possumblacknose Posted August 5, 2019 Share Posted August 5, 2019 When I was young, my dad said a lot of because of me, he stayed in the marriage with my mom. He wasn't appreciated at all by her. He was not happy with my mum... Could that be called love or is it a cheating? Of course, he was dating with a woman when I was very young and my mother was very angry and they fought a lot on that but in the end, the marriage eventually stayed. I very much stood by my mom, but after many years, my auntie revealed that my mom once brought a man that she held hands with to visit my auntie. I feel my parents are in the end staying together for me, but I feel they both are cheaters. 1 Link to comment
Seraphim Posted August 5, 2019 Share Posted August 5, 2019 Well, their relationship is their relationship. It is best to let them sorted it out. Link to comment
possumblacknose Posted August 5, 2019 Author Share Posted August 5, 2019 Thank you, if they stay in the marriage only for me, should I ask them to divorce to get a new life that they both can be liberal and true to themselves? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted August 5, 2019 Share Posted August 5, 2019 No, that is up to them. If you meddle in someone else’s relationship you give them license to meddle in yours when you have one. Thank you, if they stay in the marriage only for me, should I ask them to divorce to get a new life that they both can be liberal and true to themselves? Link to comment
bluecastle Posted August 5, 2019 Share Posted August 5, 2019 What Sera is saying. Their romantic relationship is their business. You're a product of it—and, perhaps, the glue—but you are not the director of it. That's their job, and they'll make the choices they make. Our parents offer us a model for romance. A model, not the model. Perhaps seeing (though your eyes) that your parents have stayed in an unhappy marriage for the sake of their kids (you) leads you to make difference choices in terms of partners. I love my father, for instance, but he is basically my model of how not to be man. Can I ask how old you are? Do you still live at home and/or rely on your parents for support? I ask because, while I don't think meddling does anyone any favors, sometimes when we become adults we can talk to our parents in a different manner. So, say, you find yourself having a heart to heart and one of your parents mentions that you are the only reason they are still together—well, there could be room there for you to let them know that you will love and respect them both in whatever future choices they make. That way it's expressing your feelings, rather than issuing them a directive. Link to comment
Gary Snyder Posted August 5, 2019 Share Posted August 5, 2019 What you describe is cheating. But you have to let people live their own lives. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted August 5, 2019 Share Posted August 5, 2019 How old are you? Are they still together? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted August 5, 2019 Share Posted August 5, 2019 In your other "is it cheating?" thread you describe your own affair, so is it your parents you're worried about? : https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=560909&p=7148115&viewfull=1#post7148115 1 Link to comment
possumblacknose Posted August 6, 2019 Author Share Posted August 6, 2019 I think I am very much influenced by this. Yes. Link to comment
possumblacknose Posted August 6, 2019 Author Share Posted August 6, 2019 I am in my late 30s. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 If you believe your marital unhappiness is due to poor role models at home, therapy can help you sort that out and redirect your life so that you can make the choices you want rather than ones you feel "destined" to make .I think I am very much influenced by this. Yes. Link to comment
possumblacknose Posted August 8, 2019 Author Share Posted August 8, 2019 Yes. I am worried about it indeed. Mine is well sorted out. Link to comment
possumblacknose Posted August 8, 2019 Author Share Posted August 8, 2019 Thank you. I am undertaking therapy to take another look at myself and my family. It helps. Link to comment
possumblacknose Posted October 4, 2021 Author Share Posted October 4, 2021 It's been more than 2 years since my post. I am doing well in the meantime by cutting off all the connections with this guy, had therapy and rekindled the feeling with my husband. Now looking back, I just got carried away in the circumstance. Recently due to cloud gathering of the old contacts, I met this guy online again. Surprisingly, it was still a bit flame between me and him that I thought I had fully been moved on. I think I can handle such feeling and make sure it's not flaming up as the past. Thank you all of you for your kind words and good advice in the past. I just want to say, thank you. 1 Link to comment
abitbroken Posted October 4, 2021 Share Posted October 4, 2021 18 minutes ago, possumblacknose said: It's been more than 2 years since my post. I am doing well in the meantime by cutting off all the connections with this guy, had therapy and rekindled the feeling with my husband. Now looking back, I just got carried away in the circumstance. Recently due to cloud gathering of the old contacts, I met this guy online again. Surprisingly, it was still a bit flame between me and him that I thought I had fully been moved on. I think I can handle such feeling and make sure it's not flaming up as the past. Thank you all of you for your kind words and good advice in the past. I just want to say, thank you. You shouldn't "handle" this feeling - you should block him online. Its not a test to see if you can handle it. There is no need to communicate with him at all. if you want to see this as a test, see it as getting the chance to do the right thing and eliminate him from all of your contacts and block him completely. Just don't go there Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 4, 2021 Share Posted October 4, 2021 Have you told your husband you have started communicating with this "flame" again? If not, why not? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 4, 2021 Share Posted October 4, 2021 1 hour ago, possumblacknose said: It's been more than 2 years since my post. I am doing well in the meantime by cutting off all the connections with this guy, had therapy and rekindled the feeling with my husband. Now looking back, I just got carried away in the circumstance. Recently due to cloud gathering of the old contacts, I met this guy online again. Surprisingly, it was still a bit flame between me and him that I thought I had fully been moved on. I think I can handle such feeling and make sure it's not flaming up as the past. Thank you all of you for your kind words and good advice in the past. I just want to say, thank you. This is called playing with fire - and it's even more dangerous because you're getting attached to a fantasy. If you want your marriage to stay stable please cut off contact with this man. Link to comment
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