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Thread: I am starting to have some sort of hatred

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    I think you need to get angry, get it all out. Work with a competent therapist who can guide you thru the anger and to come out in a better frame of mind.
    That would be the best way to go, but unfortunately my ex racked up my credit card before her sneaky escape.
    Last edited by Redesign; 10-31-2018 at 12:04 AM. Reason: Typo

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by limichelle
    Op you will most likely bounce between each stage which is normal. After my decade long relationship came to an end I bounced from denial and angry quite a bit. It took three years to come to acceptance.

    Give yourself time to grieve.
    Three years? Wow, I am in for a long ride.
    I am really sorry you went trough this for such a long time.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Just expect to feel.all sorts of overwhelming and conflicting feelings. It wont make sense for quite some time.
    Do you really think there's any chance for reconciliation? If so I understand why you might not tell your family. That's ok.
    But it doesn't mean you need to personally flog yourself and take the blame.
    If by chance you reconcile it will only be successful if you both own your own stuff and take ownership wear it belongs.
    Maybe it is because I am going back and forth in denial and anger, she does not admit any wrongdoing, I did not ask either, I barely brought up the relationship shortcomings in our last and only phone call.
    Last edited by Redesign; 10-31-2018 at 12:19 AM. Reason: Typo

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Realitynut's Avatar
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    I didn't feel anger...because i loved him. And i blamed myself.

    This last one...i was so hurt....so often...the love just dwindled away.

    Now my ex husband....i pretty much hated him....lol. So much so...i didn't care that i got divorced. I then had the affair...so he REALLY HATED ME.

    We still can't stand each other and it's been 10 years. We were married 20.

    I dunno. I find it hard to be 'angry' at someone I love. I have that instantaneous kind of anger...but then i'm over it.

    Much easier to be angry than sad and lonely....lol. But yeah...don't stay bitter, that's for sure....

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  6. #25
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    Just to let you know, the Five Stages of Grief is a myth.

    "There appears to be no evidence, however, that most people most of the time go through most of the stages in this or any other order."

    [Register to see the link]

    "Grief is the normal and natural emotional response to loss.... No matter how much people want to create simple, bullet-point guidelines for the human emotions of grief, there are no stages of grief that fit any two people or relationships."

    So if you can't get angry, don't worry about it. I was never angry when a relationship broke up. Just sad.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's best to keep your conversations about this with your therapist for emotional support and your attorney for logistical support. Stop talking to your ex.
    Originally Posted by Redesign
    is it unhealthy to not talk to my friends and family about my ex's role on the break up? last time we spoke it seems that my ex is just blaming me for everything

  8. #27
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Redesign
    Three years? Wow, I am in for a long ride.
    I am really sorry you went trough this for such a long time.
    To be fair redesign, she gave you her timeline, we all heal in our own separate ways. If you want to end up with a years long timeline, keep in contact, stay bitter, stalk her social media, become obsessive with your thoughts, victimize yourself, keep in contact while victimizing yourself, avoid looking within.

    It doesn’t seem that you’re going to do all that, although I kinda imagine you on a roller coaster that hasn’t gone down the big drop yet and you’re yelling at the operator WAIT STOP IM NOT READY! I NEED TO BE MORE PREPARED FOR THIS. You’re bracing for an impact that hasn’t happened yet, you are INCREIBLY early in your healing, still convinced she’s probably coming back, I don’t think it’s truly hit you yet, mostly because you’re cocooning yourself in ‘knowledge’ but it’s not gonna defend you from that hurt. You can read all the books in the world and hear as many stories as you want, grief and healing are individual things.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    To be fair redesign, she gave you her timeline, we all heal in our own separate ways. If you want to end up with a years long timeline, keep in contact, stay bitter, stalk her social media, become obsessive with your thoughts, victimize yourself, keep in contact while victimizing yourself, avoid looking within.

    It doesn’t seem that you’re going to do all that, although I kinda imagine you on a roller coaster that hasn’t gone down the big drop yet and you’re yelling at the operator WAIT STOP IM NOT READY! I NEED TO BE MORE PREPARED FOR THIS. You’re bracing for an impact that hasn’t happened yet, you are INCREIBLY early in your healing, still convinced she’s probably coming back, I don’t think it’s truly hit you yet, mostly because you’re cocooning yourself in ‘knowledge’ but it’s not gonna defend you from that hurt. You can read all the books in the world and hear as many stories as you want, grief and healing are individual things.
    I guess you are right, it is still very fresh to me, and yes, I am not begging and making contact, we only spoke once and because she called a bunch of times until I picked up the phone, all of this time I have been staying busy, taking classes, playing music...
    It's been almost 2 months and I notice almost no healing.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Redesign
    I guess you are right, it is still very fresh to me, and yes, I am not begging and making contact, we only spoke once and because she called a bunch of times until I picked up the phone, all of this time I have been staying busy, taking classes, playing music...
    It's been almost 2 months and I notice almost no healing.
    Sometimes staying busy is a form of avoidance.
    It is possible to stay so busy that you don't have to deal with the feelings that are waiting for you.

    But they are always there. . waiting. You either deal with them or they will deal with you.
    If you run long enough the feelings tend to come out in unhealthy ways, when you least expect it.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Sometimes staying busy is a form of avoidance.
    It is possible to stay so busy that you don't have to deal with the feelings that are waiting for you.

    But they are always there. . waiting. You either deal with them or they will deal with you.
    If you run long enough the feelings tend to come out in unhealthy ways, when you least expect it.
    I guess I should just ride the storm and be patient, let all the feelings come out.

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