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Apprentice (3/14)

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  1. I'm doing good, but I will admit the feelings about people hating me do tend to creep back up sometimes. I've learned that I also need medication to help and that works. Writing also helps. I'm in the process of applying for a job right nowso that I jave something to focus on.
  2. I could very well, be hanging out with the wrong people. I'm glad you brought that up because it could be that along with all the other things.
  3. You are definitely right! For some time I had delusions about people talking about me when they weren't, but with most peole I am still not convinced.
  4. I have the bipolar disorder under control with meds. The rumours were about some pretty crazy things though. They would say things like I was a drug addict or a wh***. Not even kidding, they said some pretty crazy stuff even in 7th grade! I later had an accident. That's when all my bipolar came out.
  5. I agree with everything you are saying! I feel that If i just get some confidence I can be who I really am rather than just be awkward in the process of trying to hide it. I can be really funny, but the lack of confidence kind of messes it up. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but before that and before I was bullied, I was the most talkative person ever! I would always have no trouble when it came to drawing people in, like you said. I just need to build some confidence. Thank you for helping me realize that!
  6. Thank you, thank you , thank you! I literally cannot thank you enough. I really do need to let the past go and I think I'm getting into counseling to help with that, but boy, that was exactly what I needed to hear! The advice you gave is very helpful and getting into something like combat sports would be very exciting! Your positivitey has definitely helped me feel better and I feel hopeful! Your post made me smile. Thank you for that!
  7. Thank you for your response. What you are saying makes sense. I've always been told that people who are insecure of themselves bully others. I needed to be reminded of that.
  8. Whenever I talk to or meet people who have never known me, they always go behind my back and talk bad about me. Not only that, but I am judged an awful lot. The judgement happens by girls who are younger than me or my own age. I am 19 by the way. I strongly believe that my nose is a huge contributing factor in all of this. I have a hooked nose that looks almost exactly like my father's and can't get surgery for it until of course, I have the money for it. Something that has been getting to me for the longest time, is my bully. Yes, i have already graduated high school and all of that should be behind me, but when I was in middle school she started rumours about me. Eventually, everyone in that school began talking about me and this is where it all started. From what I've heard she has a fantastic life she graduated school and was thespian of the year. What bothers me the most is that she is so likeable and I guess I'm not. Everyone around me has good friends that they make inside jokes with and I' m too socially awkward to talk to anyone. This might also be another reason besides my nose. One memory that sticks with me is a time when I was in art class and overheard one girl say that I should wear a "little shirt" that says retard on it. This one word has always bothered me! It's because a lot of people have called me that throughout the years. Maybe that's my problem. I'm always afraid to be myself in fear of other people making fun of me behind my back. Maybe I care too much of what other people think of me and I wish I didn't. How do i stop and accept this?
  9. I will be honest. I am jealous that my oldest sister actually treats her like her sister. Though, she wants nothing to do with me. It sucks!
  10. I understand what you guys are saying. This isn't normal. Now that I think of it, it's sounds like I am taking this far too seriously. Maybe she isn't copying me and It's just in my head. After all, bipolar can do that to you. I will look into getting meds adjusted.
  11. To be honest sometimes I feel it's true. It's like I need to be good at everything. I've had that since a very young age. It kind've sucks.
  12. I am going to see a doctor for the medication thing, but that will not be until May. I guess I just need to deal with it.
  13. I really want to move out! Especially because they say some pretty mean things behind my back. I also, do agree that I am blowing this out of proportion somewhat.
  14. She copies the way I speak! How is that even possible!? I'm not sure If you have read my previous posts, but if you have you would know she has never liked me. In fact, I'm sure that's why my oldest sister and her started talking bad about me. I know, this sounds extremely petty, but this behavior is getting on my nerves! I am a very good writer and most of the people in my family know that, but there was one time where I brought it up and she responded with "I didn't know you were a writer!". Keep in mind she barely knew anything about it at the time. Now, she's on to copying that! She took a writing class at her college, but I shouldn't be freaking out about that. It's probably mandatory. Anyway, i have noticed that anything I do or like, she will start to like the same. I really feel like she somehow knows this is getting on my nerves. Has anyone had the same experience? Also, why is she doing this? I know that most people say it's flattering, but it gets to me. I do know for a fact that she was jealous of the time I got on honor roll. She would always say: "I wish I was smart" in a sulky way. Then the year after that she finally started busting her butt to get good grades. Before that she always slacked off. She even started trying to sound smart by using nerdy terminology for everything. I know that in the past, she was jealous of me and sometimes I still feel like she is. It's like she tries to steal everything I like and ultimately take credit for it! It annoys the crap out of me. How should I deal with this? Thanks for reading this guys The help is appreciated I hope I don't sound too much like an A hole lol! I guess I'm just upset.
  15. I'm not in high school anymore, but this stuff has been really getting to me. I agree with you on the idea that I'm pretty much surrounded by jerks. There's no one here who understands what I'm going through. Those people call me delusional. I will check out the archives. Thank you for your advice! Also, I appreciate you taking the time to read this. Sorry it had to be so freakin long!
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