I want to make her feel good.....

Hi

I could do with some advice please.

I am going out with my girlfriend for almost 6 years and we live together. But as time progresses, her need for sex becomes less and less. I know every relationship has a honeymoon period but it has now come to the point where we have sex maybe once a month, could even be 6 weeks apart.

Since we started going out she has gained some weight, in my eyes not a lot. I have tried buying her sexy underwear (baby dolls) and the like to make her feel sexy but nothing seems to get her in the mood.

She is an amazing looking woman and i am crazy about her even without the sex, but sometimes it gets frustrating.

I need to ask you guys is there anything I can do? I have thought about getting some more reserved underwear thats not stringy and whatever that might make her feel good, i tell her how good she looks all the time but after that am I missing something?

TIA

M

A woman's heart and attraction isn't through babydolls...it's through romance.

When is the last time you took her out on a proper date? Made her laugh? Wrote her a love note? Bought her flowers? Sat and really connected with her?

These are the things that will make a woman take notice and feel closer to you, which brings about intimacy.

I guess my thought with the underwear was that I wanted her to know that I thought she was sexy.

We would go out just the two of us quite regularly and really enjoy each others company. Flowers would be more contained to birthdays and valentines, where as the notes I dont think have ever happened.

As Im replying, Im starting to see where your coming from. Thank you

Look up the five love languages. Figure out what makes her feel loved and do more of that and the sex will follow.

I can only speak for myself but I can say that for me it’s certainly true. The closer and more loved I feel by my partner, the closer I want to get physically.

It’s less about feeling sexy (although that’s a factor too) and more about feeling connected.

Yes, definitely...if you can make a woman feel loved/special/connected, the intimacy naturally follows.

Do you do and say things to make her feel special, loved and appreciated?

Sex and lingerie won't cut it here, but romance and effort will.

Most women want to feel stimulated both mentally and emotionally in order to get them in the mood, imo.

Lingerie is really for you not her and when you are buying it for her, especially without her asking or wanting it explicitly, the subtle message to her is "here dress up so you are doable for me". Not exactly something to get a woman in the mood with. Plus she might not have the guts to tell you that she hates it or that the whole be sexy for me shtick is starting to get on her nerves.

Listen to the ladies above. Romance for women is more mental and emotional rather than physical or dress up games. After 6 years what she might find a turn on is that you've cleaned the house and have dinner on the table when she comes home. That might be the sort of surprise that gets her in the mood. You might also do something like a weekend getaway. But really.....have you actually just talked to her, as in ask her what's going on with her, her life, etc. without making it about yourself and what you want from her? Have you asked her what she would like from you?

You need to put the romance back in the relationship. That means going out on dates, flowers once in a while, staying home watching a movie she likes, etc. Buying her lingerie that's really for your own turn on is selfish and never going to help.

If you want sex back in the picture put some effort in to romance. Plan dates, weekends away, walks, going out for lunch, dinner, movies, whatever. Don't be this lazy and just keep picking up tawdry underwear supposedly for her.

I have tried buying her sexy underwear (baby dolls) and the like to make her feel sexy but nothing seems to get her in the mood.I have thought about getting some more reserved underwear thats not stringy and whatever that might make her feel good

Every relationship experiences lulls in the sexual department (queue the person who has to exclaim 'not me! I am 70 and we have sex 9 times a day!'). Ok, so aside from that liar...lol. You need to check back in with her. Drive in movie, dinner and a walk, cook dinner and light candles, hell, pack her lunch for work for a week and toss a few sticky notes with small messages (and yes, I did all of these things in a relationship that still ended in cheating...*bows awkwardly*). Point is, you have to try and you have to show that you are present and engaged.

Thats what brings sex back into the equation. Once that happens, you go down on her like you are eating watermelon until you cant breath. You are welcome.

Agreed. If she's not feeling it, don't buy her lingerie.

As much as we might like pretty things, a gift like that is typically interpreted as something you want her to wear and you want her to do things while wearing them. It comes off as more pressure.

I get your intentions were in the right place but that's how women view it.

Men make love with their bodies, women make love with their minds.

Your goal is to connect with her emotionally and let her know she is heard and understood.

Dates together, activities, with no pressure or expectations. The rest should follow.

edit: I just noticed this was old and someone bumped it ;/

I totally agree with the other posters. Make her feel loved, do all of the above. When we are unhappy in the relationship, the sex will decrease tremendously. That's the first sign of a bigger problem.

Make feel happy and she will definitely make you feel good!