfilling life? You mentioned feeling humiliated (for the reasons for your recent break up with your most previous boyfriend). You shouldn't feel ashamed or humiliated at all. This is a springboard to more learning and understanding about yourself. The lesson here is that work relationships are probably not a good idea for you. You aren't able to find closure after a break up when it is completely over.

    Even if he is sincere about his magical symbols appearing nonchalantly and sporadically, why would you take a man like this seriously when he is openly in another committed relationship with someone else? At best, he's rushing through his work and careless. At worst, he's an immature prankster.

    This is a prime example of how relationships do not work in the workplace. Please put aside the anomalies in the spreadsheets, take some time to clear your head and move forwards. This relationship is completely and totally over. Don't take the man seriously.
    Last edited by Rose Mosse; 08-30-2019 at 11:46 AM.

  7. #6
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Unless you choose to participate, and/or take a seat in the audience of, an ex cannot play mind games with you. Why not take the high road, and close this final chapter?


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