Should I reach out to depressed ex-friend?

I'm 19. She's 17. Gregarious and helpful, she's known for how talented she is and how much love she pours out to people. She's the kind of person to visit you at work with the sandwich she remembered you like just because she was thinking about you. She's the best person I've ever known. And she's been struggling with intense depression for a few months now and it's only gotten worse. She doesn't brush her hair and cries in the corner every Wednesday night like clockwork. We ended our friendship in early October and I feel horrible about it. I see her two best friends comforting her and I feel like I abandoned her, like I ruined everything.

September-January of last year, she said we were best friends because at the time I was one of the few people she trusted with her pain. I was the one holding her as she cried, texting her encouragement when she had a problem or funny things to make her smile. But at the same time, I have always done life alone and don't connect well with others. When we were best friends, we mainly texted because in person both of us were usually too on edge to make conversation or even sit next to each other. Despite having so much in common we weren't our real selves with each other and didn't have authentic, natural, or vulnerable interactions. I was a pair of arms to hold her or a pair of thumbs to text her but not a person she wanted to spend time with. She'd talk to me about how she bonded with others and all the things she was going to give them to show her appreciation and I felt invisible. February-March I was still in her inner circle but we were still disconnected and uncomfortable. She now had new friends that could do what I could do and more, I felt left out and didn't know where I fit. In April I forced myself out of my shell to connect with and help her and we were closer than ever, even hanging out together, but my courage was temporary and so was our bond. As time went on, I kept trying to be more friendly, but she had stopped investing in the friendship a long time ago, which made me feel even more insecure. In May she was starting to become more depressed so I asked her what she needed from me as a friend and she said hugs. So every Sunday and Wednesday, we would excitedly run to each other and hug like we hadn't seen each other in three years...and then she would shut down on me, my words would bounce right off of her. We'd go from acting like best friends to acting like strangers in a matter of seconds. One night she seemed upset so I hugged her, then after we pulled apart she just shut down on me, didn't speak to me, was just cold all of a sudden so I figured she wanted me to leave and walked away. The second I moved, her new best friend ran over and hugged her and then they started chatting and connecting and I heard my friend say "I love you!" She stopped saying "I love you" to and back to me and rarely ever says she appreciates what I give, but she does those things a lot with her two best friends so I felt like I was not enough. (If you're reading this and wondering why I haven't gotten the hint that this girl literally hates me, it's because every time I've tried to talk to this girl about the distance, she says "Trust me, I love you so much!") In the summer the all-hugs-no-talk thing got even worse. I started ignoring her because I felt ultimately unwanted, but then I'd see her crying in the corner or in pain and I'd give in and hug her or get her a gift, then I'd eventually be pushed away again and the cycle would continue. She was hot and cold, didn't like when I ignored her but then didn't want my attention, sometimes would walk right out of my arms if I tried to comfort her. In August we had a conversation and her exact words were "I've been pushing you away but now I'm ready to come back to you." But this time I was the distant one, because I couldn't bring myself to open up to her, it felt forced like she didn't really like me as much as she said she did. We went on a missions trip together that same month, and she was in a significant amount of physical and emotional pain the entire week. I was always either hesitant and guarded when she wanted me there or offering ill-timed help and affection when she wanted me to leave her alone. My clumsy attempts at being her friend were overshadowed by others, even if they were doing the same things I was doing or had done, and she consistently gave them appreciation and love while being hot and cold-mostly cold- with me. I felt like everything was hopeless. In September I apologized for not being a good enough friend and I made an effort to be better and we tried to start again, but even when she was confiding in me, she seemed hostile. Wouldn't even make eye contact in person. I often resorted back to the cycle of avoiding her until my love for her reeled me back in, but holding her when she cried or sending an encouraging note neither fixed her heart nor our friendship. I could never compare to her other friends. In October I felt like I was contributing to a toxic situation, and basically text her I couldn't do this anymore. She was like "I've just been feeling distant lately, it's me not you, love you!" and I was like "I'm the only one you treat this way, let's just be strangers now because that hurts less."

So now I don't even look at her when she's around. For the first couple of weeks I could feel her looking at me, but now she ignores me with an attitude. Someone said "Bad friends are bad news" and we both glared at each other at the same time, which makes me feel like maybe the whole time I was the problem, like maybe I made a mistake. She's in so much pain and I wish I could just make it all go away. She doesn't even leave the room without one of her best friends by her side, so there may be no room for me if she would even ever want to let me back in again. I hate that if she got hit by a bus she would die thinking I gave up on her. I even still have her birthday present that I never gave her. I miss her so much, but things might not ever get better. I'm so conflicted, I have no idea whether the right thing is to reach out or leave her alone.

Why are both of you so full of drama? You're best friends, then you're enemies, you're best friends, then you're enemies.

She's crying in the corner, can't walk anywhere without someone by her side, you're glaring at her and then so sad. I mean, really...why?

You both sound like drama queens and it's not necessary.

You sound toxic to one another and it's probably for the best that you stay out of each others lives.

If she is that bad off that she can't cope and needs someone to walk with her, she needs medication and or counselling or even possibly to be sectioned.

She has a mental health problem and needs professional help, her friends can't fix this.

Well, I would say the girl is deeply disturbed and she seems to be sucking up all the energy around her, actually pulling you down and making you depressed. She's like an emotional vampire, someone who is toxic and drains people of energy, leaving everyone feeling emotionally exhausted.

Are you guys in a boarding school situation or some kind of church youth camp? I would suggest you keep some distance away from her and try not to be so involved in her life. You have your own life and at 19, you should be out having fun, dating boys, going to the movies, hanging out with friends, and doing fun things. There is no shame in saving yourself. You should probably tell her parents and any group supervisors about your friend's depression, but there are plenty of other people in the world and you should stop trying to seek her attention and approval. Someone can't hurt you if you don't let them. My advice is to stay away from her. She is not your friend. She is manipulating your emotions. Let other people deal with her.

Are there romantic feelings by either one of you or both of you? It sounds extremely intense for a friendship.

Why hasn't she sought professional help? You and your friends are not qualified to help her.