Help?! Is it more than sex

Okay so a bit long winded. I think I know the answer unfortunately but I’m just mega confused. So we met a year ago and then didn’t speak and then I bumped into him at work. On that day he gave me his Snapchat and we ended up going for drinks and ended up in bed together. But I assumed I wouldn’t hear off him again. But weve met up since then booked into a hotel room and got busy. I am really starting to fall for him. I liked him before don’t get me wrong but even more now. There’s something about him. ...here’s the BUT. But. He is a bit of a F boy. He is five ish years older than me and has gotten around a bit and hasn’t been in a relationship in three years. I assumed if he just wanted sex he wouldn’t make an attempt to contact me everyday. Even if he just sends one random message he will still send one. But he will often leave me on “read” and take HOURS to reply. But he pretty much always says where he was or what he was doing. I am hoping to meet up with him again soon. But I don’t know what he wants without asking but he is so hot and cold. Any signs or whatever to look out for?? Yeah I understand I might sound a bit forward saying I am starting to get feelings for him after meeting up twice but we have slept together and shared childhood secrets and things like that?? This is a weird one. Once I’ve decided I’m done chasing him he always messsged and there I am again just thinking about his stupid hot face. Any help or comments even?? Is it too forward and would I scare him off asking what he is looking for

Oh, come on. It's pretty clear he knows what he wants. He wants a FWB type of relationship. You're setting yourself up for a fall if you fall for him. Go out with him if you want the "benefits" but if you start talking about emotionally stuff he might string you along for a while, but eventually, you'll probably get tired of the fact that the relationship just won't move beyond that point.

Concidering the fact that you're catching feelings after sleeping together twice, you're not about that life dear. FWB isn't for everyone and thats ok

I would pay attention to his words and his actions more than what you think is beneath the surface.

Has he told you he just wants sex? Have you two discussed anything?

"Hot and cold" are tell-tale signs that he is not serious and it is just a way of him to manage down your expectations. He is not showing any level of consistency because he does not want you to get the impression that this is leading to something serious. He is just giving you the bare minimum to ensure that you stick around for the sex. A man that is looking for something meaningful does not go from hot to cold. The relationship naturally evolves in a positive manner.

In my opinion, he sounds like a Playa.

He may text you everyday, but that takes minimal effort. If you have to question as to whether it is all about sex, then most likely it is.

I think you’re right. I think I just needed to hear it from someone else. And yes he most definitely a player but I knew this before getting involved. Thank you for your response. Do you think it would be worth just straight out asking him if it’s just sex. Just so I know where I stand...

You can ask him, but if you start getting to know someone with jumping into bed with them, sex is all it'll be.

Players who have game know that they need to keep in touch to keep the girl thinking there might be something more to it. It gets them closer to their end goal, which is sex. A couple texts a day is not much effort; organizing actual dates and really getting to know each other outside the bedroom would be a different story.

Unless you two have been going on proper dates, you already know what he's in this for.

You are afraid to ask him because you know the answer. It's not "Scaring him away". You have every right to know where you stand, but most importantly, you should figure out what youwant out of this and then ask if you find it necessary. Heck, you don't even need to ask, just tell him what you want and see what he says.

Even if you knew he was a player from the get go, you can catch feelings, it's normal. Indeed you might want to try to avoid these kind of situations if you find them hard to handle. Sex is confusing, especially if it's good. There are people out there who will treat you like a GF and still would just want sex. When you know there's something off about them, there usually is.

Just because us women usually want the guy to make the first moves, doesn't mean we have to wait for them to make the big decisions too. We do have a say in it.

This behavior from us women is bothering me lately, as I too have shown it and have been observing it closely. Why are we afraid to talk to a guy we're already having sex with, about how we feel? Because we like what we're currently doing and know that he really isn't up for more so we'll lose him? But, what exactly will we lose? Time spent on the phone waiting for a reply? A good F? Making excuses for him? Not so much to lose if you think about it.

I think that we've been taught that wanting more from a man is considered "needy" or "not cool" or whatever, yet at the same time if we do have casual relationships, we're not considered relationship material. My solution, which I'm working on, is to figure out what I want from a man and in general and go out and get it. We can have casual sex and be relationship material.It's our decision, no one else's. Feel good and secure about yourself and show it.

These are mostly my assumptions, but if you want to share, I'd love to know why are you afraid to speak up?

If anyone is interesting in an update, almost two months later. I briefly mentioned it to him, and he fronted it and said “I’m not looking for a relationship, I enjoy being single” I’ve accepted it and we are still casually seeing each other for sex but nothing else. His mood fluctuates a lot,and even though he hasn’t said it ... I’m sure he is seeing other people too. And if I mention the idea of taking it futher like a relationship, he pretty much uses the same excuse about not wanting his brother to know (we were in the same school year but weren’t friends... I can see why this would bother him but if he liked me that much it wouldn’t bother him). And if anything my feelings have intensified because of the duration of the relationship ( 3 months... not long but it’s definitely longer than 2 dates!) plus the way he treats me in person is very... relationship like- he kisses me not just when having sex, if he wakes in the middle of the night he will cuddle me and kiss me and hold me till He/or I fall to sleep, wanting me to watch his favourite films ... and then watching them with me! And a few other things but. Maybe I can’t change his mind about wanting a relationship but I do deserve to be loved and if it isn’t by him then so be it. So I’m casually talking to other people and won’t make the mistake of sleeping with them right away. It’s inevitable it will end eventually but I’m going to enjoy the great sex while it last!

