Difficult time with friendship

Hello,

This is actually a frindship question. I ma having a hard time with this. I am in my early twenties right now and well I think I had the best time of my life some years ago, you know in the university. I was surrounded by so many friends, and relatives and everything. But look at me now, I just finished studies and I am giving particular classes and studing online for my carrier. I have already moven in a new place since a year ago, and I lost my everything that I had in my country. Well I still connect with them, but relashionship in distance are difficult, and they become worse with time.

I live in another country BTW. Now, I feel like I have no firnds, not even one. I am having some sport classes, and trying to do things to fill my time, that is not the problem, but when I go through difficult times I feel like there is nobody there for me. I dont know where to meet new people here. Everybody looks so busy with his life. I share the flat with other people but we definitely do not share anything else, we arent just compatible. I mean I can find somebody for small talks an dthis and that, but what about deep conversations like the ones that you only can share with people who really understand, and who really feel you because they are in your shoes.

Also this city is so small and calm that you do not have too many options here neither in meeting poeple, nor on dating.

I am so scared. Just shared this but dont know what to ask about this, probably I am doing something wrong, focusing on my work too much, but this period is critical for my career.

moving to another country or a new place where you have no connections can be tough and lonely. I did this about 15 yrs ago when my job transferred to another state. So how do you "meet" people and make new friends and not feel so alone? Here are my thoughts:

1. thanksfully you have a job so co-workers can be a source at first. Ask them where good places to go are, fun things to do, places to check out. That's a good start.

2. Taking classes like you are is a good thing too. Now is the time to explore and learn anything you thought of ever wanting to learn --- you'll meet like-minded people and can make friends there.

3. Activity Clubs (like hiking, or biking, etc.) - or maybe even like a movie club or something. Join some of these clubs who get together weekly, monthly, whatever.. and you can again meet like-minded people.

4. Volunteer. again, this all goes into the "meeting like-minded people".

All of these things put you out there amongst other peoeple that have a similar interest and thus create a natural discussion point to start talking and getting to know people. Once you start seeing some oft hese people regularly it will lend itself to getting to know them, talking, and eventually forging relationsihps.

Last thing I want to say is this - remember that any time you are OUT of the house, is a SOCIAL situation (because other humans are around). So be open to any and all interactions you may have - you never know when it can turn into a friendship or a dating relationship, etc.

Good luck and hang in there. IT DOES take time. It's nto immediate. So just keep doing the right things and trust the process and the fruits will develop.

oh.. also explore and travel and visit since you are in a new country. maybe even find an activity group that explores and travels the area! Since you will be doing this anyway why not turn it into a social situation too!

How long do you plan on living there? I agree it's hard to make new friends in a new city. What volunteer opportunities are there? Are you focused on meeting people only in a certain age group? I love Thisrichey's suggestions. When I was your age I moved 10 miles from home so I could be right in the major city. If you can find an opportunity in a more major city I would do that. I'm sorry you're having a hard time.

Well I think you are brave to move and make a career for yourself without any friends and family around. I've moved around quite a lot, left friends behind, had to make new ones. It's not easy by any means... the loneliness is totally normal, and it takes time to build relationships with people. And add to that I used to be very introverted (now I am a lot more social) but back then I really struggled.

When I moved to another city, I stayed in touch with one or two people from back home and they were my life line while I transitioned to the new place. Do you have people you can get on the phone with regularly that you can have those deep conversations with?

At the end of the day you do need to just find some things you really enjoy that you can do consistently, so you get to know the people involved, and they get to see your face regularly and get to know you, and given time and some effort on your part it will happen. Try not to be discouraged.

What are you interested in? Join groups. Take some classes. Look into expat groups.

I would add, are you allowed to work? How about getting a job in a shop or an office where there are people you can meet and talk with? Or get a work studies job at school in trade for tuition costs. Maybe you can look for internships in your field of study. You said you were taking sports classes, can you get a job with a team or a gym? You need to put yourself out there.

Yeah I have my family to talk on the phone, but all my old friends oh, it is a bit difficult to keep these distance relashionship, so they just go faded away and as much time passes they get worse. Meanwhile for working, yeah I will work soon, but it is like an office job, so not too many possibilities to make friends, and most of people there are mayor than me.

And I am a little bit of an introvert too or shy I dont know. Like I cannot express myself totally when I meet new people. Probably I could have made friends here too If I could let people more to get to know me.

I ma apositive and very pacific person, and bring good energy but I prefer to hide instead of expressing all of these things to the others when I have the possibility to meet somebody new.

You sound homesick. Can you move back home?

I was surrounded by so many friends, and relatives and everything.

I live in another country. Also this city is so small and calm that you do not have too many options here neither in meeting poeple, nor on dating.

You sound homesick. Can you move back home?

Nope, I have not so many possibilities of working on my country and I ave to admit, now after some years my frinds dont live there anymore, everybody is busy with its own life. I mean even if I go there I could not find that old friendship

Time to get yourself out there. Stop making excuses and expand your life.

Have you considered volunteering?

What culture are you from and which one have you moved into? This is important. It takes time to connect with people from certain cultures, whereas others are more inviting from the get-go, etc. By letting us know what sort of environment you are in, we can give you more precise pointers.

As others have suggested meetups, volunteering or clubs are a great way to meet others. Additionally, surely there are other internationals wanting to make friends - have you tried attending expats events? If you search online for expats you'll find more information. (I am not sure if we are allowed to link to other message boards here.)

Hello, wee I have been busy, yeah I live in South America, but I am from another South American country. So, not a big difference but tho...