Why does everyone I meet automatically hate me?

Whenever I talk to or meet people who have never known me, they always go behind my back and talk bad about me. Not only that, but I am judged an awful lot. The judgement happens by girls who are younger than me or my own age. I am 19 by the way. I strongly believe that my nose is a huge contributing factor in all of this. I have a hooked nose that looks almost exactly like my father's and can't get surgery for it until of course, I have the money for it. Something that has been getting to me for the longest time, is my bully. Yes, i have already graduated high school and all of that should be behind me, but when I was in middle school she started rumours about me. Eventually, everyone in that school began talking about me and this is where it all started. From what I've heard she has a fantastic life she graduated school and was thespian of the year. What bothers me the most is that she is so likeable and I guess I'm not. Everyone around me has good friends that they make inside jokes with and I' m too socially awkward to talk to anyone. This might also be another reason besides my nose. One memory that sticks with me is a time when I was in art class and overheard one girl say that I should wear a "little shirt" that says retard on it. This one word has always bothered me! It's because a lot of people have called me that throughout the years. Maybe that's my problem. I'm always afraid to be myself in fear of other people making fun of me behind my back. Maybe I care too much of what other people think of me and I wish I didn't. How do i stop and accept this?

That bully that seems to have her life ‘together’ actually does not. If she was a happy and popular person she wouldn’t have the need to bully.

You will learn as you get older that everyone has something they don’t like. All you can be is true to your beliefs and your opinions. If you are always true to yourself you’ll attract like minded people.

The people who were nasty to you have more issues then you do. Trust me nobody is mean because they have their life together.

Thank you for your response. What you are saying makes sense. I've always been told that people who are insecure of themselves bully others. I needed to be reminded of that.

Heaz99 As someone who is quite familiar with bullying, the best way to move forward is to let your past go. You've got better things to do with your time than to think about those who mistreated you. Besides, they belong in your past and not your present. In fact, anyone who gossips, condemns or speaks ill of others does not belong in your present.

Bottom line: Your past doesn't define who you are. In fact, each step you take right now can help you rewrite your future. So, who are you right now and who do you want to become? Please focus on that.

As for beating social awkwardness I'd suggest taking some acting workshops or social dancing (E.g. West Coast Swing). You might even consider learning martial arts / combat sports (if you haven't already) as they help with becoming more confident. Also, how do you dress? Wearing well fitting clothes, in the the most flattering colours for your skin tone, boost your confidence. As for improving your likeability, what traits do you think you can improve on and what steps can you take to get there?

New habits create long term change. It's your chance to rewrite your dazzling future. :)

Heaz99 what you've been through is very difficult and I am fully aware that letting go is not an easy thing to do. But it's the only way to truly move forward.

(Sorry for the double post. I couldn't edit it in.)

Thank you, thank you , thank you! I literally cannot thank you enough. I really do need to let the past go and I think I'm getting into counseling to help with that, but boy, that was exactly what I needed to hear! The advice you gave is very helpful and getting into something like combat sports would be very exciting! Your positivitey has definitely helped me feel better and I feel hopeful! Your post made me smile. Thank you for that!

I feel like you need to stop dwelling on the physical features of your nose. I totally understand having insecurities about your looks! Instead of dwelling on your looks when you are engaging with people, put your best personality traits ahead of that. Instead of maybe thinking I know this person is looking at my nose, shift your thinking towards I know this person is going to love (just an example I obviously don’t know you) but they’re going to love me for being funny, kind, etc.

Especially at 19 this is hard to do, but have you ever noticed there might be that girl that is drop dead gorgeous, and maybe people appreciate that on an outward perspective, but there is nothing at the core of who they are? People are only initially drawn to the beauty but then what?

And then there are average looking people that men, women, just about anyone are drawn to? It’s not their physical appearance. It’s what they radiate from within. Their confidence and radiance is much more attractive than a pretty face. People are just drawn to them in general.

Once you gain enough confidence to know that you are enough and stop caring about the physical, you will draw people in. How we feel about ourselves is what people pick up on and either gravitate toward or away from.

I feel like you need to stop dwelling on the physical features of your nose. I totally understand having insecurities about your looks! Instead of dwelling on your looks when you are engaging with people, put your best personality traits ahead of that. Instead of maybe thinking I know this person is looking at my nose, shift your thinking towards I know this person is going to love (just an example I obviously don’t know you) but they’re going to love me for being funny, kind, etc.

