I probably should stop trying, but I want her

Hi guys I’m still having a tough time with this breakup and would like some sound advice. We broke up a few months ago, I begged and begged and she finally told me she didn’t want anything to do with me. I left it alone for a few weeks and recently spoke to her but idk if I’m just delusional at this point or what.

She told me that she didn’t mind us communicating but she doesn’t want to deal with me trying to win her back. She says we are not getting back together and she doesn’t want to go down that road again. When I called she made some snarky remarks like “you had to give it one last shot” and “you thought I changed my mind”..

I told her no, that I accept that she doesn’t want to be with me. Part of me does and part of me still feels like there’s some hope.

I know all the begging was a major turn off, and I said some pretty nasty things to her so it’s no surprise that she’s being so cold. Plus, she tends to mask her feelings just in general about anything.

I definitely don’t want to bring up our past anymore and pressure her but I do want her to see that we could be good together.

Is it worth the battle? Should I even invest time trying to build something? I am still open to dating and meeting someone new, if someone better comes along I wouldn’t pass it up for her but I do still love her and I can’t deny that.

Any advice? Maybe try to establish some sort of friendship? Refrain from flirting? Idk what to do at this point

A battle to make someone want to be with you is never worth it. The more you try and insist the less she wants you.

Accept that she does not want you anymore and move on.

Every time a part of you tries to make an excuse to contact her, fight it and do something else.

A battle to make someone want to be with you is never worth it. The more you try and insist the less she wants you.

This^^....Plus I would add, how long are you willing to degrade and injure yourself?

Very soon she's gonna start dating someone else. I know that stings (oh how I know!). Do you want to be around to see that?

It's taking me the absolute longest time to get over my breakup so I really do empathize with you GP*

But by continuing to engage with her you're only dragging it out and causing yourself more stress.

Strength Brother*

Carus*

I hear you guys, I don’t want to press the issue I just want to her see what could be and she doesn’t need to run away from me. But you’re Carus, it would be a painful experience and I probably should avoid it but I do love her and I do feel there is some level of hope if she wasn’t so scared of the idea .. sigh

Why are you not listening? How disrespectful! Leave her alone!!!!

If there are no feelings returned to you, then it is not love. but rather, obsession.

Definitely move on.

You don't know anything she doesn't.

I hear you guys, I don’t want to press the issue I just want to her see what could be and she doesn’t need to run away from me. But you’re Carus, it would be a painful experience and I probably should avoid it but I do love her and I do feel there is some level of hope if she wasn’t so scared of the idea .. sigh

I don't want to totally rip you a new one here for being predatory and sexist so I will just say this... no means no, and every time you push on her boundaries to try and make her see your point of view you make her feel more unsafe around you. She isn't scared of the idea of being with you, she just doesn't want to be with you and you are being very disrespectful by not listening to her or accepting what she says.

You don't know anything she doesn't.

Yeah this is powerful thank you

If there are no feelings returned to you, then it is not love. but rather, obsession.

 

Definitely move on.

I’m trying to move on but easier said than done. I feel a lot of guilt about how things transpired

I don't want to totally rip you a new one here for being predatory and sexist so I will just say this... no means no, and every time you push on her boundaries to try and make her see your point of view you make her feel more unsafe around you. She isn't scared of the idea of being with you, she just doesn't want to be with you and you are being very disrespectful by not listening to her or accepting what she says.

Thank you, you are right. I’ve been trying to respect the boundaries. I have no intentions on pushing the issue just wish she was open to the idea. I’ve given her space and will continue to do so, I can’t force her to do anything she doesn’t want to I just would like her to want the same things I do

I get what you all are saying about the respect aspect, it is really disrespectful to keep at it. I guess I’ll leave it alone .. hopefully she comes around on her own

"She’s not good enough for me

Hi, I’ve been in the midst of a break up with my girl (F+F) and from our conversations she says that she doesn’t think she’s good enough for me. When we were together I would get angry and insult her, and have told her she wasn’t good enough. I guess she believes it now. She says things like I deserve better, I should be with someone else, even when we were together she would point out other girls that would be better for me. She also says now that she has no interest in being with me but can remain friends."

You were disrespectful and abusive throughout the relationship. She deserves better, and it is good she finally broke loose.

I suggest you get some help for your anger and abusive tendencies. Leave this poor woman alone!

Thank you Holly

I hear you guys, I don’t want to press the issue I just want to her see what could be and she doesn’t need to run away from me. But you’re Carus, it would be a painful experience and I probably should avoid it but I do love her and I do feel there is some level of hope if she wasn’t so scared of the idea .. sigh

She has already seen what it could be but unfortunately she didn't want it. She knows you want to get back, no need to do anything else. If she misses you and wants to ge back, it's on her to contact you. But I'd put my time and effort in healing and moving on.

Also no, don't build a friendship. It wouldn't be real because you have feelings for her and it would only hurt you.

A couple of things

1.) If she is not interested in being romantically involved, you simply walk away and let her know to call you if she changes his mind. (As a way to respect her boundaries and also to not make you look needy/desperate/weak)

2.) You must go no-contact. However, this is where people get confused. Often, they do NC as a form of manipulation to get an ex back. In this case, you want to do NC to get YOU back! You make choices for you, you think of what's best for you. You get to know yourself on the most intimate level through all the soul-shattering pain, sadness, and loneliness and you know what you will and will not tolerate. You know what you are about, what you stand for, the things that matter to you as a person and you will live honestly to be in line with the values and beliefs that make up who you are. Gone are the days of looking outside yourself, to your ex, to a relationship, for your identity, for your worth, for your damn happiness. It has always been from you, all of it and that is No Contact's greatest gift = it gives you the space, time and clarity to find yourself again. You have an identity outside of this relationship so use this time to find yourself.

