6 months on....

Hi Folks,

I told my story here a few times back in March. After a while I needed to get off the site because talking about my break-up became counter-productive. Now I feel I owe it to the people who very kind to me here to check back in.

Well after six months the best thing I can say is that I am still alive. I spent the past half-year distracting myself with some travel and moving around. I know many people found the extreme heat this summer a source of displeasure but it helped me get through.

I'm a European, took a month trip to the States in May at the invite of a friend. I ended up having a rebound semi-fling with a friend of my friend. It distracted me for a few weeks, although being very raw and still in relationship mode I somewhat fell for her, while she was just looking for a bit of fun. It got embarrassing, but hey, why beat myself up about it.

In July I did a bit of concentrated dating - met one girl I really liked, but it didn't go anywhere alas.

My ex was on and off intermittently contacting me. Not quite sure why. The big news was that a few weeks ago she told me she had landed her dream job in New Zealand. She and I had been planning to move there for the years we were together. She thought I should be happy for her! I felt like someone who'd been shot in the back of the head by their partner in crime when they'd gotten the swag, if you follow. I kept my cool in replying, but when she asked for one last meeting 'to part on good terms' I didn't reply. I just couldn't handle seeing her, knowing it would be the last time I'd ever see her. It would kill me.

Anyway, it's now nearly October, the days are shortening and the winter looms. For work reasons I am in London for the next few months. This is where my ex and I lived for 5 years. I am pretty alone here and it is torture - a constant bombardment of memories and associations. I feel like I spent 6 months running and now it's time to face the music. I currently feel completely empty and without much hope for the future. Having turned 42 in the summer I feel like I spent the best part of my adult life and energy on that relationship and now it's gone the thought of starting again is utterly daunting.

The best thing I can say to anyone fresh into the horror zone is that you can survive, there are other people you can meet out there. Bad news is that there may be many false starts where you think the worst is over - there are many opportunities for relapses into deep grief and sorrow.

Bottom line of all this is that you will survive, I am not saying you are guaranteed to feel hugely better after six months, but you can make it through. You can live, although it may take much much longer to feel in any way better, or up for the fight again. I would advise anyone to simply be nice to themselves - don't beat yourself up too much. Admit what you did wrong in your relationships, but don't ignore the other person's faults either as fundamentally when your friends tire of listening to your woes only you alone are there to be kind to yourself.

Anyway, I hope everyone is ok and thanks again to all.

Best,

Mike

Continued success in your recovery and thanks for the update.

Very true words on the healing process. Keep on keeping on.

Very positive update, thank you for posting.

It sounds like although you may have had rough patches, you're still remaining strong and are on your way to fully healing. It's good to hear. I hope things get easier soon.

Yeah we all heal eventually but your tale is one of a big lesson and that is it’s best to stay No Contact, for years if that’s what it takes, even forever. Getting updates on her career move, requests for one last meetup etc, never a good idea. These are all set backs in my experience. Once I learned that lesson I had to cut off my ex forever as it never helped me talking to her. That’s the key to healing. Eventually they just drift to the background

Mike I remember your story. Im sorry youre still going through this. However, in a strange way it's comforting to know that there are some of us "longer term" sufferers out there.

Your advice is spot on. Hopefully there is a wealth of strength waiting on us at the end. Take care, man

Bottom line of all this is that you will survive, I am not saying you are guaranteed to feel hugely better after six months, but you can make it through. You can live, although it may take much much longer to feel in any way better, or up for the fight again. I would advise anyone to simply be nice to themselves - don't beat yourself up too much. Admit what you did wrong in your relationships, but don't ignore the other person's faults either as fundamentally when your friends tire of listening to your woes only you alone are there to be kind to yourself.

Nice to 'see' you Mikey and yes, good post*

Yes, you can run, but you can't hide....I learned that in psyche at Uni :(

Which kinda sucks coz that's exactly what I'm about to do...However, I have found in the past that travel can help expedite the process a bit...and I have tried just about everything else...!

Keep it Movin' Everyone*

Carus*