 

Especially at 19 this is hard to do, but have you ever noticed there might be that girl that is drop dead gorgeous, and maybe people appreciate that on an outward perspective, but there is nothing at the core of who they are? People are only initially drawn to the beauty but then what?

And then there are average looking people that men, women, just about anyone are drawn to? It’s not their physical appearance. It’s what they radiate from within. Their confidence and radiance is much more attractive than a pretty face. People are just drawn to them in general.

 

Once you gain enough confidence to know that you are enough and stop caring about the physical, you will draw people in. How we feel about ourselves is what people pick up on and either gravitate toward or away from.

I agree with everything you are saying! I feel that If i just get some confidence I can be who I really am rather than just be awkward in the process of trying to hide it. I can be really funny, but the lack of confidence kind of messes it up. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but before that and before I was bullied, I was the most talkative person ever! I would always have no trouble when it came to drawing people in, like you said. I just need to build some confidence. Thank you for helping me realize that!

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder...

Ah, so it may not have anything to do with your nose. It may be your behavior. Do you have it under control now? If you were switching between manic and depressive behavior, teenagers can pick up on that and start rumors that you were crazy. Also, if you were quiet and shy, those are the kids who are most picked on. You also didn't say what the rumors were. That might help us give you better advice than to be proud of your nose.

I would also agree with the other posters, that if you have the bipolar disorder under control, maybe you can make new friends at college or at work and leave these old "friends" behind.

Excellent you are going to therapy. Also make sure you have excellent medical follow up with your doctors. As you know, untreated or poorly managed bipolar disorder can lead to psychotic episodes which include paranoid delusions as a well as alternating periods of being hyper social and/or withdrawn/despondent. Once you have all that well managed and under good control, you'll feel a lot more on an even keel and better able to manage what's going on.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but before that and before I was bullied, I was the most talkative person ever! I would always have no trouble when it came to drawing people in, like you said.

You're young and it sounds like you're hanging out with the wrong people. I'm 25, and I have numerous stories to tell about pathetic drama in the past few months. Sometimes it's simply a case that others are immature and selfish, and they're not really worth your time. If you know you for who you are, then stick to your guns, defend yourself when appropriate, and the right people will see you for who you are and be your friend. :)

Ah, so it may not have anything to do with your nose. It may be your behavior. Do you have it under control now? If you were switching between manic and depressive behavior, teenagers can pick up on that and start rumors that you were crazy. Also, if you were quiet and shy, those are the kids who are most picked on. You also didn't say what the rumors were. That might help us give you better advice than to be proud of your nose.

 

I would also agree with the other posters, that if you have the bipolar disorder under control, maybe you can make new friends at college or at work and leave these old "friends" behind.

I have the bipolar disorder under control with meds. The rumours were about some pretty crazy things though. They would say things like I was a drug addict or a wh***. Not even kidding, they said some pretty crazy stuff even in 7th grade! I later had an accident. That's when all my bipolar came out.

Excellent you are going to therapy. Also make sure you have excellent medical follow up with your doctors. As you know, untreated or poorly managed bipolar disorder can lead to psychotic episodes which include paranoid delusions as a well as alternating periods of being hyper social and/or withdrawn/despondent. Once you have all that well managed and under good control, you'll feel a lot more on an even keel and better able to manage what's going on.

You are definitely right! For some time I had delusions about people talking about me when they weren't, but with most peole I am still not convinced.

You're young and it sounds like you're hanging out with the wrong people. I'm 25, and I have numerous stories to tell about pathetic drama in the past few months. Sometimes it's simply a case that others are immature and selfish, and they're not really worth your time. If you know you for who you are, then stick to your guns, defend yourself when appropriate, and the right people will see you for who you are and be your friend. :)

I could very well, be hanging out with the wrong people. I'm glad you brought that up because it could be that along with all the other things.

Hi Heaz99, you're welcome. How are you doing now?

I'm doing good, but I will admit the feelings about people hating me do tend to creep back up sometimes. I've learned that I also need medication to help and that works. Writing also helps. I'm in the process of applying for a job right nowso that I jave something to focus on.

Heaz99 Great to read that you are doing good! All the best with your job application!