wtm78 Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 It seems to me that as long as I am a guy in the marriage/long term relationship, the guy is always wrong. When my wife do something that pissed me off. If I don't tell her off, she will think there is nothing wrong and will continue to do the things that irritate me again. If I tell her off. She gets pissed and gives me hell. And still don't register that there is something she did that pissed me off in the first place. In any way, I lose in the long run. Of course, this is when I pick my battles. But any battles with a woman who doesn't pick hers, I have already lost the war. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 Why not discuss things calmly? Link to comment
wtm78 Posted June 18, 2018 Author Share Posted June 18, 2018 Because when she hear what she doesn't like to hear is all hell break lose! Link to comment
Lester Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 Your battle/war mentality will lead to divorce. If you want a happy marriage, read Gary Smalley's "If only he knew". Link to comment
indea08 Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 I'm guessing you're probably a large part of the problem, based on your phrasing "when my wife does something to piss me off..." Your wife doesn't live her life with the intention of pissing you off. She's just being herself, and doing things the way she wants to do them. If something she does upsets you, you can nicely let her know. But you seem to be instantly angry as if she did whatever she did to purposefully make you angry. She didn't do it on purpose, so try meeting her with a little love and understanding instead of your bad attitude. Link to comment
quirky Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 Perhaps this is matter of both of you communicating more effectively and less defensively about what piss you off individually? Maybe it's about how things are phrased, the process rather than the content. Link to comment
wtm78 Posted June 19, 2018 Author Share Posted June 19, 2018 How to talk nicely? I have been telling her every morning for the last 2 years that I start work at 8 and need to leave the house by 7am But still Every morning she set her alarm at 7 and wait up at 730 For last 2 years, I have been telling her EVERY DAY I need to leave the house by 7. She doesn't listen Last night I said I want to wait up early to have breakfast together. Today she still set alarm at 7 While rushing to get out of the house and as I was packing my bag She came over put a lunch box on my stuff that I'm packing and walk off (Seriously?! Actually she is a person who don't learn. No matter how u tell her She does what she wants the way she wants it. My counselor told me she suspect that also) So as she stacked on top of my stuff I ask her why she did that and didn't she see that I am packing She got piss off and storm out Seriously?! Who the one that don't see their own problem? Yet the whole world is saying I have to keep giving in to her? Just because I am the guy? I have no rights in this marriage. No rights to be angry. No rights to have any feelings. No rights to voice out. Because if I voice out, it's world war 3. The WOMAN EMOTIONS IS ALWAYS MORE IMPORTANT?! To be frank, for someone who is not open to listening, no amount of talking nicely will not work. Before our marriage, we went for some marriage seminar course to learn about handling conflicts, disagreements and communication skills. But she doesn't apply. It is like playing soccer but she is immune to the rules and used her hands, or playing basketball ball where she hold the ball and run to the other side of the court. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 Then you leave her behind. She will learn to be on time. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 How to talk nicely? I have been telling her every morning for the last 2 years that I start work at 8 and need to leave the house by 7am But still Every morning she set her alarm at 7 and wait up at 730 For last 2 years, I have been telling her EVERY DAY I need to leave the house by 7. She doesn't listen Last night I said I want to wait up early to have breakfast together. Today she still set alarm at 7 While rushing to get out of the house and as I was packing my bag She came over put a lunch box on my stuff that I'm packing and walk off (Seriously?! Actually she is a person who don't learn. No matter how u tell her She does what she wants the way she wants it. My counselor told me she suspect that also) So as she stacked on top of my stuff I ask her why she did that and didn't she see that I am packing She got piss off and storm out Seriously?! Who the one that don't see their own problem? Yet the whole world is saying I have to keep giving in to her? Just because I am the guy? I have no rights in this marriage. No rights to be angry. No rights to have any feelings. No rights to voice out. Because if I voice out, it's world war 3. The WOMAN EMOTIONS IS ALWAYS MORE IMPORTANT?! To be frank, for someone who is not open to listening, no amount of talking nicely will not work. Before our marriage, we went for some marriage seminar course to learn about handling conflicts, disagreements and communication skills. But she doesn't apply. It is like playing soccer but she is immune to the rules and used her hands, or playing basketball ball where she hold the ball and run to the other side of the court. Why does she need to be awake when you leave? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 My husband and I both set our own separate alarms and drive our own vehicles to our places of employment . And everybody worries about their own lunch . Link to comment