When you do No Contact for another person or for a desired outcome with your ex, you choose to leave yourself on the floor and deny the outstretched hand begging for you to pick your own self up. Take stock of what is important, take stock of the only relationship that will ever hold the most value to you for as long as you love and live: the relationship you have with yourself. Don't let yourself down, you are amazing beyond description despite what this break up would have you believe, you absolutely deserve what you want out of a relationship, out of your ex, out of life.

3.) Once you find yourself strong again, it will be a WIN-WIN situation! Either she will come crawling back for you(IF there is any interest left in her), or you will find someone even better.

I’m trying to move on but easier said than done. I feel a lot of guilt about how things transpired

Having constant contact with someone and trying to heal from a break up at the same is almost impossible.

You also cannot get over them if you are still busy hoping they'll change their mind.

She ended it. Don't demote yourself to her friend. No contact what so ever. That's when the healing begins.

She has already seen what it could be but unfortunately she didn't want it. She knows you want to get back, no need to do anything else. If she misses you and wants to ge back, it's on her to contact you. But I'd put my time and effort in healing and moving on.

 

Also no, don't build a friendship. It wouldn't be real because you have feelings for her and it would only hurt you.

You’re right, a friendship seems fake. I will try my best to move on. I guess whatever turmoil I experience I will have to deal with it without her. Thank you for your feedback.

A couple of things

1.) If she is not interested in being romantically involved, you simply walk away and let her know to call you if she changes his mind. (As a way to respect her boundaries and also to not make you look needy/desperate/weak)

2.) You must go no-contact. However, this is where people get confused. Often, they do NC as a form of manipulation to get an ex back. In this case, you want to do NC to get YOU back! You make choices for you, you think of what's best for you. You get to know yourself on the most intimate level through all the soul-shattering pain, sadness, and loneliness and you know what you will and will not tolerate. You know what you are about, what you stand for, the things that matter to you as a person and you will live honestly to be in line with the values and beliefs that make up who you are. Gone are the days of looking outside yourself, to your ex, to a relationship, for your identity, for your worth, for your damn happiness. It has always been from you, all of it and that is No Contact's greatest gift = it gives you the space, time and clarity to find yourself again. You have an identity outside of this relationship so use this time to find yourself.

 

When you do No Contact for another person or for a desired outcome with your ex, you choose to leave yourself on the floor and deny the outstretched hand begging for you to pick your own self up. Take stock of what is important, take stock of the only relationship that will ever hold the most value to you for as long as you love and live: the relationship you have with yourself. Don't let yourself down, you are amazing beyond description despite what this break up would have you believe, you absolutely deserve what you want out of a relationship, out of your ex, out of life.

 

3.) Once you find yourself strong again, it will be a WIN-WIN situation! Either she will come crawling back for you(IF there is any interest left in her), or you will find someone even better.

Thank you, I definitely know the strength of NC and do believe in it. Sucks when you have no choice but to do it, but I have no choice at this point. Thanks for your kind words and insight. Taking care of myself absolutely needs to be a priority

Having constant contact with someone and trying to heal from a break up at the same is almost impossible.

You also cannot get over them if you are still busy hoping they'll change their mind.

She ended it. Don't demote yourself to her friend. No contact what so ever. That's when the healing begins.

I will continue with no contact , even if it hurts. Can’t wait until it’s months from now when all of this is just a memory. Thank you for your support

You have got to stop being so selfish, OP.

Yes, it is selfish to once again bulldoze over the feelings and wishes of another person just because your desires are different. By your own account, you did so while you were still together too, as you admit to insulting and emotionally abusing her. A real sign of maturity here would be to recognize that you can't always get what you want, and to leave her be.

You may feel guilty for hurting her, or for how things ended, but those are your issues to sit with now. She can't make that go away for you and seeking some sort of reassurance or hope from her is doing nothing but reinforcing that you don't really listen to her.

You have got to stop being so selfish, OP.

 

Yes, it is selfish to once again bulldoze over the feelings and wishes of another person just because your desires are different. By your own account, you did so while you were still together too, as you admit to insulting and emotionally abusing her. A real sign of maturity here would be to recognize that you can't always get what you want, and to leave her be.

 

You may feel guilty for hurting her, or for how things ended, but those are your issues to sit with now. She can't make that go away for you and seeking some sort of reassurance or hope from her is doing nothing but reinforcing that you don't really listen to her.

You’re right Miss. I’m just so used to always getting my way. I’m sure you understand that my intent is coming from a loving place but you’re right, I need to just respect her and her wishes. Definitely a huge step in maturity for me. I don’t want mean to be malicious but I see exactly what you’re saying. I’ll listen to what she’s saying and I guess just hope that she is genuinely happy with her decision. I made the mistakes so I have to suffer the consequences even if they are as drastic as never speaking to her again.

It's a good lesson to learn.

Next time, cherish who you love instead of doing everything you can to destroy them.

And please stop the cycle of abuse and leave her alone. She has had enough of you telling her she doesn't know anything. The last thing she needs is you telling her she's wrong yet again. That doesn't make a woman feel loving toward you.

It's a good lesson to learn.

 

Next time, cherish who you love instead of doing everything you can to destroy them.

 

And please stop the cycle of abuse and leave her alone. She has had enough of you telling her she doesn't know anything. The last thing she needs is you telling her she's wrong yet again. That doesn't make a woman feel loving toward you.

Thank you boltnrun I will definitely keep this mind and will refrain from contacting her. I see it is more harmful than I realized