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Thread: Sex or no sex

  1. #1

    Sex or no sex

    Hey yíall. I just made this account right now and just looking for some advice/someone to talk to. Looking for someone in my situation which Iím assuming is rare. So long story short Iím not a virgin, have had sex with probably 6 girls (Iím a male) but I donít desire sex. Iím looking for a real relationship but I donít desire sex like most people do. I have had many opportunities to be in a serious relationship but my no desire for sex makes me push the girl away. Basically, is there something wrong with me?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Boston, MA
    Well, these days anything goes, and you can look online for someone interested in a nonsexual relationship. It is a thing and people do practice it.

  3. #3
    Thank you Dan, I appreciate the response

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Only a doctor can tell you this. Get a good checkup. Is there a problem with erections or libido? Get a referral to a therapist to review if you are depressed, anxious, etc. and what the root cause of your low libido is. Are you attracted to women?
    Originally Posted by Kanderson34
    I have had many opportunities to be in a serious relationship but my no desire for sex makes me push the girl away. Basically, is there something wrong with me?


  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    So... it could be a number of things.

    As someone mentioned, you could be asexual. This is where you donít feel sexual attraction to people. This is a sexual orientation (like being straight or gay or in this case, neither).

    It could be a medical issue. If you feel attraction but you just donít want sex, it could be low testosterone, depression, etc. If sex is something you desire but just never really feel up to, this could be the case. Itís definitely worth speaking to a doctor.

    It could be psychological. Sex kind of requires that you be vulnerable. If you donít like that closeness and vulnerability, this could be something that you would need to work through with a therapist. Some people donít like that feeling - almost like losing control.

    Do you feel attraction?
    Do you enjoy sex but just donít feel up to it?
    Do you not enjoy sex?

    I think those are important questions to explore.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    I think RedDress covered most of what I was going to mention as possibilities.

    If none of these things apply to you, then it's a case of not being interested in sex, as in asexual. Nothing at all wrong with that.

  8. #7
    Member thisisrichey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    nope... people's desire for sex run all over the specrum and yes there are people who are "asexual" (i think that's the term.. where they aren't into sex).
    plesae know that relationships aren't about sex - that's just a component. just like not everybody is into touching, or sayign sweet words, or writing poetry, or giving flowers - etc. we all have our "preferences" and what touches us and what we connect with - it's not always sex. So don't push people away just because yo udon't desire sex in general. Just enjoy the relationship and build it and seek a partner who is compatible with this . You'll know when they come around. And it may take a while (I'm almost 50 and still single- also had many chances to get married but didn't want to settle).

    you're not "different".
    you're not "weird."
    you are you.

    somebody will come along who appreciates that and maybe surprise you at how much they can make you desire them... sexually or not.

    good luck and keep that chin up.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    New Jersey
    You don't mention your age. While I'd rule out physical issues by working with a doctor, I'd also trust that if I'm not attracted to someone, then it's not the right person for me.

    Most people are NOT our match. That's natural odds. So whenever someone looks appealing, I'd liberate myself from imposing an expectations that they 'should' be right for me. I'd pay attention to my actual attraction level, and if we don't synch in simpatico, then I wouldn't try to force a fit.

    A lack of interest in empty sex isn't just a female thing.

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