wtm78 Posted June 19, 2018 Author Share Posted June 19, 2018 Last night I said I want to wait up early to have breakfast together. Breakfast is the only meal we can have together. This means for the last 2 years we have not had a meal together. To have a meal together I have to sacrifice and go work late. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 Breakfast is the only meal we can have together. This means for the last 2 years we have not had a meal together. To have a meal together I have to sacrifice and go work late. So one time she didn’t wake up or are you mad at all the times? Why don’t you have dinner together? Honestly, your post without more details feels really brash and a bit sexist. It sounds like you feel owed her care at breakfast time. This is why I ask for clarification. Link to comment
Rihannon Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 Are you just venting your frustrations or do you want suggested solutions on how to improve your situation? Link to comment
wtm78 Posted June 21, 2018 Author Share Posted June 21, 2018 Are you just venting your frustrations or do you want suggested solutions on how to improve your situation? Actually, my counselor said to me that she thinks I have tried everything I could. There is nothing else I could do. The only way to improve the situation is for her to sit down with me at the counselling session. Which my wife is not picking up my counselor's call. So I guess you are right. I am venting here at enotalone. Because I feel damn freaking alone. Link to comment
indea08 Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 I still don't understand what you're angry about. You have to leave by 7, she doesnt, so why does she have to set an alarm for you?? Why does she have to get up just because you do? You were packing a bag and I'm guessing she made you lunch and sat your lunch box on the bag you were trying to pack?? She made your lunch for you, and then you had the audacity to whine about her setting it with your stuff?? Be grateful she made you lunch! Maybe you're just not explaining this thoroughly but based on your last response, you have nothing to be angry about but your wife sure does. Link to comment
Rihannon Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 There are always two sides to these things. Maybe we don't understand your problems very well. Some of the things you said have made it sound like you are mostly upset about the fact that no one is understanding your side of things. That's a reasonable reason to be angry, if you feel like there is a problem and everyone is taking her side and no one is listening to your side. But then you said that you have gone to counseling and that your wife is not interested in participating in the counseling, and the only solution you know of is for her to go to counseling with you. You said that your counselor seems to understand your side of things. So there is one person willing to hear your side of this situation. It is not true that everyone in the world assumes the woman is always right. You might be seeing it that way. Do all your friends and family think that you are the wrong person here? Try to pretend to be her, and tell us what you think would be her side of this story. Link to comment
helenh Posted August 14, 2018 Share Posted August 14, 2018 Do you want to try and save the marriage? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted December 3, 2018 Share Posted December 3, 2018 You sound a tad abusive. It's not surprising that there is a great deal of discord and mutual resentment. It's amazing she hasn't divorced you.It seems to me that as long as I am a guy in the marriage/long term relationship, the guy is always wrong. When my wife do something that pissed me off. If I don't tell her off, she will think there is nothing wrong and will continue to do the things that irritate me again. Link to comment
Writinggal Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 My husband and I both set our own separate alarms and drive our own vehicles to our places of employment . And everybody worries about their own lunch . Hi wtm78, What Seraphim said might be a solution. You may want to set out your clothes and make your lunch the night before so you can get out of the house earlier and get to work on time. Link to comment
Writinggal Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 My husband and I both set our own separate alarms and drive our own vehicles to our places of employment . And everybody worries about their own lunch . @wtm78, Seraphim's idea sounds like a good one. Is that practical for you? Getting to work on time is important. It is even better to arrive a little early. You may also want to consider setting out your clothes and making your lunch the night before. Link to comment
wtm78 Posted December 15, 2018 Author Share Posted December 15, 2018 hi Writinggal , i am sorry, i dont really understand the suggestion... i just want to have a meal with my wife at least once a day... which the only possible timing is waking up together for breakfast.. this is because our timing just dont fit.. which i have explained earlier too... :) Link to comment
Writinggal Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 hi Writinggal , i am sorry, i dont really understand the suggestion... i just want to have a meal with my wife at least once a day... which the only possible timing is waking up together for breakfast.. this is because our timing just dont fit.. which i have explained earlier too... :) Hi wtm, I would suggest you talk with your wife about this. She doesn't seem to want to get up early in the morning when you go to work. Maybe you can agree to have some meals together during the week or weekend. Link to comment
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