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Thread: Girlfriend feels as if Iím judging her?

  1. #1
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    Girlfriend feels as if Iím judging her?

    So ever since the night of 4th of July my girl has said that she feels uncomfortable telling me personal stories because she feels as if Iíll judge her. I have no idea where or why she feels this way because I havenít said or done anything to make her feel judged, at least to my knowledge. Today for example, she called me and said she was at the gym, so I asked, ďwhat did you work out today?Ē And I had also told her that i couldnít hear her on the phone so I asked what she had said. Out of no where she says. ďIíll talk to you later, I feel like youíre judging me?Ē What the heck... What did I say to make her feel judged? I know sheís on her period at the moment and when sheís on it she can stress me out and drive me crazy over the littlest thing so I donít know if thatís it or what, but all of a sudden she says she feels uncomfortable talking to me and feels as if Iím judging her. One thing I did keep joking with her about was coming over to her new place, but I had stopped because I got the feeling she was getting annoyed by it. Also I know Iíve brought this up in the past, but she also mentioned me being quiet again. We were talking on the phone yesterday and out of the blue she says, ďbabe Iíll let you go, you seem tired, youíre being quiet.Ē She says that at times I can be quiet and that I mostly listen and respond rather than engage in a conversation. Crap I feel like this is going downhill for some reason.

  2. #2
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    Dude, your relationship seems full of tension, uncertainty and insecurity:

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    I post all of these because taken collectively, you two have some big communication issues and you never appear to have any idea what's happening in your own relationship. Why not just talk to the girl, and ask why she assumed you were judging her?

  3. #3
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    It may be nothng specific but your entire vibe/energy.

    Even I got that vibe - I mean you're judging her now, blaming her "crazy" on her being on her period!!

    And what does this mean "what did you work out today"?

    That doesn't make sense, did you mean "why did you work out today"?

    If so, that comes off as judging her for choosing to work out today!

    Let her go work out for heaven's sake, why did you feel you had to ask her that?

    These are specific instances but generally speaking - your vibe comes off as judgmental, at least from her perspective.

  4. #4
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    Yeah, she's not feeling it. You also talked about after 8 months, she hasn't introduced you to her daughter. Plus, going over your posts, you've had your doubts about the relationship since the beginning of it. She keeps accusing you of being too quiet (whatever that means). You've been wanting more from the relationship even though she is working full time, going to school, and tending to a 4-year old all at the same time. I think she knows it's not working out. I think you know it's not working out.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    It may be nothng specific but your entire vibe/energy.

    Even I got that vibe - I mean you're judging her now, blaming her "crazy" on her being on her period!!

    And what does this mean "what are you working out today"?

    That doesn't make sense, did you mean "why are you working out today"?

    If so, that comes off as judging her for choosing to work out today!

    These are specific instances but generally speaking - your vibe comes off as judgmental, at least from her perspective.
    I interpreted that to mean what body part was she working on (legs, abs, so on) I ask my own boyfriend the same question when I know he's been at the gym, and vice versa, simply because we are interested in each other's routines.

    However, I could be wrong. OP, can you clarify what you meant by that specific question?

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I interpreted that to mean what body part was she working on (legs, abs, so on) I ask my own boyfriend the same question when I know he's been at the gym, and vice versa, simply because we are interested in each other's routines.

    However, I could be wrong. OP, can you clarify what you meant by that specific question?
    Would you have worded it that way? "What did you work out today"? She was still at the gym when he asked her this.

    What you said sounds logical enough but being that their phone connection was bad (he said he could not hear her), she may have heard it the way I did, no matter how he meant it.

    And the period thing? Um, just no.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Would you have worded it that way? "What did you work out today"?

    What you said sounds logical enough but being that their phone connection was bad (he said he could not hear her), she may have heard it the way I did, no matter how he meant it.

    And the period thing? Um, just no.
    Yes, that's really exactly how I word it. But I recognize she may have interpreted or heard it completely differently. Waiting for OP for clarification on what he meant.

    I absolutely agree with you about the period comment, in any case.

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    Some people are like that. My last girlfriend left because I was making feel her "inferior and stupid" on purpose, and was judging anything she was up to. Sure, you and I may have been s and judgemental once, for some that ONE time is enough to feel constantly judged. You have done it once, you can do it forever. So, just choose your words carefully.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Yes, that's really exactly how I word it. But I recognize she may have interpreted or heard it completely differently. Waiting for OP for clarification on what he meant.
    Fair enough, I can see how wording it that way makes sense.

    I didn't see it at first, because I never ask that question to my boyfriend who works out a lot.

    When he's at gym, he works out his entire body, not just one thing.

    As for me, I am a yoga and Pilates girl but recently started strength training focusing on my upper body strength. BF knows this.

    Anyway, yeah I think this is a communication problem - she *hears* it one way, you *mean* it another way.

  11. #10
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    I could see why asking WHAT someone worked out feels judgemental. Why does it matter? Is there something you want her to work on? What would you say if she said arms? ďGood, you need itĒ?

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