sudden break up after 8 years - need help

we had been together 8 years and this morning he broke up with me. we've been living together for a year and a half.

he says he still loves me but he's not been in love with me for some months but this is the first time he's said how bad things are.

he's always at work so we've not been able to talk.

This year has been the year from hell, my grandad died earlier in the year, Ive a cat who's had multiple operations and is just getting back to normal, my gran is in hospital at the moment and I've been training and shortly due to qualify as a veterinary nurse. This has just sent me over the edge and I don't know what to do and how to continue

Ive got none to talk to. my family are worried about my gran and have enough to worry about with making sure everything is ready for when she gets home, and I don't want her to be expecting visitors and none turn up because of me. My 'friends' weren't there when my grandad died, one is pregnant and moving this week so has plenty to get on with and I can't face that level of happy.

he says I can stay in the house for now and hell be in over the next week to get his stuff. the problem is that we rent from his dad. we both grew up in this town, I got a job an hour away for my training and initially commuted before moving into a practice flat. when this house became empty I moved back to our hometown because he didn't want to move for my job, and because after I've qualified Im planning on getting a job in our hometown.

he says he will keep up with payments, but I don't think I can afford to stay here financially and mentally. It been bad enough when he's working (pub hours) and coming back to an empty house, but he was always there in a morning when I got up. I can't move back in with my parents because there is no room and because they have 4 dogs and I have 3 cats - it would be too stressful for everyone and I am getting on with my family much more since moving out.

Ive suffered depression on and off for years, and have had counselling for this, but today I just feel numb, like everything would be better if I wasn't here.

I want him back, I was ready to marry him and I just don't know what to do. He says there isn't anyone else but that he knew he had to end it because he had feelings for someone else. he says its not anyone from work but he doesn't go anywhere else

I just feel so lost and pathetic right now

Very sorry to hear this. How long can you stay in the house? Is it possible for you to start looking for house share or affordable apts? How old is he?

Were there disagreements about lifestyle, finances, work hours or commitment, getting married, kids etc? Was he on the same timeline or did he avoid these conversations?

Don't be afraid to confide in family and good friends about your breakup and needing to move out of his house. You will need their help and support. It sounds like there is someone else and he is trying to make it less difficult for you by letting you stay until you can make other arrangements.

we had been together 8 years and this morning he broke up with me. we've been living together for a year and a half. he says I can stay in the house for now and hell be in over the next week to get his stuff. he says he will keep up with payments, but I don't think I can afford to stay here financially and mentally. I was ready to marry him. He says there isn't anyone else but that he knew he had to end it because he had feelings for someone else.

Our tenancy agreement is actually up for renewal this month which is another worry. I would really hope that they wouldn't just kick me out but at the moment I can't think straight and as everything else is falling apart this year it wouldn't surprise me.

he's 26, I'm 24, wed discussed engagement and not being able to afford it yet. Its not something I've wanted to bring up recently with everything else that had ben going on. neither of us want kids so this was never a problem.

Around march he started working with his best friend again and as he is aiming to be a manager, he has put in extra hours wherever possible. Ive tried to talk recently about him working too much and not seeing him but i just got "i need to work for money" and honestly until today I kind of thought (and hoped) that he was working the extra hours to save up for a ring, even though I've said that its not about the ring, i just wanted to be married to him.

honestly this came as a surprise to me, he says theres nothing we can do to try and fix it but he's just jumped to the end. His mum and step dad did announce that they were separating in September but since they have decided to try again, at no point when he was struggling to come to terms with their break up did he suggest there was anything wrong with our relationship

Very sorry to hear this. How long can you stay in the house? Is it possible for you to start looking for house share or affordable apts? How old is he?

 

Were there disagreements about lifestyle, finances, work hours or commitment, getting married, kids etc? Was he on the same timeline or did he avoid these conversations?

 

Don't be afraid to confide in family and good friends about your breakup and needing to move out of his house. You will need their help and support. It sounds like there is someone else and he is trying to make it less difficult for you by letting you stay until you can make other arrangements.

I'm sorry, OP.

I went through something similar with an ex of mine several years back now, though I wasn't surprised when it ended as I'd been feeling more and more detached from him too. I'd had the feeling he was pulling away, and though he chalked it up to working long hours (he was a chef) I felt there was something more. I was right, it turned out. He had denied it but there was indeed someone else on his mind.

We were also a bit older than you two, but I do think your ages are factoring into this as well. You've only really dated each other, I would venture. At least in terms serious relationships. He has likely been outgrowing this relationship and didn't have the heart to tell you until now.

It is better to let them go in these cases. It's much harder to stay together when you know the other person just doesn't want to be there anymore.

Do you still have the job an hour away? Could this be a good time to move closer to it for now (get some space from the house and the ex who abandoned you)

Do you still have the job an hour away? Could this be a good time to move closer to it for now (get some space from the house and the ex who abandoned you)

I do, however it is also an hour away from my family and friends. I did move over that way when i first got the job and ended up moving back within a couple of months due to depression before I was able to move into one of the practice flats. Im also due to qualify in a few months and unsure if I want to stay in the job afterwards (something I have been considering for a while, I just need to see what offers ect I get when I do qualify)

My parents have made space in their house for me and the cats so Im currently in the process of packing up and moving, Im just finding everything so difficult

Ahh, that's good your parents can fit you in. Where ever you're settled, when you feel up for it, I recommend undertaking the long and patient task of meeting new people (taking up a social hobby or two are a good way to do this.) You're not exactly looking to make friends (although hopefully friends will come of it) so much as practicing talking to new people.

Heart break sucks, I bet you feel like you're moving through treacle. It gets better with time (trite but true)