If anyone is interesting in an update, almost two months later. I briefly mentioned it to him, and he fronted it and said “I’m not looking for a relationship, I enjoy being single” I’ve accepted it and we are still casually seeing each other for sex but nothing else. His mood fluctuates a lot,and even though he hasn’t said it ... I’m sure he is seeing other people too. And if I mention the idea of taking it futher like a relationship, he pretty much uses the same excuse about not wanting his brother to know (we were in the same school year but weren’t friends... I can see why this would bother him but if he liked me that much it wouldn’t bother him). And if anything my feelings have intensified because of the duration of the relationship ( 3 months... not long but it’s definitely longer than 2 dates!) plus the way he treats me in person is very... relationship like- he kisses me not just when having sex, if he wakes in the middle of the night he will cuddle me and kiss me and hold me till He/or I fall to sleep, wanting me to watch his favourite films ... and then watching them with me! And a few other things but. Maybe I can’t change his mind about wanting a relationship but I do deserve to be loved and if it isn’t by him then so be it. So I’m casually talking to other people and won’t make the mistake of sleeping with them right away. It’s inevitable it will end eventually but I’m going to enjoy the great sex while it last!

I don't wish to be rude, but you are incredibly naive. Reading your post made me cringe.

"Duration of this relationship"? You're not in one. This guy is using you for sex, and only sex, which leads onto the following; he's openly told you that he is NOT looking for a relationship and enjoys being single.

If you want honest, firm advice, then my suggestion would be to walk away from this arrangement NOW. If and when you do find someone you want to take things further with you will NOT be in an emotionally healthy place to begin a relationship with this new person, because even though you say you want to enjoy the great sex with this current guy, you are developing stronger feelings for him (and will continue to do so). Otherwise, you are doing any and all new guys you date a disservice by not being truly emotionally available.

Relationship “the way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected”

Every sort of friendship, FWB, work colleague, etc is a type of relationship. So therefore your point on that matter is invalid.

And I’m happy if he is happy. I’m not looking for anything else anymore. He has stated his intention and I respect that enough hence why when we spoke I said that’s fine, I do have some sort of feelings towards you but i will be talking to people, if I meet someone this will end and he has said like wise. I’m not about to lie. And if my cards are on the table when things goes south least I have been upfront and honest.

And what do you consider emotional available. Any person can have feeling for one or multiple people at any time. Sex is sex. And yeah you’re right within saying I should walk away but how many times have you been told not to touch a hot plate at a restaurant but felt the need to touch it anyway? I don’t know. This definition might not be the best but I have nothing to lose by carrying on. Yeah I might be hurt afterwards but least it had a good run and it has most definitely put everything into perspective of what I want from an actual girlfriend/boyfriend relationship. And I wouldn’t of put my problems on the internet if I was going to get offended by strangers opinions

Relationship “the way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected”

 

Every sort of friendship, FWB, work colleague, etc is a type of relationship. So therefore your point on that matter is invalid.

 

And I’m happy if he is happy. I’m not looking for anything else anymore. He has stated his intention and I respect that enough hence why when we spoke I said that’s fine, I do have some sort of feelings towards you but i will be talking to people, if I meet someone this will end and he has said like wise. I’m not about to lie. And if my cards are on the table when things goes south least I have been upfront and honest.

 

And what do you consider emotional available. Any person can have feeling for one or multiple people at any time. Sex is sex. And yeah you’re right within saying I should walk away but how many times have you been told not to touch a hot plate at a restaurant but felt the need to touch it anyway? I don’t know. This definition might not be the best but I have nothing to lose by carrying on. Yeah I might be hurt afterwards but least it had a good run and it has most definitely put everything into perspective of what I want from an actual girlfriend/boyfriend relationship. And I wouldn’t of put my problems on the internet if I was going to get offended by strangers opinions

Why do you come here for advice if you're not willing to listen to it?

Anyway, there's no need to be pedantic. In the context of what you were writing (IE. "I have feelings for him), "relationship" can easily have been interpreted in the way I did with it.

"I am happy if he is happy"

If you agree I'm right in what I'm saying then...why don't you...just...leave? It's really that simple. You can't turn this around with an analogy because I've not been in your situation, but I know how I would deal with it appropriately.

"Yes I might be hurt afterwards"

Honestly, you sound young (probably within my age group), and if so then I can see where this situation you've found yourself in is headed. It's a typical occurrence which is talked about every day, and very rarely ends on a positive note.

You came here for advice, and this was my opinion on the situation. I care about people and want what's best for them, so I recommended my solution to yourself. Take of it what you will.

You're trying to justify your choices, yet the simple truth is you're settling for crumbs. Why not get back in touch with your self-respect, and refuse to be his convenient hooker. (No offense intended).

I hope you're able to make the right choices, if not, carry on...